A/N: So, courtesy of an idea DL bestowed upon me, I've written this. I said I would not want to disappoint... Hopefully, I don't, as I think that a cynical, sadistic, pessimistic personality is just begging to be used to write angst. Besides, it's always fun to write angst.
I don't own Pokemon, The Nail, Bodom Beach Terror (which, apparently, the lines I used from those were taken from movies, so... I don't own those either), or Hate Me! by Children of Bodom, The Mirror, Lie, or Space Dye Vest by Dream Theater, or Good Mourning/Black Friday by Megadeth, all of which I borrowed a line or two from.
...Go ahead and read it. If you've read this far, there's no reason to not continue forward.
That question can fit in many places. But, here, you ask me why, when the answer's right in front of you. You see how I live? It's miserable, hallowed, lonely... The other Legendaries call me worthless. All I do is cause people pain for no reason, they say. How misguided can one be?
You're the same way. You say I'm evil. I'm terrible. The scourge of the world. You don't realize how lonely I live. No one, barring a few certain beings, bothers with me. Even Cresselia just rarely does, and she lives on the island next to mine. My pain is constant and sharp... I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape.
And, here you are, cursing my already cursed life. And you're still wondering why I like to cause nightmares? Shall I spell it out for your ignorant mind? I love to cause people pain. If the world scorns me, then I shall return that scorn. No one knows of the loneliness I feel. I'm sure if someone... took the time to befriend me, I would not be this way... Unfortunately, no one will take the time to befriend such an evil monster as myself. Believe me, I was not always this way, my dear friend...
Everyday, it is the same thing. Daybreak, at the bottom of a lake... It's a hundred degrees, and I can't breathe. Suffocation from these pathetic things called emotion. If I could, I would confront Mesprit about it. Even though she does not treat me as harshly as some of the others... I can tell that she does not like being around me, for the simple fact that there are too many negative emotions radiating from my mind at one time.
Perhaps, my dear friend, I should detail my relations with the other Legendaries, just so you can have something to satiate your ignorant mind with. Ignorance is simply the unwillingness to be aware of your surroundings. And, yet, you look at me and laugh. You say you're not ignorant. I'm the one who's ignorant? I've paid far more attention to the world than you have, my friend. Now, then...
Articuno, Zapdos, Moltres... from what I can gather, they all feel varying levels of dislike towards me. I can tell Articuno doesn't like me, but she will not outright shun me. Articuno will greet me, but it's obvious that just saying my name leaves a bad taste in her mouth. Not like Zapdos. His volatile, unforgiving personality hates me for something I did not do. He just basically ignores me. Moltres is, more or less, the same as Articuno. She seems to dislike me less than Articuno, however.
Mewtwo... he's an enigma. No one can tell what he's thinking, how he's feeling. Mewtwo is incredibly secretive. Mew, though, is quite the opposite. It's obvious when he's happy, when he's sad... Mew, unlike most of the other Legendaries, doesn't hate me, as he believes there's good in everyone. Reminds me of a certain Roselia I used to know... Whenever he has the time, he'll try to talk to me. It's kind of him. It's a shame that he does not have the time to speak to me often...
Raikou, Entei, Suicune... Raikou is too laid back to hate me. He acknowledges my presence, gives his trademark grin, but that's about it. Entei, while he does not condone my actions, is the same as Raikou. He will acknowledge my presence, as well, albeit with a look of disdain. Suicune... she seems the same way, but I haven't interacted with her too much. This trio, as a whole, does not actually hate me, really. I find them to be better than the others who outright do.
Ho-oh is too arrogant to care about me. He's a narcissist. With him, it's basically, "You know what perfection is? You're looking at it." I find indifference to be more hurtful than hate, sometimes. At least, with hate, it shows that the person has, at least, some feeling about you, albeit negatively so. Lugia, as a whole, disapproves of me. As far as I can tell, at least. She's like Mewtwo, to a degree, as she likes to be secretive.
Celebi is more blunt and straight to the point than the others. She has made it clear that she doesn't care for me. That's basically it.
The Regis... Who knows what any of them are thinking?
Latios and Latias... Well, Latios used to disapprove of me, but he's gone, unfortunately... He disapproved of my actions, but he didn't completely ignore my reasons for those actions, which is why I say his death was unfortunate... Latias is like Mew. She thinks there's good in everyone. For me, though, it's unfortunate that I'm looked down on, because it seems as if Latias actually sympathizes with me. It's a shame that, if you're with me, you're looked down on as well...
Kyogre doesn't really bother with me. She doesn't seem to dwell on unimportant things. I can assume that she thinks, "He's Darkrai. He was made to cause nightmares." I wonder, if my purpose is to cause nightmares, then why do people scorn me for it? Groudon thinks I'm a cold, sadistic... I'd prefer it if I did not have to detail his opinion of me further. I would not be cold if someone warmed my heart with the gift of friendship...
Rayqu- Oh, no, I shouldn't even bother. I shouldn't, but I shall, anyway. Rayquaza completely detests me. His serious, intolerant self has no room for heartless beings as myself, he says. He despises me, even while Latias always seems to try to convince him not to. Oh, if I could, I would tell her not to bother. No one is as stubborn as than green serpent. Stubborn, spiteful, hateful... little wretch...
Deoxys is even more of an enigma than Mewtwo. So, I can't even hazard a guess as to what she thinks of me.
Uxie, Mesprit, Azelf... Uxie, as the Being of Knowledge, completely understands why I do the things that I do. He, as well as the other two, don't seem to dislike me too much. Mesprit... as I said before, she does not treat me harshly. She understands the pain and sorrow I feel. It's unfortunate she can't be around me for long without falling ill, due to the dark feelings that constantly plague my mind. Azelf, she is more or less the same way as Uxie, understanding why I act the way I do... They speak with me, even if rarely so. I can tell that Uxie, Azelf, and Mesprit sympathize with me. Mesprit actually seems like she wants to help me, but, as I said before, she'll fall ill by being around me for too long.
Heatran, I don't see much of, so I can't really judge how he feels about me.
Giratina seems to not care what the others think, so, fortunately for me, sometimes decides to actually hold somewhat of a conversation with me. It works well, as we're both dark and brooding. Then again, he's the same as others who bother with me, as he does not have much time that he can spend talking to me. Giratina is on my good side.
Cresselia... she... is difficult to describe. She's kind, caring, and all of that, yet she does not choose to use these traits with me often. With us being in such a close proximity to each other, it's only natural that we sometimes visit one another. We mostly talk about the phases of the moon, whenever we do talk. She doesn't hate me, I can tell. On rare occasions, though, Cresselia lends me some sympathy. When I say rare, I mean her sympathy towards me happens as often as one finds a Master Ball.
Phione and Manaphy are two who I don't associate with much, so it's difficult to gage their thoughts on me.
Shaymin is someone who I also don't associate with. Though, from what I can see, she thinks I needlessly cause violence. She has a negative opinion of me, despite us barely interacting with each other. It's unfortunate to see how ignorant one can be...
And, finally, Arceus. Dear, dear, Arceus. The goddess. She treats me with as much respect as she treats the others with. I find her to be less likely to hate me, but I can't honestly tell, with her being so dutiful, serious, and the like. Now, normally, someone who doesn't hate me would receive my gratitude, but I abhor Arceus. She's the one who cursed me with the power of nightmares. She's the one who caused me all my pain. Hypocrite... How could you be so cruel, and expect my faith in return?
Arceus 'granting' me the power of nightmares is why I hate her. At first, when I was born in ashes of molten hatred, contrary to my birth, I did not hate the world. Later on, Arceus bestowed the 'gift' of nightmares on me. When I caused my first nightmare, it was almost unbearable to see the person in such mental and emotional agony. Eventually, I became used to seeing the pained look on the face of the mortals I inflicted the nightmares on. As I became desensitized to it, apparently the others became more sensitized to it. Heartless, selfish, evil, worthless... all words used to describe me. I oh, so desperately want to mutilate the disdainful looks off of their faces... Cresselia understands, I think, as my dreams are filled with my murdering of whole cities. Giratina and I both believe we got the short end of the stick with our powers. We may have to start a rebellion sometime...
My dreams are full of, as I said, my murdering of whole cities. The sky is raining blood... No, it's not raining blood... The sky is crying blood, due to the horror of what it's seeing. In my dreams, I'm a killer, intruder, homicidal man... If anyone sees me coming, they run as fast as they can. It does them no good, as a Dark Void leaves them open for the sadistic things that I'm about to do to them. I'll spare details, for your sake. I grin while they writhe in the pain that I deal. In my dreams, it seems as a bloodbath's my way of getting clean. I like inflicting pain on others now. So, I've essentially become what the others have made of me. However, I only cause pain by fulfilling my purpose in life. And, as I've become desensitized to the pain on others' faces, I've become desensitized to the hate in others' eyes. I despise everything I see, now, so I don't care if they hate me.
Okay, my dear friend, I am finished. Please, spare me any sympathy... I've no care for it anymore. And, I can see your opinion of me has changed. I'm not just the evil, sadistic monster you thought I was. If only the others could see that. They won't listen to me. At the very least, you're listening to me. You're not like the others. If there are any good people left in this miserable world, you, along with a few others, are the last of them.
If you'd give me the opportunity, though, to make a wish... I would not change anything, Jirachi. You can tell, my eyes are full of hate. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive, Jirachi. It gives him strength. The strength to carry on. I don't think there's anything to save me, now. Nothing. Not even that worthless thing called love. Love is an act of blood, and I'm bleeding a pool in the shape of a heart. For, you see, there's a very thin line between love and hate.
I was doomed from the beginning, Jirachi. I'll never be open again. I could never be open again. I'm aware I have too many problems. No one should have so many. But, the only people who can save me... ones such as Cresselia, Mesprit, Uxie, Azelf, Giratina, Mew, Latias... and even you, yourself, Jirachi... the only ones who could save me, are not able to. You can't heal the wounds in my soul.
Have no fear, though, Jirachi. I cannot be saved, that much is clear. I'll learn to live. I've done so for my entire existence. And, I'll smile and learn to pretend, even though I'll never be open again. And, I'll have no more dreams to defend, for I'll never be open again...
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