Title: Catch Me
Summary: One shot about Sonny writing a song for Chad: Channy
Disclaimer: I own nothing…….besides my computer and Microsoft Word =)
"If this is love, please don't break me. I'm giving up, so Chad just catch me," I finished singing as I set my guitar down and hit stop on the video camera.
I had just finished recording myself singing a song I wrote about Chad. Not that I would ever give it to him.
After all, I would never admit to liking Chad Dylan Cooper for so many reasons. One, hello, he's from The Falls! Randoms and The Falls just don't mix. It's some stupid rivalry thing that we have going on. I think it's stupid, but the rest of the casts don't. I don't think my other cast members would ever let me live it down if I were to date Chad Dylan Cooper. But I don't have to worry about that, because of my second reason. Chad will never find out that I like him, because I hate rejection.
Chad Dylan Cooper would never like Sonny Monroe. After all, I'm just a farm girl from Wisconsin, and he's well, Chad Dylan Cooper!
It would never work.
Lastly, I would never tell him, because well, I don't think I can risk his head getting any bigger! He would never let me live it down.
He would insist on teasing me and torturing me for the rest of eternity.
But still, it was nice to record the song and get it off of my chest. Even if I never planned on showing it to Chad, I just wanted to have it. I wanted something to remember my feelings by, so that when they went away, I'd always remember.
Plus, sometimes holding everything in just makes it harder. And it's not like I can talk to Tawni or Zora, because they'd never understand. And Lucy's not around. So that leaves just me.
I quickly shut the camera off, took the tape out and placed it in my dresser drawer, and then hid my guitar. No one here knew that I played. I kind of liked it that way. It was nice having something that was mine alone.
My life was pretty much in the public eye now. They knew "everything" about me, even if most of it wasn't true. But this was just one thing that I liked to keep to myself.
"What was that just now?" I heard from the doorway.
I jumped, shocked at the sound. I thought everyone else had left by now. Rehearsal had been over for a while, and I thought all of my co-stars had already left.
I looked over to see Tawni, looking at me strangely with an odd smile on her face.
"What was what?" I asked, pretending that I didn't know what she was talking about.
"You. The guitar. The Song. Chad," she finished, smiling knowingly.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, avoiding eye contact as I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.
"Really?" she said, walking over towards my dresser and pulling the drawer open.
"So what if I happened to do this?" she said, pulling the tape out.
"Give that back, Tawni!!" I squealed, trying to get it from her. I felt like this was a repeat of when she took the phone from me when Marshall called, trying to get me to meet my number one fan.
"Not until you tell me what's on it," she said, putting her hand on her hips and raising her eyebrows.
"Nothing important," I shrugged, avoiding eye contact again.
"Well if you won't tell me, I'll just have to check for myself," she said, heading over to the camera.
"Fine!" I shouted. She stopped at looked at me, waiting.
"It's just a song I wrote," I said, trying to be as vague as possible.
"About what?" she asked again.
She was definitely nosy today.
"Nothing. It's just a song," I lied, again.
"Oh really? It wouldn't happen to be about a certain three named heart-throb, would it?" she asked, smiling again.
"You mean jerkthrob!" I shouted.
"Oh, so it is about him."
"I didn't say that it was."
"Well you didn't say that it wasn't," she quipped back.
What was up with Tawni today anyway? Usually, she grew bored after a few sentences. Now, she's trying to have a whole conversation with me. Of all the days for her to want to hold a conversation, it just happened to be today.
"I shouldn't have to say that it wasn't. You should know I'd never write a song about someone like him," I said, acting disgusted.
I've noticed that recently it's been harder and harder to act disgusted when I say his name. I've practically been forcing my face to make a disgusted expression. It's the only way to avoid doing the opposite and smiling every time I hear his name. Every time I hear his name, my heart speeds up and my stomach does weird flip flops.
I'm not sure what is making me feel this way.
"Oh please, Sonny. It's so obvious that you love him."
"I do not," I argued.
After all, I've determined that I actually do like him. A lot. But do I love him?! I wasn't sure.
Sure, he's a jerk. A conceited, egotistical jerk that thinks he's too good for anyone and uses people to help himself. Or makes others look bad just to make him self look better, like he did with my interview for Santiago.
But then, he's also a kind, caring, sweet, gorgeous, amazing guy who pretended to be my fan so that I wouldn't get embarrassed. Not to mention that he helped me out by being my fake date. Or the time when he got me that audition, even if it ended up being fake after all. But he didn't know that at the time.
Sometimes Chad could be the sweetest, most amazing guy I've ever met.
And other times, he can be the most egotistical, selfish, conceited jerk you'll ever meet.
I just can't figure him out.
Some moments, I look into his sparkly blue eyes (or, well, at least one of them is) and I can't help but feel my palms start to sweat and my heart race. I feel like I want to kiss him.
Other moments, I look into his eyes and I feel like he's just trying to see his reflection.
It's so frustrating.
So, do I love him? I have no idea.
But I definitely like him. More than I'll ever admit.
After all, he was undeniably gorgeous. Although, I definitely wouldn't admit that to him either. I couldn't stand it if he held that over my head forever. Plus, his head would be so big it wouldn't fit through the door.
But still, that doesn't change the fact that he's gorgeous with his floppy blonde hair that looks so soft and his sparkly blue eye and the way his nose scrunches up when he says my name. And the way it felt when he put his arm around me and I put my head on his shoulder was just too amazing for words. And….
I was dragged out of my thoughts by Tawni waving a hand in front of my face.
"Sonny…….. Helloooooo……" she was saying.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and looked up at her and saw her laugh.
"Right. You definitely don't love him. My mistake," she said, rolling her eyes.
"I'm serious. I don't," I responded.
"So you're sure that song wasn't about him?" she asked, again.
"Nope, definitely not," I replied, lying again.
I was starting to feel guilty. I had never lied to Tawni (or anyone) this much before. But I just couldn't tell her.
It'd be embarrassing. Plus, Chad and I supposed to be enemies. Can you imagine a person from So Random and MacKenzie Falls together?! I don't know how the cast would react if they found out how I really felt about Chad.
"Okay then," Tawni said, looking like she had dropped it.
I let out a huge sigh of relief, but then I noticed her picking up the tape again.
"Well, since it's not about Chad, I'm just going to have to watch it to see what it's about. I mean, I could have sworn I heard you say Chad's name. But maybe it was Tad. I guess I'll find out in a minute," she said, starting to put the tape into the video camera.
"Fine!" I said, stopping her.
I was going to have to admit my feelings. After all, it'd be much more embarrassing for Tawni to actually see the video. I think telling her would at least be a little easier.
She stopped and looked at me.
"Fine, you win," I sighed in defeat. "Yes, I wrote the song about Chad," I admitted, looking down, embarrassed.
"Yay! I knew it!" she squealed. I looked up to see her clapping and jumping up and down.
"Why are you so excited?"
"Because I knew it! I just love being right," she said, smiling her knowing smile at me.
"Right. I forgot. You love the whole "Tawni was right and Sonny was not right" idea," I realized.
"Of course. Now, when are you going to give the tape to Chad?" she asked, turning to me.
"I'm NOT!" I exclaimed.
"But, Sonny, you have to!"
"No, I do not have to. And No, I will not do it."
"But, how will Chad know that you love him if you don't show him?" she asked, confused.
"He won't. And wait, I never said that I loved him, anyway. I just maybe have a tiny, little inkling of a small crush on him," I argued.
I really wished that Tawni would drop this. I was admitting things that I had hoped I could keep hidden forever.
"Right. And I'm ugly," she said, laughing and flipping her hair.
"I'm serious, Tawni. I don't love him."
"Right. Well, whatever. How will he know about your tiny crush if you don't show him the video?"
"He won't," I answered simply.
"But, what's the point of the video then? Don't you want to tell Chad how you feel?"
Tawni's face scrunched up as she looked confused. Obviously, Tawni wouldn't know what it was like to fear rejection. After all, she was Tawni Hart. She didn't get rejected. Well, except by James, but he's an exception.
So, she couldn't possibly understand that I didn't want Chad to know. I didn't want to risk rejection and embarrassment and a lifetime of torture.
"I wrote it to get the feelings out. I hate holding things in. It frustrates me. And a frustrated Sonny is well, not Sonny," I explained.
"But, why don't you just tell Chad so he can tell you he loves you back and you can both be happy?"
"Because, Tawni, it doesn't work like that," I tried to explain.
"Yes, it does. It always works like that for me."
"Well, I'm not you, Tawni."
"Well, no, I mean I am much prettier. But you're still pretty. And you have that whole caring thing. We all know I don't do that. Ugh, caring is horrible!" Tawni said, shuddering.
I couldn't help but smirk a little at Tawni. This is the Tawni I knew and loved. Not curious, meddling Tawni.
"But still, you need to tell him!" Tawni argued.
"No, I really don't. I can't tell him," I tried, again.
"But you have to!" she whined.
"And why do I have to?"
"Because he totally loves you back!"
"But that's the thing Tawni. I don't think he does. Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be? To have Chad know how I feel about him when he doesn't feel the same? He'd hold it over my head for the rest of my life. He'd blackmail me. He'd be so much cockier and conceited. He'd probably even paste the video all over his blog, making comments like Yep, I told you that Sonny wishes she could have me," I tried, explaining.
"Sonny, Chad totally likes you. It's so obvious. You two make us sick with all of your stupid love bickering. It's disgusting," she finished, shuddering again.
"Yeah, well I'm not so sure about that, Tawni. And I really don't prefer to have my heart stomped on. So I don't planning on telling him. Ever. I'll get over this eventually and then I'll move on and be glad that I avoided the mistake of embarrassing myself. It's just better this way."
"But, Sonny…….." she whined.
"No! Tawni, I said no. I just can't. I can't do it, okay?" I said, feeling tears in my eyes as I walked out of our dressing room.
Great. Now I was crying. But I couldn't help it. I kept picturing how badly it hurt to feel this way about Chad and to know that he didn't feel the same. And talking to Tawni about it just made me realize it even more.
It would be a mistake to tell Chad. I'd decided. Definitely a mistake.
I mean, after all, he was Chad Dylan Cooper! He could have any girl he wanted. There's just no way he'd want someone like me. After all, farm girls and heartthrobs just don't mix.
A/N: Okay, there's the end of part one. I hope that you like it! =) If you don't like it, that's ok. Just let me know what you think. Be Honest. What do you like? What could be better?
Thanks for reading?! Please review, it makes me update faster! I actually have this whole story finished already, but I'm only posting a little at a time. Once I get some reviews on each chapter, I'll update again.
So please review? =)