How to Write a PERFECT Naruto Fanfic

by AznAnimeGrl2649

Do you want to know how to write a perfect Naruto fanfic with Neji and Tenten as the main pairing? Well, here a guide on how to begin. Just follow these easy steps and you'll be a pro in no time!

Step One: Start with a LONG author's note.

A/N: Hi! My name is Apple and I live in Seattle, Washington. I might be a girl. I might be a guy. OR I might be some lonely middle aged person who has nothing better to do than crank out crappy stories in my mom's basement. Oh yeah! My age is NONE of your business, but I am old enough to make a fanfiction account and post my story. Deal with it, bitch! Oh, and by the way, This is my first Naruto story, so read it because I spent a long time on it. It might be grammatically incorrect, but damnit, it's the best thing I've written. Screw betas! I'm better than them! Then review it because I won't post up the next chapter unless you tell me how much you love me and beg me to update because I'm shallow. My story will get popular because by the end of the week I will have 254 reviews!!! Nejiten FTW!

Step Two: Write a disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me so that's why I'm writing this pointless disclaimer because you'll never know if Kishimoto Masashi might read this one day and sue me for plagiarism even though I'm just a lonely person desperately seeking for attention and want to rewrite Naruto because I love this pairing so much! That's all.

Step Three: Crappy Opening!

It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Neji, a hot dashing ninja was having the best of times because he is on the same team as his crush, Tenten, whereas Tenten was having the worst of times because she is caught in a love triangle between Lee and Neji. So now, Neji and Lee must fight to the death to see who deserves her more, but secretly Tenten wants Neji to win because he's just SO smexy!

Step Four: Make them disgustingly out of character.

Tenten walked out of the house with a sexy dress that made everyone (even girls) bleed from their nose. When she arrived at the training grounds, her team stared at her.

"Slut," fake-coughed Lee. Of course, Tenten didn't hear him because she trying to get Neji's attention.

"Wow, you're a girl." Tenten nodded. "You have boobs." She nodded again. "You are actually HOTT." Then Neji grabbed Tenten and they both ran to his bedroom.

"Whore," Lee rolled his eyes and returned to his training grounds to make out with Sakura.

Step Five: Write a sappy love confession.

Training one day with her teammate, Tenten couldn't take it anymore and said to her partner, "Oh Neji, I knew you would be the one the first time we met each other, even though you were a very angsty person. I know that I'm the only girl who can cure you of your nastiness and turn you into a lovey-dovey boyfriend because we are so compatible, therefore we are meant to be!"

"Wow, Tenten. I was just thinking that because we are so alike. Plus, I kind of saw your bra when I accidently reflected all of your weapons so they'll rip your clothing piece by piece. Since you're the only kunoichi who has boobs, I'll tap that. Let's be together."

Step Six: Then, insert random languages in your fic to make it sound better.

"Aishiteru yo," Neji told Tenten. She blinked and looked at him weirdly like he was speaking to her in some sort of alien speak. So, he tried again. "Sarang hae" In Korean.

She blinked.

"Wo ai ni." In Chinese.

She blinked again.

"Anh yêu em." In Vietnamese.

"Mahal Kita." In Tagalog.

And again.

"Phom rak khun." In Thai.

"Nyān ninne prēmikkunnu" In Malayalam.

"Saya mencintaimu" In Indonesian.

And again. Until. . .

"Speak English, damn you!" Tenten yelled.

"Fine," Neji grunted. "I love you!" Then they kissed.

Step Seven: Lemonize!

They have awkward teenage ninja sex during a mission.

Step Eight: Turn it into an AU.

"You didn't text me you bastard!" Tenten accused her boyfriend.

"I was training and I forgot to charge my iPhone."

"Liar! I saw you online on Facebook and you didn't say anything!"

"I was logged on, but I was at dinner."

"Yeah, right!"

"Fine, be that way!"

"That's right, I will! No more sex for you, bozo!" Tenten stalked off, leaving Neji, who had nothing better to do than lean against his shiny black limo. He didn't care because he's rich and wealthy people don't need to care about feisty girlfriends. They'll come back. They always do.

Step Nine: Americanize!

"Happy Halloween, Neji! Let's go treat-or-treating," Tenten suggested.

"Fine, but I'm not wearing a costume," Neji told her. "That's stupid."

"Aww, come on. I'll rent Freddy vs. Jason for you, uncut version," she bribed him.

"Okay," The doorbell rang and they went to open it.

"Want a mini Kit-Kat?" Offered Naruto, who only likes them because the wrapping is orange.

"No, thank you," Neji said. "I like Almond Joys better."

"Coconut? Are you serious, man?" Neji nodded. "Wuss. Everyone knows Kit-Kats and Reese's is where everyone's at. Only girls like Almond Joys."

"I don't like Almond Joys," Tenten interjected.

"What do you like?" Naruto asked her.

"I love gummy bears."

"How old are you? Five? Next thing I know you'll be stuffing your mouth with Peeps." Tenten sheepishly look away. "Aw, man. You like Peeps for EASTER?! Screw you guys, I'm going with Sasuke to TP Tsunade's house. At least he doesn't like marshmallows. Yuck!" Naruto slammed the door, leaving a pile of Kit-Kat bar wrappers on the floor.

Then breaking the silence, Neji said, "Tenten, I didn't know you're a cannibal."

Step Ten: Conclusion.

Tenten and Neji grows up to be in Anbu and they have 112 kids because they need to repopulate Konoha after its destruction. And they lived happily ever after.

Step Eleven: Write a humble thank you note to all of the readers who wasted their precious time reading your fanfic when they have better things to do.

A/N: OMG! I want to thank you guys for reading this because it is SERIOUSLY the best thing I wrote since forever! I know it's perfect and everything, so you don't need to review if you THINK I have a grammatical or spelling error because I DO have a dictionary, but I don't use it because I'm just THAT smart. Just want to tell you that I have another story posted, so go read it after you're done reading this note. Oh, and I would like to tell all of my flamers to screw themselves because, even though you're bitching about my work, it's still a review! Yeah me!

Step Twelve: Wait for 344 reviews to flow into your INBOX!

The End