Note: Please do not take this seriously. This is merely a parody and cracks that me and my friend come up with. Don't force yourself to read this if you are not comfortable. Feel free to stop at any time.
I hope you enjoyed.
Zexion sat idly next to the pool, the sun beating on his pale skin like a thousand hammers. But he was asleep. So that was okay.
What wasn't okay was the fact that Zexy-poo wasn't alone. When Zexion was awake, he might have made some snide comments about how he was followed by idiots.
And then said-idiots would complain that he was being mean.
Truthfully, he wasn't being mean at all. He was just being... Zexion. And Zexion was me--er polite, one way or the other. That's right, he was intelligent and polite.
"Intelligent and polite my ass!"
"Shut up, fire-crotch." Zexion irritatedly cracked one eye open, staring with a glare that could scare Chuck Norris. WHAT? What am I saying? It's blasphemy! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!
Chuck Norris then decided to appear from the sky in a storm that rained blood and proceeded to roundkick this authoress in the face. While Zexion continued to call Axel a fire-crotch.
Then, Roxas suddenly appeared out of nowhere, carrying a chainsaw. He smiled innocently, staring at Zexion. His expression was all kinds of good. Except that what he was carrying was not really... good, so to speak.
"What's that?" Axel pointed.
"Chainsaw?" Roxas answered blatantly.
"Why are you carrying that around?"
Roxas grinned, holding up that piece of dangerous machine, starting it up. And it blared and revved loudly. "I'm your worst nightmare," he hissed.
"No, baby. Because this is a pool. You're shirtless and you've got that sexy sadistic smile on. I like. " Axel purred. Like a fucking cat. And Roxas, who had been standing very sexily with a chainsaw, slowly put it down and stared at the firecrotch.
"What the balls just happened here?" Riku bursted in, carrying a naked Sora. Why was Sora naked? You know, you crazy fangirls.
"Sora and I were busy playing a hot, sticky game of-"
"Whoa. Too much information, silvercrotch." Axel put up a hand to stop the boy.
"Twister." Riku snapped.
Sora coughed awkwardly into his hand, "Naked."
Everyone stared at Sora and Riku for a while. Zexion, however, had gone back to sleep and was getting a very sexy tan.
Demyx poofed in all of a sudden, jumping Zexion cheerily. And before anything could happen, Demyx felt a sharp pang to his heart. When he looked down, he found out that a knife had pierced through his heart and his blood pooled like ocean on the body beneath him. His eyes were wide and his face was pale. Zexion was still sleeping soundly, apparently holding the knife as if grabbing onto his very life.
Axel had a sixth sense and he burst into Zexion's room. The door was broken into pieces in an instant because of said sixth sense. The redhead's eyes went wide at the scenery and he chuckled. So beautiful... so crimson. Roxas joined the redhead soon after, apparently holding a knife now.
Where had he gotten the knife? Must be lying somewhere around Zexion's house. The house was overflowing with knives.
"Isn't that beautiful?" Roxas cooed, exactly reading Axel's mind, his unoccupied hand travelling down the redhead's back, tracing a soft, smooth line.
Then, Roxas exchanged his finger with the knife, tracing it along the redhead's jawline.
It was such... a turn-on.
And because everything was magic, Demyx was still alive.
All of a sudden, Riku and Sora jumped on Axel and Roxas' back.
"Ride 'em, cowboy!" Sora crowed playfully, while Roxas currently wondered if it would be better to kill Sora painfully or more painfully. Either way. It'd be painful.
Axel, however samurinja'd and flipped Riku over his head, before slamming the boy on the floor.
"The BALLS?" Riku snarled, lying on his back.
"Get the fuck off me! Only Roxy-poo--" Axel paled as Roxas suddenly held the knife against his throat, "R-roxas can do that to me. Naked. In bed. "
Roxas and Axel then proceeded to sexy-dance their way to a bedroom, which was full of BDSM. Ohbehbeh.
BDSM isn't exactly fun in our culture. But of course, with what we now know as Axel and Roxas or a.k.a AkuRoku, BDSM is the definition of SEXY. Don't ya think? So anyway...
They were now magically spread out on the fluffy bed. Roxas was, of course, on top of Axel. Last time, Axel was on top. They were always taking turns, because that was what couples were supposed to do.
With the weapon he was holding, Roxas trailed the razor sharp edge of the knife through Axel's thighs.
Axel gulped and smirked knowingly. Oh, BDSM is definitely SEXY.
Then, his pants were cut open in no time, revealing his skin. Roxas smirked. And with a maniacal laugh, he stabbed the weapon down the redhead's abdomen, without a single second of hesitation.
Axel groaned--yes, because he was magical and he was able to sustain the pain. Eh, not really. It was BDSM. It didn't send pains down his spines. It sent pleasure.
Such... sweet pleasure.
Inflicted by his lovely blond.
When Sora and Riku was about to interrupt the both, Roxas scoffed and chuckled.
With a single swipe, their heads were off.
"Fuck! Roxas! They're still alive!"
The maddened look in Roxas' eyes faded to confusion, "What? I chopped off their heads..."
"LOLOL. Riku! We're heads!"
"Lets make out as BLEEDING HEADS."
Axel and Roxas then watched what was one of the most disturbing things they had ever seen.
And one authoress laughed like crazy.
And the other spazzed like crazy over his keyboard.
To which point Demyx and Zexion walked in, completely clothed.
Kidding. They were both butt naked. But hey. Why even bother giving them clothes?
They were supposed to be dead and all that jazz in the last paragraphs, but this is all magic. Don't go confuse yourself now.
Demyx tried walking sexily, only to fail and look like a woman with a broken hip while Zexion stared at his ass.
"Don't you just love puberty?" The Sora-head leaned against the Riku-head.
"Just dandy." The Riku-head leaned over to nibble the Sora-head and the other four boys watched in complete fucking horror as the Riku and Sora bodies started getting it on.
"What the fuck?" Demyx had pulled a random lollipop out of nowhere and dropped it. It shattered for a better dramatic effect.
"What the fucking fuck!!!" Axel screamed. "That is so sexy!"
The redhead looked over to the blond with a suggestive expression.
Roxas gave Axel a single look, having no expression at all. "I think this is so much sexier," he purred, throwing his knife over to Demyx. The sharp knife stabbed right into Demyx's forehead, sticking there and blood started to pour out like tomato ketchup.
And then, a magical knife manifested in Roxas' hand.
Demyx stared at the knife in his forehead, before wondering why he wasn't dead. The author jumped out of his seat with a gusto.
"Because this is fucking FANFICTION."
"Fanfiction?" Roxas' eyes slid to look at the author menacingly.
please!" Demyx pulled the knife out of his forehead and buttered
Zexion threw his knife expertly to Axel's forehead, paying back what Roxas did to Demyx. Roxas smirked. "Thanks," he stated sincerely to Zexion.
Roxas took out the knife in Axel's forehead and the redhead was dead. "And why is he dead?" the blond pointed, tilting his head to the side.
Demyx smiled, "Don't worry. He'll come back in the sequel."
"I have to go through this shit again?" Zexion stared, "Fuck this!" He jumped out a window because fuck commonsense the author just ate pepperoni pizza.
Zexion died horribly, but it was still a beautiful sight.
Roxas magically took out the chainsaw from earlier and jumped out of the bed, leaving Axel's dead body alone. Then, he began slicing and butchering the Sora and Riku heads, until they were nothing but fresh meats.
He stopped then, watching if they were dead.
To his horror... the pieces of flesh flapped around on the ground, squealing and cheering in high notes.
And then Demyx shit rainbows and then attacked Roxas. Thus, insured one of the greatest fights in the fucking universe.
And without a doubt, the fights were AWESOME.
However, unfortunately, they ended up destroying the whole freaking universe.
The author looked at the authoress, "Oh shit. We fucked up the universe!"
"Uhmm.. aren't we supposed to be dead... common sense-ly," the authoress tilted her head to the side, blinking her eyes.
author stared around them, at the great expanse of nothingness.
"AWESOME!!" the authoress squealed. "This is the awesomest day of my life! I get to die with everyone else! I'm not aloneeee!"
"LOLOL. I know right?" The author pissed himself laughing, "Wait. Everyone else is already dead."
"Oh shit. Then who is reading?"
".I don't know," The author replied, "Maybe we should end this story? And float off into the unknown regions of the universe that we have destroyed!"
"Oh totally. There is no more point anyway. Since everyone died. And I have no idea who's reading...Let's go poof thennnn."
"Poof!" The author dragged the authoress into a land of sparkles.
Terra. I am gay for you. And the rainbow shitting Demyx and the severed-sexual Riku and Sora heads. Please marry me and we'll prance off into the sunlight after Roxas chops off all our limbs. -heart-
Zai. You are a bastard for dragging and guilt-ing me into this.