Title: The Wizard of South Wabash Avenue
Classification: A Gary/Marissa fantasy.
Summary: Gary is head over heels in love and expecting twins. A parallel fantasy fic to "Double Down." This fic is especially for Lisa Weezer; a tongue in cheek homage to the Gary/Marissa ship.
Disclaimer: Early Edition fan fiction occurs very in the early third season, sans Chuck.
Legal: These characters do not belong to me. I'm just a fan and have not made a dime. Please email me to obtain permission to post.
Gary Hobson awoke lying in a hospital bed, confused and dazed. His dear friend Marissa Clark was sitting in a chair at the foot of his bed with her guide dog, Spike.
"Marissa?" he stirred. "Wh ... What happened? What am I doing here?" he asked, trying to focus on the unfamiliar surroundings.
"You're pregnant, Gary." Marissa told him. "We're going to have twins. Don't you remember?"
He squinted his eyes, trying to see her. "Wh ... What are you talking about? We're having twins? I can't be pregnant," he declared. "I'm a man."
"You don't remember getting pregnant, either? We did it the old fashion way," she reminded him. "You sure know how to hurt a girl's feelings."
"What? You and I ... did it ... the old fashioned …?" Gary held onto his head in utter confusion.
"Oh, Gary," Marissa seemed exasperated. "We waited so long to have children and were blessed with twins. You're due in about five more months."
Against his better judgment, Gary looked down and took a tentative peek at his abdomen. He was relieved to find it looked like it always did, nice and flat.
"Look. I don't even look like I'm pregnant," Gary pointed to his midsection as proof of his side of this crazy argument.
"That's because it's your first pregnancy," Marissa pointed out. "Of course you're not showing yet."
Getting nowhere on this topic, Gary changed it. "What about the Paper?"
"My, you are full of questions," Marissa sighed. "Kate and I take care of the Paper. You take care of yourself and our babies."
"But wait a minute, Kate is my fiancée," Gary insisted, not understanding why his friend was so confused. "Kate is the one who is pregnant with our twins, and you are my dearest friend."
"You are my dearest friend, too, Gary," Marissa sounded touched. "But you are very confused. Kate is your nurse. You and I are the proud parents-to-be to little Bernie and Lois who you are going to have." Marissa was clearly becoming quite irritated. Spike even growled at Gary.
Gary shook his head, trying to knock out the cobwebs. "Little Bernie ... and Lois? No, no, no. No offense to my parents, but I would never name my kids Bernie and Lois."
"Well, I wanted to name our kids Chuck and Charlene, but you insisted on Bernie and Lois," Marissa recanted as if it was yesterday. "It's still a sore subject with me, so tread lightly, please."
A moment later, Marion Crum walked into the room wearing a white medical coat with a stethoscope around his neck. "And how are we feeling this morning, Mr. Hobson?"
"To be honest with you, Crum, I'm a little confused," Gary slowly sat up in bed. "I don't know why I'm here, and I can't get a straight answer out of Marissa."
"How about showing a little respect? I'm Dr. Crum to you," the doctor chastised his patient.
With an astounded look on his face, Gary countered with, "What are you talking about. You're my bartender!"
"Where did you obtain your grandiose view of the world, Mr. Hobson?" Dr. Crum asked his disagreeable patient.
Convinced he'd gone through the "looking glass," Gary made another attempt to make some sense of what was going on. "Look, I'm only trying to find out why I'm here. I don't remember how I got here."
"You're here because you're pregnant with twins," Dr. Crum answered, scribbling more notes into Gary's chart.
"But I can't be pregnant," Gary repeated, raising his voice. "I'm a man."
"Here we go again," sighed Marissa. "Doctor, there's no reasoning with him. It's a good thing I love him because he would argue with a sign post."
"I don't want to argue with anyone," Gary pleaded. His head was spinning. "I only want to know how I got here?"
"You're here because you're pregnant with twins," Marissa repeated after letting out a huge sigh.
Caught once again in this horrible loop, Gary closed his eyes and rocked his head back and forth mumbling, "No, no, no, no, no."
"Gary," Kate spoke softly near Gary's ear. "Gary, Honey, wake up. Open your eyes."
Upon hearing Kate's voice, Gary's eyes fluttered open as he tried to gain focus. His first sight was of her beautiful blue eyes, overjoyed at the sight of his return to consciousness. She tenderly brushed a dark lock of his hair away from his forehead.
"Hey, there," she continued to gently stroke his hair. "Welcome back." She gave him a soft peck on the lips.
As he began to survey his surroundings, he noticed he was again in a hospital room. "My ... head," Gary uttered as his hand went to grab the back of his head.
"Compliments of another one of your ungrateful rescues," Marissa explained, seated near the foot of his bed with Spike at her side, just as he remembered. "Kate might as well get used to your frequent emergency room visits, Gary. You rescued a construction worker from a fight on South Wabash Avenue. You saved him from a permanent spinal cord injury, and he smacked you in the head with a 2 x 4 for not minding your own business. You were out cold."
"You sure were talking a lot of gibberish, earlier today," Crum said from the doorway. "I just stopped by again this afternoon to see how you were doing."
"I think ... I'm okay," Gary said but was still somewhat confused. He placed his hand over Kate's small baby bump. "You're pregnant with our twins?" he asked with great sincerity.
"That's right," Kate said, raising an eyebrow of concern.
"And we didn't name them Bernie and Lois, right?" he asked.
"Uh, no. We haven't talked about baby names yet, but those two names are not at the top of my short list," she honestly responded.
"They're not at the top of mine, either," Gary assured her. "And you're due in about five months?"
"A little less than 5 months," she reassured him. "The babies and I are doing great."
Gary shook the cobwebs out his head. "Oh, wow ... I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I was the one having the babies."
The three in the room began to snicker at the thought of a pregnant Gary Hobson, as he continued, "Only Marissa and I were the parents; and Marissa ... you wanted to name the babies Chuck and Charlene. But I wanted to name them Bernie and Lois. And I would argue with you ... that I would never name my children Bernie and Lois. And that you and I were not the parents."
"Oh, Lord, you did take a hard hit to the head, didn't you?" Marissa shook her head. "I would never lobby for the names Chuck and Charlene."
"You were my nurse, Kate; and Crum, you were my doctor," Gary recanted.
"Sounds like some of the gibberish I heard from you this morning," Crum said. "I heard you mumble something about men don't have babies."
"And we're not in Kansas anymore," Marissa quipped with a smile.
And the three continued to snicker.
"Hey ... you don't know how happy I am to see you are the one carrying our twins," Gary gently rubbed Kate's baby bump again.
"I'm definitely putting this story in the babies' book," Kate laughed and gave Gary a big hug.