A.N. Gasp! Could it be? Yes, it is! Jadee has finally poked her head out of the Teen Titans fandom and into the iCarly universe. I was watching iCarly the other day, see, and this idea for a oneshot materialized in my brain. It was fun to write and I'm sure you'll enjoy reading it. Updates to my Teen Titans stories are on the way, I swear.
Obligatory disclaimer: Do I look like Nickelodeon to you?
iWant That Eggroll
"Carls!" Sam bellowed at the top of her voice. "Get up here, Shelby Marx's match is starting in ten!"
Freddie, who occupied the beanbag chair directly next to Sam's, jumped a little at the blonde's outburst. He came this close to accidentally sending his laptop careening to the merciless floor in the process.
"For the love of Pete, Sam!" he exclaimed in agitation, steadying his precious computer. "At least warn a guy before you scream in his face like that!"
Sam shrugged unapologetically and wiggled her shoeless feet in front of her, admiring her new-ish striped socks.
"I'd think you'd be used to it by now, Freddork. It's not my problem you spook easily." With that she picked up her can of Peppy Cola and proceeded to noisily slurp up the dregs with her straw. She stretched out her legs in a leisurely fashion and sighed in contentment. In the few weeks since Carly's fight with Shelby Marx, the three of them had picked up a habit of watching Shelby's matches on Pay-Per-View after iCarly rehearsals. They had taken to watching them in the studio in order to take advantage of the bigger TV screen––and more importantly, to keep Spencer from wigging out about the outrageous cost of the televised matches. (Well, until the cable bill arrived eventually, of course…)
"Ugh, Sam," Freddie started, pinching his nose, which made his voice sound rather nasally, "you know the studio shoe rule: If your feet smell like poo, keep them in a shoe."
Sam smirked as she picked up her sneakers and shoved her feet in them. It was entertaining to her that Freddie had picked up his mom's habit of making irritating little rhymes out of dumb house rules.
"It's not my fault I inherited mama's naturally reek-y feet," she defended absently.
"Ever heard of a wonderful thing called foot powder?" Freddie retorted.
"Ever heard of a wonderful thing called shut your pie hole or I'll shut it for ya?" Sam shot back. Freddie obediently closed his mouth and swallowed. "Good boy," Sam praised and leaned over to mess up Freddie's immaculately combed hair.
"Aw, you know my mom gets irritated when I come home with tousled hair," Freddie pouted, batting Sam's hands away from his head and combing through his dark locks with his fingertips.
"Well, as wonderful as it is sitting here and listening to you whine, I'm gunna go help Carly bring up the food," Sam said. As she got to her feet she leaned over again to Freddie, this time to burp in his ear. She cackled as the tortured boy started to flip out and wipe desperately at his ear.
"Sam! You got spittle inside my ear!" he complained as the girl quickly exited the studio, laughing all the way. She was still chuckling deviously to herself when she almost ran into Carly at the base of the staircase.
"Whoa, these mini shrimp eggrolls took twenty five minutes to unfreeze and heat, and you'd still have to eat them if they were spilled all over the floor!" Carly admonished her friend with a smile.
"You know I would," Sam grinned back, taking the snack bowl full of mini eggrolls from Carly. "My gosh, Carls, this smells excellent!"
"Yes, well," Carly said, doing that little wiggle dance she did when she was happy with something, "my defrosting and reheating skills are rather top notch, if I do say so myself. Now come on. I think you bellowed earlier that Shelby's fight is about to start."
"Six minutes," Sam nodded, taking the stairs two at a time.
"We could have taken the elevator," Carly pointed out when they were halfway up the staircase.
"This is the only exercise I get all day," her friend responded.
"With all the Freddie chasing and Gibby pummeling you do, I'd say you get plenty of exercise, Sam," Carly smiled. "Any more and you'll start looking buff-y."
The two reached the top of the staircase and rounded the corner for the studio. Carly shifted her bowl into one arm and pulled open the door.
"We brought food items!" she sang as she and Sam entered the studio. Freddie grinned and jumped up, stashing his laptop at his tech table en route to the girls.
"Great, I'm so hungry I could eat a couch," he said. "What've we got?"
"Mini shrimp eggrolls," Carly replied in her best hostess voice, hefting the bowl over to the semi-circle of beanbag chairs and placing it in the middle, "and chips with Spencer's homemade guacamole."
Freddie looked at the second bowl suspiciously.
"Either my seven vitamin and mineral supplements are finally starting to screw with my brain, or… that guacamole's blue," he remarked.
"I said Spencer made it, didn't I?" Carly shrugged, loading up a chip with the electric blue chunky stuff and tossing it back.
"Fair enough," Freddie acquiesced, and the three dug into their snack. It took a mere three minutes to reduce the bowls of food to bowls of crumbly food remnants, with Sam busily licking up the last of the blue guacamole off her fingers.
"It's like I died and went to snack food heaven," she sighed, licking her palm.
"Oh, you say that often," Carly returned, obviously happy that her snack preparing skills were appreciated. "One eggroll left. Who wants it?"
Sam's licked-clean hand was immediately in the air.
"I think the guy who hasn't already consumed ninety percent of the eggrolls should get the last one," Freddie eyed Sam.
"I'm a growing girl," Sam justified herself.
"And as all four of the doctors I've visited this month have assured my mother, I'm a growing boy," Freddie replied, reaching out and swiping the last mini eggroll from the serving bowl, which earned him a royal scowl from Sam.
"Carly, talk sense into Freddunce, will you?" Sam begged.
"I think I have more in the freezer if you want them," Carly offered, always the peacemaker. Sam waved her off.
"Eh, don't worry your pretty little head. I'll live. I could use another can of soda to wash all this down though. You want one?" Sam asked.
"I'll grab us all some," Carly said, stacking the two empty bowls and getting up to take leave.
"Hurry, Shelby's on in two minutes," Freddie warned, eyes already on the screen in anticipation. His right hand still held the last precious eggroll.
"Wonderful, only two minutes until Freddie's completely reduced to a slobbery puddle of Shelby-loving dork goo," Sam said, rolling her eyes. Carly smiled.
"I'll hurry back," she promised, and was gone.
Sam stared enviously at the eggroll in Freddie's hand. Her mouth started to water. Forget that she had just consumed two days of a normal person's sustenance in a couple minutes. She was a girl on a mission, and that eggroll was her conquest.
"So, Sam," Freddie saucily started, slowly moving the snack towards his mouth and taking a deliberate bite. "Excited to see Shelby fight?"
"Sure, sure. What girl doesn't like to watch a little blood get splattered around?"
Freddie raised an eyebrow. He finished chewing his bite of eggroll and swallowed before replying.
"The normal ones." He waited for a snide reply but nothing came. He glanced to his left. As he would expect from Sam, her attention was still focused on his eggroll. "Hey, want the rest?" he offered.
Sam held out her hand.
"You wouldn't want it though. It's got my… spit on it," he taunted, enunciating the word spit. Sam didn't retract her hand.
"Yeah, well, I've tasted your spit before, unfortunately," Sam replied nonchalantly. "It tastes like cat pee, but then again, so do school lunches. So it doesn't bug me."
"All I got out of that was that you don't mind tasting my spit," Freddie teased, hoping to get a rise out of Sam. Carly would be back any instant now to rescue him from the headlock that Sam was surely about to put him into. Besides, it was a badge of honor to be able to get Sam riled up with only a couple words.
Sam looked at him oddly and squinted a little.
"What?" Freddie blurted.
"I was just thinkin', " Sam shrugged. She leaned ever so slightly in his direction. "Maybe you're right. Maybe… I don't mind tasting your spit."
Freddie's smirk fell off his face faster than Spencer could slip on the kitchen floor.
"Um, then you're admitting that––" he started before Sam shushed him.
"Only one way to be sure…" she whispered. Sam leaned in and was a little bit surprised that Freddie didn't lurch backward but stayed rooted to his chair, eyes wide. Then she moved in suddenly and…
… Swiped Freddie's shrimp eggroll clean out of his slackened grip. She wolfed it down in two quick bites and smacked her lips, immensely satisfied. She grinned broadly at Freddie, pretty sure she had bits of shrimp and veggies stuck to her teeth.
Freddie sat back in his beanbag chair rapidly, face burning.
"You set me up," he sulked.
"No, I taught you a valuable life lesson," Sam retorted. "Girls will only ever want you for your eggrolls."
"Don't tell Carly about this," Freddie sulked.
"Carls!" Sam tilted her head back and yelled. The aforementioned brunette was halfway through the doorway before Freddie could curb his wildly palpitating heartbeat and shush Sam.
"You called?" Carly smiled, tossing her two best friends cans of Peppy Cola as she crossed the room.
"Just wanted to warn you the match was about to start," Sam replied saccharinely, sparing a snide half-glance in Freddie's general direction.
"You're the best," Carly chirped, ruffling Sam's hair a bit as she plopped into the beanbag chair beside her.
"If by 'the best' you mean 'the most psychotic lunatic ever to prowl God's green Earth'," Freddie mumbled darkly into his can of Peppy Cola.
"Why Fredward," Sam replied innocently, "Whatever would make you say that?"
"Hey look, Shelby's on!" Carly exclaimed before Freddie could voice a reply, and suddenly she and Sam were glued to the television, leaving Freddie to brood and plot revenge on the girl who dared embarrass him and pilfer his eggroll. And plot he did. Dare he say it, Sam would rue the day.
So what do you think, should I keep writing in the iCarly fandom? Since this was my first iCarly piece, I'd love some feedback.
Make sure you vote in my profile poll if you have a moment and have a wonderful day.