A/N: I was going to write Jay's dance studio story, but... well, this couldn't wait any longer.
The house was unusually quiet.
But once Kaitlyn stepped into the kitchen, she heard the slightest noise. A rumbling noise, like a motor. And it was coming from Jay's movie room.
She walked to the door slowly, hand reaching out for the doorknob, almost afraid of what she might find on the other side. With Jay, it could be anything. And most likely something horrific.
She opened the door.
"Skimbleshanks, the railway cat, the cat of the railway train!" Jay sat in his middle seat, like usual, but there was a sewing machine set up in front of him. He had pins in his mouth, measuring tape around his neck, and a large amount of gray material in his hands.
Cats was blasting from the television.
And Jay was singing along.
Kaitlyn couldn't even believe her eyes. It was almost nauseating.
Jay looked up from his work, smiling around the needles in his mouth. "Heyyy, babe!" He struggled to move the sewing machine, but he gave up, lifting his arms out. "Come give me a kiss!"
Kait stayed in the doorway. "What are you doing?"
Jay started sewing again, pushing the material through the machine. "I'm making you a present, actually!"
Kaitlyn smiled slightly. "Really?"
He nodded, looking up at the television. He lifted his hand to his brow, searching the room. "Skimble, where is Skimble! Has he gone to hunt the thimble?"
Kait went back and forth from the television, to Jay, to the television. Her stomach was rumbling in the sickest way, and before she knew it, she was screaming, running to the television to snap the power button.
Jay frowned when his show disappeared. "Why'd you do that?"
"You need help," Kait said breathlessly.
"I'm perfectly capable of making this myself, Kaitlyn." Jay bent over, looking under the couch. "Where's Felix?"
"Hiding from you!" Kait put a hand to her chest. "Jay, you're going overboard. You're obsessed with cats!"
"I'm obsessed? Says the girl who does nothing but watch hockey and toke."
"Those are normal things, Jay! And you, Jason Reso, should be obsessed with hockey, you Canadian!"
"I like hockey, but I love cats."
"Do you even go to work anymore?"
Jay glanced up at her with a frown, taking a pair of scissors. He snipped off a loose string from the fabric in his hands. "I go to work. And then I come home. And the cats are waiting for me."
"So am I!"
"Are you?" Jay shook his head, not looking at her. "I don't think so. I come home and all you do is say hi."
"What do you want me to do? Put up a banner?"
"I don't even know why I'm making this gift for you," he grumbled. "All you ever do is criticize me. The cats don't criticize me."
"The cats can't talk!"
"Well, maybe you shouldn't either!"
Kait stared at him.
He wouldn't look up. "What?"
She just shook her head and turned, opening the DVD player.
Jay put his stuff down. "What are you doing?"
She didn't say anything, just took the disc inside and went out the door, toward the pool.
"Kaitlyn!" Jay yelled, scrambling over the couch. "What are you doing!"
And with a flick of her wrist, the CD went sailing through the air, landing in the deep end.
Jay screamed, diving straight into the water, clothes and all, to save it.
Kaitlyn watched as Jay practically drowned trying to find it. This was insane. He needed help, and he needed it fast.
She went back into the movie room and grabbed her cell phone, ready to call Adam and Chris, when something caught her eye.
Her present had a tail on it.
She picked it up.
He had made her a cat costume.
She looked over when sneakers squished on the rug.
Jay was breathing heavy. "Do you like it?"
"Where are we going?"
Kaitlyn looked in the backseat, smiling at Jay, even though he couldn't see her. "It's a surprise, babe. That's why I blindfolded you."
"I like surprises." Jay bounced a little. "Are the cats going to be okay? I don't want them left alone for too long because Felix gets hungry and Oscar gets separation anxiety, so—"
"Mack's watching the house, Jay, they're being taken care of."
"But she doesn't have cats! She doesn't know the delicate balance of having a cat, and she certainly doesn't know how to nurture them. She has a husky wolf. The cats will be dead by the time we get back!"
"Adam has a husky wolf. And Mack knows how to take care of cats."
"But loving them. Does she know how to love them?"
Kait pulled into the driveway. "We're here, Jay."
"That fast, huh?" Jay froze. "Are we in Disney World?"
"No, Jay, we're not in Disney World."
Jay sighed, struggling against the seat. "Can you unbuckle my seatbelt? It's digging into my pelvic bone."
"Unbuckle it yourself."
"I can't see anything!"
Kait sighed and leaned over the front seat, pulling the buckle apart. "It's like dealing with a five year old. Can you get out yourself?"
"Of course I can." Jay made a face and felt for the door handle. He pushed it open. "See? I know how to—oof!"
Kait closed her eyes tightly when Jay disappeared. She knew she shouldn't have trusted him to do that by himself. She got out and went around to the side, where Jay was sprawled on the concrete.
"Are you okay?"
Jay looked up, mouth open. "I bith my tongue."
Kait helped him to his feet, then walked him toward the house. "I want you to know right now, Jay, that I brought you here because I love you."
"You tothally brought me to Dithney World."
Chris had the door open, a grimace on his face. "Why does he have a lisp?" he mouthed.
"He bit his tongue."
"Who are you talking to?"
"Oh, no one, babe." Kait steered him into the back, where Adam was waiting by a closed door. He opened it and let Kait in. "Okay, we're here."
Jay turned slowly. "I'm really excited. When can I take the blindfold off?"
Everyone else followed, and Kait shut the door quickly, locking it with a key. She gave it to Adam, who stuffed it in his boxers.
"Okay, Jay." Kait looked at everyone seated in a circle, nodding once before she looked up at him. "Take off your blindfold."
Jay did it excitedly, mouth agape. But when he dropped his hands and found his friends staring at him somberly, he shut it.
"Jay." Kait let out a shaky breath. "This is a Cat Intervention."
Jay blinked. "Am I on television right now?"
"No, no, this is... this is a straight up intervention."
"Oh. Okay. Good." Jay grabbed the chair in front of him and threw it at the wall. "You can't take my cats away from me! This isn't fair!"
"Jay, calm down."
Jay glared at her, crossing his arms defiantly.
Chris motioned to the empty chair next to him. "Why don't you have a seat?"
"This isn't To Catch a Predator, Chris." Kait looked up at Jay, eyes pleading. "Will you please sit down? We need to fix this, Jay."
"Fix what? There's nothing wrong with me."
"Jay." Adam sighed. "You have a problem."
"No, I don't."
Cody looked from Adam to Jay. "I have never met a grown man so into cats before."
"And you've been meeting grown men, why?"
"Don't start with the gay jokes," Becky snapped. "We're here because you have a problem. We'll take care of Cody's effeminate side next week."
"I. Don't. Have. A. Problem." Jay pointed at each and every one of them for emphasis. "It's you who has the problem."
"Jay, we're worried about you," Mack said.
Jay's eyes went wild. "You... You're supposed to be watching the cats."
Mack and Kait exchanged glances.
Jay broke out in a sweat. "The cats are all alone. We didn't feed them. They don't have anyone to play with, Felix is probably suffocating underneath the comforter! Oscar's probably drowning in the pool, Mickie's probably stuck in someone's engine again!"
Jay slid down the wall. "My cats! You murdered my cats!"
Chris crouched in front of him. "Jay, your cats are fine! Your cats will survive if you're not with them for a couple of hours."
"I need to feel cat fur." Jay grabbed at Chris's shirt. "Can I feel your cat? Just once. I just need to feel it."
"No, Jay. That's not healthy."
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S HEALTHY!" Jay shook him. "LET ME FEEL YOUR CAT!"
"Guys, let's give him some space." Adam stood up and unlocked the door, carefully making sure everyone else got out but Jay stayed put. "Jay, we'll be back in an hour. Work our your demons."
"I don't have any demons! You people! Are the demons!"
Adam slammed the door, leaning back against it when he heard Jay tearing the place up. He locked it quickly and turned to everyone else.
Kait was near tears. "Maybe we should just forget about it. He's not hurting anyone with his cat obsession, it's just weird, and he—"
"Kait, calm down." Chris put a hand on her shoulder. "This needs to be done. It's going to be painful, but in the end, it'll be worth it."
Kait cringed when something crashed. "He's a mess."
"And that's why we're helping him."
Jay looked up from the dark corner when the door creaked open. He had accidentally smashed the overhead light earlier, so he'd been left in darkness since they locked him in there.
It was bright. He saw blond hair.
"Rum Tum Tucker?" he whispered.
Adam bent in front of him. "Who?"
Jay covered his face. "I need help."
Adam sighed with relief, patting his friend on the back. "Good job, man. Come on. Let's go outside. You ready to talk?"
Jay nodded, eyes still shielded with his hands. He got up slowly and bumped around, Adam leading the way out.
Everyone looked up when Adam walked him into the room.
"Okay, Jay." Adam gave him a gentle nudge. "Get going."
Jay dropped his eyes and lifted his red eyes toward Kait. "Can I sit next to you?"
She nodded weakly.
He sat down, let out a shaky breath.
Everyone stared at him.
"My name is Jay..." He looked at everyone around him. "And I'm a Cataholic."
Becky elbowed Cody. "No jokes right now."
Jay gave a weak smile. "I don't understand how it all happened so fast. I mean, one minute I was playing with Felix, and the next—"
Chris's cat hopped up on the arm of the couch.
Jay held his breath.
Kait patted his leg. "It's okay. You can get through it."
"Cats are..." He swallowed thickly when the cat purred, swiping his tail against Jay's nose. "Cats... are..."
"Go on, Jay."
"CATS ARE ADORABLE! HEY BUDDY! WHAT'S GOING ON!" Jay snagged at the cat, but it ran off, toward the back of the house. Jay charged after it. "YOU'RE CRAZY! YOU'RE A CRAZY CAT!"
Kait sighed as Jay's maniacal voice faded. "He's never going to stop, is he?"
"No." Adam shook his head. "But that might be why he's Jay."
The cat came shooting back into the room, and their was Jay barreling after it.
"I'M GONNA GETCHA!" he baby-talked, tripping his way out the front door.
Kait pursed her lips. "I think the whole mental retardation is why he's Jay."
A/N: I'M SO FUCKED UP. THE END? REVIEW.