Title: "The Cooper Libido Experiment"
Author: g_girl143 / gwendy
Timeline: Post L/P...beyond Post L/P...
Summary: There are times when the thing you love the most will cause your downfall. In the case of Dr. Sheldon Cooper, that would be Science...
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the series and am not making any money out of this despite putting my sweat and blood into it. So save me the lawsuits and just allow a beggar to indulge in fantasies. Thank you.
A/N: Are you surprised by the new banner? YES YES YES! IT'S THE FINAL CHAPTER! Watch out for my bunny. And get a screwdriver, a wrench, pliers, or anything, because, you'll need something to twist your head back the right way once this is over :P
Penny stirred awake, and after several blinks, saw shadows and lights playing along an unfamiliar ceiling. She reached for her bedside lamp, but only swiped at thin air.
It took a moment and a sudden jolt of dull pain from almost every part of her body to remind her she was still in Sheldon's room after a very lengthy romp in the sack.
She glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven. Leonard, Howard and Raj were probably still in Newark, and being that the marathon included the new Star Wars Anakin Skywalker movies, she knew Leonard wouldn't be coming home any time soon.
Still, she gingerly began to pull herself away from the bed, careful not to make too much movement. She'd done her job. Sheldon's cured (although she really won't know for sure until he woke up) and she finally got laid by someone she'd wanted to get laid by. Everyone won. Everyone should be happy.
She still felt like crap.
Taking a deep breath to ward off the beginning of sobs, she rose from the bed.
She froze midway from standing, and turned to look at Sheldon. Some time that night, he had resettled himself in the middle of the bed, hands folded at his stomach, the sprinkle of hair on his chest, where the comforter failed to cover, sparkling in the moonlight.
Penny moved her eyes to his face. He was looking at her, but she couldn't meet his eyes. "You'll be fine now, Sheldon. Leslie told me that once we…once we finished doing this, you'll be okay. Like that program in Discovery Channel."
"I suppose," Sheldon breathed and turned his head so his gaze was now on the ceiling. "I need to do tests on myself at a later date, but I'm confident I have regained a sense of normalcy, as I no longer have the uncontrollable urge to copulate."
"That's…that's good to hear." Penny felt her heart break a little. What did she expect, anyway? Why did she have to constantly remind herself that this was just sex for a reason? "Well…I guess I better get going. I don't want to interrupt your sleep patterns or anything."
"It's unfortunately too late for that. The night's events as well as your presence have disrupted my routine and I doubt I shall be falling into step with my circadian rhythms tonight."
Penny tightened her lips. She felt a twinge of anger burn at the back of her head, and she rapidly began to fan it.
Better hate than hurt.
"A simple 'get out' would've been enough, you know," she managed to say without snapping. "You never had trouble telling me that before."
"I'm not telling you to leave." He turned to her again, and she suddenly remembered the time he'd slept over at her apartment. The look he was giving her was the same one he wore before asking her to sing 'Soft Kitty' to him. "If you want me to be more concise and direct to the point, what I want is for us to stay up and talk."
"Just let me sing for you and be done with it," she muttered. "That's what you want, right?"
"Nooo…" Sheldon stressed the last vowel and shook his head in one gentle sweep. Penny was once again hit by a bout of déjà vu. "I want us to stay up and talk."
Penny sighed and flopped back down on the bed. She was so not in the mood to talk right now. "Sheldon, if you want to discuss…this…" she moved a finger back and forth between them, "let's discuss it tomorrow. I'm tired and I want to sleep in my own bed."
"Do you know the average number of people in attendance at Comic Con every year?"
Penny frowned at him. She should've known he'd ignore her protests. He was back to the normal, annoying and overbearing Sheldon she'd known for years.
Well, at least she knew how to deal with this Sheldon, she thought, and the best way to stop his questions was just to answer them. "No, I don't know."
"One hundred and sixty-thousand," Sheldon answered, and Penny had to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying anything sarcastic, or from screaming 'Why the hell did you ask me if you knew?' "And it continues to increase with each succeeding year, as you may have seen for yourself in this year's Comic Con. Do you also know how many adults collect the limited edition My Little Ponies and attend Comic Con specifically for these collectibles?"
Something was beginning to flutter in Penny's chest, but she smothered it with annoyance. She didn't want to jump to any ideas. "No, I don't know."
"Neither do I, as the statistics have not been entirely tabulated," Sheldon shrugged. "But from what I can say from experience, is that there are quite a number willing to produce the necessary funds to acquire rare or limited edition items. At first I thought it was ludicrous, but then I would probably do the same if a mint condition Batman comic book autographed by Bob Kane were to be put up for auction—"
"Sheldon, you're losing me here."
"Oh, sorry." Penny caught Sheldon licking his lips, the way he always did when he was nervous. If he didn't interest her earlier, he certainly did now. "As it was, I spent several hours lining up, practically fighting with other collectors whilst in my Spock costume before I managed to acquire the Rapunzel pony, which I had later arranged to be shipped to the apartment, rather than have you and the others see me with the purchase. Other precautions were then taken so as not to compromise the item's presence, especially since your birthday wasn't until four months after Comic Con."
The flutter Penny had felt in her chest earlier stirred again, and this time, she couldn't ignore it. She knew Sheldon had gone through lengths to get Rapunzel for her. He had just never admitted it …until now. "What are you saying, Sheldon?"
Again, he licked his lips, and his hands were fidgeting when he spoke. "I'm saying you're giving the drugs far too much credit than my own regard for you."
Penny's breath caught. This time, she was able to lock her eyes with his, and in his blue eyes, she saw the reflection of…
…her own hope.
Dammit, she had to stop jumping to conclusions. "Sheldon, even back then you smelled my pheromones. Leslie said you have this viagranasal organ—"
"It's vomeronasal, not viagranasal. It seems like an apt name, so it's an understandable but inexcusable mistake."
Penny rolled her eyes. "Whatever, you still have it. You smelled me and liked me."
Sheldon's lips pursed in obvious annoyance, and she cocked a brow at him, daring him…wishing actually…to refute her.
"If it is true that I am only reacting to you because of the serum and my activated vomeronasal organ…" Sheldon pushed himself to a sitting position, and Penny, feeling the sudden urge to pull him to her, shifted herself a little ways off. "…then I would have reacted to Ramona at a stronger degree, being that she is the one who has been 'courting' me, so to speak. But I did not. I tried to initiate coitus with her but failed at arousal…something I have never failed to acquire with you, and this began the very first moment I saw you through the open door of your apartment."
This time, Penny couldn't come up with a reply. God knows she tried to think of something, anything to slap her out of her deluded visions. No, there was no way in hell that Sheldon Cooper was admitting he'd fallen in love with her at first sight.
After a moment of silence, Sheldon continued. "Penny...I remember you saying I had no idea about the value of the Rapunzel pony…but I did. I have done my research on your likes and dislikes, and know it is the rarest of the My Little Pony franchise. The hormones which dictated my unforgivable actions in the past week, I believe were also what drove me to purchase the item, only I refused to acknowledge it, attributing it solely to the law of reciprocity and the dictates of friendship. If you should give the drugs credit, then it would have to be for increasing the production of those hormones, thus making my body act upon what my mind has refused for years to believe."
Oh God, he was admitting it. He was admitting it, wasn't he? "T-To believe...that what?"
Sheldon didn't even hesitate. "That I have strong chemical and physiological reactions to you. That my blood circulation, pulse rate and temperature rise at the mere sight of you. That my sweat glands produce moisture at the nearness of you. That the hair on my skin rise as in the phenomena commonly known as goosebumps whenever you touch me. That my heart constricts though not in an unpleasant way, whenever you manage to defy my logic or overpower me with your will."
Penny was too shocked for words, and she was suddenly taken back to six months ago, when the boys had given her a private birthday bash. She'd kissed Leonard and Raj's cheeks for their gifts and almost slapped Howard.
But Sheldon…she'd kissed him on the lips in front of the others and she hadn't even cared. She hadn't because she realized then that she…
…she loved him. She truly did, and she'd damned well been in denial.
It all made sense now. Those six sexless months were not because of the lack of opportunity. There'd been plenty of men.
But there was only one Sheldon.
He must've taken her silence as though she hadn't understood. "If you wish for me to put it in layman's terms, I unfortunately have not studied enough urban slang to communicate it. Hormones control what human beings feel. And it seems...I have had large concentrations of these hormones overrunning the inner workings of my system for several years now and—"
"Geez, Sheldon, is it that difficult for you to say you love me?" Penny blurted, her face bursting with smiles.
Sheldon's brows met in a frown. "But...I don't love you."
"Oh." The arms which she had begun to raise to hug him fell to her sides once more. Whatever wonderful, pink, happy balloon which had bloomed inside her only a moment ago deflated, and she had to look away, lest he see her tears. What the hell did you expect, Penny? This is Sheldon for crying out loud! "O-Of course you don't. What was I thinking? You just have the hots for me and—"
She stopped when she felt his hand on top of hers. She turned and saw his face was a mirror of seriousness, his blue eyes luminescent even in the poor light. "Penny…I don't love you because…I don't believe love is sufficient to describe what I feel and have been feeling for you. I don't think any word would suffice."
Penny felt as though the world had just stopped turning. She could care less if it did…or if she just died right there and then.
Maybe she already did. Because she'd never felt this content…or this happy.
It wasn't until she felt the tears running down her cheeks that she realized she was crying, even more so when Sheldon moved to put his hands on her shoulders.
"Penny...did I say anything offensive?"
"N-No. Just hormones I guess." Penny smiled through her tears and began to wipe them away. "I guess I agree with you. I don't love you either."
"Good." The smile he gave her was small but sweet—like the time he first taught her how to play Age of Conan; the time she accepted his offer to loan her money; the time he watched her open her birthday gift; but this was different. This was meaningful. "Then, we are in agreement that what we feel for each other is unquantifiable and indescribable."
Penny didn't think she could be any more shaken than she already was, and fresh tears began to fall as she leaned over to bury her head at the nook of Sheldon's neck. She let out a sob when he put his arms around her.
"Indescribable..." she sniffled. "I like that."
"Penny, you're still crying," he complained, though the concern in his voice was clear as a bell. "It's hormones, you say? Did the act of coitus transfer some of the serum to you? Because although we did share bodily fluids—"
She put a finger on his lips. "Why don't you shut up now, okay honey?" She took her finger away and replaced it with her lips. "You've said enough...you've said more than enough..."
They kissed for a little while; softly, tentatively, no incessant hunger; just a simple dance of lips upon lips, but it was probably the sweetest thing Penny had ever known.
In a way, this was her first kiss with the real Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and she knew then she'd want him to be the last one to ever kiss her like this.
Then, he pulled back. "Can I say one last thing?"
Penny narrowed her eyes at him. "Only if it doesn't involve bodily fluids."
"Well...no. But Penny..."
He reached for her hand and put it over his heart. She could feel the steady beats against his chest, and she imagined hers were in the same rapid, exhilarating pace. "You said earlier that this will not mean something to me…but it does. It does mean something."
She smiled. The whack-a-doodle was just too sweet. "I think I already got the idea a while ago."
"You said one last thing, Sheldon." Penny pushed him down the bed and straddled him. "Now, shut up and let me do the work this time."
It wouldn't be until around a month or so later that she would learn what he had been about to say. This time though, it came with a ring.
Leslie Winkle gave one last click of the mouse and sent cards flying out of the screen from her solitaire game. She moved her eyes away from the computer and frowned at the clock. It was getting late, but she couldn't leave the lab unless…
Her office door flew open, and in came a livid Ramona Nowitzki.
"About time," Leslie smirked, but remained where she was seated on her swivel chair. "I was going to call the police and send a search party after you. How'd it go with Dr. Dumbass?"
"It didn't work…again!" Ramona shrieked, her hands in the air. Her eyeliner was smeared and her lipstick was streaked across her jaw. Leslie thought she looked like the female version of Joker…except creepier; but heck if she was gonna be scared. "I gave him triple the dosage. Triple! And you showed me the lab results. I've been the one emitting higher concentrations of pheromones. Not Penny. Unless you somehow switched the vials—"
"Nope. I didn't. I gave you the same serum I've been giving you for weeks." Leslie shrugged. "However, it wasn't until recently I discovered a flaw in the formula, at least, when it came to human subjects."
Ramona's eyes almost bugged out of their sockets. "A…flaw?"
"Yup." Leslie nodded. "Aside from increasing the libido, it actually lessens inhibitions, but not desires. Ergo, it acts almost like liquor, which is why I'm giving up on the experiment on the basis that it's pointless since such a substance with the same effects already exists."
Ramona's jaw dropped. Leslie counted in her head to five, and sure enough, Ramona snapped…verbally.
"You bitch," she screamed. "You can't fucking do that! I'm going to have you sued. Yes, that's what I'll do. My dad's a lawyer. I'll make sure to tell him and everyone that you unlawfully and unethically subjected Dr. Cooper to this experiment without his knowledge and—"
"You're forgetting something," Leslie interrupted in a bored tone, and held up a piece of paper. She almost laughed at the look on Ramona's face. "Yes, that's the contract. I believe your father would be able to understand the terms of this secrecy agreement, and that involves me suing your ass if this thing ever gets out."
"That I am," Leslie admitted, still smirking as she pointed to four corners of the room. "And did I mention I have security cameras? Had them on since the first day you dropped by and proposed the experiment. So yes, I would actually prefer that you sue me. That way I can collect a great settlement which I may be able to use as funding for more important research."
Ramona's entire body shook, like a rocket about to launch. Then, with one last screech, she ran out of the office, slamming the door along the way.
Leslie stood up and took her time locking the door. The variable has been removed. Success rate of the experiment was up 99.95%. The only thing she needed to do now was place the call.
She took out her cell phone and dialed. The answer came after five rings.
"I did it," she muttered. "Dr. Dumbass is sure to be in bed with Malibu Barbie by now."
"You wanna go check yourself?"
"I don't think I should."
"I don't think you should either. They're probably still humping like rabbits. What I would want you to do, though, is to reward me for all the hard work I've done."
"Is that an invitation for me to come over?"
"Yes. And don't forget your end of the deal."
Male laughter came from the other end of the line. "The deal was to get Dr. Sheldon Cooper married first before I accept your marriage proposal."
"Oh, trust me, he will be. Give it a month, he will be."
"So you're predicting that in a single month, you will have accomplished what I've failed to do for years?"
"Nothing a good libido enhancer can't fix. Besides, with the history you gave me surrounding those two, it won't be surprising they would get married that soon. So what say you, Dr. Hofstader?"
"I'll see you at their wedding, Mrs. Hofstader."
"Future Mrs. Hofstader." Leslie corrected. "I already gave you the specifics of the engagement ring I desire. Make sure you deliver the proposal to me after you give your best man speech."
"Still want to steal the limelight from Sheldon?"
"Hey. He may be your best friend but he's still a dumbass in my book."
Leonard smiled as he said goodbye to Leslie and slipped his cell phone back in his pocket.
God, he loved that woman. She was strong where he was weak, and he was soft where she was hard. They compliment each other, much like Sheldon and Penny did. He knew he was thinking all kinds of sickly sweet nothings, but he was too happy to think himself silly.
It wasn't as though anyone could read his thoughts. No one could, which was why he'd been able to lie through his teeth, starting with his reaction to seeing Penny kiss Sheldon on the lips during her birthday. He'd acted uncomfortable, jealous even, but what he had in mind was the realization of exactly how deeply Sheldon and Penny felt for each other, and a worm of a plan.
Unfortunately, his subtle ways of playing cupid resulted in even subtler, if not non-existent results.
Then, by some twist of fate (good karma, if Raj were to be asked), Leslie had proposed to him and they'd struck a deal, which resulted in weeks of nocturnal lab work with her, giving him the perfect excuse to have Sheldon and Penny spend more time together. Ramona's entering the scene while Leslie was looking for human test subjects for the serum was all too perfect, though Leonard had to admit using Stephanie later was crossing the line, but it was necessary.
Well, that was done now. The Cooper Libido Experiment (he'd coined that, though Leslie still insisted they should've added 'dumbass' somewhere) couldn't have been more successful. It was ironic, Leonard thought, that it took Science, Sheldon's first love, to make him realize it's not his first love after all.
Leonard whistled to himself as he exited the men's room and back inside the theater. He and Leslie deserved a Nobel Prize for this really, but he could settle for some hot animal sex with her later.
"What did I miss?" he asked as he slipped in beside Raj and grabbed some popcorn.
"Dude, you totally missed Princess Leia in her metal bikini."
"What call would be so important to make you miss that?" Howard called from Raj's left. "It was the single most shining moment of—"
"Sheldon dumped Ramona," Leonard interrupted. Raj and Howard both leaned over to look at him, and he took in a mouthful of popcorn to hide his smile. "Didn't I tell you everything would be fine?"
The two men nodded and drew back to their seats.
The next few minutes were spent in relative silence.
"Howard," Raj called without taking his eyes off the screen, "Can you pass me the nachos?"
Leonard leaned over to look at Raj's left and found an empty seat.
A few days later…
"Howard, it's the phone!"
"I know it's the phone, Ma! I heard it the first time."
"Well, answer it for crying out loud! It's your Indian friend, he says it's Wednesday so it's Halo Night."
"I know what day it is Ma! You're not the one who plays Halo on Wednesdays, you know."
"Just answer it already! I need to use it and you're not the one who pays the telephone bills you know."
Howard groaned, annoyed that he didn't have a retort for that. He started to reach for the phone when a manicured hand slid along his arm and held the receiver down.
"Mr. Wolowitz, do you think a night of mindless shooting at virtual enemies would aid you in acquiring a PhD to go with your Masters degree?"
Howard craned his neck a little to look at Ramona Nowitzki, who was still sprawled naked beside him. She was still blonde and damned hot, but the look she was giving him now made him shudder. "Uhm…not exactly, but studies have shown videogames actually increase brain power—"
"It does not change the fact that Halo has no relation to your career as an engineer," Ramona snapped. "The reason why your friends disrespect you is because of your lack of a PhD. You need to prove them wrong by getting one. Now march on over to your desk and study."
"Y-Yes, Ma'am," Howard rose from the bed and slipped on his pajama bottoms before heading for the text books on his desk. He gave one more glance at Ramona, who was now sitting up with the covers to her chest, her grin spreading to her ears.
Howard began thinking that perhaps this had not been the brightest of ideas he'd acted upon.
A/N: *smiles* So…got your heads twisted back the right way? I'm still seeing the back of your heads from here. Okay, good. Got stiff necks? Worry about that later.
Oh, did I mention that the bunny I told you to watch out for would be cute, cuddly, fuzzy and fluffy? I mean come on, after all the angst, we deserve some fluff right? Blame Sheldon's confessions on Michael Bolton!
I said I loved you but I was wrong
'Coz love could never ever feel this strong
So…how'd you like the twists? I think I mentioned even in the first chapter that Leslie's going along with this scheme has a purpose. And I wanna know…did anyone see Leonard coming? I mean, I was dropping clues like crazy but it's either I was too subtle, or all the Ramona hate smothered it, LOL. Try re-reading the fic, but if you don't have time, here are some of the hints I'd dropped: Leonard, whispering Penny's name to Sheldon with the whole sandwich slicing; Leslie, knowing it was Stephanie who left the earring in her dad (recall also the conversation Leslie had with someone after the Barnett confrontation, it was Leonard she was talking to); Leonard, coming home to get 'research papers' then offering a handkerchief to Penny to dry her tears (we find that same handkerchief in Leslie's lab, in a zip-loc bag); Leonard, leading Penny to the bulletin board that had Leslie's ad on it (guess who the two people who tacked it back up there are); the all too perfect timing of Leonard and the guys going for a Star Wars marathon at Newark. Hmm…I think that actually covers almost everything.
And about the Ramona/Howard hook-up? Come on, who else can be creepier than Howard? HAHAHA! When this idea came up, I just ROFLed! My betas, gemsile123 and
life_coveter loved the idea too. Gah! Me brain thinks I should ship Howard/Ramona, along with Leslie/Leonard, Missy/Raj and well, you know my other ship LOL.
There might still be some holes, some questions, but the fic's finished. It was a great run, and I'm almost sad that it's over but we all had fun I think.
Thanks to ruby_caspar for the inspiration. Guys, you're gonna miss half your life if you don't read her fics "Losing Balance" which inspired this fic. Oooh! And read "Cut Off" too! It's uber funny and I can so picture it out as an episode in the near S/P canon future ;)
Thanks also to babebubeboink99, fellow Pinay S/P fan, who continued to encourage me and sent me links for references on Chapter 16 (you know what I mean! Haha)
Then of course, my two wonderful and diligent betas, gemsile123 and life_coveter , for putting up with me and my grammatical errors, and for giving wonderful insights and advices which helped polish this material for easy and enjoyable reading. You know I love you guys, mwah!
And to you, dear readers and fellow S/P fans, thank you so much for your lovely comments, for following this fic, for joining me in this alternate universe joyride of Sheldon and Penny love. I would not have been able to finish this without you because hey! Seriously, I did this fic for you guys, and I hope you'll join me again someday, if I happen to come up with another fic. I've got a few bunnies looking up pleadingly at me right now, but I think I'll let my muse rest for a little while ;)
Season 3 is up, make sure to spread the internet buzz on our couple! Show the world our love for S/P!
And now, the ultimate question: Can you suggest any scene/s in the entire fic that would make for a good fanart? Go to the thread below! :D
Again guys, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You're all just great and you make me go COLON CAPITAL D all the time! Thank you also for being there for me through my grief. Losing my dog, Axel, was a tough time for me but you were all there, ready with your condolences, the There There and the Soft Kitty. Seriously guys, in the words of Sheldon in this fic, I DON'T LOVE YOU! ^_^ Sheldon/Penny FOR THE WIN!