Disclaimer: I'm fifteen; I own nothing.
How this thought began: So I'm sitting on the bus, on the way back from cheerleading camp, when I decided to listen to this CD that my sister made me for a trip oversees that I'd taken a few weeks before. I was sitting with one of my friends, and I asked if she wanted to listen with me. She listens to the same type of music, so I told her that Disturbed and Journey were happily burned to the CD. One of my favorite songs by Three Days Grace came on, Animal I've Become (track number six!).
I paused the CD, explaining to her my sisters theory (because this girl is a big Twilight fan too). My sisters theory was that in the movie, Breaking Dawn, they should play this while Bella is burning. I'm like "Holy Cow, that would be perfect!" Then my friend (lets call her Mary) said that she thought she'd read somewhere online that they were using that song for when Jacob was phasing for the first time. You could hardly imagine my reaction (slightly jittery, tons ecstatic, and imagining Taylor Lautner (with his shirt off) phasing into a gigantic reddish brown wolf with intelligent brown eyes). I got some pretty solidly delicious images.
So I'm sitting at my desk, eating some weird stroganoff and drinking Pepsi Max (because it has zero calories, carbs, and sugar) and I'm listening to the song. I started thinking. This would be an awesome song for Sam, right? He was the first one to phase and he had to go through all of the Leah/Emily drama. He hated himself for what he did.
I started the song over. It would be good for Carlisle too.
But as I began listening more closely to the words of the chorus, I thought that it would be more Jacob. Think about it.
Here are the words with people who would be totally worthy of the direct parts of the song (if there isn't any name by it, it generally means that it could be all three of them):
I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried [Carlisle - because he tried to kill himself a bunch of times at first]
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself [wolves more than vamps because of anger]
So what if you can see, the darkest side of me [Jacob]
No one will ever change this animal I have become
And if we believe, it's not the real me [Jacob]
Somebody help me change this animal I have become
I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied [none of them]
But there's still rage inside [Sam and Jacob]
Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself [same as I said before]
Somebody help me through this nightmare, I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare, I can't escape this hell
Jacob won [:
What to do if you've never heard this song: Download it. Borrow Three Days Grace CD from a friend. Do ANYTHING YOU CAN. Because it is crucial to listen too. You'll love it. I promise. Plus, you'll understand other reasons why it's so perfect when you hear the guitar and bass that makes everything perfect.
And so my magical (and hopefully good) story begins..(:
Animal I've Become
1. Overly Persistent Idiot Newton
I was leaning against the car when Bella's old as time truck pulled in. I smiled as I saw her face. I would finally "make a move" (Quil's words, not mine).
"No way!" she shouted, jumping out of the truck. "You're done! I can't believe it! You finished the Rabbit!"
"Just last night," I confirmed. "This is the maiden voyage." She held up her hand, a high five gesture, and I smacked my hand against hers, twisting our fingers together. Pride filled my insides when she didn't pull away. "So do I get to drive tonight?" I asked.
"Definitely," she replied with a grin. After a second, she sighed in disappointment.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She looked up at me.
"I'm giving up, I can't top this one. So you win. You're oldest." I didn't want to sound pushy, or in the least bit excited. So I shrugged.
"Of course I am."
I watched where her eyes took her. To an old Suburban driving around the corner. She snatched her hand away from mine, and I tried, unsuccessfully, to hide my hate filled glare towards the guy in the drivers seat. "I remember this guy," I whispered. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Some people are hard to discourage," she said. I knew very well that it was pointed towards me as well. I remembered Quil's advice. "Just don't let anyone discourage you man," he'd said. "No matter what she says, you go for it."
"Then again," I told her. "Sometimes persistence pays off."
"Most of the time it's just annoying, though," she replied, turning to face the car. I shook it off mentally.
"Hey, Bella," the guy said as he crossed the street. His eyes glazed over hatefully as he looked at me. I grinned.
"Hey, Mike! Do you remember Jacob Black?" Bella asked.
"Not really," the guy, Mike, said warily. He held out his hand for me to shake it. I grinned wider.
"Old family friend," I introduced. I squeezed his hand as tight as I could, trying to make it unnoticeable by Bella. When I pulled my hand away, Mike flexed his fingers. Way to be unnoticeable.
Bella's house phone rang, and she ran in to answer it. "Stupid freshman," Mike muttered. I glared at him.
"Nothing," he grumbled.
"I'm a sophomore," I said before turning to the house to wait for Bella. I smiled when she walked out, wearing a glum expression. I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion.
"Ang is sick," she told us. "She and Ben aren't coming."
"I guess the flu is making another round," Mike said. I glared at him more. "Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time."
Crap. No. That would ruin everything.
"I'm still up for it. But if you'd rather stay behind, Mike-" I prompted him, knowing he would still be in.
"No, I'm coming, I was just thinking of Angela and Ben. Lets go," he interrupted.
"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" Bella asked him. "I told him he could, he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself." I made a face. She sounded like a mom. Great.
"All right then," I settled. The three of us climbed into my car, although I wasn't proud of the Mike kid even touching the interior, Bella was still there.
"Quil was really pissed that he couldn't come," I began a conversation, to lighten the mood. "He had to miss all those senior girls. Even if their was only one, he'll still be jealous." She grinned at me, shifting towards the window, away from Mike's incredibly babyish face.
"Oh, and my dad said to tell you-"
"Doesn't the radio work in this thing?" Mike asked grumpily.
"Yes, but Bella doesn't like music," I replied, not bothering to hide my annoyance of the obvious. The kid liked her, yet he knew nothing about her. Disgusting. I glanced at Bella and she was looking at me strangely.
"Bella?" Mike asked, like he didn't believe me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
"He's right," she murmured, still staring at me.
"How can you not like music?" he demanded.
"I don't know," she said. "It just irritates me."
It was quiet for a second, before I remembered what I was telling her before Mike interrupted. "My dad said to tell you hi." It didn't really matter at all, but it was something to talk about. She nodded, smiling.
When we'd arrived, I gave her a ten dollar bill, in which she'd asked what it was for.
"I'm not old enough to get into this one," I said. She laughed. I loved to see her laugh.
"So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?" she asked.
"No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence." She giggled.
She and Mike purchased the tickets, and we entered the theater.
I had to admit. Bella was terrible at picking movies. This one was a one of the worse horror films I'd ever seen, and I'd seen quite a few.
I rested my arm on the arm rest, palm facing up. Just like Quil said. I wasn't sure why I kept letting him give me advice, since it was coming from the guy who constantly fought people at school for hitting on football players' girlfriends or something similar.
As soon as I saw the graphics start becoming more and more fake, I began to laugh. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"What?" Bella whispered.
"Oh, c'mon!" I whispered back. "The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?" I kept laughing. Bella started laughing with me. I was able to glance over to Mike, and I laughed even harder as I noticed his face. He looked like he was going to be sick. Literally. Whoa.
Bella must have been thinking the same thing I was. "Mike, are you okay?" she whispered.
"No," he gasped. "I think I'm sick." He immediately ran out, to what I was assuming was the bathroom. Bella stood up to go after him, I followed her.
"No, stay. I'll make sure he's okay," she whispered to me. I followed her anyway. I couldn't risk my chances with them alone together. "You don't have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage."
"That's okay," I assured her. "You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks." I peeked into the bathroom, where I could here Mike's gagging over and over.
"Oh, he's in there, all right," I told her. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit." Did I just say that?
"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that," she watched me out of the corner of her eye as I went to sit at the bench against the wall. I patted the space beside me, for her to sit.
"He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while," I said. She sat down, a sigh escaping her lips. I put my arm around her shoulders "non-chalantly", just the way it happened in the movies. Quil has officially ruined my brain. These movies were like bibles to him, he studied them. It got him girls every once in a while, but he acted like he was such a ladies man. He was to the geekier, younger girls. But those senior girls that he hits on all the time, no way.
"Jake," she groaned, leaning away from me. I kept Quil's advice in my head anyway. ("Don't let anything phase you, keep your cool"). I dropped my arm, grabbing her hand. She kept trying to pull away, so I grabbed her wrist with my other hand.
"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella. Tell me something first." She grimaced at me, and I just smiled.
"What?" she growled.
"You like me, right?" I asked. She sighed, half rolling her eyes, half looking straight ahead. It was an odd expression.
"You know I do."
"Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" I said, nodding towards the bathroom.
"Better than any of the other guys you know?"
"Better than the girls, too," she sarcastically teased.
"But that's all," I questioned rhetorically. She looked like she was contemplating her answer over in her head a few times.
I grinned at her. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I'm good-looking, sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."
"I'm not going to change," she warned, sadness filling her words. I couldn't help it. I had to know, to ask.
"It's still the other one, isn't it?" I hated myself for it. I knew it would hurt her, and when she cringed, I hated myself even more. She nodded. "But don't get mad at me for hanging around, okay? Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."
"You shouldn't waste it on me," she sighed. She shouldn't have said that. I'm not wasting anything with her. I'm only happier when I'm with her.
"It's what I want to do," I whispered sincerely. "As long as you still like to be with me."
"I can't imagine how I could not like being with you."
"I can live with that."
"Just don't expect more." She tried to pull her hand away, but I kept a tight hold.
"This doesn't really bother you, does it?"
"No," she sighed.
"And you don't care what he thinks," I stated, nudging toward the bathroom.
"I guess not."
"So what's the problem?"
"The problem is that it means something different to me than it does to you," she shot. I smiled.
"Well, that's my problem, isn't it?"
"Fine," she grumbled angrily. "Don't forget it though."
"I won't," I assured her. "The pin's out of the grenade for me, now, eh?" I poked her and she grinned.
I noticed something on one of her hands. A scar. It felt cold.
"That's a funny scar you've got there," I whispered. I pulled her hand up to my face to get a closer look. "How did that happen?" I traced it lightly with my fingers.
"Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?" she growled at me.
"It's cold," I said, still tracing it. Lover boy fell out of the bathroom then, sweating everywhere.
"Oh Mike," Bella gasped. I rolled my eyes.
"Do you mind leaving early?" he whispered.
"No, of course not," Bella replied. She snatched her hand from mine and went to help him walk.
"Movie too much for you?" I asked. He glared.
"I didn't actually see any of it, I was nauseated before the lights went down."
"Why didn't you say something?" Bella tsked.
"I was hoping it would pass." Great. Now he was probably going to vomit all over my car-
"Just a sec," I said when they were about to go out the door. I went to the concession stand, looking at the girl there. "Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?"
She glanced at Mike before shoving the bucket at me. "Get him outside, please." I helped Bella with Mike and shoved the bucket in his face.
"Please," I figured I should be nicer, since he wasn't really a harm anymore.
Driving down the familiar road, I rolled down my window, Bella copying. She started shivering and I held in a sigh. "Cold again?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.
"Your not?" I shook my head no. "You must have a fever or something." She reached up, brushing her fingers to my forehead.
"Whoa, Jake. You're burning up!" she gasped.
"I feel fine, fit as a fiddle." She touched a freezing hand to my forehead again. "Your hands are like ice."
"Maybe it's me," she suggested. Mike threw up, and I made sure that it was in the bucket. It was.
It was quiet and I thought about what I should say to her when I left. She was broken by the other one, the one who left her. I've spent all this time ignoring it and helping her through it. The first day that she came to see me, I could have asked. But in truth I already knew. The night that the Cullen's left, Sam and his damn disciples had a bon fire. All the superstitious talk about the Cullen's was ridiculous.
She needed to know that I would never be like her Edward. I would never leave her, because she needed me more than anyone else right now. As long as she didn't mind the persistence, I'd be here, by her side, every second she needed me.
When we made it to Bella's house, Bella had to drive Mike home in his car, with me following behind so she could make it home. On the way back to Bella's, she kept shuddering, her eyes directed toward the road completely.
My hands started numbing, falling asleep. It felt like my whole body was. I kept shaking my head, hoping that sudden movement would wash the feeling away.
We pulled into Bella's driveway, and I sighed. "I would invite myself in, since we're early. But I think you might be right about the fever. I'm starting to feel a little…strange."
"Oh no, not you, too!" she gasped. "Do you want me to drive you home?"
"No, I don't feel sick yet. Just…wrong. If I have to, I'll pull over," I replied. I probably just needed to sleep it off.
"Will you call me as soon as you get in?" she asked, anxiously. I rolled my eyes.
"Sure, sure." She opened her door, falling out, but I grabbed her wrist. I needed her to know.
"What is it, Jake?" she sounded worried, anxious. I sighed.
"There's something I want to tell you, Bella…but I think it's going to sound kind of corny."
This time, she sighed. "Go ahead." I waited for a second, preparing myself. I wasn't sure exactly what to say, so I just went with it.
"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down-- I promise that you can always count on me." I went through the words in my head. "Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"
"Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know." I couldn't help it. The grin that filled my face.
All the sudden, my stomach started spinning. But not in the way that I was sick, or queasy. It felt different. Like something inside me was changing completely. "I really think I'd better go home now," I said. She nodded, stepping out.
I heard her yell something as I pulled out, starting down her street, but instead I heard a ringing. I shook it off, focusing on the road.
Pulling into our driveway was easy. Walking--not so much. My legs still felt like they were asleep and I could barely make it to the steps, let alone up them. I grabbed hold of the railing, to prop myself up. My legs couldn't take me any farther.
"Hey kid, how'd it go?" Billy asked as he wheeled himself out and onto the porch. I shrugged, not much to answer. He examined me more closely, his eyebrows furrowing together.
"You look weird," he commented.
That's all it took, one thing. One stupid thing for me to go off.
My hands were the first to start shaking. My breath was getting heavier and Billy started backing up in his wheelchair, wheeling away from me.
"Jacob, calm down," Billy said. It was the first time that I'd heard him actually sound in the slightest bit worried about me and I couldn't even listen to him.
All that I felt around me was fury. It was like a shot of fire bolted through me, all I could see was red. My breathing grew heavier and my entire body was rolling with tremors. It felt like I was twitching and I could hardly hear Billy's voice anymore, it was so distant, so far away.
I heard a rip and I felt the fire ware down, but not exactly disappear. I was panting, not sure of what was going on. I felt bigger somehow, larger.
Jacob? I heard the voice in my head. What the hell? Sam? Run Jacob, go into the forest. I'll see you there.
I didn't understand, but I obeyed. There was something about his voice, so paternal, so orderly. I couldn't refuse it.
THE END (of chapter one)
AN: I spent 3 days on this. I'm actually not at all sure where I'm going with it. Whether it will be the series in Jacob's POV or just the first few chapter, I'm not really positive. I'll keep you posted.
Please review (It's that button that says REVIEW)..[: