Rhino's Movie Craze

"I can't believe he can last that long without so much as resting his eyes!" Mittens whispered.

Rhino had been attentively absorbed in the T.V. screen for 5 hours straight, even through the annoying commercial breaks.

"Rhino, have you been on just Disney Channel for 5 hours?" asked Bolt in disbelief.

"5 hours and 12 minutes of teenage comedy!" Rhino shouted. "A few reruns, some jokes I don't get, and what is with young humans and always making it so dramatic about a crush then the next episode they forget about it? But I didn't have the heart to change the channel. The superdog-" at this, he turned to face Bolt, the first time he's taken his eyes off the screen in a while, perhaps-"is no longer on T.V. So I thought I would settle on Disney Channel for something else decent, because who doesn't love Disney, right? I've learned and memorized at least a dozen songs today. Wanna hear one? You get the be---e-e-e-st of both worlds-!"

"No!" shouted Mittens. "I've heard you sing in your sleep. I told you before. I'm not a fan of it."

"You're not a fan of Disney?" gasped Rhino dramatically. "How could you! What monstrosity is this?!"

"No, I'm not a fan of your singing!" Mittens retorted.

Rhino stepped back. "No need to yell."

Mittens rolled her eyes and hopped up on the couch. She took just one glance at the Disney Channel shows and grumbled, "Rhino, I was annoyed with you when you were all fanatic about Bolt over here, though I could live with it. But this isn't really worth watching."

"How can you say that?" snapped Rhino. "You never gave it a chance."

"I've heard the reruns over and over. I practically know all their lines against my will. Can't you watch something else for a change? I'm surprised Penny hasn't stopped you yet."

"Yeah, the jokes do wear off the second time around," Rhino admitted. "But come on, this is DISNEY Channel. I have faith in Disney. Sooner or later it'll get better. I mean, I would never ever give up on Disney. Ever!"

Bolt finally came closer and stared at the screen.

"You know, it might be a good idea to have a movie night at home. The whole family, including us, settling down to watch a nice film. Know anything on, tonight, Mr. the-TV-guide's-my-favorite-book?" The dog's eyes shifted to the round fanatic hamster.

"Um, there's High School Musical. Wasn't that an awesome movie? I mean, the songs were so cool!"

"Don't even start!" exclaimed Mittens with a hiss. "Don't sing."

"Yeah, it was pretty good the first time. Then there was the second time. And the third, and the fourth…and the dance-along/sing-along wasn't that much of a big deal…and the rerun with the double feature…then the original again…" Bolt mumbled.

"Ok, ok, fine. So you guys don't like Disney? Fine! I'll just stay right here and wait for the awesomeness you'll miss," said Rhino.

"High School Musical isn't the only Disney there is, FYI, Rhino," Mittens informed as-a-matter-of-factly. "Disney's a huge range of all sorts of movies, games, parks, shows, etc, etc. Who can say we don't like Disney just because we're tired of you going all crazy about High School Musical weekly marathons?"

"There's also Jonas Brothers' concert," added Rhino.

"Do you even know anything about Disney besides that?" Mittens questioned.

Rhino inquired, with as much enthusiasm as Simba had in The Lion King about being king, "There's more? Lemme guess, lemme guess…Bolt's gonna join, right? I mean, he's a super legend! He's got to join! That's a big surprise you've been keeping from me, right?"

"Um…" began Bolt. Then he shook his head and turned to Mittens. "I don't know much about Disney, either. It doesn't look like much from where I'm standing, though." He nodded his head toward the television screen.

Mittens sighed. "I pity you guys. I may not be a movie geek like Rhino over here, but I at least know good entertainment when I see it. The thing is-"

"Hey!" Rhino jumped up. "Are you hinting that Bolt's not good entertainment? You savage! You're just jealous of him…"

Mittens gave him a look that made him shrink back.

"See, back when I lived with another human, their kid was growing up with Disney movies. And I know them quite well, too. I've gotten Disney character toys and even yarn with Mickey Mouse's face printed on it, for goodness sakes! And this is how well I know them. When Rhino yelled 'Savage!' for example…"

"Sorry, got carried away," interjected Rhino quickly.

"…I immediately thought of Pocahontas. There was this intense song towards the end entitled Savages, I think. If only we did have that movie night you suggested, Bolt, we could see that and I'll show you the real good stuff from Disney."

"Is it anything like Hannah Montana?" Rhino asked excitedly.

Mittens didn't answer, but gave a look that said "No comment."

Rhino thought, I can't wait to see this other side of Disney…hmm…the other side, the other side, the other side of meeee….

He sang in his thoughts instead of watching television after the conversation.


By some coincidence, Penny suggested that they do a family movie night.

Bolt's ears perked up in excitement.

Mittens thought, I wonder if that girl can communicate with that dog telepathically.

Penny noticed the worn-out hamster lying on the table in front of the television, snoozing.

She laughed. "Hey, Rhino. You couldn't turn off the television, could you? Do yourself a favor and don't get too attached. I know what shows you're watching, and no little hamster should be caught watching those. It does stuff to ya. Bad enough we got kindergarteners trying to act 'cool' and date early, but not you, too, okay?"

She was half-joking, mused Mittens.

"So, how do you guys feel about watching a Disney movie tonight?" Penny announced.

Bolt's tail wagged in anticipation. Mittens meowed her approval. Rhino immediately awoke from his slumber and said, "Did somebody say Disney? Movie? Oh, boy, we're watching High School Musical!"

Her parents were out for the night. They had rented a movie for Penny to be kept entertained while they left.

Penny untied the plastic bag and took out a DVD case. Rhino peeked at the cover, but Penny opened it so fast and popped the DVD in the DVD player connected to the television that he didn't get a chance to see what it was, try as he might when Penny put the case back in the bag.

A Disney logo flashed on the screen.

"Bolt, are you okay with watching this instead of more recorded episodes of your old TV show?" Penny asked.

Bolt didn't seem to mind. He really didn't. He had always wondered what other movies there were. He sure hoped these Disney movies were better than Disney Channel.

Penny, for some reason, didn't skip any of the previews. She probably wanted to see what other movies were by Disney. She took out a note and scribbled down a list of Disney movies to see.

At last, the movie came up.

And, by another coincidence, it was Pocahontas.

Penny explained to her pets, "My parents thought it's good because of the real-life history in it."

Rhino had low expectations at first. He didn't know much about history, and wondered if this was more like a school review than a movie. And, since he had never been to school, he wondered what he was supposed to make of it.

But after a while, his boredom evolved to wonder. He was absolutely blown away by everything afterwards. Sometimes, a little too much into it.

"Ahhh! Let me at 'em, let me at 'em! I'm gonna tear those guys apart! How dare they dig up all the land and cut down all the trees! It's not even their land!" He ran up face-to-face with the screen. "I'm your worst nightmare! You're gonna wish you've never been born!" he screeched when Ratcliffe and his men appeared.

Penny laughed, "Rhino, get away from there. Not too close. Aren't you cute…"

Mittens grumbled under her breath, "You only think that because you're lucky enough not to know what he's saying. For a rodent, he sure has a loud voice, at least for me."

Bolt silently agreed. Penny was lucky she couldn't hear much of Rhino. Here he was, watching his very first Disney Classic movie, and Rhino had to ruin it with his over-enthusiasm and occasional approaching the screen.

Rhino laughed hysterically for about five minutes after every part with Meeko in it.

Everyone else laughed, too, but for the animals, Rhino distracted too much.

"Well, at least he's enjoying it," Bolt whispered to Mittens.

Rhino wouldn't stop singing along, sometimes off-key, by following the captions provided.

For Penny, she found it adorable that Rhino was squeaking in tune.

For Bolt and Mittens, they found it ultimately irritating, because their hearing was sharper, and they knew it was not in tune at all.

"He's ruining my favorite song in the movie," complained Mittens. She and Bolt tried to ignore Rhino, and secretly forgive him. It was hard to get into the movie with Rhino's semi- commentary.

"Lucky Penny," muttered Bolt under his breath. Then he couldn't help but smile at his own little joke.

During the scenes when John and Pocahontas were together, Rhino seemed to think of himself as the laugh track that you hear on TV show comedies. He went like, "Awww…ooooh….hahahahaha!" too loudly.

"One of these days, I'm gonna pounce on him," Mittens mumbled. "I may not eat him, but I swear I'll use him for prey practice the next chance I get…"

Penny didn't mind Rhino at all. She was both lucky and clueless.

Bolt and Mittens, however, finally adjusted to this, and finally were able to watch the movie and block out Rhino's nonstop comments towards the end.

During the "Savages" song sequence, Rhino finally shut up. He was probably speechless at the darkness and intensity of the lyrics.

And finally, Bolt and Mittens could enjoy it as well as Penny did.

It was nice while it lasted.

Rhino was babbling about how awesome the song was, or rather, how be-awesome it was, after it ended.

Though there were captions, it didn't have the same effect as the voices of the characters in the movie. Bolt never could hear whatever speech Pocahontas had. And he desperately wanted to. It must've been good, since it stopped all the fighting. Or most of it anyway. He was shocked when Ratcliffe shot John Smith.

Rhino just about cried hysterically when Pocahontas waved goodbye to John Smith.

"That's it?" he cried. Then he brightened up. "Oh, you're right, Mittens, the movie is so ROCKIN' AWESOME! And it's based on a true story, apparently. How cool is that? It's beyond rockin' awesome- it's be-rockin' awesome! Rockin' be-awesome!"

The hyper hamster rolled off in his ball singing songs from the movie. It being his first time watching it, he couldn't remember some lyrics. He skipped some, hummed some, and replaced some lyrics.

"…for glory, God, and gold, and the Virgin-yeah company-eeee! One thing I like about rivers is you can't slip in the tame river's heights, they're always…uh, something…but people I guess can't be like that, we all must something about rice, and we give up without ever showing, what's around the riverbend, just around the riverbend…I look once more, just around the riverbend, beyond war somewhere past the trees, somethin', somethin' somethin'…oh, just around the riverbend…….you think you own whatever land you land on, the earth is full of dead things all the same, but I know every rock and tree and bleacher has a life, has school spirit, has nicknames…the rainstorm and the river are my brothers, the hair and the helicopters are my friends, and you have to paint with all the colors of the mountain, and sing with all the voices of the wind…oh, savages, savages! Barely even human! Savages, savages, they're not like us, so they must be evil, so we have to have war!! Oh, how I love it! Heynonnynonnyheynonnynonny….dig dig dig diggety dig, mine~ Mine! Mine! ….Oh, if I never knew you, if I never felt this love, then I would not know a stinking thing of- oh, wait that's not it, oh well- how precious liiiife can beeeee!!!"

Mittens growled. "And I thought it would've been a great time, and a good thing. Just when you think that little hi-bounce ball with fur couldn't get any more annoying…"

"Well, maybe he'll calm down a bit and we could watch it again some other time," Bolt suggested, trying to be positive.

"Oh, come on, admit it, you hated it, too," Mittens snapped.

Bolt looked shocked. "I couldn't hate it. It did look like a really great movie. The savages song was really good. Not that I agree with what they said, but…"

"No, not the movie! The way Rhino acted! He ruined the movie for us. The only one who wasn't disappointed was Penny, lucky thing. And Rhino himself, I suppose."

"Oh. Yeah, I know," Bolt agreed. "But we can't leave him out next time. He's attracted to movies like a magnet to metal. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to marry the TV! On the bright side, he likes this Classic more than Disney Channel."

"Ugh, but he's going to make me hate Disney for making him act like that," sighed Mittens.
"I never thought I could hate Disney. But if I'm watching it with Fuzzy TV Frenzy over there, it ruins everything."

"Hey, so what do you think of the movie? Pretty amazing, huh?" smiled Penny. "Guess what? The video rental place we go to is having this great deal. We can rent more Classic Disney stuff. Aren't you excited? So, next week, who's up for The Lion King?"

"Oh, no, I don't think I can live with Rhino singing Hakuna Matata through all of my nine lives, much less during the movie!" Mittens panicked.

"Hakuna Matata?" Bolt repeated questioningly.

"Oh, they'll explain it to you in the movie," said Mittens. "Let's hope Rhino doesn't ruin this one, too. It's a fantastic story! I recommended Classic Disney because it's good, but I didn't expect Rhino to go head-over-heels for it so quickly!"

"Maybe he'll stop watching 4 hours straight of Disney Channel," said Bolt, pointing out the positive.

"It was 5 hours," said Mittens.

"And 12 minutes!" shouted the hamster from a distance.


Yes, I'll probably write more of these, if people like them. I've already come up with some funny lines for Rhino! :D

But I need to know through your reviews!