A/N: So, in case the warning on the summary wasn't enough, I'll tell you again: This story is an **MPREG**. For those of you who aren't familiar with this sort of thing, it means a male pregnancy story wherein boys are able to pop out babies :) This story is not meant to be taken seriously in any way. It's just something that I find pretty hilarious. Anyway, if this IS your cup of tea, please read and enjoy... and don't forget the reviews! They help me write faster :)

So a little explanation as to how my boys are able to get pregnant: In my universe, while men getting pregnant isn't an unheard of occurrence, it's not exactly an everyday thing either. We're going to go with a mutated gene theory. Meaning Tony is even more special than we all originally thought :)

Chapter One: A Probie's Mistake

The room was dark, save for the slither of moonlight that filtered in from the open window, illuminating the two men as they moved together, their quiet moans slicing through the otherwise silent room. The taller of the two trailed his large hands down the soft skin of the other, his fingers stopping just above the waist line of the cotton boxers that separated them.

"Tony..." The word came out as a quiet gasp as teeth grazed the sensitive skin. "Tony!" He tried again.

"Hmm?" was the absent-minded response as his hands moved even lower.

"Tony, s-stop."

There was a low, unsatisfied moan as the kisses ceased and Tony dropped his head to his lover's shoulder. Glaring up at the other man, there was disbelief written all over his face. "What the fuck, McGee?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't even fucking think about pulling that "I'm shy" bullshit with me again, McGee, because so help me God, I'll put my c—"

"Tony! No, no! I'm not being shy!" McGee responded hastily. "I just w-wanted to a-ask something…"

"Well Jesus Christ, spit it out, McSpoilsport!"

"Iwanttobeontoptonight!" McGee blurted out, cringing in anticipation of Tony's response.


"You didn't even think about it!"

"I don't have to think about it!"

"Tony! Please!"


"You never let me be on top!" McGee complained with a huff of indignation, smacking the Italian's hand away as he fumbled with his boxers again. "Why can't I? Just once!"

"Because clearly I am the Alpha male in this situation and the Alpha male is not a bottom!"


"No! Now shut up," Tony demanded as he leaned down, returning his lips to McGee's neck.

"If you..." he trailed off, closing his eyes as an involuntary moan escaped his lips, "let me be on top… I'll let you… God, Tony," McGee whimpered.

"You'll let me what?" Tony asked, mumbling against McGee's neck.

"I'll…I'll let you… pretend to be Magnum."

Halting his assault once more, Tony lifted his head, cocking an eyebrow at his partner. "Really?"

"Really," McGee responded with a fervent nod.

Pushing himself up, Tony glanced down at McGee thoughtfully before sitting back on his knees. "Just one time? And then you swear you won't bitch about it any more?"

"I swear!"

"And no one finds out about this."

"Tony, it's not—"

"NO one."

"Fine. I won't tell anyone."

Tony narrowed his eyes at the younger man, regarding him for a moment before giving a curt nod of consent. "Fine," he conceded, rolling his eyes with a put upon sigh. "But I mean it, McGreedy. Only this once."

McGee was barely able to contain his excitement as he pushed himself up off his back, his arms wrapping around Tony's neck as he pulled him closer.

"You won't regret it...Magnum," the younger man growled, his voice husky with desire he closed the gap between them.

Closing his eyes at the feeling of McGee's lips pressed against his, Tony allowed himself to be pulled closer, a quiet moan escaping him when he felt McGee pressing him back against the mattress. Reaching up, he allowed his fingers to tangle through the light brown hair, moaning again as those full lips began trailing down his neck.

McGee made his way down slowly, pressing feather light kisses to Tony's neck and chest, enjoying the way the older man trembled beneath him. He could feel his partner growing harder against his thigh.

"You like that?" He asked before moving lower still, his tongue drawing circles on Tony's taut stomach.

"God yes," Tony moaned, arching his back slightly and spreading his legs as he tugged McGee's hair.

Lifting his hips, the younger man wiggled out of his boxers, his mouth never leaving Tony's body.

Tony felt McGee's body shift as he repositioned himself, his lips attacking his neck once again.

"Fuck," the Italian hissed as McGee nipped at his collarbone.

McGee couldn't stop the quiet laugh that escaped him, smirking at the

way Tony twitched at the feeling of his warm breath against his skin.

He moved up Tony's body slowly, rubbing himself against the older man.

"Mmm," he moaned quietly against the sweet skin of Tony's neck as he positioned himself between his legs. He closed his eyes as he moved his hips, pressing himself against his lover.

"Son of a bitch!" Tony hissed, his hands pressing against McGee's chest.

"What's the matter?"

"Jesus Christ, McImpatient! And you wonder why you've never been allowed to be on top!" With a disgusted snort, he shoved McGee off of him and rolled over, grabbing for the bottle of lube on the night stand.

"Oh," McGee mumbled as Tony shoved the bottle into his hands.

"Yeah, oh," Tony sneered with a roll of his eyes as he leaned back against the pillows again. "Never again," he muttered to himself as McGee squirted the gel into his hands. "Make sure you use a lot."

"Okay, okay!" Leaning over his partner, McGee returned the bottle to the night stand beside the wrapped condom before repositioning himself again. "Ready?"

"Can I change my mind about doing this?" Tony asked, hating the slight tremble of his voice.

"Just relax," McGee said quietly as he lowered his lips to Tony's. "It's only uncomfortable for a minute."

"I AM relaxed."

"You aren't," McGee chuckled quietly. "You're too tense. Just relax," he repeated as he moved his lips to Tony's neck, nuzzling his chin.

Tony took a deep breath as he tried to concentrate on McGee's lips on his neck. He gasped quietly when McGee nipped him again. "Mmm."

"That's it. Just relax."

Taking his place between Tony's legs again, McGee moved his mouth back to Tony's, kissing him hard as he slid into his lover.

"Oh fuck!" Tony cursed, his eyes watering as McGee stilled, letting him adjust.

"Shh... Shh. Just relax."

"Easy... For you to fucking say, McGiant!"

Holding himself in place, McGee kissed Tony again, silently praying that the discomfort would be short lived. He could feel Tony's tense body begin to relax beneath him. Pressing another kiss to Tony's lips, he pulled out slightly before sliding back in, hating the pained moan that escaped the man beneath him.

He lifted his head as he pulled out again, hissing when he felt Tony sink his teeth into his shoulder as he bit back another cry of pain.

"Just... Relax."

He moved slowly at first, waiting patiently for Tony to adjust. It wasn't long, however before the whimpers of discomfort changed into moans of pleasure, encouraging McGee to continue.

Moaning loudly as he returned his lips to Tony's neck, McGee shuddered at the feeling of Tony's hands raking down his back.

"God you feel so good," he moaned, thrusting a bit harder as Tony began to move to meet him.

"Faster," Tony gasped as he arched the back, one hand grasping the sheets as he gripped himself with the other.

Their movements grew more desperate with each passing second, their gasps and moans coming louder and faster.

"Ah fuck," Tony moaned as he felt McGee moving harder inside him. "I'm gonna..."

Crushing his lips to Tony's again, McGee silenced him as he thrusted harder, on the verge himself. He felt Tony tense beneath him before he felt the hot spray on his chest and stomach.

With a loud cry of pleasure, McGee felt himself explode inside of his lover, his entire body shuddering as he collapsed on top of him.

He laid there for a moment to catch his breath, before he pulled out and rolled off, his chest heaving as he panted heavily.

Beside him, he heard his exhausted partner grunt before he rolled onto his side, his back facing. Despite the fair amount of discomfort he was sure Tony was feeling, he couldn't bring himself to wipe the pleased smile from his face.

"Thank you...Magnum."


Forcing his tired eyes open, a quiet groan escaped Tony as he shifted slightly, bringing his hand up in an attempt to clear to sleep from his eyes.

Behind him, he could feel McGee's warmth as the man laid, pressed against him, his arm wrapped around his waist as he held him against his chest.

For a split second, his first instinct was to elbow the hell out of McGee and tell him to quit being such a fucking girl, but if he was being honest with himself, he didn't mind the closeness.

Burrowing a little deeper into the pillow, he moaned softly as the movement jostled him, the discomfort escalating to more than just a dull ache. Though he was positive that punching McGee would do nothing to alleviate the pain, he debated it for a moment simply for the fact that the whole thing had been his idea to begin with.

Tony had just closed his eyes in an effort to try to get just a little more sleep when he felt McGee shift behind him, his body tensing just a bit as he stretched before he relaxed again.

"Mmm. Tony?"


"How're you feeling this morning?"

"Just peachy, McGee. I love feeling like I've shoved six sheets of sandpaper up my ass."

"I'm sorry," McGee mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to Tony's shoulder. The Italian softened slightly, the irritation he felt with the younger man diminishing.

"S'okay, I guess. But I swear to God if you so much as SUGGEST being on top again, I'm going to punch the hell out of you."

Try as he might, McGee couldn't contain his quiet chuckle as he pushed the covers from his body and climbed from the bed, groaning as he stretched again. "You want the shower first?"

"No, you go ahead. Gonna sleep for a few more minutes. Wake me up when you're done."





"Oh for goodness sake, Tony! Sit still!" Ziva hissed as she slammed her pen onto her desk. "You have been squeaking in that chair for over an hour!"

"Well if you hadn't stolen MY chair, then we wouldn't be having this problem now would we, Zee-vah?" Tony sneered, glaring at his raven haired partner.

"Oh please. I did no such thing!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"DID too!"



Jumping slightly at the sound of his boss' voice behind him, Tony scowled at Ziva once more before forcing a smile.

"Oh, hey boss," he greeted casually as Gibbs rounded the corner near his desk.

The silver haired man did not respond, though he dropped a stack of files on his senior agent's desk.

"Uh... Boss?"

"Since you're unable to sit still, take those down to Abby."

"Thank goodness!"

Scowling at Ziva once more, Tony stood, trying desperately not to cringe. He picked up the stack of files, tucking them under his arm as he headed for the elevator, mentally cursing McGee with each painful step.

"Why is Tony walking so strangely? Is he injured?" Ziva asked as the elevator doors closed behind him.

"Oh yeah. He's injured all right," Gibbs replied, smirking in McGee's direction before he sank down into his chair, chuckling quietly to himself.


"Abby!" Tony called as he stepped off the elevator, the stack of files still tucked under his arm.

"In here," the Goth called back, smirking to herself as she heard him approaching slowly. "So tell me, Tonyboy...how was it?"

"Pretty slow, actually. Nothing going on. Just working on--"

Turning to face him, she cocked her eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "I am SO not talking about work, Anthony DiNozzo. Little sore today, are we?"

She took pleasure in the way the blush colored his cheeks, his jaw twitching slighthly.

"Sore? Me? Nope. Never felt better. Must have me confused with someone else."

Abby snorted in disbelief as she narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Come on Tony. You're really going to try to lie to ME? Your best friend?! You remember what happened when you tried to lie to me about sleeping with McGee the first time? Hmm?"

"You found out about it anyway," Tony muttered miserably.

"That's right!" Abby exclaimed. "I found out about it anyway! So what makes you think this would be any different?"

"I'm going to KILL McChatty," he growled.

"Relax," Abby giggled, throwing her arms around his neck in a tight hug. "I saw you walking across the parking lot this morning. First time?" She guessed, pulling away.

"That obvious?"

"Eh. Only if you know what to look for," she snickered. "I've been waiting for this moment from the minute I realized you were bi!"


"What?! I can't help it! Its something everyone should try at least once!

I keep asking Gibbs if I can--"

"Entirely too much information, Abs."

"Come on Tony. Like you haven't thought about f--"

"I can honestly say the thought's never crossed my mind."

"Well you're no fun then."

He rolled his eyes, though a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Sorry to disappoint," he said as he handed the files over.

"Ah, I just love when you bring me gifts," Abby smirked, accepting the folders from his hand. "This is why you're my favorite."

"And here I thought it was my good looks and charming personality that did it for you."

"Only on the days you're playing it straight, Tonyboy. Those good looks and personality are no use to me otherwise," she teased with a playful wink.

He rolled his eyes playfully before pecking her cheek. "Whatever you say Abs. We both know that even on days I'm NOT playing it straight that I could still rock your world."

She didn't bother to hide her mischievous smile as he pulled away and headed back for the elevator.

"Hey Tony?" She called as the elevator doors dinged. "I hope you and Timmy remembered to use protection last night!"

He scoffed loudly as he stepped onto to the elevator, though as the doors closed behind him, he couldn't help but wonder: HAD McGee remembered the condom?