So I saw this music writing exercise on the Live Journal turtlecest comm and I thought: "hey, that might be fun; and if I'm lucky it'll help me get back into writing and past this slump I've been having." and I think it did work :) Hopefully my editing will be in high gear and I can get some stuff out.
Anyway, so here's my drabbles. The idea of this exercise was for you to put your iPod on random and the first ten songs you listen too you write a little drabble about it. So here are mine (and the irony, all 10 songs I listened too were all angsty.... they weren't the fun ones I usually listen too XD yay for writing!)
So here they are. I hope you enjoy.
I Wish I Were the Rain ~SHeDAISY
Miscalculations and reconciliations. What could he do to fix this? Donatello fell backwards against the wall of the sewer and hid his face in his hands. It was like nothing could go right for him today. One minute everything had been perfect and then the next nothing could go right – but then it was like he had to overcompensate for his lack of faith in themselves.
Water dripped atop his head and Donatello shuddered, hesitating to look upwards – and as he did, the grate facing upwards into the city and staring at the dark night sky that was clouded over and heavy with falling rain greeted his tumultuous emotions. He sighed trembling from the raindrops falling onto his face through the grate and attempted to sooth him.
Everything was so scary – he just didn't want anything to go wrong, he wanted to be free flowing and able to say what he wanted to always say to Raph – but he couldn't; nothing was that easy for him. Why couldn't he be more tranquil like the rain away? It was so gentle and able to sooth away the fire that Raphael had been consumed with lately. After Leo had left and remained gone, it was like something had snapped inside and Donatello couldn't salvage Raphael from exploding at every little thing now. They had been so close to becoming more, but now he was scared, Raph was angry, and they both could only stare at the other remembering what it was like in the past.
Saying one thing ruined the tentative truce they had reached. He wanted to mend the rips between them, he wanted to be a balm for his wounds, and he wanted to comfort him during those times – not fight with him and criticize him over every little thing. Why was he doing that anyway?
The rain fell heavier from above, sliding down his face and tickling his neck. He swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. He just wanted to be himself again. He wanted them to be. When would Leo come back?
My Immortal ~Evanescence
Raphael hurt all over. It wasn't like he didn't believe he'd come back – on the contrary, at times he was the only one now who felt like Donnie would return to them someday. He just couldn't give up on him. He couldn't forget him – he loved him too much to forget him even as he laid here next to her.
Donatello's touch was always so gentle, so thoughtful and yet so provocative. His voice soothed him, always brought him back to reality and he was always caught within that moment between them as emotions rose, love fluttered in their bellies and lips teased against the other's. Time could never erase what they had – but he wasn't here. His presence lingered, but he had left him alone here with a life he didn't want to live without him.
Was he an idiot holding out for him? The girl knew he didn't love her and could never – he felt used in a way knowing she didn't care about him either and came to him just wanting the sex. He couldn't bring himself to even really feel her during the long nights between battles. Donatello was so close to him in so many ways and he felt him. He was out there. He was reaching for him every night, every time he dreamed he felt as though Donnie was returning, growing closer – but every morning was just another disappointment.
Tears gathered in his eyes and Raphael threw his arm over his face.
There was no way he could let him go. He needed him back – and he'd wait however long it took for him to return to him because Donatello processed the missing pieces.
Mr. Beasley ~Corrinne May
Donatello smirked as he watched Raphael attempting to show off while attempting to keep up with Leonardo – even though he'd deny he was trying to keep up, it was a clear as day to him. Leo was quick and nimble during katas, but Raph was slow and powerful; he just wished Raphael would understand that. He just needed to be himself.
Tilting his head and watching his movements, Don's lips curled upwards. He loved watching Raphael trying to be so tough and rough. He was honestly just a big teddy bear who made a lot of noise. Raph was always the first to help the punk kids they ran into. He'd try to scare them or beat them at their own game whenever they attempted to be tough with him; yet Donnie always saw a glimmer of caring concern in those golden eyes.
He was falling completely in love with that loving soul of his. In fact, it was that soul that was making him fall in love with him. He was strong, he was powerful and made him feel so safe, but it was his kindness and timid kisses mixed with a fiery love that Donnie had found himself growing to care for the most. The Raphael he saw behind closed doors that he wished he could bring out and show the rest of the world.
But he was still cute even while trying to show off.
Could it be Any Harder ~The Calling
You left me with goodbye and open arms. Raphael still remembered that look. He dreamt of it – the image of all his brothers leaping towards the Ultimate Draco and Donatello poised to attack only to disappear.
What had happened? Why had he disappeared? Where did he go? They had planned on telling them all that day – Donnie and him, they had agreed to tell the family about themselves, how they had fallen in love, how they had not just fallen in love but had found comfort, compassion, and tenderness in a violent world with each other.
Without him it was so hard. Ten years – ten years since he had faded from reality. He wanted one more day with him. He wanted to turn back the hours, he wanted to slow time and rewind his life simply to see that smile of his covered in grease and grime after fixing that damn bike of his.
Without that brainy turtle everything was so empty and there was no color in his life. It felt as though everything had become gray and disjointed. He'd jump at the chance to be with him just one more day. Every touch, every word he said, every last inch of Donatello would be memorized and savored like a wine he was drinking in. Raphael couldn't describe what it was like to be lost without his soul, but if this pain he had felt every day for the last ten years was that pain then he wanted to end it; yet he couldn't. what if he did come back?
But it killed him daily to end the day without finding some trace, some rumor, or some form of solid proof that Don was just missing, not gone – what would happen if he did get him back for one day?
Raphael pushed away from the wall and moved to attack the punching bag. He remembered so much about him even though those same memories were beginning to fade in wisps of smoke. That hurt the worse. He was fading from his memories and becoming just a face, a face with vague sensory reminders of the way he touched his cheek, the way they ran across the gravely rooftops, and the vague memory of a smile. He could no longer remember how his kisses felt, he couldn't remember how he tasted, and he couldn't even remember how that laugh sounded – those losses made life even harder.
He wished he hadn't gone – why had he left? Who took him? Why wasn't he back by now?
Raphael choked back a sob and hit weakly at his punching bag and fell against it.
At this point – one more day with him would be his dying wish. He wished to touch his face with the sun shining down and he wished to simply have him, alive and in his hands.
Raphael could just see it in his mind – the day Donatello had pushed him away, the day Donnie had called him disgusting and told him to get out of his sight. He had never imagined anything could hurt like that.
He had kissed him. He had grabbed him and he had forced a kiss upon his brother – but not just any kiss, it was a kiss of passion and love. Raphael had found himself confessing to him, telling him every dirty secret that his heart longed to experience. He had told him he loved him, he had told Don he wanted to be with him. Yet Donnie had scrubbed his lips instead and left him. He had broken his heart by calling him a pervert.
Closer ~Better than Ezra
Swallowing hard, Raphael stared at them – how could something so small and fragile seem so perfect?
He reached out to touch the one on the right but hesitated and tried to calm his churning belly. The babies smacked their lips in their sleep, their little hands moving slightly, their little toes curling, their bellies full and happily poking out over the tops of their oh so small diapers.
Raphael felt so small compared to them. He had never felt so weak and mortal in front of three small turtles.
How did they do it? How had Donnie and himself made these three perfect creatures? He reached out to touch the one on the left but he again hesitated and pulled his hand back. What if he hurt them? He was so big in comparison to them. Donatello had assured him that he wouldn't hurt them, but he wasn't so sure. Raph could honestly say he had never felt so important and yet so insignificant. Even the first time he had held Don close and kissed him, whispering confessions of love and waiting on bated breath for Donnie's reply – that paled in comparison to suddenly becoming a father and staring at his children; feeling little fingers curl about his larger one, watching little green cheeks puff out when they smiled, and seeing their feet kick when tickled - he felt so much more than himself.
Donatello came up behind him and slipped his arms about his waist and rested his chin atop his shoulder, smiling down at the triplets and kissing Raphael's neck. "They're going to love you."
Raphael's sigh released every last trace of his anxiety and he allowed a small smile to touch his lips. He reached for them, his hands covering all three of their bellies as he watched them sleep. "Yeah… you too."
Come Back Down ~Life House
Donatello glared at the doorway and felt tears pricking at his eyes. How could Raphael call him cold and distant? He wasn't! Turning away from the door and stomping towards the small, six inch high table in their twelve by twelve shared room. Donnie hit his knees and gripped the edge of the table as he stared at nothing in particular atop the wooden surface.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Donatello shook his head and slowly inhaled, slowing himself down as he replayed the argument in his mind.
He couldn't forgive Leonardo for what he did; Raphael was wrong about that. It was Leo's fault for what happened to him. For Raphael to say he had already forgiven Leo for nearly killing him was impossible in Donnie's mind. He had watched Raphael return to him, bullet riddled and near death. His lover had been so close to death and yet, here the hot head was, asking him to not judge Leo for what happened that night.
No way – maybe…
Inhaling deeply and trembling, Donatello found himself racing from the room and searching the temple for Raph. Where was he? Why couldn't he find him when he needed him?
Donatello found him just as suddenly as he had disappeared.
Raphael turned away from the pond along the garden walk and started at him. Raphael was still so weak – he was so physically different looking after his months of recovery – and that look in his eyes was so different. He was stronger now, different but in a better way.
He was pulled into a hug and Donatello hid his face against him, burying himself within the depths of fabric his lover wore. He was safe here – though he looked different, he smelled the same, he felt the same. Raph still loved him and he knew it.
Addicted ~Kelly Clarkson
Raphael inhaled deeply and licked his lips, kissing his way up Donatello's chest. Every faint nick across his plastron felt heavy and new against his lips. Every tremble from his lover was a delectable wine he drank in hungrily. He ran his hands across Donatello's thighs, feeling those muscles quake from his touch.
He was addicted to his scent, to his taste – he ran his tongue up his throat, smiling as Donatello gasped, panting loudly and gripping at his shoulders desperately. He loved the way his legs fell open, his passion so evident. He loved the way everything overtook him and Raphael knew he would never be able to take just one more hit of him. He couldn't promise that, he needed him every day to get him through life.
He lost his breath the moment he heard Donatello's breathy gasp. He kissed his neck, his hips pushing forward and rubbing their erections together. Passion flowed in their viens like molten steel that begged for more, that craved for more stimuli. They moved together, kissing and teasing the other and panting against damp skin.
"Raphael!" Donatello gasped, arching under his hands. He reached for him but found his wrists pinned to the mattress and a hungry mouth covering his.
"Shh, I want to taste." Raphael whispered and bit his lower lip.
Far Away ~Nickelback
"I love you."
"What?" Raphael whispered, shaking his head even though anger, hurt, and hope fought for victory within his body.
"I…" Donatello reached for him, gripping at his hand and pressing his brow against Raphael's knuckles. "I love you!" he shouted, his knees shaking and his belly flipping.
Raphael shook his head again and moved to take a step back but stopped and knitted his brows together. "Why now? Why now and not five years ago!" He yelled right back. He had been gone for so long; why had he waited this long to say anything? Why had Donnie forced him to wait this long to finally know? Why had he stayed away so long?
Donnie's eyes welled with tears and he swallowed back the lump in his throat. "I was an idiot. I was scared… I didn't know what to feel that day! You kissed me Raph!" Donatello suddenly sank to his knees and he gripped tighter at Raphael's hand. "I didn't know what to do! You kissed me! I was so scared…" His head bowed and he wilted before him.
"Why now?" Raph hissed.
"I need to know…. This is my last chance for… for us… do you still love me?" Don asked, dark eyes lifting to stare into trembling golden.
Raphael felt weak, so drained of everything. He sank to his knees and grabbed Donatello by the neck, pulling him towards him and pressing their brows together. "You know I love you." Raphael whispered, his lips trembling as they hovered above Donnie's. "I've loved you all along."
"I wanted you to stay…" Don choked out, tears falling.
"Breathe…" Raphael whispered, kissing the corner of his lips. "Hold onto me."
"Never let me go."
"I'm not leaving you anymore." Raphael bowed his head, nuzzling his neck.
Donatello's face twisted and he gripped at him, stifling a sob as he hugged him close.
Here Without You ~3 Doors Down
The road was so long and cold. Was it really just four years since he fled his home? Raphael couldn't remember the last time had seen the lair. All he could remember was that screaming, that fear in Donatello's face, he couldn't forget that look of pure terror and disgust.
Shaking his head and looking back to the road, Raphael shifted in his seat and sighed, leaning back in the driver's seat as he flipped through the radio to find something to keep him awake.
Driving was the only thing that kept his mind off the past. The miles continued to roll by as he worked and he only vaguely remembered a time when something like this would have been boring to him.
Donatello suddenly appeared in his mind again and he shook his head, rubbing at his eyes to wake himself up and to pay attention to the midnight traffic ahead of him.
When had he slept last? Two, three days?
Ten miles down the road a rest area rolled up and Raphael pulled into the parking lot and rolled to a stop. Rubbing at his face and moving to the back of the cab, he fell backwards in his bed. Raphael closed his eyes, hiding behind his arm and trying so hard not to long for those dreams already fluttering across his vision of Donatello kissing him back, of a smiling Donnie staring up at him instead of one twisted in terror and horror. He tried to remember a time when he and Don had gotten along instead of feared being in the presence of the other.
He dreamed of him again – a good dream, one of kisses, touches, and one of love making and happy moans. He wondered what his name sounded like upon those lips… his lonely mind continually conjured up images of the one person he wanted his love to be returned to. The miles separated them, but Raphael continued to remember Donatello. He thought of him all the time, he dreamed of him all the time, he felt like on some level Donnie was with him in his dreams, yet the dreams weren't real and he hated to sleep now.
But the road was never ending and was the only thing waiting for him upon opening his eyes and feeling the fading vision of arms wrapped around his waist and a head resting atop his chest. Sometimes the loneliness was the hardest part of the job.
Collide ~Howie Day
The dawn fell across them, finally giving light to the two males as they stared at each other from across the camp fire within the safety of their blankets. The pre morning was so beautiful, cold, damp, making Donatello shiver and his tongue to tie itself into knots at the very idea of saying anything to break the spell the dawn had created.
Raphael stared through the wispy smoke of the glowing embers, his eyes completely captivated by the sight of Donatello staring back at him; his eyes so dark and smoky and captivating as though calling for him across the short distance – yet they were miles away. Michelangelo was mumbling in his sleep and he knew Leonardo would be awake soon and it gave them neither privacy nor time to come together. All he could truly focus on for this fractured moment in time was a pair of haunting dark eyes belonging to the one person in their entire party that he cared for in a way that was stronger than just mere family love.
The last time they had collided and been in the same place for more than ten seconds, Donatello had closed his eyes, his lips parting in the kiss and he became so soft and pliant, willing to feel everything. Raph had dared to taste those lips, they had wrapped themselves together in a web of intrigue and they had lost themselves in the other. Raphael wanted for that, lusted for that moment when they could stare at the other, inches apart instead of feet apart. He wanted to kiss his shoulder this time – taste his neck. He wanted to hold hands with him; he wanted to make Donatello smile again. He had seen it that day, sparkling up at him as though the stars above had granted him some of their light.
The first impression he had got from the budding idea of romance with Donatello had been so strong and miraculous – his belly still twisted into knots at the pleasure of slipping away into a darkened corner so they could tempt the fates and kiss each other one more time during the day. Don was always on his mind and it scared him the first time Donnie had admitted he was on his mind as well.
He wanted the two of them to collide again. And soon.
Donatello's cheeks blossomed, staring directly at Raphael. His lips ached for another kiss; he wondered again what it felt like even though their kissing had just recently graduated to making out. He wanted so badly to feel those lips pressed to his again, melding to his, and Raph's lips forcing his to move against his. He wanted to kiss him more confidently this time, taking the lead for a change… but one look at Raphael made him want to give in to him and have himself be shaped into whatever position Raph desired.
Don wanted to touch his ass the next time they kissed.
Leonardo moved suddenly and stretched as he awoke, yawning in the dawn air before he rose to get ready for the day, the spell began to fade like the dew gathered upon the grass around them. Donatello couldn't remove his eyes from Raphael, drinking him in and trying so hard to not show that giddy happiness he felt towards him. He nodded slightly, his fingers curling into his blanket.
So? Did you enjoy them? I had fun. instead of just coming up with new things, I decided I wanted to try and get that spark back for the ones I was in the process of writing or trying to get done - and so everything you read - thing of them as "previews" for what I've got in the works ;) heehee
tell me what you think! :D I'm kinda excited at the prospect of getting back into the game of writing :3
~Melissa the Damgel