A very short taste of the story...So short. Oh well...
Remember: First FanFiction. B nice, please!
What am I supposed to think now? My life is done – yes, that is a very sad thing to say...but its so true! I mean, years ago when people told me to treasure what I have because it could be gone in seconds, and I would have ignored them with great glee. And now, I would have been ashamed for shrugging that off, because they would have been right.
We were so right, like we were perfect and fit together to the max, fitting in more than one way.
The most devastating thing was the fact I was sure he was going to ask me to marry him soon.
Maybe the feelings I had for him were not the same as he had for me and I was too blind to see that. What if it wasn't even love I felt? What if it was just lust? That made me want to fall to my death, as I had dedicated years to this man as well as my life.
But it had to be love. The feeling like you were soaring and miles from the ground, a deep pull in the pit of my stomach, and an intense heartache. That was the feel of love. When I saw him and all his beauty, I almost died. We were perfect, and now we were done. My stomach and heart yearned for him at the sight of his picture in my mind. Tears poured at every thought I had of him, wishing he was beside me. A part of my heart was gone, taken, and never coming back no matter what. Could I deal with that?
It was worse than having to put your dog down after years. Worse than watching a parent being slaughtered, and worse than having your breath cut off and withering away to nothing. It was the loss of onetime love. The distance of being complete. Of losing the one you love and care so deeply for. It felt like someone ripped my heart from my chest. I was alone now.
The pain hurt most because of how close we had become, how close we could have gotten. He was perfect, and I did fear that he would find someone more special, beautiful, and younger then I was, but I tried to ignore that for the sake of us. Yet that did not do justice. We ended up suffering, falling under, sinking from cloud nine. Falling to the depths of a black abyss. How could I forget him? We had something special -- he was my first everything, and he's gone. Just ripped himself from my grasp and left me to wither and wish I'd done something differently. But maybe I couldn't have done anything to safe us, and I was just so caught up in the love we really did not have to see we were suffering. Was I smothering him? Had I been the one to do something wrong, or had I done something right?
He was perfect, and I wasn't. I did not deserve him, deserve something like that. But I also did not deserve to be used. Yet I couldn't seem to blame jack on him because of the feelings left over from the fallen relationship. We'd melted away from each other, which hurt more then the whole separation part.
We were a whole, one being, melting and embodying to the other. Besties and lovers, all at once, and nothing ever effected us like we isolated ourselves in our own world, where only the other existed. How could he throw that away? How could he pretend we didn't matter, and toss everything aside for...nothing? Well, in my opinion it was nothing. To him it could have meant the world. But I would never know. I was stuck on a couch, watching TV and eating the sweetest comfort food I could find. Questions whirled in my head while tears poured down my cheeks. Day after day was the same. Repeat after repeat.
I was blinded -- blinded by the love I wished was there on both sides. I loved him with all my heart, his perfections and his flaws. He was the deepest person I knew and the only one that mattered. I had nothing now. Nothing but a soar, broken heart and a dead life. There was no reason to live now, now pleasant way to get out of it, either. But I would find a way if I had to. If I really needed out so bad, I could sacrifice a few smooth, pale wrists. No, that would not do any good.
I would never be Mrs. Jacob Black.
Like I said, short short short!
More to come! :)