A Little More Than Useless

Author's Note: The inspiration for this title came from a song called "More Than Useless" by Relient K. I was listening to this song right after I'd finished Deathly Hallows, and was struck by how perfectly the lyrics described what I thought must have been going through Ron's mind before and after he left Harry and Hermione. I've copied the lyrics here—not sure if you'll agree with me, but I thought it set up the story nicely!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Relient K song.

More Than Useless (Relient K)

I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

What's the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I'm a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time, it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I'm a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

Chapter 1: Why am I such an idiot?

"RON!"

It was the last thing I heard before I stepped into that compressing nothingness. When I landed, sharp pain seared across two fingers on my right hand. I glanced down to see that the nails were missing and blood was dripping down my fingers. Must've Splinched myself. I barely registered this fact because I was still seething with anger. I took a cursory glance at my surroundings, threw down my rucksack, and began to pace around and around the clearing I'd Apparated to. What the HELL was wrong with him?! How could he act like it was no big deal; I though he fancied her? He did break up with her, my cynical half answered. True, but I assumed that was for some stupid noble reason, similar to what he'd tried with Hermione and me. That he didn't want to have to worry about her while we searched for Horcruxes. Well, I thought bitterly, he's certainly NOT worried. After all, it was "only the Forbidden Forest." I laughed shortly. Right. Not like we haven't almost DIED in there about fifty times. Not to mention the fact that Snape is headmaster at Hogwarts. You know, the guy who MURDERED DUMBLEDORE?!?!?! Oh, and there are a few Death Eaters who are teachers, but nothing to worry about there!

I stopped to look at my fingers again. The blood was starting to congeal along the nail beds. Dimly aware that I'd worn a path into the grass around the edge of the clearing, I began pacing again.

And don't even get me started on Hermione. I thought she was supposed to be the logical, sensitive one? But nooooooo, it was all about the Horcruxes, and the AMAZING discovery of how to destroy them! Which is all fine and dandy, except for one small detail: WE HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHERE THE SWORD OF GRYFFINDOR IS!!!! And even if we did, I wouldn't give a shit because my first priority is my family. Who I thought Harry and Hermione cared about too, but evidently I was mistaken. Well fine, they can go gallivanting off together and save the world, I'm going back to the Burrow and then to Hogwarts, where I might actually feel like I'm doing something worthwhile.

Unbidden, the anguished look on Hermione's face as I'd turned to leave floated into my mind. I pushed it away, but my traitor subconscious simply replaced it with the shocked, hurt look in Harry's eyes after I'd told him I thought he knew what he was doing. No! I reprimanded myself, I was right to leave. I had to convince myself of that, because if it wasn't true, it meant I had failed. It meant I had just lost my two best friends, because how could they ever forgive me for this? It meant …

Oh shit. I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart pounding painfully and a sense of dread slowly rising in my stomach. Ron, you idiotic, selfish prick. You are the most—but before I could berate myself further, a twig snapped behind me. I whirled around, my wand raised, only to find myself face-to-face with a mean-looking bloke who had his wand pointed right between my eyes. Two others were flanking him, wands pointed in my direction as well. Shit. What the hell have I gotten myself into?