A/N: This was originally written quite a bit ago. It was inspired by one of George Carlin's stand-ups and my own personal experience with people asking me how I know I don't like something if I haven't tried it and sort of went from there.
It's short and pointless. I mean, it's just a scene. Nothing else much to it. It's Cyborg-centric, though.
I was talking to Kysra tonight and read it to her because we both love Cyborg and I found it again as I was on the phone with her, and she laughed so hard she insisted I post it up, as is. I told her it didn't have a point, and she said it didn't need a point.
So I told her I'd post it. I hope you agree with her!
Thanks: To George Carlin (may he rest in peace) for the inspiration, and to Kysra for insisting that it be posted.
Dog Days of Summer
"I will not now, never have, nor never will ever eat one of your nasty tofu hotdogs!" Cyborg exclaimed in frustration.
"But how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?!" Beast Boy whined.
"Because I have a sense of smell!" Cyborg countered, undeterred. "And because nothing that is supposed to be meat will EVER taste better made of some substitute crap that no one can identify."
"I like it," Beast Boy offered.
"Then you eat it," Cyborg pointed out logically. "I don't try to get you to eat meat, do I?" he asked.
"Only because then there's more for you," Beast Boy countered.
Cyborg grinned toothily. "Exactly," he said, satisfied and turned to grab the hot dogs on his plate only to find it empty. "HEY!" he exclaimed, looking at his teammates in a mixture of surprise and anger. "Who took my Super Mega Double Meat Treat Jumbo Hot Dog?"
Robin looked up from his chicken drum stick and blinked. "Don't look at us," he defended.
"None of us could carry that thing," Raven offered after she had swallowed the bite of her hamburger. "Let alone consider eating it."
"Well, someone took it…" Cyborg grumbled.
"Maybe you didn't take it off the grill?" Raven offered casually as she brought the burger back to her lips and took a graceful bite.
"Of course I took it off the…" Cyborg trailed off and sniffed at the air. "Aw, man!!!" he wailed as he stood and rushed back to the grill. Beast Boy fell onto the ground, laughing loudly as Cyborg tried to salvage his charred lunch. "Don't laugh, green man!" Cyborg threatened. "If you hadn't been bugging me with your tofu this and tofu that, I wouldn't have forgotten the Mega Jumbo on the grill!"
Beast Boy just continued right on laughing.
Cyborg removed the hotdog off the grill and onto a plate as fast as he could get the tongs to work, but he still nearly wept as he looked at the charred piece of flesh that was once a Super Mega Double Meat Treat Jumbo Hotdog.
Cyborg glanced at Starfire in shocked silence.
She blushed and shook her personal bottle temptingly. "Mustard can make anything better, Cyborg…perhaps…"
Cyborg grabbed the bottle without letting her finish and squeezed generous amounts of the yellowish substance onto the charred remnants of his beef. He took a large bite and chewed passed the hardness. He realized his friends were looking at him and shrugged, swallowing. His friends winced. "Well, once you get passed the tough like old leather part, it isn't so bad…" he laughed and ripped off another section. "After you've eaten Rae's pancakes, nothing much can be worse."
The ketchup bottle sailed through the air and toward him, encased in dark energy, but when he caught it easily and glanced at Raven, she was innocently eating her burger.
"Hey, thanks Rae…ketchup is exactly what it needed!" he enthused, squirting dollop after generous dollop onto his half eaten wiener.
A vein above Raven's left eyebrow throbbed momentarily, before she continued eating her burger, otherwise unperturbed.