A reminder to some of the changes I've made. Since this is fan fiction! My vampires DO NOT SPARKLE (I didn't mind the twilight books but thought that was the most ridiculous thing, Bram was rolling in his grave and Rice was rolling her eyes, but the vampires are day-walkers just not like Cali sun. They can also cry blood tears, which I personally find to be a beautiful thing. Oh and the last bit is that they have fangs, (Another dumb thing that I didn't get.) but they are retractable like the true blood brood.
I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear
- Who Am I Living For?
"Are you sure you'll be okay while I'm gone?" Edward asked again looking over to Harry who was sorting through his extensive record collection. The wizard looked up and gave him an annoyed look.
"I don't know I might get hurt putting music on." He told his overprotective boyfriend. "Go Edward! Your brothers are calling you." Harry said turning back to picking a record.
Emmet and Jasper were waiting for him outside so they could go hunting. Rosalie and Alice were out shopping, Carlisle at work and Esme was involved in a new art project.
Edward crossed the room in a blur taking the wizard into his arms and before Harry could react he was being thoroughly kissed.
"I'll miss you."
Harry rolled his eyes at his sappy vampire but returned the kiss, he just couldn't stay narked at him for long. Edward gave him his crooked smile and jumped out the window finally joining his brothers.
Shaking his head the wizard returned to his taking of selecting something to listen too. He couldn't help to wonder what had gotten into the vampire lately, it hadn't gone unnoticed that Edward had been rather clingy lately. Maybe when he returned from hunting Harry would bring it up.
October ended on a quiet note, Fork high school threw a Halloween dance in which Harry and the Cullen's avoided and since their house was located deep in the woods no children came around. Alice forced them into a celebration, 'persuading' the others to dress up and throwing a dance in their decorated living room. Harry was the only one who really got into the spirit of things, having spent the last few Halloweens shut away with adults, missing the lavish feats that Hogwarts offered. They bought candy (which Harry could only eat!) and they danced around a black cauldron chanting nonsense while the others looked on in amusement or in Rosalie's case distaste.
The rumors and whispers had finally died down and he could walk into a classroom without his peers looking at him before whispering behind their hands. Sitting with Edward and the others didn't win him any friends, most of them intimated by the family but Harry didn't have a problem with that, he knew they only wanted dirt on his boyfriend's family or how close he was to Edward.
Bella still looked depressed but hadn't bothered sit with them again, Harry was starting to wonder if the girl just got off on being miserable. There were so many boys around her paying her attention, he'd even seen that Jacob fellow waiting for her after school and still nothing seem to cheer her up. Harry understood that she cared deeply for the vampire but it was time to move on and find something(one) new.
Harry picked out Band of Skulls, an indie band Edward had introduced him too and returned to the bed. He tried reading but his thoughts were overwhelming him and after reading the same sentence three times he gave up and discarded the book in favor of staring up at the ceiling.
His thoughts had been centering around his family. No matter how happy he was here in Forks with Edward he couldn't stop missing Sirius, Remus, Ron and Hermione and the rest of the Weasely's. He hadn't heard from any of them and a part of him knew that they were searching furiously for a solution so that he wouldn't have to give up his magic or marry the git but a small part of him was worried that they had forgotten him.
Harry knew it was irrational but years of being neglected at the Dursley's had conditioned him to believe the worst and believe himself a burden. He wanted to send an owl just to reassure himself but Hegwid had been left behind with his godfather. Harry could've gone to a nearby wizard community but he knew it was too risky to send any post. He was to wait for Sirius or Remus to send him something first but that he been two months ago and he was starting to worry that this was all for naught.
He cursed Dumbledore under his breath and cursed Malfoy and his spawn twice. He wasn't a pawn or a puppet and after everything he had done to prove himself to the old man. He'd dropped out of Hogwarts, the only home he had known, had trained till it was physically impossible and then trained some more.
Harry had been naïve to think that after Voldemort's defeat everything would be better. He laughed bitterly at himself as he recalled his thoughts. Harry had really believed that after the dark lord was gone he was going to be able to finish his last year of Hogwarts, even though he had already passed his NEWTS. Or maybe he would've traveled, he'd never seen the world outside of Surrey, Hogwarts and Sirius' house. He wanted to see Spain, Japan, the States. He wanted to date, now that there wasn't the threat of war or his maybe death holding him back. He wanted to experience love and all that it had to offer and maybe he could start his own family.
The wizard gave a quiet sigh and let the music wash over him, he should've picked something happier he thought as he rolled on to his stomach and closed his eyes willing himself to stop thinking. Yet he couldn't stop, he still thought about Dumbledore and the stupid contract that was putting his life on a deadline.
He was lucky to have met Edward, the vampire was beautiful inside and out but at the same time Harry couldn't help but feel guilty for being a burden. Edward had a family that he was putting in danger. He was putting Edward in tremendous danger, they probably wouldn't hurt the Cullens much but Edward could be killed for messing with wizard politics and affairs.
Edward was better off with someone like Bella, she was normal and didn't have the baggage that Harry carried with him.
There was a time when Harry hated his name and everything that it brought. At one point he honestly resented his parents for dying, for leaving him, for making him the boy-who-lived. Potter was the hero, all Harry wanted was to be normal. Go to Hogwarts, goof off with his friends and play Quidditch. Others like Ron could get the fame he just wanted to live.
"Harry what's wrong?" A soft voice asked him as the bed dipped and he was encased in strong, cold arms.
He hadn't realized that silent tears were making trails on his face. He moved to wipe them away but Edward held him tight.
"You shouldn't want to be with me Edward. I'll bring nothing but misery to you and your family." Harry told him as he faced the vampire. His eyes were golden, and there was a slight hint of color in his cheeks and lips, Edward had fed well.
A frown marred the beautiful, classic face and Harry looked away he couldn't bare to cause him anymore trouble.
"Harry I already told you, I'm not letting you go we'll find a way to fix everything." Edward tried to tell him reassuringly but Harry shook his head.
"You cannot promise something like that Edward. When they find us, they will take me away and you will be killed!" The wizard said trying to make him understand the seriousness of the matter.
"If they find us Harry! And if that time comes I swear on my life that I will protect you."
Harry glared, Edward was refusing to see his point of view. "You shouldn't have too! And it's not only you I'm involving, it's your family as well."
"We can handle a couple of wizards." Again he was brushed off.
"Even if Dumbledore and Malfoy never find us I'm going to loose my magic after my birthday next year. I'll go mad and then what? Will you leave me to suffer? Stop me when I try to kill myself, because I will want to kill myself." Harry knew he was being mean and blunt but Edward was refusing to see the big picture. They couldn't hide behind their blissful ignorance forever. They had to face it, and it was better to do it now before either of them got in too deep.
Or Edward got into deep, Harry had already given his heart away to the vampire.
Edward's frown deepened and he jumped off the bed leaving Harry colder than he had been pressed against the frozen chest. Harry watched him pace the length of the room before giving a growl and pushing over a tower of CD's.
"I won't let that happen!" His voice was louder, more feral than before.
The wizard heard the door open but didn't turn to see who entered, instead he hopped off the bed and faced Edward.
"But it can and it will!"
"Then I'll turn you." The vampire said and Harry's eyes widened in shock. He remembered very clearly how resolved Edward had been in refusing to turn Bella.
"Don't be ridiculous you know it's illegal for a vampire to knowingly turn a wizard."
"You can't ask me to do nothing!" Edward roared and stalked over to Harry.
For the first time since meeting him Harry felt a spike of fear run through him. Edward was reminding him very much of what Remus looked like so close to the full moon. He wanted nothing more than to take a step back but he knew that it would only put the vampire more on edge. Instead Harry took a deep breath trying to salvage the situation.
He stepped closer to Edward putting a hand on his chest, trying to calm him. "I want nothing more than to stay with you forever."
"And you can!"
"But I need you to understand that there might come a time when they come and when they do-"
"I'll hide you away." But it was the wrong thing to say.
Harry glared, letting his arm fall. "I've been hidden away my whole life. First with the Dursley's and then with Dumbledore, I'm sick of everyone trying to hide me away."
"Harry I just want to protect you."
"I can protect myself! I'm not a fucking child or some damn princess!" He said as he turned away and walked out the room ignoring Jasper and Alice as he fled down the stairs and out the front door.
Edward made to go after him but Alice grabbed him. "No, give him some space. He just needs to be alone for awhile."
"No buts Edward, he just needs some time. He'll be back." Alice reassured him and Edward looked around the room, at the mess that he had made when he had tossed the cds all over the place.
"I really made a mess of things didn't I?" He muttered dejectedly. He crouched down, picking up the cases. His body was screaming at him to go after Harry and make everything right but he would listen to his sister.
"You did but it's only because you care about him." Alice said with an impish grin and set to help him clean up. "'There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness'."
"Nietzsche." Edward looked over to his sister who was still smiling at him. "So you think I've gone mad now?"
"I think everyone is mad."
"You're weird Alice."
She simply shrugged and continued to help him sort out his room. Using their speed it didn't take long for them to set everything right. The entire time Edward couldn't help but listen to the door for Harry's return.
Harry ran out the house thankful that none of the Cullens had stopped him. He kept running until he reached the path that lead into the forest. He just needed to get away, needed to be alone. Finally out of breath he slumped down to his knees catching his breath. After a minute or two of just sitting on his knees he switched so that he was lying on his back watching the stars between the trees.
Harry hated fighting with Edward, but he hated it even more that everyone in his life saw fit to just hide him away when there was a problem. It wasn't fair, he knew vampires were possessive but it still didn't give him the right. And with no one to rely on, no Sirius to talk too it made him feel more alone in Forks. His friends were in Hogwarts, his godfather and Remus back in England and he had no way of contacting them. He was utterly alone and it was a scary realization.
For the first time since he left with Edward it hit him how crazy the whole thing was. Being the Gryffindor that he was Harry knew that he would have never married Malfoy, there was nothing in the universe that could convince him otherwise, but he also knew that being the Gryffindor that he was that escaping with a vampire he barely knew was just reckless and stupid.
What if it didn't work out? People broke up all the time, Sirius told him about all his adventures at Hogwarts when he was a teen there, how many people he'd broken up with and had broken up with him. Even his parents had dated other people before getting together. Hermione always told him that he jumped the gun without thinking things through. What if Edward stopped liking him? What if he stopped liking Edward? It was a scary thought and something he didn't want to dwell on it too long. Honestly he didn't think he could stop liking the vampire even after their stupid fight.
Snorting to himself Harry could just hear Snape berating him for being the typical idiot of a Gryffindor and making his dad proud.
Glaring at the sky he cursed Dumbledore again for putting him in this mess. After everything he had done for his world and he still he couldn't live a normal life, the one thing that was his to give and it was sold off to the highest bidder.
Harry was snapped out of his depressing thoughts when he heard someone approaching, raising himself onto his forearms he saw Edward come around from one of the trees.
The eternal seventeen year old looked every bit of sheepish. His head down and hands in his pockets. Harry felt his anger at the vampire leave him, like someone had punctured a hole in his balloon.
Edward stopped near him but didn't come close enough to touch him or seat with him. "I was getting worried you've been gone for over an hour."
Harry hadn't noticed that much time had passed. "I had to think." He said softly laying back down.
He watched as the vampire shifted his feet and Harry was amused by how human he was acting.
"I am sorry Harry, I know you can protect yourself just fine. I just get so frustrated that I can't do more." Edward said to him quietly.
Harry sighed. "You do more than enough Edward. You're putting yourself and your family at risk for someone you barely know."
Yet Edward shook his head. "I feel like I should be doing more." He told him bolshily.
"The only thing I want you to do right now is come lie down beside me." Harry told him as he held his hand out and Edward took it without hesitation. The wizard pulled him down and he came without protest.
Harry shifted till he was lying on Edward's chest and their legs were tangled together. "You'll get cold." The vampire told him and Harry turned to him without raising his head off his chest.
"I won't don't worry, I just want to be near you." Edward held him tighter in his arms.
The two laid there not saying anything only Harry's quiet breathing breaking the night's silence. Harry was drifting into sleep as Edward ran his fingers through his hair, but he struggled to keep his eyes opened. He didn't know how long it was but he finally lost the battle and closed his eyes. It could've been a few minutes or hours but when Harry opened his eyes, Edward was still there, they were still in the forest behind his house and the sky was still dark.
"What time is it?" Harry asked Edward still not bothering to move.
"Around two in the morning, Alice came out to check on us an hour ago."
Harry shifted in his embrace until he was facing Edward. "I don't like fighting with you." He told him quietly.
"I don't either."
"I'm sorry too."
Harry smiled, they were a bunch of saps but he didn't care. He knew that he wouldn't just stop liking Edward, Harry wasn't the fickle sort he knew but at the same time he was new to the whole relationship thing, never having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Hell he never had a first kiss before Edward.
"What are you thinking about?"
Harry blushed and wondered if he should tell him. "Well um you know I've never been in a relationship before right?" Edward nodded. " It's just after the fight I was so mad at you but then I got scared that you wouldn't want to be with me."
"Harry couples fight, some all the time. You've seen Emmett in the doghouse how many times?"
"I know but it's just that we barely know each other. What if you realized that I'm not worth the trouble, I would be all alone in Forks, no family, no money, nothing." Harry told him looking away when he felt Edward sit up.
With a sigh Harry sat up too but still looking down when he felt Edward's cold fingers under his chin raising his head up.
"You're scaring yourself for nothing."
"Am I really? You've only been in one relationship yourself and before you there was one else." Harry told him with a shake of his head. "How can you be sure that this is for real, that we'll work out in the end?"
Edward didn't answer him right away, just peering into the wizard's worried face. Finally after a weighty pause the vampire leaned in and gave him soft kiss on the lips pulling away after a moment and giving him his crooked grin.
"You're right I'm not sure everything will be okay in the end." Harry's face fell but he continued on. "But it just feels right you and I, and I have faith that everything will be okay."
A week had passed since that night and if possible Harry and Edward had grown closer since. There was a lightness in Harry's eyes that even the family could see that wasn't there before.
Some of his biggest fears had been put to rest but Harry was still worried that he hadn't heard anything from his family. Edward suggested writing to them but Harry reminded him that they were warned against making contact first, that Sirius would do it when it was safe for them.
To ease his fears Edward suggest they go on a date. A real date where the two of them would go out with none of the family there and they would forget about their troubles for the night. Alice was the one to come up with the idea after she had found out that the two of them had never been on a proper date before.
"What do you do on a date?" Harry asked him on Friday after school, Rosalie had taken her car so Harry was riding alone with Edward.
"Well in my time it meant that we would go somewhere with a chaperone, probably a stroll through the park or to the theatre. We didn't call it dating it was courting someone, what?" Edward said as he looked to his laughing boyfriend.
"I forget how old you really are old man." Harry told him with a smile. "So what do muggles do when they go on dates?"
"Humans usually go out to the movies and dinner, or some activity." Edward said vaguely not entirely sure himself.
"Are we going to the movies? I've actually never been to one." Harry told him excited at the idea. "Sirius wanted to get a television for the house with a DVD player but Moody taught it would be distracting and a waste of time for me."
Edward forget how sheltered Harry had been raised, never allowed to watch the set at the Dursley's, he was too busy cleaning and cooking for them. Harry didn't own an mp3 player, something that even older people owned, and before Edward had gotten him one Harry didn't own a cell phone.
"What do you want to see, there's a couple of movies that came out today."
There was a pause as Harry tried to recall the commercials he had seen when he turned to Edward with a smirk playing on his lips. "How about that new vampire movie that came out."
"You really want to see that? Wouldn't that be a little ironic seeing as I am a real vampire."
"It would be fun to see how the muggles depict you!"
"Harry they sparkle! For god sakes what kind of vampire sparkles in the sunlight!" Edward argued with a roll of his eyes and Harry laughed.
"You just don't want to see it because it's a story about a vampire who falls in love with a human…Hmm now where have I heard that before?" Harry asked him thoughtfully.
"Oh you love me." Harry told him as he leaned over the clutch and placed a sweet kiss on Edward's cheek.
AN- Ahhh I'm super, duper sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I honestly didn't think it was going to take this long… The sad thing is that I had most of it written but didn't feel it was complete or right… Couple that with 60hrs plus at work and there was no time to edit or re-read this.
I promise to not do this again. I swear I won't abandon the story, I like it too much to let it go! And I'm already on page 2 of the next chapter.
Next chapter: Well the date and we'll see….
Promise it won't be another ten years for a new chapter!
Thank you a million times over for everyone who took the time to review, they really do keep me going. And please let me the feedback on this one…I'm thinking this isn't my best.