ActI: Two Less Lonely People

Summary: As all stories begin, it is a fine spring night. And as all stories begin, there is a beautiful princess and a handsome prince…ah, who are we kidding? Two silly adolescent boys take the stage and frustrate everyone around them in the process of a simple telephone conversation.

Disclaimer: This applies to the whole story – I do not own D Gray –Man, and will never assume that I do.


Kanda, feeling exceptionally refreshed from a particularly good kendo session, marched into his room in a good mood, only to have it spectacularly destroyed by his douche of a roommate chatting sappily on his mobile phone.

Of course, he could have just simply ignored it because there was never a time when the rabbit was not being stupid and sappy. But no, the rabbit had to go and sit on his bed. Actually, no, the rabbit had to have the nerve to lie on his bed, his one eye closed in bliss as he murmured on the phone to his girlfriend like a girl himself.

"Talking to your lesbian girlfriend?" He scowled, internally smirking as Lavi jumped in surprise and smacked his head on the top bunk.

"Ahh, Yuu!" He yelped, free hand reaching up to massage the tender spot on his head. "Welcome home. What? Ahhh, yeah, that was just my roommate, yeah, he came back." Kanda sighed and gathered his materials for a shower, deciding to deal with the fool of a bunny later.

"Is he always that much of a jerk?" Lavi said in an amused tone. He raised his eyebrows at that and shot a grin in Kanda's direction, laughing when Kanda replied with a finger strategically raised. "Well done, you, you guys haven't even met yet and he hates you already."

Growling, Kanda stomped to their shower room and slammed the door particularly loudly in an attempt to disrupt the love fest happening just outside. It was sickening. He will find out from the rabbit later just who the hell he was talking to.

.

"Yeah, and then Mana was like, "I have a date!" and he was running all over the house looking for his clothes, and Lavi, it was hilarious!" The teen snickered as he leaned back on his chair then spun around on it. "Hmm? Oh, I think it's somebody from work, umm…her name's Maria? Yeah, Mana had such a goofy look on his face when he was talking about her. Kinda gross actually, I don't want to think about my dad having sex- Lavi! Don't laugh at me!" Allen groaned, partly from the nausea induced by spinning on the chair. Hopping off it, he flopped onto his bed, staring up at the artificially starry ceiling.

"Uh huh, and-" He paused at a sudden yelp from the other side, and something about the other voice he could hear grated on his nerves. "I'm not a girl, is your friend always this much of a jerk?" He smiled at the laughter and response from the other side. "Same here, same here. Anyway, so I was thinking, really now, how have you been? I haven't met you in a while…"

.

Kanda took his time with the shower and honest-to-God thought that, by the end of it, he would be free from sappy-rabbit torture. He had been through this countless times. Always, after a phone call from a certain someone, the teen would sigh, lovesick, and latch onto Kanda, swooning in a "I'm in luuuuuurve" manner and Kanda will have absolutely no choice but to swing his fake katana threateningly. Oh, but how he missed having a real katana! Stupid university and their stupid rules.

Alas, it was not to be as he stepped out of the shower. If anything, it had gotten worse.

The bunny had shot up in bed, banging his head a second time, only this time he didn't seem to care. He was wide-eyed and he seemed to have stopped breathing. Kanda frowned and listened carefully to the one-sided conversation.

"What? Yeah…yeah…yeah, that carnival, right, it's just out of town…Uh huh…oh, for sure!" At this, he pumped a fist into the air and jumped out of bed, scrambling for his binder. "One in the afternoon works fine for me, dearest," he chuckled, scribbling down details furiously. "Near the front gate, that work okay for you? Mm hmm, yeah, okay…"

.

"So, um," Allen blushed furiously. At that precise moment, Mana peeked into his room and walked in, perching expectantly at the end of his son's bed. The boy scowled and tried to shoo him away, to no avail.

"What? Oh, nothing, sorry about that. Yeah, so…okay, one o'clock this Saturday, yeah? Okay, I'll," he looked up at the increasingly smug grin on his father's face, "ah, Lavi, I'll have to go, talk to you later, okay? …Yeah, take care!" And he hurriedly ended the call.

He sat up and frowned at the man. "Mana…" He said warningly.

Mana only grinned. "Tell me all about it, son," he cooed and at the sight of Allen about to protest, he narrowed his eyes. Allen groaned and knew he would only be hounded throughout the week if he didn't spill all.

"It's nothing, dad, it's not even a date!" He whined. "I'm just going to hang out with Lavi…"

.

"Yuu…Yuu! YUU! I'm going on a date! I, I was asked on a date! I, oh shit, what should I wear! Holy shit holy shit-"

Kanda smacked Lavi's head with a file, if only to shut him up. "I get it, you idiot! And it's, what, five days to Saturday? Idiot, you have time!"

"But you don't understand, Yuu, I'm going on a date! Well…" He paused and calmed down slightly. "He didn't exactly say that it was a date…"

.

"I mean," he blushed, "I didn't say it's a date or anything. Erm. Lavi probably won't see it as a date, he probably just sees it as two friends hanging out, right? And it's not even romantic, it's just the carnival and it's just rides and stuff and…oh shit, Mana, what do I wear!"

.

"I guess…maybe he doesn't see it as a date, huh?" Lavi sighed and for some reason, a depressed redhead irked Kanda more than a cheery redhead did.

"While I don't particularly care about your romantic life…"

Kanda paused, something tugging at his mind. Lavi's eye widened. They looked at each other.

"He?" Kanda narrowed his eyes.

Lavi laughed nervously. "Well, uh, guess it's about time I told you I am, uh, bi and yeah, I like…this guy?" He laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Um, you don't care, right, Kanda?" He looked up hopefully at his stoic friend, eye wide and pleading.

Kanda growled and thought carefully. He honestly didn't give a fuck, and wanted to drag it out just to see the rabbit's face fall, but in the end, it's not worth the trouble afterwards. That stupid rabbit would probably blubber and cling to him and make sure he doesn't get any work done. God. "Whatever. So you are as gay as I thought you were."

Lavi grinned. "Yeah, suppose I am. So! Anyway, Yuu, what do I do!"

.

"Oh god, I mean, it really is just rides and stuff, and he doesn't see it as a date anyway, so, yeah, I should just wear maybe a t-shirt and jeans. Yeah, that's it, I'm a guy, what on earth was I thinking, hahaha…ha…"

Allen's entire body drooped and he sighed into his knees. Mana, valiantly controlling his laughter, leaned over and patted his son on the shoulder.

"Oh, Allen. I won't say 'I told you so' but…well, fine, I told you so," Mana laughed when Allen glared weakly at him. "Serves you right to make fun of me and Maria! So, right, onto serious business, my advice is…"

Allen leaned forward, eager despite himself to hear the advice.

"It's a very serious thing, this first date. I mean, sure, you're already friends and all, but dates give a completely different impression, so you must be careful…" Allen nodded seriously and looked like he almost wanted to take notes on this. Mana had a far-away look on his face, fondly remembering his first date.

"So I can only tell you…" Allen leaned forward even more, meeting his father's eyes, almost holding his breath in anticipation of a wiser man's knowledge. He missed the twitch on the man's lips.

"What you told me last week…just be yourself," he finished proudly and smugly and Allen, not wanting to hear such generic, shitty advice (nevermind the fact that it first came from him) could only groan and flop back onto his bed.

"Gah, Mana!"

Mana laughed. "I'm sorry, son, but it's true, you know, nothing can prepare you better than to just go with your true self, alright?" He patted Allen's knee and stood up, walking to the door. "Dinner in half an hour, go shower before that." He waited until Allen grunted in assent before going down to finish dinner.

Allen sighed and stared up at the ceiling, heart thumping as he thought about the date – no, not-date, he said to himself firmly – and wondered about how best to prepare for it.

"Five days…"

.

"Argh, get off me, you stupid bunny! Stop clinging to me, damn it!" Kanda pushed at the arms that were resolutely attached to him.

"But Yuu! I need help!" Lavi whined. "I mean, okay, sure, it's not a date, but I want to make a good impression!"

"Gah! Listen, idiot, just go as you always do. Your stupid headband and your stupid scarf. I think he is blind, but whatever, he probably likes you the way you are if you're going on a stupid date, now GET OFF ME!" Kanda finally succeeded in pushing the arms off and placed himself as far away as possible, so that Lavi cannot ambush him a second time.

"But that's what people always say! It's useless! Yuu, Yuu! Where are you going? Yuu!"

Lavi sighed as Kanda dashed out of the room, leaving him alone to wallow in his misery. He trudged back to Kanda's bed and fell backwards into it, sighing again despite the euphoria the date is supposed to induce in him.

"Five days…"

.

And on opposite sides of the town, two boys groaned simultaneously as the implications of their not-date hit them hard.


Notes:

So, guess who's posting so soon after Allen/Lavi week is over? That's right. A plot bunny refused to let go of me. This is just a (hopefully) funny and sweet little piece about a not-date two boys go on.

This will likely only be…a few chapters? I'm not sure. I haven't written out everything yet. I only know there's this idea of a carnival, and a date, and two silly boys fumbling through it.

Oh wait, not-date, that's right. This sort of high school/university AU fic definitely does not hold a candle to, say…CherrySpringer's Fate or Ritachi's Kiss!Kiss!LoveYou,Baby! but I hope it manages to make you smile at least a little bit.

If I'm up to it, I might write out about the whole universe that they're in. (:

Let me know what you think. Cheers! And thank you if you've read this far!