Fish Are No Laughing Matter

Author's Note: Written for the livejournal batfic_contest prompt "Fish out of water" in less than 500 words; first posted there on 5 July 2009. Some knowledge of the BTAS episode "The Laughing Fish" may be beneficial, but not strictly necessary!

Usually this would be just about the sexiest thing Harley could possibly imagine.

Her beautiful Mistah J standing in the doorway. Soaking wet. Wearing nothing more than (now very clingy) sodden silk boxers and a grin.

Whoa mama, right?

His cat-that-got-the-cream expression told her that he must have finally cracked the project he'd been working on night and day, and was looking for someone to celebrate with. The clinginess of the wet silk suggested it was the kind of celebration she had spent the past month pining for.

If only she could hold down the wave of nausea enough appreciate it…

"The project is complete and now I have an aquarium full of happy smiles!" the Joker declared, stepping into the room.

"Umm, that's really great Puddin'," she managed with her hand half over her face.

"All those fishies now share my uniquely attractive appearance! Y'know pumpkin, sometimes my brilliance amazes even myself." His grin grew more suggestive. "So why don't you come here and congratulate Daddy on all his hard work?"

She cringed at a particularly strong waft of eau de fish. This was going to take diplomacy.

"Umm, Puddin'? I'm all for congratulatin', but how about a shower first?"

He rolled his eyes slightly. "Remember the last time you insisted on trying that after reading that ridiculous 'sex tips' column? When we get a double-sized shower, maybe, but I'm not going to risk concussion again in the one we have here."

She giggled at the memory despite queasiness. "That was fun, but I kinda meant just you takin' a shower Puddin' – you're a little… fishy."

The Joker sniffed himself experimentally. "I don't smell anything."

"With all that pokin' at yucky fishy things in there you probably just don't notice it."

"And it bothers you?" His grin became thoughtful.

"To tell you the truth the smell of fish does make me a little nauseous," she confessed. "I'm sure I can cope when you want me to help out, but when we're just havin' fun…"

He interrupted with a sympathetic cluck. "But of course pooh! I'll just go freshen up and be right back."

As the sound of running water came from the bathroom, Harley wondered why she'd even been reluctant to share her aversion to fish with Mistah J.

"Mistah J?" she called around the door after waiting fifteen long minutes. "Are you nearly done?"

Hearing no reply, she pushed the door open and suddenly found herself coated in a cold, slimy mess. "What the… urgh!!"

From his seat on the edge of the bath, the Joker let out a delighted cackle. "Nothing like the ol' bucket of fish guts balanced on the door, eh Harl? Now we're both as fishy as each other, maybe we can get to it."

As Harley alternately wailed and threw up, it was small consolation that she managed to splash Mistah J with some as well.

Although looking back, at least she did then finally persuade him to try the shower thing again...


Author's Note: The Laughing Fish is a wonderful BTAS episode as well as a great comic, and I couldn't resist writing something very loosely based around it for that prompt.

I leave you with a fave fish joke. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Answer - a fsh! *pauses for applause/hysterical laughter*