Batman and Wonder Woman's First Date
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Part I: A Conversation in the Bat Cave
A quiet night it had been. No Bat Signal. No alerts. No calls. And yet he sat in front of the Bat Computer in the Bat Cave alone. It was one of those nights when, in the vacuum of action, a mind and a heart may wander.
Alfred laid down a plate of steaming food. "Some dinner, Master Bruce."
"Thank you Alfred."
"Before you go, I could use some advice."
"I am always at your service, sir."
"Well, this involves…..a…."
"This sounds like a particularly challenging criminal conundrum."
Batman turned from the computer to face his faithful servant and friend. "This involves a woman."
"Catwoman? Poison Ivy, perhaps?"
"No. Wonder Woman."
"Has she committed a crime?"
"No crime, Alfred. My interest in her is more of a…personal nature."
"I see. I must admit to being somewhat surprised. You typically display a great deal of boldness, sometimes even, if I may dare say, recklessness in your pursuit of women. This one must be….different? And I assume by your hesitation that she has expressed little interest in you?"
"No. It's not that. We work on a team. Dating team members is….not wise."
"If I may be so bold, how would you know? Remember Mr. Tennyson, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Or, if you would prefer an American quote, to paraphrase Mr. Theodore Roosevelt, 'Far better to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, and lose, than to take rank with those poor souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
"I get your point. But my enemies may take advantage of this. Try to get to me through her."
"You are not required to date her as Batman. You could date her as Bruce Wayne." Alfred paused a moment, allowing for the last thought to be considered." Besides, she has a magic lasso, the ability to fly, and super strength?"
"I think she can take care of herself."
Part II: The Joker sees some pictures
Deep inside an abandoned warehouse, Harley Quinn, the Joker's young female assistant in her typical clown attire, skips into the room. "I've found something I know you will want to see!"
The Joker, reading some pamphlets brushes her off. "I'm a little busy right now."
"I have some photos of Batman."
"Do you think I've forgotten what he looks like, Harley!"
"But I have photos of him….singing."
"Singing? That's preposterous. The Bats doesn't sing."
"Take a peak."
The Joker grabs the photos from her hands and his attitude instantly changes from disgust to profound interest. "Well, well, well. It does appear that Bats is singing. Now why would he do such an absurd thing as this?"
Harley instantly dropped her flirtatious disposition."I don't know."
"Well, find out! Unless he has developed a sudden need for a singing career, there must be a good reason he did this. And it may just be a weakness we can exploit."
Part III: Wonder Woman And Hawk Girl Have a Talk
In the watchtower, Wonder Woman, slightly nervous, cautiously enters Hawk Girl's quarters. As she peers into the dimly lit room, she quietly says, "Hawk Girl?"
"Came to steal my mace again?" Hawk Girl steps out of the shadows.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"We're not exactly on speaking
"I'm sorry about not supporting you – when you wanted to come back to the Justice League." Wonder Woman fidgets with her hands. "I was wrong."
Hawk Girl's face relaxes - a bit. "So what do you want?"
"I need your advice."
Wonder Woman hesitates, briefly questioning whether she should honestly answer, or whether she should quickly concoct a lie; her need for advice wins out. "Batman."
Instantly, Hawk Girl's face lights up. "Oh, so there is something going on?"
Her head drops. "Not exactly."
"But you wish there was."
"So what's the problem?"
"He doesn't like dating among the team and…." She walks over to the window, still nervous about confessing all of this. "He's concerned about my….safety."
Wonder Woman faces Hawk Girl. "So what would you do?"
"I think we can come up with a plan."
Part IV: The Joker receives a phone call from Harley
Inside a warehouse, a ringtone of a
heckling laugh erupts from a phone. The Joker grabs it and Harley's
voice comes across. "Boss, I got some info."
"This better be good."
"He sang for some woman named
"The goddess of magic?"
"Yeah, how did you know."
"Never mind. Now why did he sing for her?"
"I don't know."
"Well, find out!" And he slams the phone down.
Part V: The Plan(s)
An excited Hawk Girl leans across the table to Wonder Woman. "Ok. Here's the plan."
Batman is planning too, but on his own, in the Batcave. "It will have to be something that is not intimate."
Hawk Girl tells Wonder Woman. "A meeting with the just the two of you."
"A public event," Batman decides.
"A private dinner party," Hawk Girl advises.
"Casual attire," the man concludes.
"Formal dress," the woman recommends.
"I'll invite her to attend the event. And I'll come without a date," he concludes.
"So what do you think?" Hawk Girl asks.
Wonder Woman stammers, recalling the previous times she had broached this topic with Batman. She would far more prefer a more indirect approach. "Well, what if I just ask him to come over and look at my plane? Have him check for possible upgrades or something?"
"Yeah, that's romantic."
"Ok. I'll ask him to dinner."
Part VI: A Mystery is Solved
Inside an abandoned warehouse, Harley tells the Joker, "Boss, I finally figured it out."
The Joker beams a massive smile. "That's wonderful, Harley. I'm all ears."
Harley proceeds to explains the extensive detective work her mission required, "First, I had to figure out how to figure out everywhere Wonder Woman had been."
The Joker explodes. "Don't bore me with the details, Harley. Just tell me what Wonder Woman changed back from!"
"Look boss," Harley shoots back, "This took a lot of works. You are gonna listen to the details."
The Joker sighs. "Ok, ok. Bore me with the details."
"I found this web site that listed
Wonder Woman's appearances, and there was one time she appeared in
a slaughterhouse, right before some guys saw a pig with silver
bracelets. And after wonder woman appeared, the pig was never
The Joker starts jumping up and down. "That's fantastic work, Harley! Wonder Woman gets turned into a pig and Batman saves the day by humiliating himself by singing!" Joker slumps into a chair with a deep sense of satisfaction. "Well, well, well, Harley, I have found the ultimate weakness of the Bats." His pale white face contorts into a smile, "He's got a girlfriend." The Joker begins rapidly pacing in the room. "And all I have to do is figure out how to finish off Wonder Woman. It will be the ultimate revenge."
Part VII: Two Paths Converge
An invisible jet and a bat jet streak to the Watchtower.
"It's a bad idea," Batman thinks.
"This isn't going to work," Wonder Woman concludes.
"I'm not going to date a team member."
"He made his opinion quite clear."
"I can't protect her from my enemies."
"What if he's right?"
But despite her misgivings, a sudden feeling of confidence overwhelms her. "No. I know this can work. I just need to convince him. This CAN work. And I will convince him. I hope."
Batman entertains his own doubts. "She is beautiful though. And a woman who has devoted her life to fighting injustice. And she has a great smile."
Yet, he cannot escape from his past. "But I have loved two people in my life….and they were both taken from me. I will not allow myself to love again."