So I'm strollin' down the street mindin' my own business when I saw a real live angel, 10 times more beautiful than any would-be Mrs. Wocky Kitakis, let me just say. She wore some crazy princess looking outfit like a fancy doll from a Japanese magazine, it was cool cause she rocked it though. That's when I just had to tell her, "Girl, you fine! You work dat snowflake ballerina lookin' gear! Awh yeah!" I didn't yell, I said it sweet-like 'cause that's what the honeys love. Gotta be frank with them. That's a true player's philosophy.
N-E ways, dat angel from heaven looked real surprised. Didn't take off her sunglasses, though. Just stared. Said, "Not girl." Slow an' clear, careful, guess she figured human beings don't speak American good. Or maybe she weren't so good at speaking it herself, whatever.
"I know, babe! You're a angel. Why doncha let me buy you a frappuccino while you tell me if it hurt."
"If it… hurt?" She looked at me sweet, lower lip quivering like she was abouts to cry.
"When you fell from heaven."
She tilted her head. Hair was real feathery, cute and fluttery, like gold wings. She hugged herself a little bit. "Not from heaven. From Borginia." No mistaking it, she was trying not to grin. Angels can't just give up their smiles, after all. She totally liked me, yo. I could tell even though she tried so hard to hide her feelings!
"Borginia? Dat near New Jersey? I flunked geometry."
"You are meaning… geography?"
"Failed dat too. The teacher was totally whack, yo!"
"Maybe if you study harder, you know Borginia is in North Europe." The angel started to walk away on those dainty little feet.
"Wait, girl, I ain't done praising your beauty yet." I ran after her. I get so sick of girls just walking away, too intimidated by my gangster self.
"I said I not girl," said the angel. She stopped right in the middle of the street, taking off her sunglasses. "I boy. Named Machi."
"Machi, that's a bomb-ass name. Is it Japanese?"
"I look Japanese?" Machi raised a yellow eyebrow at me.
"I've seen honeys from all over the world, baby, my love knows no nationality. Just Ifine-e-ality/I, and girl, you fine." The glitter of the angel's clothes weren't so shiny now, and I could see this angel had no curves. Guess Machi really was a boy, but I'm a gentleman. A gangster gentleman finishes what he start, and besides, it ain't gay if it starts out with you thinking the guy's a lady.
"You are Japanese, yes?"
"Awh yeah. I come from the finest Japanese gangster stock. You may have heard of the Kitakis." I readied myself for Machi's praise. Hey, maybe he'd even like me better, guys are into guns and stuff. I know I am.
Machi clapped his little pixie hands. "The pastry shops with fox logo! I love that little fox, it is so cute. Did you design?"
"I kinda helped. What's your favorite pastry?" Okay, so the whole side business part of the family ain't nearly as cool, but it does pay the bills. Sometimes it's even a little fun. Not as fun as bustin' caps, course.
"The… what is called? OG Cracker. Even though it is not as pretty, I thought, I must give it a try. And it good!" The angel was smiling now, his eyes sparkly and a real pretty pale blue. "I like so much!"
That's when I decided I had to marry that angel. Didn't care that he was a guy, after all, the samurais got together and wrote haikus to each other and it wasn't gay at all. Machi, he didn't realize I'd just made that big revelation. He just latched onto my arm and tugged me to a bubble tea stand. "You buy?"
So I bought us both boba. That's how I knew it was fated, yo. He didn't ask me for no fancy shoes or perfumes. Fact he didn't look at my wallet at all, said we could split if I wanted, but that's not what a true gangster does for his lady-type love.
As we slurped up the last of our tapioca, I looked over to Machi. "Yo, uh, this might seem sudden," and just as I was about to confess my love, I realized that wasn't very gangster. "Why don't we do this again soon?"
"I think I like that," said Machi. He smiled and he looked better than any angel. "You are nice. You are making me always laugh."
Machi had to go after awhile because he had an appointment, but he gave me his phone number. I figure I'll make him sweat tonight and call first thing in the morning tomorrow. Just before he left, he kissed me right on the cheek. I felt crazy tingly after that and had to stand around and get it together before I went home.
And that's why I was late for dinner, momma. You ain't got no right giving my steel samurai cheesy mac to the dog!
Wocky has strange way of talking, like man on TV with loud teeth. He nice, though, so nice. Wocky says he gangster, but really, he is wearing his apron with the cute fox, he is kissing momma on the cheek when he come home, he is giving me his jacket in the rain and making pretend he no upset when I beat him DDR. Wocky never makes fun, but his face is one of always laughter and smiles.
When I go his house, always there is so much food. Mrs. Kitaki says You're like a baby bird, eat up, hohoho! And if I say no, sorry ma'am I had big lunch, she give me scary look like eat it or else and shows me the katana broom handle so I learn fast just eat it! Then she back laughing.
Mr. Kitaki is a less scary face. He say, it so good to see young Wocky behave himself. He like you very much. Now always come to work on time, want to make money take you to movies. Wocky like movie with big gun, I like movie with kitten, we go see kitten movie.
They like me both very much. Mr. Kitaki tell me about fighting times of Kitakis. I tell about being orphan Borginia and how I come here. When Wocky overhear, he always get big tear in his eye. He say I should call him instead so much hardship. What, when I live in Borginia? When Daryan is mean? He says he would have popped a cap in Daryan's ass, but he would have to remove big stick in there first I think.
That is American joke. Was it good?
On my birthday, Mrs. Kitaki make me big big meal. Say I need to grow a proper butt like good Kitaki wife. Give me so many tempuras, katsudons, udons, spaghettis, roast fishes, pile big on plate. Then Wocky give me big OG cracker. My favorite! Wocky says he is sorry he not buying me more things. Since being arrested he gets no more allowance, but he work hard at job for poppa now. He says he sorry he not have fancy ride, cool gear or bling-bling for his #1 Angel Honey Babe. I say is fine! Like cake.
I like cake very much. I do not want the bling-bling the cool gear or the fancy ride. For my birthday Mrs. Kitaki give me nice hairpin, it call kanzashi. She say it is sharp and has… other… uses. If… people should… trouble me… for being with… the Kitaki heir. She have that scary look, but not threatening me. More like I am to do a threatening thing? Then she back laughing. For my birthday Mr. Kitaki give me nice white silk robe, it call kimono. Special material resist stains, even blood stains. These are good bling-bling and cool gear for Machi, don't you agree?
As for fancy ride, I like hands held walk in park best. If Wocky give me kiss on the bench near river, I am flying faster than Mercedes.
Dearest Lamiroir, this is why am smiling. It is my heart's delight. So please do not have a wig out. I am crazy good.