Title: 5 Times Jim Kirk Needed a Hypo for That

Summary: 5 times Jim Kirk needed a hypo for that, and 1 time he didn't

Rating: T for some sexual suggestions and mild swearing

Disclaimer: I'd love to own at least one of them, but I don't

A/N: I've been inspired by the 5/1 stories I've been reading. This is my first, and I hope that you enjoy it!


"Dammit Jim, what did you eat down there?"

Jim Kirk was sitting on one of the bio-beds in sick bay as Dr. McCoy ran his scanner up and down his body. The doctor frowned when he couldn't get a conclusive diagnosis from the equipment, and sat it down on the small tray next to him before carefully eying the younger man.

Jim had been part of an away team that had beamed down to take some samples from a new planet. The presence of the Captain hadn't been necessary, but Jim always liked to be in the middle of everything. They had only been down there a few hours when he had requested to beam back aboard the ship. McCoy had been waiting for him in the transport room, and had quickly whisked him to sick bay when he saw the pale, sweaty Captain materialize on the platform.

During their exploration they had come across some bushes with berries that looked remarkably like the blackberries that grew on Earth. One of the young science officers had scanned them, and when they didn't appear to be harmful had dared someone to try them. It was against Jim's nature to turn down a dare. So he'd eaten one, and when it tasted good a few more. Now he was sitting wilted on the table, terribly nauseated and wishing he could just expel the awful berries.

"I really need to throw-up, Bones," he said meekly before he gagged as if to prove his point.

The doctor handed him a basin. "Don't be shy."

Jim shook his head. "I can't, though. I tried for five minutes down there before I beamed up. Can't you give me something?" he almost whined.

McCoy sighed. "Yeah, I can give you something to induce vomiting." He left the bedside for a few moments and returned with a hypo. The Captain reluctantly provided access to his neck and winced at the expected sting. McCoy turned back to the small tray and punched something into the PADD containing Jim's medical records. "It might take up to ten minutes to take affect, but you should feel better after…" he stopped as he heard footsteps retreating and the door to the small bathroom slamming shut. "…you throw-up," he winced as he heard Jim retching. "Damn kid," he mumbled as he cleaned up the small work station and contacted the away team to make sure no one else ate the berries.


"Dammit Jim, what did you do now?"

Jim Kirk had just walked through the doors of sick bay with a noticeable hitch in his step. He made his way over to the CMO, who previous to his arrival had been finishing his morning rounds. The doctor quickly finished up with the nurse, a very cute blonde nurse Jim noticed, before gesturing to the Captain to take a seat on one of the beds.

He winced as he maneuvered himself up on the bed. "I pulled a muscle last night. Actually I think I pulled it more than once," he said as a small smirk played on his lips.

McCoy shook his head in resignation. "Who was it?"

"She's new to engineering, Ensign Mitchell." Bones silently retreated and returned with a hypo clutched tightly in his hand. Before the Captain even had warning he had stabbed it on his neck and deployed the plunger forcefully. "Ouch, Bones."

He had to admit it had been a little rough, but very satisfying. "Well maybe if you didn't come so often with a pulled groin muscle I would have a little more sympathy," he grumbled as he punched at the PADD.

Jim stood from the table and clapped the man on the shoulder. "Thanks, man. I owe you."

"Yeah, you owe me about five years shore leave by now." Jim simply smiled and left sick bay on the way to the bridge, leaving the doctor grumbling to himself. "Damn kid," he said as he disposed of the hypo.

"Dr. McCoy?" came a feminine voice from behind him. He spun around and found himself face to face with Jim's date.

"Ensign Mitchell, good morning." He noticed she, too, winced as she climbed up on the table.


"Dammit Jim, how long have you been up here?"

Jim Kirk had been on the bridge for nearly three days straight, leaving only a couple times to catch a quick nap on a couch in one of the rec rooms. He barely nibbled at the food that McCoy ordered one of the yeomen to take him, and Bones had had enough.

"I'm fine, Bones," he said passively as he stared down at the screen in front of his First Officer, Spock. Even the Vulcan had left the bridge to rest.

Bones growled and pulled out his scanner. Their last mission had been an absolute failure. They were supposed to be doing negotiations with a new planet that was a possible addition to the Federation. Unfortunately, the aliens on said planet had not taken kindly to the way the Federation and Star Fleet did things, and had attacked. No one had been killed, but several crew members had been severely injured, and the Enterprise had taken some pretty extensive damage. Jim had been on the bridge since then controlling every step in the repair process, bothering Scotty in engineering and arguing with Spock as to where they should dock. They had another planet to visit in a week, and both officers had different ideas about how they should continue.

"Jim, you have to rest," the doctor ordered before stepping out of the way of the Captain's hand attempting to brush him away. He watched as the younger man winced and placed a hand to his broken ribs. "Everything is under control now. The ship will be just fine if you take eight hours from the bridge to sleep. And eat." He sighed once he realized that being rational with the captain wasn't working. He caught Spock's eyes and gave him a silent plea for help.

"Captain, Dr. McCoy is right. I will stay here and oversee operations while you rest."

"I can sleep once we dock, Spock. What if something major happens and I'm sleeping, and you're not sure what to do? What then?" Jim looked over at McCoy and the doctor could see just how tired the young man was, and realized he wasn't thinking rationally anymore. He waited until he turned around and then pulled the sedative out of his pocket. He placed the hypo against Jim's neck, and watched as he flinched at the injection.

"Come on," ordered the doctor as he looped one arm of the Captain's around his next and started off the bridge.

"Do you need any assistance, Dr. McCoy?" inquired the Vulcan.

"No, we'll make it to sick bay before it takes him completely out." He hoped. They made it just in time and McCoy dumped him on the bed and pulled a blanket up over him. "Damn kid," he grumbled as he pulled the curtain around him and left him to sleep.


"Dammit Jim, what is it this time?"

Jim Kirk was in Recreation Room 2, laid out on his back on a mat on the floor with his face scrunched up in discomfort. He looked over at the doctor as he entered the room and couldn't help but smile at the ever present scowl on his face. He also had to chuckle when he saw the glare that he shot Spock, who was sitting upright on the mat next to his. He guessed they deserved this; they did wake the doctor up for this.

"This better be good, I was just starting to get some good sleep when Mr. Pointy-ears here woke me up to tell me that you, once again, needed assistance," McCoy grumbled.

"Well you know how I haven't been sleeping real well? I was talking to Spock on the bridge today about it and he offered to show me a relaxation technique. So we came here to do some Vulcan yoga thing, and now I have a bad muscle cramp."


Jim looked at him. "Can't you just give me the muscle relaxant?"

"I won't know how much to give you until I know which muscles are affected." Jim mumbled his answer. "What?"

"I said it's in my butt," he all but whispered.

"You got me out of bed because you have a butt cramp?" McCoy fumed. Jim thought he heard Spock snicker.

"Bones it hurts. It's moving up into my back. Please?" He put on his puppy dog eyes and McCoy sighed.

"Alright." He quickly mixed up the hypo and jabbed it into Kirk's neck. Satisfied by the small yelp emitted from the Captain's mouth he packed up his kit and stood up. "If that's all, I'm going back to bed." Before they could even answer he spun around and stalked out of the room, mumbling something about the "damn kid and the troll".


"Dammit Jim, where are you?"

Jim Kirk was hiding somewhere on Enterprise and Dr. McCoy was determined to find him. Two days from now they were going planet side for some long needed shore leave and every crewmember that was headed down needed to be inoculated against a couple of microbes that lived on the surface that they hadn't encountered before. The inoculation series consisted of three shots, and as soon as Jim had heard that he had become as scarce as the water on Vulcan.

McCoy had checked his quarters, the mess, the bridge, and just about every other place he expected the Captain to be. He suddenly stopped in his tracks as an idea hit him. "No way," he muttered as he turned around and headed down the hall. He stopped in front of the First Officer's quarters and pressed the button. A few moments passed before the Vulcan answered.

"Can I help you, Dr. McCoy?"

"Yeah, hand him over." Spock simply raised an eyebrow. "I know he's here," he said as he pushed past the stoic form and entered the quarters. There, on the couch, sat Jim reading a PADD.

"I'm sorry," stated the man behind him, "It was the Captain's orders."

Jim was now staring at him with a look of…fear? "Dammit Jim, why do you do this?"

"Well, I don't exactly have a good record with inoculations. Remember the one you gave me to get me on the ship?"

McCoy sighed. "I know that. That's why you get three shots; two are for the microbes and one is a dose of antihistamine that should prevent any reaction."

Jim thought about leaving, but noticed Spock was standing directly in front of the door. Sneaky little…

"Jim?" McCoy was looking at him impatiently. He sighed.

"Alright just get it over with." He stood with his head tilted as McCoy administered all three hypos.

"See that wasn't so bad was it?" McCoy asked in a tone not far from one meant for a child. Jim glared and then pushed past his CMO and First Officer and left the room. McCoy followed close behind muttering a "damn kid" on his way out.


"Dammit Jim, don't do this!"

Jim Kirk was lying on the floor of the transporter room, bleeding and unconscious. The away team's mission had gone all to hell and Jim had suffered the brunt of it. McCoy had been waiting when the team rematerialized on the platform and had gone pale at the sight of the Captain, barely conscious and propped between Sulu and one of the armory officers. It had only taken a brief moment before Jim had lost the fight and slid down towards the floor.

McCoy hadn't even had time to think about getting him to sick bay before he was knelt over the top of Jim, scanning him furiously and trying to find the most critical injuries. He was sure he went a shade paler when the Captain's pulse became almost unnoticeable and his breathing nearly ceased.

"Somebody get me some atropine so I can get his heart rate up!" he ordered in a voice that held more accent than usual. Almost instantly he felt the hypo in his hand. He leaned forward to roll Jim's head to the side but stopped as he sucked in a breath as though someone had just released a hold on his throat. His eyes drug open and he looked about unfocused for a moment before coming to rest at the hypo wielded in the doctor's hand.

"Don't you dare touch me with that thing," he said more forcefully than he should have been able to. He was sure Bones couldn't help the look of relief that crossed his face and the small smile that followed it.

"Ok, lets get a stretcher in here!" he barked as he stood and moved out of the way so that two of his personnel could roll the injured man onto the stretcher. They whisked him out and towards sick bay with McCoy close behind him. The others could hear him mumble "damn kid" as he left, but his voice held no bite.

A/N: Ok, this has been eating at me for a while and I'm glad it's finally done. I sure hope at least a few people get some amusement from it. And for those of you waiting on the next chapter of "Even Doctors Get Sick", it's coming soon. I just had to get this out of the way so it would quit taking up brain power! :D