Sex. Pop. Music. Candy
Chapter Twelve: Life's Short, Have a Scandal
a/n: change of plans, will be about 16 chapters, so 4 more! per usual, this chapter is un-beta'd and has mistakes
By the time I woke up, Li had left for work already. I was welcomed to a breakfast of oatmeal, toast, and orange juice, along with a note accompanying saying, you drooled on me. I didn't even feel the least bit sorry and decided to shower and borrow one of Li's boxers to hold me over (I mean, I can get pretty gross, but even I'm above wearing the same underwear two days in a row). After stepping out of his bathroom, I noticed my phone was buzzing. I had a couple of texts and missed calls. Two were from Yukito.
Good morning, Sakura-chan! I had a great time last night. Oh, it was too early to even deal with that.
Are you free tonight? Tonight? Already? I mean, I haven't dated in some time, so I am rusty, but I just saw Yukito yesterday, and not to mention that I was in some other man's apartment, so it was already a weird situation. I hated myself for agreeing to date him, already. I was a horrible person.
Ignoring the messages altogether, I looked at the other ones and nearly fell over; they were all from Mei Lin.
Xiao Lang did something stupid, so you're caught in it.
Brace yourself, for I will be talking to you about this.
If you're near a television, go to channel 12.
I didn't know what happened, but I was sure that I was going to kill him. Half naked and still wet from the shower, I tuned on the channel mentioned; some entertainment show was on, but it didn't take long for me to see why Mei Lin was messaging me.
A picture of me was on TV.
Well, at least I knew it was me. It was from last night, and though my face was blurry, I recognized my dress, and my hair color was pretty visible. Li was clear and in focus, holding on to me. Somehow, they caught me going into Li's apartment last night.
"Breaking news this morning: popular band Black Moon have been enjoying much success over their recent comeback with their song I Hope, but it seems Li Syaoran, the leader, is enjoying much more." Li's profile came up on the screen, followed by a video reel of him in the music video, recent events, and even some videos from the band's debut, before I was even working with them.
"Li Syaoran, leader of Black Moon, was seen welcoming an unknown female into his apartment building. There have been rumors that Li-san had many affairs, but this is the first photo to arise since the rumors began."
"The rumor was reignited after the band's return to music and after the live interview that was done only just yesterday. We will now show you a clip of the interview Black Moon did at the Lotte Hotel."
Oh god, the interview that I was not present for. He did something stupid after promising me he wouldn't. I was livid. The report went to the video of the day before, the boys looking attentive and handsome. Li looked rather bored, but polite.
"Now, Black Moon has many fans of the female persuasion, and part of the appeal of this comeback is the romantic feel of the concept, and the sincerity in the love sung in the lyrics. So my question to the band: are you thinking about someone in particular when playing the music?"
Eriol was the first to answer, prompt and with a charming smile, he said, "I believe I speak for all us when we say we sing with our fans' hearts in mind. We are honored to be loved by them, and wish to return that love."
Beautiful answer, Eriol. Man, did he know how to work a crowd. It would have gone smoothly if Li had only kept his big fat mouth shut.
"Though we do respect and honor our fans, it would be a lie to say we don't have someone in mind when we play this sort of music. The reason that it sounds sincere is because it is."
There was a flurry of murmurs at this. The reporter continued with his questioning.
"Then Li-san, would your fans be able to safely assume that you have someone in mind right now that you see in a romantic way?"
"Yes, the fans would be able to assume that."
More cameras went off, and I could see Ryou sigh and Shuhei looking at the ceiling as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Eriol carried on smiling as if he was privy to something no one else knew. Maybe that was a habit he picked up from Tomoyo-chan.
In any case, I was red in the face. Who was he talking about? Was he referring to me? There was no way that was possible. Still, for a second, I allowed myself to imagine it being me. Dating Li? Well, we'd argue a lot, that was a given. But underneath all that fighting, there were moments that left me feeling pretty giddy. Whenever he'd smile at me for some inside joke we had, the way he'd text me when he thought of new music, or when he saw something funny, the look he sometimes gave me that gave me little pleasures but I would pretend not to notice…
No, stop that. Li is only using me for sex. So what if we were friendly? Maybe Li was friendly to all the other women he slept with. We also worked too closely together. What would happen if hypothetically, in a world where Li was in love with me, we were to date and break up? It would be a disaster. First off, I am bad at getting over people. The last guy I dated took me about one year to get over, and we weren't that serious to begin with. No, falling in love with Li and then going through the heartbreak would kill me.
"Of course, the rumors about Li-san's many affairs leave us to wonder, how many women is he thinking about?"
I had to get dressed and go to the office. I needed to talk to the band about damage control and talk to Mei Lin, and find Dai-chan to see if this would affect their image, and I had to draw a clear line with myself about how I felt about Li and what was definitely impossible.
I texted Yukito back that I was free later tonight.
Mei Lin was not happy.
For about an hour, she lectured Li and me about the image of the band, and all the hard work we put into the promotions and the comeback, and how she was highly disappointed in us.
"For fuck's sake, you're both adults!" I jumped to hear her swear; she rarely did around me. "I don't care what you do behind closed doors, so long as it stays behind closed doors!"
Li looked pretty unperturbed about the whole thing, but meanwhile, I was bowing my head in shame. It didn't help that I was wearing one of his long shirts as a dress. Cut me some slack, I was in a hurry, and couldn't find my dress.
"Look, Mei, I get why I'm getting lectured, but Kinomoto shouldn't be. No one knows it's her," he defended in a lazy voice. I looked at him in gratitude. I was not handling this lecture as well as him.
"Because more people than you think know about you two!" Mei Lin practically screeched. My eyes opened wide.
"Who else knows?" I asked frantically. She looked at me almost as if she pitied me.
"Who else is not important. Ye Lan hasn't caught on, so for that we should be grateful. However, Kyohei-kun has brought to my attention the negative impact of this scandal. It has completely erased your better image."
Li scoffed at that. "We aren't teen idols here. We are allowed to date. We are allowed to have sex."
Despite my initial fear, I agreed with him. "The fans expect the boys to go out and have fun."
"I'm not saying the band can't date. I'm saying Xiao Lang can't be seen banging some floozy every night. The fans react well to good, wholesome, monogamous relationships."
"So, fine, we'll show them that!" Li declared. At this, I stood up.
"Show them what, exactly?" I demanded. I had an idea of where this was going. Mei Lin seemed to know as well, because she politely excused herself.
"Us. We're going public."
"Oh no, we're not!" I exclaimed. He was being too casual about the whole ordeal. "The public wants a couple. We aren't a couple!"
"We could be."He said this so quietly that I almost didn't hear him.
"What did you just say?"
"We could be. A couple. We basically are already there." If he was embarrassed, he hid it well. I tried to cover up my fluster with anger.
"No we aren't and can't. I told you I'm with Yukito."
"No, you're pretending to be with some guy you don't even feel an attraction for while you fuck me. Face it, Kinomoto, you're just lying to yourself!" He was getting angrier with each passing second.
"Look, who's to say I won't have feelings for him later? We have a contract. You and I are just using each other!" I yelled back at him. I must have hit a nerve, because I saw his eye twitch.
"I've been patient and humoring you and this 'contract' you claim we have, but I'm running low on patience. You won't have feelings for him because you already have feelings for someone else."
"You think you know me so well! Well, then, who is it?"
I stepped back with wide eyes and a blush. "Don't flatter yourself, Li!"
"Oh, so you don't? Tell me, does he make you sigh when he kisses you? Do your toes curl when he's inside you? Do you smile at him the way you smile at me?" He was inching closer, and my traitor heart kept beating faster.
"I don't know! I haven't…we haven't…it's too soon to say…"But it was no use saying anything. Li was right and he knew it. I could almost feel the smugness coming oozing out of his pores.
"You haven't done shit with him! Hell, I bet you haven't even kissed him!"
"So what? What does it matter to you? Why do you care so much about my not-relationship with Yukito, or how I may and may not feel about you? It has nothing to do with you! It's not like you have any real feelings for me!"
"Maybe I do!"
I laughed at this. "You have feelings for my pussy! Not for me!"
He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Why is it so hard to believe that I feel something for you? Are you insecure or something?"
"It just can't happen!" I had to blink a few times; tears were threatening to fall. Li was silent for only a short while before facing me with a serious expression.
"I have feelings for you, Kinomoto. Strong feelings; the kind that occupy my every thought every damn minute of the day. I want to hold your hand. I want to see a movie with you. I want to give you flowers and chocolate, and have sex and be able to say 'I love you' when we're done. I worry about your safety, and I think to myself on ways to help you in everyday life. I have all these feelings for you, Kinomoto, and you need to accept that they're real, and you feel something for me too."
I had to sit down. No matter how many times I tried, I couldn't wrap my head around everything he was saying. All the moments I ignored came to me like a hurricane and I needed to leave before getting swept away.
"I need to go…and think about things."
He sighed at me, resigned. "Look, I get that maybe you're not ready so I don't want a answer now. You have to be clear with me. Tell me when you're all thought out, and I will wait as long as it takes. But don't be upset at the actions that occur as I'm waiting."
He turned his back to me, and I took that as my cue to leave. On the way out, Mei Lin was leaning next to the door, clearly having heard our whole exchange.
"We need to come up with a plan," she said quietly.
"I know," I replied in hushed tones.
"For what it is worth," Mei Lin began to say what I assumed must have been difficult for her to admit. "Xiao Lang never jokes with emotions like it. When he says it's real, it is."
I thanked her and left. I was even more confused coming out of Wolf Inc. than when I entered.
When I saw Yukito-san later that day, I was quieter than normal. Don't get me wrong, I was nice and polite, and I smiled a lot more than normal, but I just wasn't feeling it.
That was the thing. There was no feeling. But Yukito was safe, and I should like safe, but instead, Li was right. That was infuriating. He was right. I had all this attraction and hidden emotions for Li, and I couldn't summon up enough interest to see Yukito as a man. He must have noticed because he stopped talking and looked at me with concern.
"Am I boring you, Sakura-chan?"he asked without sounding hurt. Augh, he was genuinely worried about me.
We were in the coffee shop that Li and I were in not too long ago. The same coffee shop that he promised not to do anything stupid while I was gone. It was the same coffee shop that he kissed me the way a man kisses a woman he loves.
"Yukito-san, please kiss me."
"What?" he cried in shock. Couldn't say I blamed him, but I only cleared my throat in resolve.
"Kiss me, please," I asked again. Cheeks burning, Yukito leaned over to me and kissed me very gingerly on the lips. It was sweet and almost cute, and I imagined to have gone crazy over it once upon a time.
But at the moment, I felt nothing.
I waited until he sat back down, red in the face and with an embarrassed sort of smile that one shouldn't have when kissing a girl he likes.
"Yukito-san, let's have sex."
Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah: I did it! The smutless chapter! Anyway, I still don't have internet, and I've been sly and jumping on someone else's wifi (shush! it's a secret!). But anywho, my plot bunny went off in a different direction than I originally planned, and so the result is this and fewer chapters, so the story should be wrapped up roughly around chapter 16. I may do a one-shot as a sort of continuation, but we shall see. I have another story planned for CSS but I wonder when I will be able to start it.
By the way, I moved into a new apaato~ it's nice, but I have no bed *cries*
Please read and review!