A Beautiful Mess
How long have I been sitting here? It feels like days, but there's no way it's been that long; I would've been forced to shove some more tasteless food down my throat if it was even nightfall yet. Maybe a few hours?
I sat with my back against a wall, trying to find some sense in the ugly wallpaper that covers the walls of my prison cell. It was so quiet that I could hear the seconds tick as they passed the time, moving ever-so-slowly to the end of my sentence. The last noise I heard from the other room was the sound of a door opening and closing; someone had left. Or maybe they both left. Am I free? Did they make the mistake of leaving me here alone and honestly think I'd be here when they got back? Idiots! Now I can get out of this torture chamber and--
"Don't even think about it Bella!" My thoughts were interrupted by my beautiful captor who suddenly appeared at the open doorway, "You're not going anywhere. Plus, do you really think I'd be stupid enough to let you escape?" She giggled softly before darting to the pile of bags in the corner of my room and taking out a couple of very pink, very soft looking garments and setting them on the bed. "I bought you some pajamas. Why don't you change and get comfortable? I'll go order you some dinner. What do you want?"
I want to get the hell out of here and do something productive instead of waiting for people that I love to risk their lives for me!
"I'm really not hungry Alice. Since you're going to force me to eat, you choose," I told her in a very bratty tone. Alice sighed and nodded her head towards the pajamas in a gesture that said 'get dressed' and flitted out of the room, softly closing the door.
I know I was being more difficult than I should; they were only following Edward's orders. But still, I hated this 'damsel-in-distress', 'fragile-handle-with-care' treatment that I was so abruptly thrust into. I know Alice loves me and means no harm, but, since Edward isn't here to suffer the wrath of my bratty, teenage angst, Alice will just have to deal with it.
I got up with a grunt, not sure if it was directed at Alice or my body's reluctance to cooperate. I walked over to the bed and grimaced at the frilly little pajama set that I was supposed to sleep in. If the Victoria Secret tags and soft satin fabric screamed 'not Bella's style', the pale pink color and lace trim became a flashing neon billboard that shared the same warning. What was Alice thinking? She knows that my preferred night clothes were ratty sweats and old faded t-shirts; what would lead her to believe that I'd be at ease in these? I realized how ironic her earlier urging to 'get comfortable' had been and laughed a maniacal little laugh at the situation. What is wrong with me? I think I'm going crazy.
I realized how much I missed my life and all the things I'd taken for granted before. I missed the rain and the green of Forks. I missed Charlie and our tiny house. I missed being annoyed by Mike and gossiped to by Jessica. I missed my truck. I missed fresh air. I missed Edward. I had been stuck in this hotel room for God knows how long while Edward and his family tried to track down a sadistic vampire, who, at the very same time, was trying to track me down so he could kill me. How do I always end up in these messes? Why do I always end up in these messes?
There is no logical explanation for the amount of trouble that seems to gravitate towards me. It was like I was living in a Final Destination movie and hadn't figured out a way to beat it yet. I was starting to believe that I never would. And the Cullen's were out there fighting for me. What if one of them got hurt? What if one of them was killed?
With my stupid luck I'd probably lose someone I love just to walk into the street and get hit by a car on the way to the funeral. Maybe I was supposed to die. Maybe my number really was supposed to be up that first day at school and I'd just been cheating death ever since. And now I was risking so many other lives. I can't do this. I can't lose them. My clumsy, human life isn't worth it. Ugh!
I tried to stop thinking and get changed into the ridiculous outfit in front of me. I slipped out of my jeans and into the too long pants, rolling the waistband down to shorten them before tying them so they wouldn't fall off my hips. I removed my shirt and uncomfortable bra that Alice had forced on me since it 'did wonders at making something from nothing', as she put it. I slipped on the thin tank top that matched the pants and went to the bathroom to run a brush through my messy hair. I spotted the brush on the counter of the dark bathroom and robotically combed out the knots before placing it back on the counter once I was satisfied. I caught a quick glance of my reflection in the mirror and gasped. I turned on the light to examine myself and grew angrier by the second.
Not only was I in a frilly little number that was all wrong, but I was on display for anyone who looked at me. The V-cut neckline was lower than I would ever be comfortable with and the thin fabric really didn't leave much to the imagination.
I quickly took the top off and went back into the room. I tore through the bags of clothes that Alice had bought me on a short stop to the mall before we got here. I was in too much of a daze to pay attention to anything she had bought me and none of the tops would be comfortable enough to sleep in. Damn it!
I stomped towards the door in a rage, holding the thin top over my chest as I opened the door that lead to the common area of our suite. "Alice! You have got to be kidding if you think I'm wearing this thing! Unless you were planning on trying to get fresh with me tonight, I don't see why you'd think I would need to wear such a --"
I was cut off in shock and mortification as I realized that Alice was not in the room and I was staring straight into the shocked eyes of Jasper.
Silence filled the room for what felt like minutes, both of us frozen in our positions, before he cleared his throat and spoke. "Uh, A—Alice went to go grab you some dinner. Sorry, I didn't expect you to—I, I didn't mean to startle you. Excuse me," he said before he walked quickly into the room that he and Alice were sharing and shut the door.
I stood in the room for a couple more seconds taking in what had just happened. I felt the familiar blush rise to my cheeks as I pictured what Jasper had just seen; me, in frilly pants and no top, the tiny piece of fabric covering my chest but everything else bare, with crazy hair that had become wild as I frantically searched for a more suitable shirt. And to make matters worse, I was talking about his wife trying to get fresh with me. He must think I was crazy.
I walked back in the room and shut the door before leaning against it and sighing. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. Now Edward's brother had seen me in fewer clothes than even he had. Oh, Edward. I missed him so much, If only he were here. These pajamas wouldn't be so bad if he were the one that got to see me in them; I wouldn't mind for him to try and get fresh with me. I snapped myself out of that train of thought before I got lost in my want for him; a want that would never be fulfilled as he has made ever so clear to me. Stupid, moral vampire boyfriend of mine!
Speaking of moral vampires, I couldn't help but think of Carlisle out there with Edward. And sweet Esme. And lovable Emmett. And even the ice queen herself, Rosalie. They were all risking their life while I was throwing fits and clumsily giving Jasper a show. Fuck! Not that he'd enjoyed it; how could I ever compare to his beautiful wife? I had made him so uncomfortable; he had basically run out of the room. I was such a burden to everyone, wasn't I? Not only did he have to suffer through his bloodlust and feel my unpleasant emotions, but now I had scared him out of the room with my stupid little topless hissy fit. And he and Alice were in danger too, just by being near me. And they had to worry about their family while they got stuck 'babysitting' the human.
This just wasn't worth it. I can't let them do this anymore. I have to get out of here. I have to go and find James. I'll let him end this, once and for all, and then everyone can go back to their happy little lives. I have to stop being such a burden. I'll wait for my chance, and then make my escape.
I moved to the bed, picking up my bra and putting it back on before slipping the top back over my head. It ended the display of certain girly parts, but gave me more cleavage to fill it out. Oh well; at least I was more covered up. I still felt exposed and awkward, but I decided to stop being such a pain so that I could make them comfortable and plot my escape. Just as I finished combing out my hair again, my door flew open; Alice.
"Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you have a death wish? I told you that you weren't going anywhere. You know exactly why. We are all trying so hard to keep you safe, yet you make plans to run right into the arms of James and get yourself killed! You amaze me sometimes Bella, how reckless you are," Alice screamed at me. She was pissed. She was… scared?
"I'm sorry Alice, but it's the only way! I can't lose any of you. I'm not worth it! I can go to him and this can all be over," I tried to reason with her.
"Don't say that! We love you Bella. We can't lose you! Don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Please, just worry about yourself. Think of Edward, Bella. And Charlie. And Renee. And me, damn it!" Alice was hysterically screaming now and shaking like she was crying, although no tears fell from her eyes. I realized that tears were silently spilling down my face.
"And me," Jasper said calmly. I didn't even know he was in the room. He put his arm around Alice and spoke quiet, soothing words to calm her down. I felt a wave of calm wash over me and I welcomed it.
"But I saw it Jazz. I saw what he did to her. He would've hurt her so much. We would have lost her Jazz. Our Bella. We would've lost her," Alice said through her sobs. Her voice was so pained, I felt so bad. I didn't even think of what it would do everyone.
"I'm so sorry Alice. Please, don't be upset. Your vision, it won't happen. I won't run. I'll stay. I'm sorry," I muttered my apology almost incoherently, but I knew they would hear.
"It's okay Bella. We know. You just gave her quite a scare. It'll be okay. We'll go out in the living room and wait for you to finish up. You can eat your dinner and then we'll watch a movie, ok? How does that sound?"Jasper asked, rubbing Alice's back tenderly as she calmed down. I nodded at him as he picked up Alice and left the room.
Once they were gone, the false calm I was feeling suddenly vanished. I still felt horrible for hurting Alice, but my irritation was quickly spiraling out of control. I was frustrated at Alice's power. Not only did it totally give me away, but it scared Alice. I can only imagine what she saw, but her reaction to it tells me that it wasn't pretty. I hated that she had to suffer through that and it was all my fault. Well, mine and her stupid, stupid power. I wish that she didn't have her gift. I wish that my future wasn't always hers to live first. It's not right. It's not how it's supposed to be. I wish she couldn't see me anymore!
Suddenly I felt very dizzy. The ugly wallpaper was swirling around me as I started to feel very lightheaded. Before I knew it, I was falling and my vision was gone. I heard the door fly open before I hit two cold, hard arms. And then; nothing.