I Just Want to Love You
A/N: I felt like writing Brooke/BLish something or other. I do have some BL "fans" and thought this could semi-please them. Even if its angst and so unlike me. I always invite all ships to read anything I write. And nothing is ever as it seems with me. :) Title is a song by The Strange Familiar.
Summary: And for years she'd loved him, even though it killed her. She knew he had Peyton and she had Julian. But there was still a hole in her heart. She still wanted him to fight for her. Even after all this time. BJu/BL/LP [Julian/Brooke/Lucas/Peyton]
Dedicated to: Team Sophia- because one "Fallen" has got to be one of the most beautiful Brooke centric things I've ever read. And two because she still appreciates work of an LPer like me. Thanks a ton, you deserve a medal. Haha. :)
A circle: Infinite. Forever. Never ending.
Brooke watched as the jeweler placed the wedding band displays in front of her. The gold and platinum glimmered and sent a shiver down her spine. This was it. She was getting married. Brooke Davis was getting married in two weeks. And it seemed so unreal to her. She was going to be someone's wife.
She looked up and the elder man's face with alarm.
"Sorry, I was just…"
"Daydreaming," the jeweler said finishing her thought. "A lot of youngings do that. Rings are big."
Brooke smiled. "It seems so real now."
The man laughed. "More real then the diamond on your finger?" He pointed to the engagement ring that adorned her finger.
She looked down at her finger. It was beautiful. White gold, a four carat princess cut diamond in the center, with small blue sapphires surrounding the center. She just never imagined her ring to be so extravagant.
"Maybe." She smiled sheepishly.
"Well we have a lot of nice choices in bands. Do you know what style your fiancé prefers?"
Her fiancé. The one who left most of there wedding plans up to her. He was a man after all. How interested could he be in flowers or menus or even rings? All though the ring once placed on his finger by her would stay there for the rest of his life. Their life. Or at least that was the idea.
She pondered the old man's thoughts for a moment. In front of her were bands with diamonds incrusted into the ring, she knew that it wasn't his style nor was it hers.
"I'd say we both agree on simple,"
"Ah simple," He said moving a different display onto the glass top in front of her.
Simple was an understatement in her world. Brooke Davis had never really had anything simple in her life. Everything had always been hard and confusing and mostly complicated. She wanted this marriage to work and she wanted her happiness to come to her in a way it never had came to her before. Simply.
She picked up two white gold bands that were a set and held them in both of her hands. In the surface she could see her reflection.
"Nice Pick," The jeweler said nodding and running his hands through his head of gray hair. "Those are 24 carat white gold, simple and classic."
She grinned. "I'll take them." And she placed them back onto the display.
"Would you like any inscription on the inside?"
"Well you'll have to call my fiancé and ask for mine but for him I just want, Brooke and Julian Baker, Just like a movie forever."
The man quickly jotted down her words onto a piece of paper and smiled at her.
"All-righty Miss Davis. All set. I have a Peyton Scott picking them up at 8 am two weeks from now." He said reading off the sheet in front of him.
Peyton Scott, it's still got to her every time.
"Yes that's it."
"Well Miss Davis soon to be Baker. Thanks for you business. Congrats!" The jeweler said throwing her a grin.
She tapped her fingertips onto the glass top of the counter, an old habit, and threw him in return a cheesy smile of her own. "No! Thank you."
And with that she turned on her heels and walked out of the jewelry store.
They both agreed to live in Wilmington. It was a couple hours out of Tree Hill, and the third biggest Film City in the United States. She could work from anywhere; on the basis she could make trips to New York or even to L.A as needed. He decided to start his own production company, and get his father off his back for good. It was a neutral city, one they could both live in without having it focus on one of them solely, like New York or Los Angeles would have done. It was a fresh start, with Sam starting college that fall; it seemed like the perfect place to make their life together.
But there where flaws to that plan. Her two god-children lived in Tree Hill, the ones she loved like they were her own, she didn't want to miss them grow up. And also the fact that Tree Hill had always been home. Even after everything that happened in that strange little town, it was her home. Julian reasoned they'd only be a few hours away and could visit when ever they wanted. But it wasn't the same.
She navigated a few blocks of the new city until she found her SUV. She got inside and drove towards home, or her new home anyway.
They had bought a beautiful home, right on Wrightsville Beach. It was big and let in a lot of really good light. It was perfect. When they first looked at the 5 bedroom house, Julian whispered in her ear, "Lots of room. Enough to have some little feet to pitter patter across the floor, huh Brooke?"
They both wanted children. She loved that about him, because he had been one of the only men to love her for her and on top of that to love Sam for Sam. She watched him with Sawyer and Jamie and she knew that one day she'd marry him. Just because to the untrained eye it seemed that they both wanted all the same things.
But there where some things that she wanted, that she knew she'd never have. And none of those things she so desperately wanted could Julian give her. They were impossible and selfish wants. But she couldn't help but think about how different her life would be if something different had happened. If one of her pregnancy scares in High School hadn't been just a scare, if the night Lucas came to New York she let him kiss her more than once and not call it a mistake, or if he had called her to go to Vegas to get married. All different roads that weren't taken, all things that weren't meant to be, just fates way of saying Lucas was not hers to have.
The house was empty and quiet. She hated the quiet because it always made her mind start to spin. She began to think and over-think anything and everything. It was her vice, an old dirty habit, which usually left her writing awful things about herself on the mirror with lipstick. She was beginning to think that that would be her only way of getting all those awful thought out of her mind. But maybe just keeping them deep inside a little bit longer could help her fight that lingering feeling inside.
The sound of Samantha's voice startled her. She seemed to in her own little world today, the little world that tortured her with her every past experience in her life.
"Sam, what are you doing home?" She said turning around quickly. Her daughter came and sat down next to her on the coach with a huge smile on her face.
"Am I not allowed to come home?"
Brooke laughed lightly. "You are. What are you so happy about anyway?"
"Things. You seem down."
"Don't change the subject Samantha."
"Ooohh Pull out the big guns, my whole first name!"
"Sam!" Brooke pleaded.
"Fine." Sam said her cheeks starting to turn red. "Jack."
"One word sentences Sammy?"
"Sorry Mom. I'm just processing."
Brooke placed her chin in her palm and began tap her finger against her cheek.
"Hmmm." Brooke said. "I guess you can get back to me."
"Fine." Sam rushed out. "He told me he loved me."
"NO WAY!" Brooke gushed and suddenly found a huge smile glued to her face.
"Yeah." Sam said nodding her head.
"And what did you say?" Sam looks over and catches Brooke's eye.
"Um…" Sam bites down on her bottom lip hard. "I said…I said Thanks."
"You said Thanks?!"
"Yes!" Sam hops up and begins to pace. "I'm such an IDIOT!"
"Oh honey, you're not an idiot!"
"Okay!" Brooke exclaimed holding up her hands in surrender. "Let's act like grown ups here."
"I guess love is a grown up thing," Sam said sitting back down.
"It is. And if this boy really loves you, this is going to be one of the most important days of your life."
"Why do you say that?"
Brooke sighed and placed her hand on Sam's knee. "Because love is the purest thing on the planet babe. And true love is rare and beautiful. If you and Jack have that kind of connection then this day will mark some of the best days of your life."
Sam smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Like you and Julian?"
Truth be told, as much as she loved Julian, in that moment she wasn't thinking of him at all.
Sawyer had grown up so fast. She stood in front of one of those full length mirrors twirling in her white flower girl dress. It brought a huge smile to Brooke's face.
"Peyton, she's so beautiful." Brooke gushed.
"I did pretty damn good huh?" Peyton yelled from the dressing room.
"Ha-ha. You bet."
Sawyer Brooke Scott was truly beautiful. She had a head full of Strawberry Blonde spirals, her mothers shinning green eyes, and Lucas's dimples. They showed every time that little girl smiled.
Peyton swung the door of the stall and came out in her bridesmaid dress.
"Are you trying to steel all my attention P. Scott?"
Peyton laughed and smoothed the dress as she looked over her figure in the mirror.
"I have hips now."
Brooke nodded. "You had a baby!"
"She's all growned up now." Peyton said reaching over and touching her three and a half year old daughter's shoulder.
"You know you look hot."
"Okay Brooke. I've seen your dress. I come no where near you hotness level."
"I was really going for hot."
Peyton smoothed the white flowing fabric of her dress and gave Brooke a smile.
"I'm sorry. You look elegant and so beautiful in the dress. Really. Words aren't my thing B."
And they both knew that was the truth.
It was quiet again. Except for into the silence was the sound of Julian's breathing.
They we're lying in bed together, their bodies filling in all the gaps of space the other had left. It was perfect. Everything seemed to fit.
"What on your mind, Miss Davis?"
She smiled at him and tucked a chestnut strand behind her ear. Pillow talk, her favorite part of the day.
He leaned into her and pushed his reading glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, I haven't been much help."
"No, no, no. It's okay."
"It's not." He said looking at her, his brown eyes brimming with all the seriousness in the world.
She held the side of him face and pressed a soft kiss to his stubby cheek.
"Sawyer and Peyton tried on their dresses again today."
"Really? How'd they look?"
"What?" he said laughing.
"Jack told Sammy he loved her."
"Hey, that's what I said!" She laughed hard and they both grinned at each other.
"I'm happy for her, she deserves it."
"You're not going to go all sikco Dad on her?" Brooke asked and pressed herself into him so he was holding her.
"No, Brooke Davis. She's eighteen what can I do?"
"I can't wait to marry you." He said and leaned in and kissed her.
It was magic, their kisses; she could feel his love for her in every corner of her body.
"I know," She said smiling when they broke apart.
The lights were shut out and they both lay down ready to sleep.
But instead of dreams, Brooke was faced with her reality. She really does want to marry him, she does.
The rehearsal dinner brings out all the doubts that have ever crept into her mind and shatters them into a billion little pieces.
Lucas and Peyton.
She watches them laugh and flirt and play.
All these years she wasted holding on to her feelings for that blonde boy. All those years she still loved him, maybe not loved him, but the person he use to be, The person that use to love her. She knew he had Peyton just like she had Julian. But that still didn't make that sixteen year old girl inside of her scream and say, "But he's my boyfriend." He wasn't hers anymore. He was Peyton's husband. That changed everything.
She suddenly felt a tug on her skirt and looked down to see Sawyer smiling at her. She saw them in that little girl, she saw the happiness that she'd never got the chance to give to him and she knew that whatever leftover feelings she felt for Lucas would have to disappear. That way that little girl would have a fighting chance at the kind of family that both Brooke and Peyton had always longed for.
Brooke excused herself to the bathroom. She felt like a little girl who had just received money and had to rush out a spend it. It was burning a hole in her pocket. All those thoughts in her head had also had another interesting realization. She was late.
She tore open the packaging for the test like wrapping paper on a Christmas present. She had been so mixed up lately. She didn't realize how she felt about the possibility of having Julian's baby. She relieved some of her bladder on to the small wand that held a future. A future of could be's and maybes.
And when the two little lines appeared. She knew that the little lingering voice in the back of her mind, the one that kept dragging her to Lucas, would be gone forever. Everything had truly just changed.
Brooke returned back to the party and enjoyed herself. Tomorrow was her big day. Though to her today seemed pretty big too.
As the party was winding down and people began to leave, he came over to her.
"I'm so happy for you Brooke."
She looked into those blue eyes and smiled. "Thanks Lucas."
"Your welcome pretty girl,"
She looked down at her shoes and then back to him. "Did you have a good time?"
"I did. Sawyer did too." He pointed behind him, to where Peyton was standing talking to Julian. Sawyer was asleep on Peyton shoulder as she held the little sleeping girl.
"I see that, we wore her out,"
"That's not hard," he said laughing. "That girl definitely has a lot of energy. But she's only three, so she crashes. Good thing her middle names Brooke huh?"
She smiled at his compliment. She knew exactly what he was trying so hard to say.
Lucas held his arms out and she received him and they hugged. She breathed in his sent and knew that she'd always remember how much he use to mean to her. There would always be a hole in her heart where his love used to be. Of course a part of her would always wish he had fought for her but now all she wanted was the hole to be filled with a friendship and for him to fight for her in a whole new way. So that they could be friends. Real friends, without the strings, or awkwardness or that glimmer doubt. She knew that the final chapter of Brooke and Lucas's love had ended. And that it had ended when he pledged his life to her best friend. But she had only just now finished reading.
They pulled apart and both smiled.
"Thanks for coming Luke."
"No problem, See you tomorrow."
She nodded and watched as him and Peyton left the party together.
A ring symbolizes your eternal commitment to someone.
And as he promised to love her forever, she knew he meant it.
The vineyard was beautiful, tea lights at dusk. Julian Baker was her dream and now her forever.
Her extravagant engagement ring had been replaced by a simple and beautiful band.
She looked over to Peyton, her maid of honor, and saw her smiling with tears streaming down her face. Sam was also close to tears and Haley was bawling. Sawyer looked confused.
Brooke vowed to Julian that her love for him would always be as strong for him that it was in that moment. That no matter what happened she would stay committed to him from now to forever more.
It was sealed with a kiss, and she had never been so in love with anyone ever. It was the end to a perfect day and as Julian would say the best end to a really great movie. Only they got to live that movie for the rest of their days.
In that moment as they walked down the aisle her happiness came to her in a way it never had before. Simply.
A/N: What a one-shot?! That just came out and who knew it would come out to that. It feels good. I really love Brooke/Julian. Also on a personal note, I'm actually starting to get excited about school starting. Because I'm taking a creative writing class. So hopefully it'll be fun and I'll get to write about what I want to. Also I really hope I don't get stuck writing poetry because I really suck at that :b haha. Hope everyone enjoyed it. I've been up a few hours just writing. At 8AM a One Tree Hill marathon comes on over at Soap net. I can't decide to go to sleep for a few hours or just stay awake. Please give me feedback on this. I've never worked straight through the night on anything.