Seeds: a Jesus Christ Superstar fanfiction, by PhantomDaae1981

Summary: Judas has started itching in my brain again! The result? Another prequel, set before my previous story, "A Sordid Kind of Thing." Now, this oneshot stars Judas Iscariot, from ages five to twenty. What experiences shaped him into the man he eventually became? As before, my inspiration was the 2000 movie with Jerome Pradon. Contains slash!

Disclaimer: I do not own Jesus Christ Superstar, nor do I own the Bible. This story features a biblical person depicted as homosexual; do not read if such things offend you! Otherwise, please leave a review!

Judas: Age Five

I heard Mama scream, so I ran to her room.

Papa was beating her with his fists, as usual.

I couldn't do anything to stop him, or he'd hit me with the belt again.

* * *

Papa found me crying in my room. He backhanded me; I was not allowed to cry, because I was a boy.

As he left my room, he stopped and looked at me.

"Your mother is weak, Judas. She deserves to be beaten."

* * *

Judas: Age Ten

"Rules. Respect. Now, can you remember the third 'R?'"

"Riches, sir?"

"Yes! Well done, young Master Judas. Your father will be pleased."

I cast a cautious glance at my tutor.

"Sir... I understand that the way to Riches and Respect is through submission to Rules. But who decided on the Rules?"

"God did, Master Judas. You learned the Ten Commandments and scriptural edicts long ago; why would you ask such a question?"

"Well," I began "I don't understand why God would care about Riches. Wouldn't He want us to help the poor, instead of being greedy?"

My tutor's face grew pale.

"You mustn't second-guess your elders, Master Judas. I won't tell your father this time, but please don't do it again. Your father hired me to teach you how to be successful, and I am following the lesson plan he laid out for you."

"You never let me ask any questions," I pouted. "I want to learn why, not just how."

"Do you want to be the chief financial advisor to the High Priests one day?"

"Yes, sir, of course!"

"Then, do as your father has done, and follow the Rules."

* * *

Judas: Age Fifteen

I was quickly realizing that I was not like other youths.

Other youths didn't have strange dreams about their own gender, dreams that left wet spots on their pajamas.

Other youths didn't become infatuated with their tutors.

* * *

"You're distracted today, Master Judas."

"Yes, sir," I sighed.

"I recognize this sort of dreaminess quite well," my tutor laughed. "Who is she?"

"There's no girl, sir."

"Forgive me, Master Judas, but I haven't lived thirty years without learning a thing or two about love." He smiled fondly. "I hope the girl returns your feelings, as my sweet Dido does for me."

I scowled. I was so tired of hearing about my tutor's wife!

"Seriously, sir. There is no girl."

My tutor frowned.

"You are fifteen years old. As your tutor, I am available for any questions you my have about life. I can see that your body has matured a lot over the last year, and I want you to know that anything you're feeling or experiencing is normal."

My heart began to race. He had noticed my body!

"Master Judas? Your face is beet red!" He laughed again. "What are you thinking now? Perhaps you do have some questions, then? I promise no question is too strange. I was fifteen once, too."

I bit my lip. Could I really ask him anything?

"Um... I really don't think about girls, sir..."

"Well, something has been distracting you from your studies, Master Judas. You are a handsome youth; what could possibly be distracting you, if not girls?"

"You distract me, sir," I whispered.

My tutor frowned, then a look of realization came to his face. He began to fidget and stuttered for a bit before speaking.

"Such feelings are unnatural, Master Judas. You must never speak of such things."

"But I can't possibly be the only homosexual on earth!" I persisted. "Where are the others?"

"The others are among the outcasts of society," he warned. "Drug addicts, male prostitutes, even. They are far from God's favor, I assure you, Master Judas. And they never become financial advisors at Temple."

* * *

I was alone in my room, confused and frustrated.

There was nothing in my many books to reassure me about my newly realized nature. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Discouraged, I put the books away and lay down on my bed. My thoughts quickly turned to my handsome tutor. Almost thoughtlessly, I unbuttoned my pants.

After a few minutes of frantic self-stimulation, I was horrified to see my father kicking open my bedroom door, fury in his eyes.

I tried to cover myself, but he grabbed me by the collar and thrust me against the wall. His face was mere inches from mine, and I could smell the wine on his breath.

"So, this is what it comes down to, then," he spat. "My son, the faggot. Don't try to deny it; Samuel told me everything when he resigned from his position as your tutor this afternoon."

I didn't have time to think about the loss of my beloved tutor, because my father punched me in the face. I felt blood stream from my nose.

He roughly tossed me aside and began to leave the room. But, in the doorway, he turned to look at me with disgust.

"No son of mine will be a faggot. If you can't get it up for a woman, you'll have no one at all. Do you understand me, Judas?"

Meekly, I nodded.

"This is a world of Rules. You will obey those Rules, Judas. You will not shame me, and you will not soil the Iscariot name with sodomy. There is nothing less dignified than a sniveling faggot, and there is nothing more dignified than wealth. You will do as you're told, and you will follow in my footsteps."

"Yes, Father..."

* * *

Judas: Age Twenty

For a few months now, my father had been ill. This last week, however, it had become obvious that he was dying.

I heard whispers among the servants, claiming that he had contracted syphilis from a prostitute. There was no treatment for syphilis, and my father did enjoy going to brothels, so I had no reason to doubt the rumors.

I felt no real love for my father, so I focused on the fact that I would soon be appointed the next financial advisor to the High Priests. I was a bit young for the job, but my personality was mature, and no one understood the nature of money better than an Iscariot.

* * *

It was my duty to hold watch at my father's deathbed.

He was blind now, and occasionally confused, but he was not short on words.

"I am very proud of you, Judas. Overcoming perversion, following in my footsteps as chief financial advisor at Temple, inheriting my wealth..."

Well, most of that was true...

But I was more certain than ever that I was homosexual. I simply ignored my nature, and took care of myself with my hand, when necessary.

Of course, I would not tell my father that!

"I won't disappoint you, Father. I will be the shrewdest financial advisor they've ever seen. And I promise to provide for Mother, as long as she lives."

"No!" My father paused to cough, spattering blood on the white bed sheets. "Your mother disgusts me, as she should disgust you. She is useless, a waste of money, with her nurses and her experimental potions. I was a fool to take care of her for so long. I want her put on the street, with the other babbling idiots."

Surely, my father could not be serious! He must have been in another state of dementia.

I tried to reason with him.

"But, without the nurses' supervision, and without the potions to sedate her, she will start cutting her arms again."

"Who cares? She is a lunatic, pathetic womanhood at its worst. If my beatings couldn't cure her, nothing can."

"Father, you aren't thinking clearly. She is your wife; she is my mother! You can't ask me to abandon her to poverty and madness."

"You're right, Judas," my father sneered. "I'm not asking you to leave her unprovided for. I'm ordering you to."

He was dying... A son has a duty to obey his father, especially at the end of his father's life.

I fired my mother's nurses, after instructing them to release my mother near the hills on the day my father died.

* * *

I had been the High Priests' financial advisor for six months when I got word about my mother.

Caiaphas, an ambitious new priest, entered my office, his face grim.

"There's been another suicide on the outskirts of the city. We won't be handling the body, of course; only unclean animals touch the corpses of suicides. But I thought I should warn you, because people may try to shun you. Please inform me if anyone gives you too much trouble."

I didn't understand.

"Why would anyone shun me over some outcast's suicide?"

"Believe it or not, Iscariot, some men provide for their wives and mothers," Caiaphas said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

My heart fell into my stomach, as I finally realized what he was telling me.

It was my mother who had killed herself on the outskirts of town.

And, due to the manner of her death, I had no choice but to leave her to be eaten by animals...

It wasn't fair! I felt like a murderer, but I had only been obeying my father's deathbed instructions~

God stopped existing the day I realized I was following Rules that no reasonable deity would have written.

Yes, I would follow the Rules, and I would have the Respect and Riches.

But it had nothing to do with God. At last, I finally understood. Religion was society's biggest lie.

It was Greed and Pride that made the world go round!

* * *

Another long workday had ended. I gathered my things and headed out of my office.

I saw Caiaphas leading a small group of men in prayer. Rolling my eyes, I hurried out of the Temple.

On my way home, a street vendor selling coats caught my attention. I tried on a coat.

"I've never seen one like this before. I think I like it, actually."

"It's a new style, sir," the vendor explained. "It suits you well! Very modern, very stylish. It's almost got a 'don't-fuck-with-me' sense about it."

That sealed the deal.

I paid for the black leather jacket and was on my way.

The End