Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Warnings: Crazy Rosalie, crack, and violence.
Special Thanks to Amarante-ai for beta-ing this!
Author's note: I was in the mood for crack. So I wrote this. Simple, right? Reviews are appreciated.
While everyone in the world may think otherwise, Alice Cullen was, in fact, "annoying". "Extremely annoying" if you asked Rosalie Cullen.
Yes, Alice was sweet, outgoing, and an overall friendly person. But if one knew her like a certain short-tempered blonde, one would know that in reality, Alice could be one nuisance-filled headache.
For instance, a couple years back, before most of the Cullens knew of the life-altering events that Bella Swan brought about, Alice had impulsively taken up a rather noisy hobby. For three weeks, the Cullen clan had to put up with Alice's rather loud attempts to teach herself how to play the flute. Yes, the flute.
"I had a vision that I learned to play it," Alice had said one day after coming home from shopping with a case and a An Idiots Guide to the Flute in hand. Esme and Carlisle had shrugged and congratulated their 'daughter' for her pursuance in the musical instrument. Edward raised an eyebrow but opted not to say anything. Rosalie rolled her eyes and Emmett laughed and teasingly told her that he would be investing earplugs to drown out the noise.
After a day of pure torture, the Cullen clan realized that Emmett's comment was, well, very… true.
Alice was very, very terrible at playing the flute. Every note was flat, it squeaked at an irritating pitch, and Alice could never seem to play the right note.
And for once, Rosalie desperately wished she was deaf. Anything would be better than listening to Alice trying to bludgeon their eardrums. It was pure torture.
Finally, one day, Rosalie was completely fed up.
Edward, Emmett, and Jasper had abandoned the house after the first week, claiming that they 'were going on a long hunting trip. A very long one.' Esme and Carlisle had taken Emmett's advice and got themselves earplugs. Rosalie chose to let her petulance fester and grow, until it finally snapped after a particularly flat note.
"Dammit, Alice!" Rosalie roared, eyes emblazed with the fires of unbridled fury. That spiky-haired pain in the ass was going down.
Rosalie remembered how she lunged across the room, thank you vampire super-speed, and grabbed Alice's wrist. Alice gave the blonde vampire a questioning look and Rosalie snarled in a very animal-like way.
In a blur, Rosalie snatched the flute out of Alice's grasp and flung the shorter girl down on the floor. Rosalie clambered on top of her, straddling the poor vampire.
"Rosalie!" Alice had gasped in surprise. Rosalie ignored her.
"You have absolutely NO musical talent, whatsoever!" Rosalie shrieked. Alice shrunk back, understandably anxious of her "sister's" anger. Nobody who had decent sanity messed with Rosalie Cullen. Then again, Alice's sanity was constantly questioned, so it wasn't that surprising that she had managed to piss the blonde off.
"Rosalie, are you sure you're not just, you know, tone-deaf?" Alice questioned, innocently enough.
Rosalie snapped, as one would expect.
"Damn you!" the blonde raged and proceeded in, well, shoving the flute down Alice's throat. Alice was shrieking in fear, moving her head in attempts to avoid the flute. Rosalie was relentless though.
"Damn you, Alice! Damn you to hell!"
Rosalie managed to pry Alice's mouth open. The shorter girl's shrieks were desperate now, and she tried her best to block the flute with her tongue.
"Osalwee!!!" Alice cried incoherently, trying to get through to the enraged blonde. Rosalie would have none of it though, and was at last able to get past Alice's tongue.
Pushing down hard on the flute, Rosalie lodged the infuriating instrument in Alice's throat. Grinning down at her successful work, Rosalie giggled madly. Finally. Some peace and quiet.
Rosalie stretched out her arms and got off of her 'sister' with a content grin on her face.
"That was a nice chat, Alice," the blonde said cheerfully before exiting room to go fetch the boys. Now they could come home to a nice, quiet home.
Alice stared after her for a moment. It was official. Rosalie had completely lost her mind. Alice gave a mental shrug and tugged the flute out of her esophagus.
The spiky-haired vampire took in an unnecessary gulp of air and twirled the flute in her delicate hands. Alice stared long and hard at the instrument, thinking back on Rosalie's outburst. No musical talent. Whatsoever.
This was obviously a way of Rosalie to tell Alice that she needed to practice more, so that she could improve. With a determined smile, Alice brought the flute up to her lips and blew.