This is my first fanfic, so comments/ constructive criticism is appreciated. (I have never written a story before.)
I would like to thank my beta Truth in the Moon, this story wouldn't be here if it weren't for her.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Twilight Saga.
(Revised May 29, 2010)
July 11, 2009
Last year of college, time sure does fly by. It seems just like yesterday I was wearing that ugly yellow gown at my high school graduation. Now I'm getting ready to graduate from college.
I still have that emptiness and longing for a relationship. I find myself wondering if I will be loved like Alice is by Jasper. After thinking about it so much in the last four years, I have given up on the idea of looking for a guy by myself.
I envy so many people for the relationships they have or already have had. I want that void in my heart and soul to be filled. I wonder if I am ever going to be able to find someone to settle down with and create a family. I would like to be married before I am 30, but I wonder if that will be possible.
I know that I will be done with school soon and will be working full time. I hope that by some chance I will find someone to date. I know I can't expect to fall in love right away, but it's more of that I want a relationship now more than anything. I see others around me that are several years younger than I am, and I get so jealous that they have what I want. I need to be more daring and bold.
I think I just have a need for someone to hold me. I had a dream one night and in the dream I was being held by a guy, it was more of a hug, but I liked having my arms around someone I cared about. Not that I have anyone that I care that way about now, it was just a dream. But it felt so nice to be in someone's arms and to be wanted like that. Then when I came out of unconsciousness I realized I was "hugging" myself. I was "holding" myself, almost as if I was holding myself together. The way I felt in that "hug" it was so peaceful, calming, loving and just felt… right.
But I also wish I had somewhere to go, someone to go to. Someone who cares for me. I know that is a big thing to want, but I just feel like I am missing something from my life, like my life isn't complete.
I want to be in a relationship with a guy. That seems to be the only thing I want these days. Funny thing is, I can see myself in that relationship. I can see everything about it; hanging out with him at various locations, holding his hand, cuddling on the couch holding him and sharing kisses. The only thing is I can't see his face, of course. But I can see the whole relationship. I normally can't see or picture myself in the future, but maybe I can see this because I want it so bad.
As I sit writing in my journal that I've kept for the last 9 years, I just can't believe how much I have changed. I mean I have always taken care of Renee, my mom, when I was younger. She is flighty and always acts younger than she is. I have always been mature. Even when I moved in with Charlie, my dad, I always cooked - well, because he couldn't, - cleaned the house, and made sure there was food in the fridge.
Even now that I have my own apartment, I finally feel like a grown up. For the past year and a half, I have been working as a book editor. I read authors stories and edit them before they go to printing. I love what I do. I only work part-time as I still have classes left, but I will be hired full-time once I graduate and can take on more work.
I have done some brain storming on writing my own story. That's my ultimate goal is to be an author. I know it will take some time, but I am driven to do it. Alice and Jasper both support me to follow my dream. They are the greatest friends anyone can ask for. Jasper works at the local newspaper taking photos. But he also does freelance work.
Just then my cell phone rang and I saw it was Alice. So I closed my journal, put it back in my drawer, and answered my phone.
"Hello," I said. Even though I knew who it was I always answer with 'Hello'.
"Hey, Bella. Do you want to hang out at the mall with me? You don't have to buy anything," she said quickly. "I just want company," Alice said. Alice knows shopping isn't my most favorite thing to do. As long as I don't have to try on lots of clothes I don't mind.
"Sure Alice. I'll go with you. Just don't force me to try on thousands of clothes."
"Yay! Ok, I'll try to refrain. I'll be there to pick you up in 15 minutes," she said.
"Ok see you then." I said and then hung up.
Alice loves to shop, it's her stress reliever. Just like writing is a stress reliever for me. Ever since Alice and I were roommates for our first two years of college, she always takes me with her to go shopping. She learned very quickly of my dislike for trying on a lot of clothes. Now she just asks if I want to accompany her, and if I see something I like, I may try it on and buy it.
I decided that I should probably change out of my sweats and ratted old t-shirt and into jeans and a sweat shirt. Alice will still tell me to put something more fashionable on, seeing how she is going into fashion design, but I want to be comfortable. Five minutes later Alice was knocking on my door. I opened the door Alice saw what I was wearing.
"Hey," I said as I opened the door further so she could come in.
"Bella, seriously, couldn't you wear something a little better than a sweat shirt?" Alice said as she entered my apartment.
"Ali, you know I like to be comfortable when I go shopping with you," I said putting my hands on my hips. "How 'bout this. While there you can pick out one, and I mean one, outfit for me. I'll even let you buy it without complaining," I said just to appease her.
"Yay! You are too good to me!" she said while bouncing up and down and clapping her hands. I'll never know where she gets her energy. Even at the crack of dawn she is bouncing off the walls. It's 10 a.m. and she's still hyper. Well, she's like that throughout the day, I guess.
"Well Ali, I just know you'll end up trying to talk me into trying something on, so I'm just saving myself the torture and fight and just letting you have your way… somewhat," I said just to make her happy and so she wouldn't nag me when we get to the mall.
"Oh Bella, I love you!" Alice said while giving me a hug. I will never understand how such a tiny person could be so strong but that little pixie is one strong cookie.
"Come on, Alice, let's go," I said while grabbing my keys and purse. Then, closing the door and locking it behind me, we climbed into her car and sped off towards the mall.
As Alice drove her yellow Porsche to the mall, she kept looking at me and had this worried expression on her face. Every once in awhile she would look over open her mouth and then close it again. It was like she was scared to ask me something.
"Ok, what's going on? You have this scared look and you keep opening your mouth like you want to talk to me. What is wrong?" I asked worried that something was really wrong.
"Ok… you and I know you don't have a boyfriend, and I know that you want to be in a relationship. Well, things are starting to wind down for you and you have time for it now.… how would you feel if I set you up on a blind date?" This is what she was worried to talk to me about.
I sat there for a few minutes thinking about what she said. Well, she does have a point since things are slowing down with school. My summer classes are going good and I'll start fall classes soon. I guess it wouldn't be too bad of an idea to start dating.
"Alright, Alice. I guess you can set me up with someone. What's the worst that could happen? You know what I like in a guy. Not that I have had a boyfriend before, but you still know what I like in a guy. If I can trust you to pick out some of my clothes why not pick out a guy I might like? You do make a valid point about classes winding down now that I'm a senior. I guess now would be a good time to start dating." I rambled on, still thinking about the possibilities of dating.
She knows that I want a guy who is caring, attentive, will actually listen to what I am saying, someone who I can easily talk to about anything. There are other small things too, but those are the main points, especially caring and attentive.
I have to admit I was getting excited at the chance to date. I have waited so long for it to happen. In high school, no one was interested in me and for the past few years I have been really focused on school with taking a class or two in the summer. As I was thinking more about it, I watched her facial expression go from worried to shock.
"Really? ...I thought you would be mad at me …that I want to set you up with someone. Why the change of heart, if I may ask?" she questioned, still somewhat shocked but with a smile.
"Well… I have just been thinking lately that I will just let a relationship find me or fall into my lap so to speak. Not for me to go looking for it. I'm going off faith these days, I guess you could say, that it will happen for me." I said with a shrug, not thinking it was a big deal.
"Well, I guess that makes sense. I have never been in your shoes before," she said as she pulled into the parking lot of the mall and got out of the car.
"Yeah, I know. It's not that I'm desperate for a relationship. I don't know, I just see you and others around me and I guess… I just want to feel like I'm complete. I just feel like…like I'm missing something," I said, somewhat sad. Alice came over to me and wrapped her arm around me "Oh, you'll find someone to be with."
"I know that it won't happen right away, and I can't get my hopes up about it." I replied letting her know that I was ok.
"Ok. At least you have faith, like you said." She sounded better and excited that she was going to help me out.
"Hey, did you have someone in mind?" I asked thinking she already had someone lined up already for me to meet as we walked through the front doors.
"No. I was just thinking I could help you look for that special someone," she said as I rolled my eyes as she continued "Jasper noticed too that you kind of have this look in your eyes that you are missing something and asked me about it and I told him it's 'cause you see what others and us have and want that for yourself." She told me and I was kind of mad that it was that obvious, but I guess I don't do a great job of hiding it out in public so I can't be mad at her for just seeing what's there.
"It's sweet that Japer cares about me like that. You know I think of him like an older brother and you already know you're my sister," I said with a smile wrapping my arm around her waist as we were walking into one of the department stores.
"Oh you know he sees you as his little sister too. He did mention he has a friend from high school that is single and lives here in Seattle. I could see if Jasper could give his friend your number and see if he's interested. I could even meet him before hand to see if he is your type. But I have a feeling that this will work out for the best," she said while looking though a few racks and picking out a few items.
There goes Alice and her feelings. She always says that she can see the future or see the outcomes, even if nothing has happened yet.
"You and your feelings Alice," I said rolling my eyes. "That would be fine with me. Do you know anything about Jaspers friend?" I asked as I was looking at some shirts and picked out a blue v-neck one.
"No. I just know he's single and lives here in Seattle. Jazz didn't tell me anything else. We might go see him tomorrow. Jazz hasn't seen him in a few days and we can talk to him then."
We looked around the department store for another 20 minutes before heading to the changing rooms. Alice had an arm load of cloths and I just had a few items. As I was in the dressing room Alice knocked on my door and told me she picked out my outfit and wanted me to try it on. It was a brown floral print skirt with a white splitneck tank with wood bead detailing around the neckline. It looked really nice.
"Ohh Alice I really like this outfit." I really liked the colors. It took Alice a while to get me to wear brown. I thought if I would wear brown since I have brown hair it would be too much.
"I'm glad you like it. I thought you would and it's in brown! Ever since I got you to wear brown you like that color a lot. But they have one in blue and blue does look really good on you," she said as I stood in front of the mirror.
"You know, I could just get both," I said as a big smile formed on her face.
"I am so happy that you said that. Maybe you are starting to like shopping more and more now that you know you can be comfortable and fashionable at the same time," she said with hope in her eyes
"Yeah, right. Like that'll happen," I snorted, but I really did like the outfit.
After trying on the clothes, we decided to head to the food court for lunch and then back to my place to hang out and watch a movie.
When we got back to my apartment and I put my new clothes away, I came out of my bedroom and asked Alice which movie she wanted to watch and she said "The Notebook".
"Oh, I love that movie. I don't care how many times I have seen it, it's so good. The ending is bittersweet, though," I said as I went to the kitchen to make some popcorn.
"I know. It is such a great movie. I tried to get Jasper to watch it with me and he didn't want to. I was surprised; usually he likes watching chick flicks with me, but he didn't want to see this one. Oh well though, I get to watch it with you," she said with a smile.
We finished the movie and she said that she had to go home and cook dinner for Jasper before he got home from a wedding where he was taking pictures.
"Ok, well, see ya later." I said as Alice headed to the door.
"Hey, I'll talk to Jasper about his friend that's single and see if he's interested in a blind date. Like I said, I'll meet him probably tomorrow. I think Jasper was saying he wanted to have his friends over sometime soon. If so, I'll give him your number and have him call you," she said as she hugged me goodbye.
"Ok, sounds great to me." I said in goodbye.
After shutting the door I decided to work on some of my homework I had due for the following week, read part of the book that I'm editing for work, and then have a light dinner while doing so, and head off to bed. Just a typical Saturday night for me, homework, edit book, and then bed. Kind of boring, I know, but I like routine I have, but if this blind date works out with Jasper's friend, I am willing change my routine. I'm willing to change a lot of things I normally do just so I can spend time with him and get to know him more. But like I said, I'm not going to get my hopes up about being in a relationship right away, but I still just have to have faith.
Hope you enjoyed it. If i get enough reviews I just may post Chapter 2 on Sunday instead of next Friday (If I do, chapter 3 will be posted Friday). I plan to post every Friday. I have a few chapters done and ready to go.
Chapter 2: mostly Edward's POV
(Revised May 29, 2010. I saw that I had said Bella's job was working at the local newspaper. In later chapters I has said she works as a book editor. I just ran across the mistake and changed it in her journal entry.)