Here is the final chapter of Lost and Gained. I'm so nervous and sad. I dedicated so much time to this...it makes me emotional. Jeez.
Eight and a half months along...
I'm so pregnant.
I'm so huge.
I can't see my feet and put on the opposite sneakers when we were going out for dinner. Edward decided to tell me when we were already at the restaurant.
I almost trip walking over the threshold of our house.
Our house was perfect. I think the first few houses we checked out I picked out the stupidest problems just to avoid this, this...togetherness. I was scared to lose the comfort of my girls and the familiarity of our loft. I'd lived there for years and this change was scary. Scary to know that I was leaving behind Rose and Alice to live with Edward and a baby. It was like offering myself and my vulnerability up for his taking – what if he decided he didn't love me anymore? Or if he was tired of being tied down and just wanted to live life as before me?
Stupid thoughts, stupid, stupid, stupid.
I liked Mature Edward better.
At this time – of being so pregnant and ready to burst – the baby's room was done. I didn't think I'd really be this excited about being so young and having a baby, but I don't think I've ever been happier. Especially after Jacob. I would have never thought that after my relationship with him ended that I could ever be this happy.
"I think he's going to have brown eyes!" Alice guessed. "And Edward's hair! Do you realize how cute that could be?"
When no one responded, Jasper, being the whipped pussy he is, agreed: "Adorable."
"I know!" she shrieked, elbowing his ribs.
The gang claimed that a house was better than a loft because you have a lesser chance of disturbing neighbours, so there was always one or two of them here. The only thing keeping them away was work.
"Um, Alice, back to the cause here," Emmett said, snapping his fingers in her face. Even Edward looked like he wanted this; I wanted to smack him so hard...in the ass. "Okay, so, please Bella?"
Every single one of them – including Rosalie – gave me that pouty look, the one that never actually worked. But staring at five pouty faces was torture. "But I don't need pressure," I protested.
"Its all on us, Bella, we promise," Rose pleaded. I stood on the other side of the island counter watching them all steadily for any weaver.
Edward straightened up and started to come to my side. "Bella, baby, please—"
"No you stay over there!" I snapped seriously, but a smile broke through when everyone burst out laughing. "Why do you guys want to have a party here anyway?"
"Because there's more room here for more people. Please, Bella?" Emmett asked.
I sighed, knowing I was defeated. "Why are you guys asking me? Edward bought the house. He owns it too you know."
"Yeah, but you're the pregnant one," Edward told me, as if I really hadn't figured that one out. "I'm really not as...as..." I raised my eyebrows, daring him to say it. "Emotional as you are about things, Bella."
"Well I don't care," I told them. Smiles broke out onto their faces. "Just...leave me alone upstairs, okay? And you"—I turned to Edward; he gave me a shocked look –"don't even think about getting into bed with me if your drunk. Got it?"
He hung his head in mock shame. "Yes, ma'am."
"Pussy," Emmett muttered, shaking his head. Edward looked up at glare at him.
"You put us all to shame," Jasper spoke up to Edward.
"Yeah!" Emmett agreed. "A man should never be this whipped!"
Rose snorted. "Your whipped as fuck, Emmett – you too, Jazz!"
There was way too much yelling and arguing for me to stand, so I went into the living room and laid myself across the couch. I felt like such a whale... Alice followed me and sat on the armrest near my head. I looked up at her.
"When is this party, exactly?"
"Later tonight." I groaned. "Well," she said, "if you don't want us to do it here, we won't... There's just so much more space here and it'll be fun."
"You already have my word, Alice, you don't need to keep persuading me."
I went up for a nap later, knowing that I wouldn't be able to sleep during this party. No one complained, and as I feel asleep I could hear them all talking downstairs.
Rose tried to convince me that I should come down to their party in-the-making, but I readily declined. Like I had the energy to stand around and talk with people; like I even had to opportunity to drink. A party wouldn't be to my own benefit, but I didn't feel like putting a damper on all of their fun anyways. Even I knew I would be complaining through the whole thing.
I woke up at six-thirty and went downstairs to where I heard the noise. It certainly was not party level by any means, but I could feel the pre-party vibe. I just didn't have the will or heart to party at eight months pregnant.
"Evenin', Bella," Jasper greeted in an exaggerated Southern tone, swooping in and kissing my cheek.
"Hey," I snickered. "Where's Edward?"
Alice rolled her eyes from where she was pushing the corner of the couch. "Him and Emmett went to buy some liquor."
I raised my eyebrows. "And what exactly is the point of this party?" I asked curiously.
"Just a get-together," Jasper shrugged. "Sheer boredom."
Jasper and Alice pushed the couch so it was feet in front of the TV, along with the other chairs, creating a large space. "The dance floor!" Alice shouted, like she's found a buried treasure.
"Nicely done," I commented. "With you Alice, I'm surprised there isn't a disco ball screwed into the ceiling." She gave me a challenging look, and my mouth dropped. "You are not screwing a disco ball into my ceiling!" I screamed. I saw Jasper flinch but Alice...not so much.
"Remember? You said this is Edward's house too, and he said we could," she said proudly.
"Mmm-uhh," I contradicted. "I don't think so. There is no way I will let you, Alice, I swear to God I will—"
Jasper stepped in front of me. I could tell he was being careful. "Its all good, Bells. We won't do it, its fine."
My breathing, which had picked up hastily, started calming on its own. "Okay. Thanks, Jazz."
The look on his face made it seem like he just dodged a fucking hurricane. "There we go, problem solved." I looked over his shoulder where Alice stood, mouth wide. "Why don't you go call Edward to pick you up some food? I mean, you are going to be upstairs all night..." he added quickly.
"Yeah, I get it. Thanks." As soon as I made it to the kitchen, I heard Alice and Jasper starting up; she wasn't happy he took my side. I, however, was. I picked up the cordless – the one Edward had had in his room at the loft – and dialled Emmett's cell number. A few weeks ago that slut Tanya had picked up on ringing Edward's phone day and night. I even listened to the voicemails with him; they were nasty. The purring was like...something from a strip club! Anyway, we finally had his cell number changed a few days and I still forgot the number; well, it was in my contacts, but I was too lazy to go upstairs to get it myself.
I caught them just as they were leaving the beer store. I left a list with Emmett of what I wanted them to pick up, only talking to Edward for a few seconds; he tried to convince me to attend the party. I declined.
After hanging up I realized just how hungry I was. Opening the fridge I also realized that we really needed to go grocery shopping. As I went to bend down to see the bottom shelf I felt a spring of pain in my lower back. I hissed, immediately straightening.
Edward needed to give me a back massage pronto.
They got back about twenty-minutes later and by that time, I'd drained a can of soup and was still looking for something more. Naturally, Emmett teased me on being fat and I got upset, yelled a little, cried some; then Edward kissed my cheek, told Emmett to apologized, and everything was all good. I watched from the couch as they all started putting the room together, setting the disco ball on a stand in one corner of the room. Not the same effect, but it saved my ceiling from abuse.
The living room was completely decked out.
"Who's going to be here?" I asked, shoving mint ice cream into my mouth.
Edward reached over and wiped the corner of my mouth. "A bunch of people, baby," he said. "Friends, mostly. Some people from the hospital."
"And from the store!" Alice chirped.
I sighed. "Yeah, I really don't want to participate in this," I admitted, laying back. "But I also don't want to be stuck in my bedroom."
"Then stay down with us for awhile," Rose suggested matter-of-factly. "It'll be fun! There are some non-alcoholic drinks..."
I tapped my fingers on the couch, making no sound, as I shook my head. "No thanks. I don't want to be around alcohol for fear I totally lose my mind." Behind my eyes I saw the time when I got so drunk with Edward that we had sex on the island. And then the gang walked in. That probably didn't help Edward-Small-Penis-Junior.
The distinctive pain splintered up my back, reminding me of my earlier assumption.
"Hey Edward, would you give me a back massage?" I asked, pouting slightly so he wouldn't decline.
"Yeah, sure." He plopped down on the couch leaning against the armrest and opening his legs. I sat between them and his hands started working magic.
Around us I could hardly hear the gang as their voices turned into a buzz, succumbing to the feel of Edward's hands on my back. He lifted up the back of my T-shirt – actually his button-up that I was embarrassed to say was almost too tight – and his finger started working into my skin.
The pain was gone after a few moments and I smiled lazily, about ready to doze off.
But my eyes snapped open again at the feel of the pain coming back. It felt like sticking a million needles into the muscles. I groaned under my breath, lurching forward.
"Too hard?" Edward asked immediately, releasing the pressure to a point that I barely felt anything.
"That's what she said!" Emmett shouted. I cracked a smile while laughter filled the room; I even felt Edward shaking.
"Does that even make sense?" Alice interrupted, but I could hear her laughter.
"Hardly," Rose added.
The attention had faded from the pain in my back. I reached behind me and jerked Edward's arm to get his attention.
"It hurts," I mumbled, so Emmett couldn't get another one of his sick jokes in.
His eyebrows pulled together. "Tell me when it starts hurting again," he said, looking at his watch. I shook my head, confused and loosing patients as the pain faded again. "Just do it," he muttered.
"It just stopped," I said, carefully concentrating. I resisted the urge to hold my breath and brace for that pain. What was going on? Before I could even conjure my own lame answer I felt it again. "There..." I ground it. "Please rub my back, Edward, now!"
His hand fell onto my bare skin and he slowly rubbed small circles. It was nothing like what he was doing before, so I moved my own hands back to massage.
"Done," I said, leaning back against him and exhaled. God, I was so tired.
"Don't fall asleep," Edward said quickly, shaking my leg. I jumped against him. "Tell me when the next one starts."
"Next one what?" I snapped, exasperated.
Edward gently moved me off his lap with an sigh. "That's it, forget it," he said, throwing his hands up. This got the attention of Jasper and Rose; Emmett and Alice nowhere to be seen. "Jasper, go get Bella's bag upstairs in our bedroom," he ordered. I watched as Jasper sprinted up the stairs while Rose stood completely frozen.
My body was feeling the same thing. I stared up at Edward with wide eyes, waiting for him to say something. "Edward, what's going on?"
"I think your in labour, Bella," he said quickly, texting away on his phone. By the look on his face it seemed important. "Rose, you may want to leave for this," he suggested, kneeling in front of me.
I felt all color drain.
"Yeah," she breathed, "I'll go call Mom and Dad."
She started to walk away but Edward stopped her. "No, call Emmett and Alice, I just texted Carlisle now." She nodded, walking away in a daze. He turned back to me, glancing at his phone once more. "Okay, baby, take off your pants for me."
"No Edward, get me to the hospital!" I shrieked, kicking as he grabbed on the waistband. He ordered me to lift, which I complied too while complaining. "What are you doing? Do you even know what your doing?"
"Bella, I didn't spend all those extra hours at work for fun. Spent some time in the pregnancy ward and learned some stuff, I know what I'm doing. I'm just going to check you, see how much time we have left."
"But are you sure this is it?"
"So either way you get a good feel it?"
I closed my eyes and put my head back against the couch. I didn't care what Edward was doing down there anymore, I just wanted to be at the hospital. Fear was boiling inside me. I'd dreamt of this day for months and how excited it would be, but I felt anything but. I was nervous, scared something would happen. What would happen if my baby didn't make it through right? What would happen with Edward and I?
I wished I could lose all feeling down there as Edward probed. I prayed he was doing it right.
"Not bad." He exhaled the words like he had been holding his own breath. "We have time, Bella." I watched as Edward wiped his fingers on his black T-shirt, leaving a glistening streak across it.
For once I just wanted to gag.
He helped me pull my pants up as Jasper clattered down the stairs, looking bleary-eyed. "I think I'm gonna be sick!" he moaned.
Edward was firing off texts. "Its okay, Jazz. You shouldn't see anything, so chill out." He stood up and pulled me with him. I crouched over again, the pain taking over every nerve. I could feel it getting stronger. "Okay, Carlisle is picking up Charlie on the way up, let's get going."
Rose came around the corner with my Vans slip-ons. She bent down and helped put them on while I held on Edward's arm. "Are you in any pain?" she asked, putting her arm around my waist, her hand laying against her nephew.
"Not much," I told her truthfully. "This isn't as bad as I thought."
"SHIT, THIS HURTS!" I screeched, trying to sit up as if I could just get away from the pain. "This is not what they showed me in health class in grade ten!" Everyone around me laughed, if only I had the strength to punch them all. "This is not fucking funny!" I sobbed. "Just wait till you guys have drunken sex, then who will be laughing!"
"Me!" Alice threw her hand up, glancing at Rose. "I don't do drunk sex."
"Bull shit!" I accused. "Remember in grade twelve, the night we graduated, you got so wasted that that frat boy took you to..." I broke off as a contraction hit. I dug my nails into Edward and groaned inward. It passed in seconds but they were coming more often now, and the machine was monitoring it all.
"Back to his room!" Rose finished, laughing harder now.
Alice was fuming red. "He was not a frat boy!" she objected. "He got it up for a girl you know!"
"He looked like it," I groaned, closing my eyes.
"He acted like it," Rose added.
"But he wasn't," Alice protested.
Jasper put his hand up. "I don't like this topic of choice. Please switch it." Jasper seemed better now, more comfortable than back at our house, where he looked like he thought I would pop a baby out then and there. He was sitting against the wall beside where Emmett stood; Alice and Rose occupying both chairs and Edward sitting on the edge of my hospital bed.
"Uh, are all you guys aloud to be in here at once?" I asked curiously, voice strained. Even with no contractions I felt an ever-lasting pain.
Emmett grinned toothily. "I'm not here!" he called childishly, jumping behind the curtain that circled around the bed.
I rolled my eyes at his antics, turning to Edward. "When are they going to be here?" I demanded.
"Hopefully soon." Edward glanced at the clock on the wall.
"Its been over two and a half hours," Jasper complained.
Suddenly Rose's eyes lit up, and in a sweet and menacing voice said, "Hey, Edward...you get to meet Papa Swan!"
A grin spread across my own face as I turned to him. His face looked pale. "Yeah!" I chimed in. "Aren't you excited?"
He sputtered, frozen, dreading. This just amplified the excitement I had to see my father.
The contractions got worse and worse as the hours started to wear on. The gang all ventured out to get something to eat and make sure to cancel all party plans. I think I heard something about "strippers" from Jasper. I'd be lying to say this didn't hurt, it was getting just so much worse. I wanted this baby out of me now. I smiled now that Edward and I were alone.
I opened to talk but as a contraction hit, I gasped and shrieked while Edward talked me through it. I feel back, panting.
"Where is my orgasm?" I joked, lolling my head to the side.
"What?" he laughed.
"The contraction has a very bland comparison to an orgasm, the contraction's painful and orgasm just rocks. But it kind of...has that same feeling..." I searched for the word.
"Convulsing of the vagina?" Edward asked in a accented voice.
I laughed. "Pretty much, I guess." I sighed, picking up his hand. I don't think he realized that this was changing experience for us both – this was the birthing of our future. Yes, I was only getting it now too, that I was carrying a little bundle that is my future.
"Edward, I love you."
Finally. After months and months of waiting, he finally got that answer. And I'll admit, I was quite happy that I finally felt it. Edward looked at me with such an intense emotion in his eyes. Every time Jacob looked at me I always thought I saw love. That look in his eyes...I confused the lust for love. I thought I knew what love looked like in someone's eyes, but the look in Edward's just proved me wrong.
"I love you, too, Bella." He kissed my forehead. "Your too good for me."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me. We could only get so close because of the baby and wires they connected to me. He held me through the contractions, which were so close that I knew it wouldn't be long before I brought this baby into the world.
"What are we going to name him, Edward?" I asked suddenly, pulling away enough to see his face.
His fingers pushed the matter, sweaty hair out of my face. "I think we should name him Robert, after that actor guy Robert Pattinson. You know, he plays that vampire guy..." he suggested. I couldn't believe he was serious. "Plus he looks like yours truly."
"Why wouldn't we just name him 'Edward' then?"
"Because that sounds corny," he replied matter-of-factly. "Father and son named the same thing? Yeah, turn-off in bed."
"Well I think we should name him Xavier," I put in. After a wave of pain I added: "You know I love Xavier Samuel – he's so hot and his accent..."
"Robert has an accent too, you know, Bella," Edward said, hitting his head in a Duh! manner.
I heard footsteps in the hall and I just had this sense to know that it was my dad. I looked over Edward's shoulder as the door opened, abandoning our conversation.
Charlie walked in, following closely by Esme and Carlisle. My dad immediately smiled and came over to my side of the bed, as if he barely noticed the man I was clinging onto.
"Hi, Bells, sorry we're late," he said. I did the job of releasing Edward and embracing my dad from still laying on the bed. "How are you doing?"
"Its painful," I said, laughing a little. "Not as quick as they make it seem on TV." I felt Edward shift and start talking to his parents.
Charlie leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I called and told your mom about this," he whispered. "That's why we're late."
I nodded. "I figured. She has a right to know."
"She's taking the next flight out."
Again, I nodded accepting this.
I took care of introductions between Edward and my father. Edward was wary but Charlie looked like he was on cloud nine. Before I knew it they were talking all on their own, while I accepted hugs and kisses from Carlisle and Esme. A few minutes later, Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all filed back in and completely filling the room. It was getting hard to breath and as the contractions were hitting their peak, my groans and shrieking seemed louder than before. Plus I felt embarrassed for doing this in front of everyone.
Everyone I loved was here, crowded in this small room as we awaited the arrival of our future. Excitement was alight as well as sadness – I felt it in my dad. He was sad his little girl was growing up, finally. Bringing a baby of her own into the world, living in her own house with a man she loves. I could get the sadness, but the smile never faded from his face. In fact, everyone was smiling. I don't know how they all didn't get kicked out when the nurse came to check in me – literally in me. Everyone put their hands over their eyes like respectable children. Even Charlie.
Everyone who ever showed how much they love me was compacted in this small space. Everyone who ever helped me with life was here – who took care of me, kept me company—just loved me. They were all here, the people that mattered most, people that I would trade the world for.
Hearing my baby's heartbeat thudding, I knew this was the single most important moment of my life.
Reading to move forward and be happy for once. There was no worrying of Edward turning on me – it was so evident in his eyes. We would love until the die we die. We would have our little baby, maybe more than one. Because Edward brought me so much more happiness than anyone else.
Even though I did lose Jacob, I still gained Edward in the end.
And there you have it, the single sentence that I planned before even writing a single word of this story. I have to say at the end I was squealing SO childishly...
Thank you all for baring with me through this entire thing...Its been almost a year sense Lost and Gained first posted. Shocking, this is the first writing project I have ever fully completed, and I thank you for all your support.
I intended to leave a few loose ends to plaque you. However, if you have any questions you REALLY MUST have the answer to, just review it. If there are a lot of questions I will do another post to address them.
Thank you all so much for baring with me these 11 months, I love you all.
And as usual, review and read my other stories...twitter me...RobstenKisses
P.S. I'm so sad I have completed this I almost want to erase it and just keep going. But I won't. Thanks for reading.