Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all of the characters, settings and some of the events are hers too. Is there anything she doesn't own?
Summary: How Remus comes to realise he likes Sirius and how they get together. I totally suck at summaries, the story is way better than what it sounds like, at least...I hope. pales
Pairing: Sirius/Remus and OC/Remus but it's only a little bit and Remus isn't actually attracted to her at all.
Rating: erm, NC 17? M? I don't know! It's got a couple of graphic sex scenes so you tell me!
Warnings: Smutty yaoi scenes at the end, (yes, it's what you want, smut chasers ;D) coarse language and maybe a little fluff (don't kill me!). There is a little bit of het, but it's ok: Remus doesn't actually like it and thinks about Sirius while it's happening! XD There's also a long snogging scene near the end (I do love a good snog scene XP) and the end is basically a ginormous PWP. For those who think they may have read this before; I've added a LOT to the end, so maybe it's worth reading again ;D.
Right Under His Nose
"Come on Remus, you've been doing homework all day" Eloise whined.
"Yes, and I need to do a little more" Remus replied, trying to shake her off.
"But I want to have some fun" Eloise whispered, trailing her hand up Remus' thigh in an attempt at seduction which was completely lost on him.
"I'm sorry El, but I'm busy".
Eloise huffed and withdrew her hand haughtily.
It was a cold, snowy Saturday afternoon of the Christmas holidays and as usual, Remus Lupin was in the empty dormitory completing his homework. He had been alone for the first half of the day because Sirius and James were in detention and Peter had gone home for the holidays. But then Eloise had decided he needed some company. It wasn't that he didn't like her, it was just, he wasn't really attracted to her. James and Sirius had kept telling him that he needed a girlfriend, so to stop them pestering him, he'd gone and gotten one. Eloise was kind and pretty and a lot of the boys in his year had had a crush on her at some point, but he just wasn't attracted to her. She'd kissed him a couple of times since they'd been dating but every time he had felt nothing and even when she tried to turn him on with touching, nothing happened. He guessed she just wasn't his type, but he didn't know what his type was.
For a while he'd wondered if he preferred red heads or maybe blondes but in the few wet dreams that he'd had, he distinctly remembered the person had had silky black hair. Remus was kind of disappointed that he didn't remember the dreams because he wanted to be attracted to someone and was sick of feeling abnormal in yet another department.
Remus was wrenched from his thoughts when Eloise poked his shoulder harshly.
"What? Sorry; didn't hear you" he mumbled, re-reading the last sentence of his essay.
"I said, that we never do anything couples do. We haven't even had sex yet, or anything close to it" Eloise exclaimed, obviously annoyed with her boyfriend's lack of interest in her.
Remus didn't answer straight away.
He'd always worried about when this moment would come. He knew if he tried to have sex with Eloise he'd just humiliate himself. He wouldn't be able to explain to her why he wasn't attracted to her and he'd have to face the truth about being weird in that way as well as in all the other ways he was abnormal.
He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make Eloise upset or dump him.
"Well, I've been busy" he replied doggedly.
He looked up from his essay to see Eloise glaring at him in frustration, her eyes narrowed and pretty mouth quirked into a half smirk.
"Too busy to shag? Come on! It doesn't even take that long. You're acting like it's a chore!"
"Well, I have important stuff to do and I don't have time for sex" Remus argued, avoiding her hazel coloured eyes.
"You would have time for it if you'd just let me show you how good it can be" she replied, a suggestive grin on her face.
"El, I-" Remus made to protest but he was silenced by her mouth.
He supposed she was a good kisser but he had to come to that conclusion by examining her technique, not by how she made him feel because really, no matter what she did he felt nothing. He thought though, that maybe if she got what she wanted from him, she would leave him alone for a while, and maybe he would actually be turned on by whatever she was going to do. So he let her kiss him, her leaning over the desk to where he was sitting behind it. She apparently decided to take it further though, and slipped around the side of the desk to lean him back into the chair. Eloise released his lips and trailed her hand down his chest to stop at the waistband of his pants, watching his face carefully the whole time. Remus looked away from her eyes and instead at the open window.
He could feel her fingers slowly undoing his buttons and zip and touching him softly. He had to admit, it did feel nice if he just didn't look at her.
He felt her pull him out of his pants and kneel down in front of him. Realising what she was about to do, he shifted uncomfortably, not really wanting her to do it but she put both hands on his hips to keep him still. Remus felt her pause and knew she was watching him but he couldn't meet her eyes and continued to look out the window stubbornly.
She seemed to give up however and enveloped him in her mouth. Now he had to admit it really felt nice, but there was something missing.
Remus didn't feel like a part of what she was doing. It was as if she was just doing him a favour; it wasn't like a two person activity. He could feel Eloise applying suction and swirling her tongue around and he could feel himself hardening but it wasn't enough. He tried to feel more aroused, closing his eyes and just basking in the feelings coursing through his body, but he needed that something extra to push him over the edge. He could feel Eloise's annoyance and discomfort. She had been kneeling on the floor for a while and her mouth was really stretched, so her jaw must have felt tired. He felt a warm puff of breath ruffle the wiry hair below his stomach as she sighed and he realised she wanted this to finish already. Remus desperately cast around for something that he might have found arousing but there was nothing. He tried to dredge up those dreams that he'd had but he couldn't remember what had been so arousing about them. He growled in frustration, wondering why he was so screwed up. He had a beautiful girl on her knees in front of him, sucking him off and he wasn't even turned on properly.
He could just see Sirius laughing if he ever found out about this. His eyes would get that wicked look in them and his grin would light up his whole face. He'd flip his hair to the side to fix Remus with that stare that never failed to make him flush, and dish out one of the cheeky comments he was so well known for. As the image of Sirius flipping his hair and grinning, swam before Remus' minds eye, he wondered if Sirius' hair was as soft as it looked. It was the source of many of James' jokes because hair that nice had to be carefully looked after. Remus imagined what it would feel like running his hands through those silky tendrils, watching it slip through his fingers, tugging on it sharply to make Sirius gasp and rear his head back, arching his back and exposing bare skin...
Remus gasped in surprise as his hips lifted off the chair and he came hard into Eloise's mouth, his orgasm racking his body, making him convulse. Unable to believe what had just happened, his eyes fluttered open and he looked down at his girlfriend in shock.
I just came to the image of one of my male best friends while my girlfriend was sucking me off...
The words kept replaying over and over again in his head, reminding him of just how sick and disturbed he was.
Eloise swallowed and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.
"Took you long enough" she grinned.
Remus didn't have the mind to grin back and just sat there in shock.
I just came to the image of one of my male best friends while my girlfriend was sucking me off...
Eloise stood up and leaning back onto Remus' desk, lifted herself up to sit on it. She observed Remus bemusedly, a small smile on her lips. He wondered why she was amused and if he should be offended.
"You were thinking about someone else, weren't you?"
She didn't sound angry or upset; she simply stated it as a fact.
Remus' eyes widened, wondering if he'd cried Sirius' name when he came. He didn't really remember because it happened so quickly. He just remembered thinking about Sirius and then he felt that familiar rushing feeling of a climax. How did Eloise know that he'd been thinking about someone else if he hadn't mentioned Sirius? It unfortunately made sense.
Just as horror was beginning to really set in, Eloise answered his unasked question.
"I knew it was someone else because why else would you have got that dreamy, faraway look that you've never had when looking at me? And you didn't even look at me the whole time".
Remus felt guilt pooling in his stomach, accompanied by the sated feeling of an orgasm. He'd never meant to use Eloise, or even let her know he didn't find her attractive, it had just happened.
"No, really, I just-" he tried to protest but she interrupted.
"It's fine, Remus".
He looked up at her, wondering why she didn't sound or look mad or upset. She was calm, positively cheery and completely not bothered. At his look of doubt and confusion she laughed and repeated her last statement reassuringly, "It's fine, Remus".
"But, aren't you...offended?" he asked hesitantly, wondering if it was all real.
Eloise shrugged and stretched her arms leisurely.
"Not really. I knew that you weren't attracted to me, so it wouldn't really be fair to be mad at you. I mean, it's not like you can help being gay".
Remus' eyes widened in shock and his head snapped up to look Eloise directly in the eye.
"I'm not gay" he said evenly, trying to keep his voice from shaking.
Eloise snorted, swinging her legs happily.
"Whatever you say, Remus. I've seen you staring at your friend, Sirius Black, like you want to eat him all up".
Remus gaped, absolutely shocked at the amount of stuff this girl actually knew about him and his darkest secrets, some of which even he didn't know about. Since when had he stared at Sirius like that? Ok, so now he realised that maybe he liked Sirius more than he probably should, but he didn't really lust after him. Did he?
Realising she could probably see through every lie, he decided to at least be truthful with her.
"Is it really that obvious?" he whispered with dread, wondering if everyone who observed him knew about this 'thing' he had.
"No, not really. I can just tell because I was your girlfriend and because I wanted to know who was stopping you from loving me. Turns out you're not even attracted to girls" she explained matter of factly, still swinging her legs.
"How do you know if I'm attracted to girls or not?" Remus argued, desperately clinging to the small shred of hope that this girl was wrong about him.
"Easy: any guy would have been way turned on by a girl giving him a blow job: you had to look away from me and think about a guy to get turned on. Am I right?"
Remus sighed. The surprises were endless.
"I'm sorry, Eloise. I didn't know, I mean, you knew about all this before I did" he mumbled, hanging his head and covering his face with his hands.
He felt cold hands pull his own hands away from his face and he looked up into kind, compassionate hazel eyes.
"It's ok, Remus. I'm glad I could help you get to know yourself better".
She swooped down and kissed him on the forehead, rather like a mother figure or good female friend, and made her way out of the dormitory, leaving Remus to his confused and terrified thoughts.
"Hey, baby. Did you miss me?" Sirius grinned, hooking his arm around Remus' shoulders as he exploded into the near empty Gryffindor common room.
With his recent epiphany about his feelings still fresh in his mind, Remus did his best to appear normal and comfortable with Sirius' usual joking manner but his blush gave it away and his friend noticed.
"What's this? Is something bothering you, Moony?" Sirius frowned, hooking his finger under Remus' chin to look into his face. Remus' blush deepened and he looked away, uncomfortable with how close Sirius was so soon after he had realised he liked him more than a friend should. He was saved from embarrassing himself though, when James and Lily floated past and James whispered as he reached Sirius "He and Eloise broke up".
"James!" Lily exclaimed, glaring at him for telling Sirius Remus' business.
"What did I do?" James asked innocently.
Sirius turned back to Remus just as Remus managed to wriggle out of the hold.
"You alright, Moony?"
Remus looked back at Sirius to see him looking at him, dark eyes filled with genuine concern. Remus felt a painful tug at his chest. Sirius was such a good friend to him. Even when he found out he was a werewolf, he didn't even hesitate to make Remus' life easier and never even thought of shunning him. Sirius always included him in everything, made him feel welcome and gave him his friendship. Now Remus wondered how he could have betrayed his trust and friendship by lusting after him. Could their friendship ever be the same again? He didn't think he could ever be the same without Sirius' friendship so he decided to do everything to keep it, even if that meant acting as if nothing had ever happened and everything was as it had always been.
"I'm fine, we weren't even that into each other anyway" Remus replied truthfully.
"Well, that seemed true for you, but she was really into you" Sirius answered, eyebrows still furrowed.
"Nah, not-not really" Remus said, at loss as to what to say to that.
"It was the sex!" James exclaimed, grinning from his seat on the floor right in front of the fire. Remus looked over in time to see Lily roll her eyes and slap James on the back of the head.
Remus faked a laugh that came out slightly shrill and unnatural, which earned him a suspicious look from Lily but otherwise went unnoticed.
Sirius dragged him over to sit in front of the fire, across from James.
"It was, wasn't it?"James insisted, leaning back on his hands and crossing his ankles in front of him.
"What? No, it-no" Remus answered, stumbling over the words.
Sirius and James exchanged looks and raised eyebrows.
"So, what was so bad about it?" Sirius asked, fixing Remus with a serious stare but a half smirk. Remus could feel himself blushing fiercely and he struggled for an answer.
"Nothing, there was nothing wrong!" he tried to assure them.
James made to say something else but Lily interrupted.
"Alright boys, leave the guy alone. He just broke up with his girlfriend; he deserves some peace and quiet" Lily scolded, coming to Remus' rescue.
"Yeah, yeah, but we're his best mates; we need to know if there's something seriously wrong with that girl so we don't make the same mistake of going out with her" Sirius grinned.
"I can't believe you! You're thinking of going out with one of your best friend's ex, ten minutes after they broke up? You man whore Black!" Lily seethed at Sirius who put up his hands in defense while trying to hide his laughter.
"Calm down, Evans: I was just kidding. I really want to know why they broke up so I can judge whether to make the girl's life a living hell or not".
Remus watched the small argument quietly, touched by his friends' loyalty, but determined to make it clear that it was not Eloise's fault that they broke up.
"There was nothing wrong with Eloise, or anything like that, we just weren't that into each other".
"So it was the lack of sex then?" James suggested, raising his eyebrows.
Slightly annoyed by his friends' one tracked mind, Remus sighed.
"No. Now can't we talk about something else?"
Sirius shrugged, apparently losing interest in the conversation.
"It is snowing outside and we haven't had a snowball fight in ages" he yawned, stretching.
Trying to ignore the way Sirius stretched out his whole body leisurely, Remus agreed silently and the four of them got up to go outside.
As they made their way through the Great Hall, Remus turned to Sirius, remembering something.
"Didn't Professor McGonogall tell you that you and James weren't allowed to go near snow until next year because of that prank you played on Snape with the yellow snow?"
"Yeah, but I'm bored and it's Christmas," Sirius replied, flipping his shaggy hair to the side to grin at Remus, "besides, the git was asking for it and it was hilarious".
Remus smiled faintly but said nothing.
He knew that someday Sirius' attitude towards Snape would get him in deep trouble but he couldn't say anything to Sirius. He'd always been shunned because he was a werewolf so he couldn't risk losing this friendship.
Remus sighed and turned to look for James and Lily just in time to see Lily's long scarf whip around the corner behind her in the corridor leading up to the library, all thoughts of a snowball fight apparently forgotten. Sirius looked too and seeing James and Lily gone, yelled after them, "That's right, Prongs: just ditch your best friends for some fun time with your girlfriend! Nice!"
Neither James nor Lily answered but Professor Slughorn, entering through the front doors, did.
"Black, Lupin! What's all this yelling for? Get back to your dormitories at once!" the stout little man grouched.
"Sorry Professor" Remus apologized, quickly grabbing Sirius' robe sleeve and dragging him back up the marble staircase. Sirius followed reluctantly, falling into step with Remus as they entered another corridor.
All was silent except for the quiet tap of their shoes and swish of their school robes, both boys unsure of what to say. They were best friends; nothing had ever been awkward between them but here they were, not looking at each other and refusing to meet each other in the eye. Something had changed between them and neither knew what it was or how to fix it.
"Listen, about before: I'm sorry" Sirius said quietly, still not looking at Remus who was quite confused by the apology.
What did Sirius have to be sorry about?
"Sorry about what?"
Sirius looked uncomfortable as he tried to find the right words.
"Well, you know, about asking you all that stuff about McGregor just after you broke up. It must have seemed insensitive, or something".
So this is what it was about? Sirius thought he had upset him by asking questions about Eloise and he seemed genuinely sorry about it. Deciding to ease Sirius' worries at least a little bit, Remus chuckled and replied, "It's fine, Sirius, really. It wasn't insensitive; you were just being a good friend".
Sirius still looked guilty however, so Remus hastily decided to tell him the truth, or, a bit of it anyway.
"You guys were actually right, you know. About the reason we broke up: it was the sex, among other things".
Sirius looked up at him, surprised, and almost tripped over the foot of a statue as he forgot to watch where he was going.
"Really? I was just kidding about that," Sirius confessed after he straightened himself, "so, she really wasn't good in bed then".
"No, it was-it wasn't her; it was me" Remus blurted, feeling his face get hotter. Why was he even telling Sirius this?! This was definitely dangerous ground.
"You? What, you were like – nervous ...or something?" Sirius asked, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to figure out his friend's sex life problems.
"I don't think so. I was just, you know, not, well I wasn't very, I was kind of....well, cold" Remus mumbled, really uncomfortable with discussing this. Sirius however, didn't seem all that bothered by it.
"Oh, so you couldn't get it up" he nodded in apparent understanding while Remus' blush deepened considerably at his friend's lack of grace.
"Well that's not so bad. Maybe you didn't like what she was doing or she's not your type, you know, maybe you prefer blondes" Sirius suggested easily, shoving his hands into his pockets.
They'd reached the fat lady portrait leading to the Gryffindor common room. Sirius gave the password and they entered, both making for the trapdoor that James had discovered a couple of years ago. It opened to a small, cold, empty tower, with open windows and no fireplace. The four Marauders had claimed it as theirs and it's where they went for privacy. Sirius and Remus had an unspoken agreement that this discussion definitely required privacy.
Remus leaned against the side of one of the windows and breathed in the freezing air before replying to Sirius.
"That's not it; what she was doing was – amazing, and I think I prefer brunettes...it's just – I don't know, Sirius. The whole time...I couldn't look at her, I couldn't even think about her".
Sirius came to stand beside Remus, resting his back against the opposite side of the window next to Remus.
"So you were thinking about someone else?"
Remus' stomach squirmed, his temperature rose and his breathing quickened. Sirius was getting way too close to the truth.
Not willing to trust his voice, Remus nodded and rested his head against the reassuring cold firmness of the cement wall.
"What's wrong with that? Guys do that all the time!" Sirius reassured him.
Yeah, but they probably don't fantasise about their best male friends...., Remus thought moodily.
"So who's the lucky girl?" Sirius asked casually, watching Remus with a small smile.
Remus looked at him, completely clueless as to what to say and wishing, not for the first time, that everything could have gone back to the way it was, with Sirius as strictly friend and nothing else. His emotions must have showed on his face because Sirius gave him a slightly wary look.
"What's that face for? Is it – no! You can't like Evans?!" Sirius exclaimed, looking alarmed.
"No, it's definitely not Lily".
"Well, then who?" Sirius puzzled, looking confused again.
Remus shook his head, showing that he didn't want to tell Sirius but Sirius persisted.
"Ok, fine. I ask you a question, you tell me yes or no, and no lying" he suggested.
Remus definitely wasn't liking this guessing game but agreed anyway, wondering what exactly Sirius would do if he ever found out.
"Is she in our year?" Sirius interrupted Remus' thoughts.
Remus nodded slowly, staring out of the window so he didn't have to look at Sirius.
Remus gave him a quizzical look and shrugged, not really sure if he would call Sirius pretty. Extremely attractive, hot, sexy, handsome maybe, but not pretty.
"Ok, do you talk to her much?"
"Is her hair brown?"
Damn git is getting closer....
"Alright, is it Chelsea Patterson?"
"Michelina Dawson? Wait, she has brown hair... Elizabeth Fawcett?"
"But there are no other girls that fit the clues!" Sirius cried, frustrated.
Remus turned and gave him a small smile, relieved that this game wouldn't be the end of him after all, and amused by Sirius' frustration.
Sirius looked at Remus and his eyes widened, his mind seeming to click.
"It's not a girl, is it?"
Remus heard his blood rushing in his ears and could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. Not knowing what to do, he turned away again, wishing that Sirius would take the hint and stop. He wondered why he had never wondered if Sirius was a homophobic. What if he was?
"So he's a - guy?" Sirius sounded hesitant, unsure and maybe a little more than surprised, but not disgusted or angry.
Remus gave the faintest of nods and stared fixedly at the lake through the window, in his mind's eye watching his friendship with Sirius go down the toilet.
"Well now things make a little more sense" Sirius concluded, his voice a little more nervous than before. Remus didn't answer and Sirius appeared to think deep and hard for a couple of seconds before continuing in a voice filled with dread.
"Is it James?"
"What?! No!" Remus protested, shocked out of his silence.
He turned to see a look of relief cross over Sirius' face before it was replaced with more confusion.
"But there's no one else. Unless..." Sirius suddenly caught Remus' eye and a flash of realisation and shock crossed his features.
"Is it me?"
Remus' breath caught in his throat and he felt his face go extremely red. How did Sirius even convince him to play this stupid game? Now Sirius would never want to talk to him again!
"I'm really, really sorry Sirius. I never meant for this to happen" Remus whispered, mortified beyond consolation.
He'd just lost one of his best friends and if Sirius told the others, who knows?! He'd probably lose them too and then he'd be all alone again, like he was before Hogwarts.
Remus made for the trapdoor, desperate to get away from Sirius and what he could only imagine were the looks of disgust and horror being directed at him.
A strong hand enclosed around his upper arm and pulled him back, away from the trapdoor.
"What are you doing? Why are you sorry? Moony?" Sirius' voice was laced with concern and he pulled Remus around so he was facing him but Remus refused to look him in the eye, too afraid of what he would see there.
He needed Sirius' friendship, and now that he had gotten so used to it, he wasn't sure if he could function properly without it: he really needed him.
"Please Sirius, I really didn't mean for this to happen, it just happened, I didn't even know what was happening! But please, please, don't hate me, Sirius. I won't ever tell anyone and I'll try not to think like that anymore, just please don't hate me!"
Remus screwed his eyes shut, waiting for the stinging words that he knew were coming. Maybe if he never told anyone and didn't think about Sirius anymore, Sirius would forgive him and not tell anyone else and still talk to him. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.
There was silence.
All Remus could hear was his own loud breathing and pounding blood in his ears. He could feel Sirius' strong grip on his arm and he knew Sirius was watching him but he kept his eyes firmly shut. Finally, after what seemed like an age, Sirius spoke.
"What the hell are you talking about, Moony? I would never – could never hate you. What in Merlin's name made you think I would?"
Remus' eyes slowly opened and he turned his gaze to look up at Sirius warily.
Sirius didn't look angry or disgusted at all, just confused, concerned and worried.
So he didn't hate him after all?
"I – I thought you'd hate me for liking you".
"Merlin, no, Remus! I just wish you'd told me sooner" Sirius replied, smiling slightly.
"So you're not mad?"
Sirius seemed to think for a moment before shaking his head, still smiling as he pulled Remus closer so he could whisper into his ear, "How could I be when I've felt the same for so long?"
There was no time for Remus to even express his shock or say anything as Sirius turned his head to kiss him.
A million electric currents shot through Remus' lips as their lips pressed together. Sirius' lips were softer than Remus would have thought and Remus' were colder than Sirius had expected them to be. Unable to think about anything other than how good it felt to have Sirius' mouth on his, Remus leaned closer, running his hands up Sirius' arms and closing his eyes in bliss. Sirius moved one of his hands to rest on Remus' jaw and he tilted his face upwards for easier access to his mouth.
A particularly vicious gust of wind blew in a cloud of snow through the open window, cruelly freezing them both out of the kiss.
Remus leaned back, looking up at Sirius with wonder.
Just a minute ago, he was begging Sirius not to hate him and now he had just kissed him. It was unbelievable, but Remus wished he could believe it and hoped it wasn't just some wonderful but crazy dream.
Remus blushed as he suddenly realised who the brunette was in all those dreams that he could never remember but always left him and his sheets wet and sticky. Sirius noticed the blush and brushed the pad of his thumb over Remus' cheek.
Remus shook his head, smiling and instead of answering Sirius, reached up and caught his mouth in another kiss.
This one less hesitant than the last, Remus didn't hesitate when Sirius' tongue brushed against his lips. He opened his mouth, letting his eyes slide closed as the warm, wet tongue pushed into his mouth. He tentatively moved his tongue against Sirius', wounding Sirius' hair through his fingers as the kiss deepened and Sirius pulled his face closer. Remus couldn't believe that after all that time of wondering what Sirius' hair would feel like, that it actually felt better than he'd imagined it to be. Strong, silky and cool, Remus pulled a handful gently, watching in fascination as Sirius gasped and let his head be pulled back. Remus grinned, reaching up to pepper Sirius' face with soft, quick kisses.
He slowly made his way from Sirius' jaw to his neck, the touch of lips on skin getting slower and wetter each time.
A soft moan came from Sirius' lips and Remus made his way back up to them to kiss them passionately. They eventually broke the kiss to breathe and Remus rested his forehead against Sirius' shoulder. Everything was quiet for a minute or two, the both of them letting the reality of what had just happened sink in. Sirius was the first to break the comfortable silence.
"So, was it me that you were...thinking about when McGregor...did whatever she did with you?"
He sounded slightly nervous but that disappeared when Remus smiled into his shoulder and nodded.
"So, was I good?" Sirius asked, grinning as he leaned back to look at Remus' face.
Remus laughed and shrugged.
"You and I, we didn't really do much".
"Well, how long have these fantasies been going on for then?" Sirius asked softly, both curious and disappointed. He trailed his thumb over Remus' swollen, pink lips, Remus resisting the urge to lick Sirius' wandering thumb.
"A while. I just can't remember much from any of them" Remus replied, Sirius looking mock offended at the answer.
"Me? Forgettable? I'll show you how completely unforgettable I am once you've had a real taste!" he vowed, taking Remus' hand and leading him to the trapdoor. Remus laughed as he was pulled down the ladder and dragged across the room and out of the portrait hole.
"Where are we going, Sirius?" he panted, jogging to keep up with Sirius' long strides after a couple of minutes of being dragged behind him through corridors and down staircases.
"You'll see. It's just somewhere quiet where we can be alone for a while" was the only answer he got.
He was led down so many staircases and corridors that he lost track of where he was until Sirius slowed down in front of a bare stretch of wall, and Remus was able to take a good look at his surroundings. They were on the third floor, but far away from any classrooms – far away from anything, really.
Remus was just about to ask Sirius what they were doing there when Sirius began to pace back and forth in front of the stretch of bare wall.
He looked as if he was concentrating hard, and after the third trip, he stopped and looked at the wall. Grinning like a maniac, he grabbed Remus' hand again and pulled him towards the new door that had materialised out of thin air. Mouth open in surprise, Remus allowed himself to be dragged through the door and into a room. The door snapped shut behind him and he looked around.
They were standing in a large room, dimly lit with an orange glow from an open fire. A large bed was at the far end of the room, looking inviting and comfortable, and promising a good time. There was lush, white carpet underfoot that made Remus wish he was barefoot so he could feel the carpet on his bare skin. Carpet on bare skin? He stored the idea away for later, perhaps for after the first time with Sirius...
Remus couldn't believe that a place like this existed in Hogwarts: this was a school after all, and this room simply screamed sin and pleasure. He wondered why he'd never even noticed there was a room here before he realised it hadn't been there until Sirius had stopped pacing. Remus' mind drifted, the room looking cosy and warm but there was a smell in the air that made both Gryffindors feel alive and energized, their senses heightened to notice everything in their surroundings, as if the scent was an aphrodisiac.
Remus felt Sirius move to stand behind him. He could feel his hot breath ruffling his hair, his body close, pressed against his back, tingles racing through his veins at the suggestive touch. Two arms sneaked around Remus' waist to wrap around him, holding him captive, but it has to be said: he was quite the willing captive.
Remus rolled his head back to rest on Sirius' shoulder and looked back into his friend, and maybe more's, face. Sirius' eyes were even darker than usual, and as Remus looked at him, he was surprised but not unpleased to find Sirius' mouth suddenly descend on his own. He grinned into Sirius' mouth, flicking his tongue out to lick at his lips eagerly, his head twisted at an odd angle to reach. His neck starting to ache, Remus turned around in Sirius' arms and put his hands on his strong shoulders to get easier access to the soft lips that he was quickly getting addicted to. As he turned, Sirius' hands slipped from where they had been locked around his stomach, down to his arse. He felt the hands untangle themselves and gently explore his nether regions, hands rubbing and grabbing softly through clothing. The bold touch rekindled the fire that Sirius had lit in the pit of Remus' stomach back up at the tower, almost ten minutes ago, and he moaned into the kiss. Getting more confident, Sirius grabbed Remus' arse firmly, sliding his fingers in the crack between the globes through the clothes while slipping his tongue forcefully into Remus' mouth. Remus exhaled sharply in surprise at the unexpected boldness, opening his mouth wider unintentionally, thereby letting Sirius probe further into the warm, wet cavern. They stayed like that for a couple more minutes, Sirius' hands still massaging and gripping Remus' arse leisurely, until they had to break apart to breathe. Remus' attention was once again brought back to the incredible room he was standing in.
"Hey, I have a question" Remus announced, gazing around the room, still wrapped in Sirius' comforting arms.
"Mmm. So do I: how is it I never noticed what a lovely arse you have?" Sirius murmured, grinning, hands still glued to Remus' butt and with his words he gave a few suggestive squeezes. Remus chuckled.
"I don't know. Maybe it's because you've never grabbed it before".
"My question...is where the hell are we?" Remus asked, bringing the conversation back on track.
"The Room of Requirement. It's a magical room that conforms to a persons desires. The houselves probably know more about Hogwarts than the headmaster does, you know" Sirius grinned his usual mischievous half-smile that never failed to make Remus' bones melt, and this time was no exception. Remus hummed his agreement, now uninterested in the room and having every interest in Sirius' body and getting him to the bed at the other end of the room. He leaned forward to nuzzle into Sirius' neck, gently nipping at the smooth skin just beneath his ear. Smiling as he caught the stifled moan rumbling from Sirius' throat, Remus parted Sirius' robes and unbuttoned, with slightly trembling fingers, the black head's shirt buttons. He gently stroked the skin being revealed beneath his fingertips, his face still pressed into Sirius' neck. He slipped Sirius' robes off his shoulders and the shirt followed, falling in a crumpled heap on the floor. At the sound of the clothes hitting the floor, Sirius started undressing Remus, pulling his robes and shirt off and tossing them onto the floor. Remus pulled Sirius close, wrapping his arms around his neck to capture him in a kiss. Their bare chests touched, compelling them to pull each other even closer, rubbing bare skin on bare skin. Remus fumbled with Sirius' belt and zip, trying to get the pants off as quick as he could. Helping, Sirius pulled the pants down with one sharp pull and Remus' faced the same treatment. Remus spun them around and pushed Sirius towards the bed, kicking his shoes and socks off as he went. Sirius fell back onto the soft, warm bed, looking up at Remus in fascination as he hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of Sirius' underwear, slowly teasing and tugging until they were past his hips to reveal a very ready erection. Remus smiled, unable to contain his excitement at finally having Sirius right here where he wanted him after all that time.
He pulled down the underwear the rest of the way, watching as Sirius wriggled to get out of the restricting material. He could feel his excitement growing, literally, as the large bulge in his underwear hardened even further, and unable to take it any longer, he crawled over Sirius' willing, naked body.
Resting on his elbows, Remus caught Sirius in a kiss that didn't last long, so eager was he to get to the rest of Sirius' body. Sirius' breath quickened as Remus broke away from the kiss and kissed his way down his neck to his chest, leaving a wet trail in his wake. Sirius watched Remus intently, unable to believe how erotic Remus could make a single kiss. Remus flicked his tongue over Sirius' right nipple, laving it lasciviously when he received an encouraging moan from Sirius. He dragged his teeth over it, while one of his hands played with the other nipple, coaxing it to a hardened nub. Remus smiled as he felt Sirius' hands tangle themselves in his hair and pull slightly, and he released Sirius' tender pink skin, continuing his way down his stomach, licking and gently nipping the whole way. Remus payed special attention to the soft, white skin of Sirius' inner thighs, kissing and rubbing, and also making his slow way towards what he knew Sirius really wanted him to pay attention to.
He looked up at Sirius, his face flushed with excitement, finally grateful to Eloise for showing him how to do this properly. Though now that he was finally faced with Sirius large, hard arousal, he felt slightly nervous, wondering if he'd actually be able to give Sirius real pleasure. Swallowing his doubts, Remus reached his hand towards Sirius' cock, lightly spreading the precome over the whole head with the tips of his fingers. He watched in amusement and fascination as Sirius arched up into his hand, his mouth wide open as a strangled moan sounded through the quiet room.
Remus continued to trail his long fingers up and down Sirius' manhood, exploring this new territory, marveling at the differences to his own. Sirius' cock was smooth and silken, while his own was a little rougher. Biting his lower lip, Remus wondered if this was when he should kiss or suck it, but Sirius' gasping, desperate voice broke through his thoughts and answered his unasked question.
"Merlin, Remus! Stop teasing me and help me already!"
Remus looked up to see Sirius' face red and drenched in sweat, his soft black hair fanned out and mussed on the pillow.
He grinned sheepishly and quickly leaned down to kiss the head of Sirius' cock softly. The skin burned against his lips, incredibly, almost impossibly, hot. Remus opened his mouth slightly to let out a small puff of hot air and watched, surprised, as Sirius lifted his hips up to him. Taking the offer, Remus moved his slightly parted lips against the head, wondering at the slippery feeling, before closing his lips around the tip. He tentatively licked the part in his mouth with the tip of his tongue, wondering what Sirius would taste like. He tasted saltier than Remus had thought he would, but Remus had never tasted another man's come before so he really had nothing to compare it to. He carefully worked his tongue around the head, slipping more into his mouth and reveling in the sharp gasps and loud moans coming from Sirius. He sucked gently at first, careful not to use his teeth, but got more bold with Sirius' obvious and loud sounds of pleasure. He moved his head to meet Sirius' uncontrolled thrusts and
placed both hands on either hip, trying to steady him a little as the movements became quicker and more desperate. Remus sucked harder, willing Sirius to just let go but he felt two hands gently but insistently pulling on his hair, making him pull away.
"What is it?" Remus asked, slightly worried, wondering if he had done something wrong, even though Sirius had seemed perfectly pleased by his actions only moments ago.
"No, it was absolutely, amazingly brilliant. I just...wouldn't have lasted much longer" Sirius replied, panting as he tried to catch his breath and sat up.
"So?" Remus pressed, confused.
"I want to actually, you know, have sex with you; not just get a blow job" Sirius answered, his cheeks getting redder than they already were.
"Plenty of time, Sirius" Remus replied, leaning in to kiss Sirius' lips, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Sirius seemed even more turned on by the taste of himself on Remus' tongue, and broke away from the kiss to whisper, "Top or bottom?"
Remus paused, not knowing what exactly he wanted. He knew he wanted Sirius, all of him, every last bit, but he didn't know how. It seemed as if Sirius knew what he was doing though, so Remus decided to let him take the lead this first time.
"Bottom, I guess" Remus shrugged.
Sirius grinned, pushing Remus roughly onto his back before crawling over him.
"Good choice; you won't regret it" he promised, reaching his hands down Remus' stomach, making his way to his still clothed erection. Remus held his breath as he felt Sirius pulling off his underwear, sliding them down his legs to chuck them carelessly on the floor, too focused on the prize he had just unveiled to notice where they had landed. Sirius leaned down slowly and bit Remus' stomach hard enough to leave a mark, before making his way down to his hips, which he also sank his teeth into. Sirius moved back to blow softly on Remus' erection, and smiled when he heard Remus' soft moan. He looked around, wondering if the room had thought to provide them with lube, and sure enough, there was a tube on the dressing table next to the bed. Trying to remember if it had been there before, Sirius reached over Remus to grab it and sat back to look down at his friend.
Remus looked incredibly sexy, sprawled naked on the large bed, his hair mussed and sticking up, looking up at Sirius with dark, lusty eyes, flushed red cheeks and slightly spread legs revealing a fully erect, swollen cock, but still hiding his love tunnel.
Resisting the urge to pounce on him, Sirius spread the pale legs even further apart with slightly shaking hands. He popped the cap off the lube and spread a decent amount on his own penis before putting more on his fingers. He pushed his fingers between Remus' cheeks and pressed them to the hot entrance. Sirius looked back up at Remus to make sure he was okay and seeing that he was, he pushed one finger in. Remus grunted and lifted his hips up and gripped the sheets tightly, obviously feeling discomfort and some pain. Sirius held onto one of his white thighs firmly, pushing it further away from the other leg when he needed more room, and pushed in deeper. Seeing that Remus was in no serious pain, Sirius pushed another finger into the tight entrance, marveling at how his fingers were enclosed so tightly. He knew that this was going to be one hell of a shag.
He pushed in a little too sharply and he saw Remus' face contort with pain. He stopped, murmuring apologies and reassurances while kissing the inside of Remus' thigh tenderly before Remus assured him it was okay and he continued.
With Remus finally prepared as much as he could be without Sirius going insane, Sirius slithered back up Remus' body to kiss his lips.
"Ready, Moony?" he asked, positioning his cock at Remus' entrance.
Remus grinned and nodded, not trusting himself to speak because of his shaking nerves. Sirius kissed him again, distracting him with lips, teeth and tongue before pushing the head of his cock into him. Remus cried out into Sirius' mouth, surprised at how big Sirius seemed now that he was inside him. He closed his eyes and spread his legs as wide as he could to try and open himself up a little more. He heard Sirius whispering in his ear, telling him to relax and that he would feel better if he did, and he readily took the advice. Taking deep breaths, Remus relaxed his quivering muscles and the pain surprisingly lessened. He nodded and Sirius started moving again, pushing more of himself in, and it didn't hurt so much anymore. He could hear and feel Sirius panting above him, apparently feeling great pleasure.
Sirius looked down at Remus, finally fully sheathed, and pressed their lips together. Remus responded, slowly wrapping his arms around Sirius' neck to bring him closer and Sirius took it as a sign to continue and begin.
He pulled a little way out and pushed back in, groaning at the terrific friction. He repeated it, moving faster and pulling out further this time. He had soon established a rhythm and had Remus starting to rock his hips back and forth to meet his thrusts.
Remus wanted – needed, to get Sirius deeper inside of him. He didn't know exactly what it would achieve or even why he wanted it so badly, he just knew it needed to be done.
He wrapped his legs around Sirius' waist, pressing him right into the core of his heat, crying out loudly when Sirius' cock brushed against something that made him see white.
"Yes, oh Sirius, yessss!"
Sirius smiled when Remus threw his head back and cried out, clutching at Sirius when he hit his sweet spot. He felt Remus' legs wrapped around him, his skin, his whole body, rubbing against him, sweat and precome slicking them so they slid together in unison, Remus' muscles squeezing him tighter, and he thought he would go insane. He kept hitting Remus' sweet spot and the result was Remus rocking his hips back and forth frantically, trying to get Sirius even deeper, and crying out and moaning loudly. Sirius' own moans had joined Remus' and he sped up to match both of their desires, knowing he wouldn't last much longer.
He was really pounding into Remus by now, and the heavy bed was rocking and moving with them, but neither boy noticed. Remus had started chanting Sirius' name, not really knowing he was talking at all or that the words he was saying were intelligible. Though, what started as a loving whisper in Sirius' ear, became a desperate, pleading scream as Remus felt his release approaching, a pleasant tingling in the back of his head racing down his spine, and he held on tighter to Sirius, trying to make it last forever. His climax hit him hard, throwing his head back into the pillow as he arched into Sirius, his muscles contracting around him and pulling him in deeper, Remus' legs and arms holding him firmly in place.
"Yes, yes, Sirius, yes, oh, ohhhh Siiiriusss!"
Sirius heard his name being screamed by Remus' pleasure-filled voice and feeling him spasm around his cock, he lost it, sinking his teeth into Remus shoulder as he came hard, filling Remus with his come.
Sirius held on until Remus' hips stopped bucking lazily beneath him as his orgasm faded, releasing him to roll off him and onto his back. Remus grunted as Sirius pulled out and his muscles tried to adjust to the sudden emptiness. His limbs flopped, lifeless and useless onto the bed, completely spent and exhausted. He could tell Sirius was in a similar state as he looked over to see his friend and lover staring up at the ceiling, breathing heavily and lying still with a satisfied grin on his face.
He could definitely get used to Sirius being that.
He coaxed his muscles into moving to roll on top of Sirius' sticky, sweat and come covered body. Remus' body was in the same state and he could feel Sirius' come starting to drip out of his arse and roll through his slightly parted legs and onto Sirius' stomach.
Blushing a little and smiling lazily, Remus softly pressed his lips to Sirius' and flicked out his tongue to taste Sirius' lips. Sirius opened his own mouth to lick at Remus' tongue, grinning into his lover's mouth as his right hand came up to cradle Remus' jaw to kiss him thoroughly while his left hand drifted down Remus' back to grab his glorious little arse and pull his sweaty body closer.
"That was amazing. Best sex ever", Remus murmured, looking down at Sirius through eyes half lidded with exhaustion and complete sexual satisfaction.
"Even better than the fantasies?" Sirius asked between sliding his tongue past Remus' kiss-swollen lips and licking at the inside of Remus' hot mouth. Remus responded by opening his mouth wider to move his own tongue against Sirius', moaning helplessly in affirmative and approval. Completely lost in the slow but heated post glorious-sex snog, Sirius rolled them both over onto their sides without even letting go of Remus' lips. The soft, erotic sounds of their passionate kiss made Sirius want to take his new lover all over again but he was feeling too tired and lazy and he felt like he wanted to stay here forever, tongues and naked limbs entwined with Remus.
Out of breath, Remus gasped and panted for air, allowing Sirius to place gentle kisses to his parted lips and slip that persistent tongue of his into his mouth to flicker along the inside of his upper lip. Breathing heavily into his lover's mouth, Remus tangled his hands in his lover's silky black locks as he tried to gain some control over himself.
"Merlin, you are a brilliant kisser, Sirius", Remus gasped as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back a bit, his hot breath ghosting over Sirius' wet lips while he tried to get his breath back from that mind blowing kiss.
Sirius grinned and replied in a low voice, "And you are a brilliant shag, Moony. Do you realise how loud you scream when you're about to come?"
Remus' cheeks flamed red hot with embarrassment.
"I don't meant to – I guess I – I just can't help it", he mumbled, not looking Sirius in the eye.
"Well, I love it; I love how I can make you scream and make all those little noises that I love hearing", Sirius murmured reassuringly, kissing Remus softly and running his hand up and down his lover's back soothingly.
Remus smiled a little shyly and shut his eyes to enjoy the feel of Sirius' talented mouth on his and the sweeping motion of his tongue across his slightly parted lips.
Once again turned on by his insatiable lover, Remus moaned as their lips met again and again, each time unbelievably hot and leaving him breathless but not enough to satisfy. He soon found himself sucking Sirius' tongue into his mouth as their lips broke away and reattached themselves continuously, while he rocked his hips desperately against Sirius' thigh. He didn't even remember getting an erection let alone remember when he had started grinding against his lover. Sirius didn't seem to mind in the slightest though, and he actually appeared to be enjoying himself immensely, leaning over Remus so he could thrust his tongue deeper into his eager mouth.
Sirius broke away and stroked his thumb over Remus' cheek while his other hand latched itself onto his moving hip.
"Do you want to go again?" Sirius whispered.
He smiled when he saw Remus' faint blush and small nod, but was surprised to feel Remus' hands on his shoulders pushing him back. When he saw Remus sit up, he started to panic, racking his brain for anything he might have done wrong but he couldn't think of anything. Remus smiled at him and laced his fingers through Sirius', putting his mind at ease.
"I was just thinking that maybe we could do it somewhere else" Remus suggested quietly.
Sirius raised his eyebrows in question and, in answer, Remus slid off the bed and onto the floor.
"On the floor?" he asked, sliding off the bed to kneel next to Remus.
"The carpet" Remus explained, blushing slightly.
As Sirius' knees hit the white carpet, he understood. It was extremely soft and thick and imagining how it would feel on sensitive naked skin made him grin. He looked over at Remus and quickly leaned forward, surprising him with a soft kiss.
"Excellent idea, Moony".
Remus smiled and looked up at Sirius, glad of his approval.
He pushed Sirius down gently so he was lying on his back on the soft carpet. Remus slid his hand over Sirius' torso, making his way down to the erection that had formed between Sirius' legs. Sirius moaned, pushing his hips up into Remus' hand, closing his eyes as his bare back and the back of his legs rubbed against the smooth carpet, sharpening his senses immensely.
"Is it good?" Remus asked, grinning.
Sirius nodded in complete agreement and grabbed Remus' hips, pulling him over to get him to straddle him. Remus obliged, straddling Sirius' waist and leaning forward to press their lips together. Sirius gripped Remus' hips and gently nipped Remus' bottom lip, smiling when he heard a quiet moan.
Remus moved back so he was on his knees, hovering above Sirius' erection. He looked slightly out of breath and excited and he placed his hands on Sirius' chest to steady himself. He was still well prepared from the last time Sirius had been inside of him, and the come acted as a lubricant, making the passage smooth and quite painless even though he was still a bit tender from before. Remus pressed himself down onto Sirius' cock, letting his eyes slide shut as he felt it glide into him smoothly and fill him once again. He moaned loudly as Sirius' cock slid deeper, rubbing against tender skin, both painful and pleasurable. Meanwhile, Sirius was hopelessly lost to the intense feelings coursing through his body as his sensitive cock was sheathed in Remus' tight arse. He held onto Remus' hips desperately, and arched his back, feeling the soft material of the carpet rubbing against his skin, stimulating and doubling the sensitivity of his senses.
Remus stilled when Sirius' whole cock was fully sheathed, and breathed deeply to calm his senses and nerves down while trying to get as comfortable as he could. Feeling the pain subside, he leaned down, brushing his lips against Sirius' as he got ready to start moving. Sitting back up, he rose on his knees and sank back down, impaling himself on Sirius' cock. He repeated the action, watching in fascination as Sirius leaned his head back, shut his eyes and moaned.
When Remus sank back down the third time, Sirius hit that little spot that had made Remus crazy with lust the first time round, and it had a similar effect this time. He let out a breathless cry and clenched his fists on Sirius' chest, moving his hips a little faster as he tried to get that spot again. He succeeded.....Again, and again, and again.
They were both very close.
Sensing it, Sirius struggled to sit up, crossing his legs so Remus was actually sitting in his lap. He kept his hold firm on Remus' hips as he moved in his lap, and leaned forward, breathing in Remus' gasping pants and wonderful, erotic scent. Remus placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders, riding him hard and using him as leverage to lift himself up and bring himself down harder, which Sirius reacted to, letting go of one hip to tangle his fingers in Remus' hair. He pulled on a handful of the soft tendrils, pulling Remus' head back to bare a long, pale neck. Completely lost in a whirlwind of sensation, Sirius slowly leaned forward, hardly knowing that he was moving at all, and kissed Remus' neck softly, almost reverently. Crazed by the gentle, loving, almost worshiping touch, Remus sifted one of his hands through Sirius' hair, gripping a fistful tightly as he was slowly driven mad.
Remus was utterly lost to the sensations coursing through his body, making him shudder and gasp. He could feel Sirius' lips and hot breath on his neck, could feel Sirius' cock moving in and out of him, sending a jolt up his spine each time it hit that spot deep inside. He could feel his knees beginning to ache and sting from kneeling on the carpet for so long, he could hear Sirius' loud moans and quick breaths, could hear his own gasps and cries, loud and breathless; desperate almost. He could smell Sirius, just Sirius, all Sirius; his cologne, his shampoo, his deodorant, his sweat, his unique manly smell and especially the strong scent of their combined pleasure. He could feel Sirius' skin on his; warm beneath his fingers, inside his own body, pressed against his stomach, on his hip, between his thighs, and even those surprisingly soft lips brushing his neck and silky soft hair wrapped around his fingers.
He was surrounded, overwhelmed by the all too real presence of Sirius.
It was too much and Remus came undone.
Digging his nails into Sirius' shoulder, Remus arched his back against Sirius' hard, muscled body and gave himself over to the tingles racing up his spine. His orgasm hit him hard and he let out a short scream, clenching all his muscles and feeling his release spread over his stomach. Through his orgasmic haze, Remus felt Sirius tighten his grip on his hair and his hip as he thrusted up, climaxing deep inside him, crying out loudly.
As his hips continued to thrust uncontrollably against Sirius' stomach, Remus felt Sirius pull his head down to face him. With Remus' eyes still closed in exhaustion and bliss, their lips and tongues met in a sloppy, messy and lazy kiss. Leaning in closer, Sirius' mouth opened against Remus' and he breathed three little words into Remus' mouth.
"I love you".
Remus surprised himself by, without any hesitation, whispering the same words back into Sirius' open, panting mouth, his lips moving against Sirius' as if he needed to mouth the words because they were a secret that he wanted only Sirius to know. Remus felt Sirius' lips smile against his and he was soon caught up in another heated, mind blowing kiss, except now they had both realised the whole reason that they were kissing, the reason that they had just made love, was because of love: they both loved each other.
They continued with the passionate kiss until they needed to break apart for air and they did, leaning their foreheads together as they caught their breath and let what they had just realised sink in for real.
Through the tired, exhausted fog that his brain was lost in, Remus felt Sirius pull away, but only for a second. Sirius wriggled out from beneath him and struggled to his feet, pulling Remus up with him. He caught him as he stumbled and guided him towards the bed, helping him lie down when he reached it. Remus opened his eyes a fraction to watch Sirius from beneath his lashes.
Sirius pulled the blankets over Remus and slid under the covers alongside him. He wrapped his arms around Remus protectively and planted one last kiss on his lover's lips before burying his face in the light brown hair and breathing deeply. In response, Remus turned on his side to face Sirius and pressed his face into his neck, placing both hands on his lover's chest, wondering sleepily at the strong beat of Sirius' heart beneath his hand.
Remus didn't know what the future held or how long this blissful relationship would last, but one thing he did know was that the man who had his arms wrapped around him, loved him, and that he undoubtedly loved him back, and always would.