Guilt and Redemption
Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable in this story. The Winchesters belong to Krikpe and the CW.
Warning: Spoilers for Season Two
Author's Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY 1PAGAN3, hope you enjoy the story!
As Sam sat guiltily on the edge of the bed rubbing his sore jaw, he wondered about what all he had done while possessed by that bitch Meg. He could remember snatches of what happened, especially with Steve Wandell, but things were kind of hazy afterwards. He knew whatever had happened must have been bad because Dean would have never punched him in the face without a good reason. Sure, there had been that time that Dean punched him when he accused him of trying to replace their dad with Gordon, but he had pushed Dean into doing it.
Glancing over at his brother on the bed, he could see the beads of sweat forming on Dean's brow as he tossed about on the bed moaning and groaning. It was more than obvious that Dean was hurting, but why. Closing his eyes, he thought about what happened back at Bobby's place hoping to get some kind of clue. He could remember waking up on the floor, with a severe burning pain in his right arm and asking if he had missed anything. The next thing he knew, Dean had leaned over and clocked him a good one on the jaw before panting heavily as he fell back against the wall with his right hand supporting his left shoulder.
"What did I do to you?" Sam, questioned quietly as he watched his sleeping sibling. He knew his brother didn't hold whatever had happened against him with the way Dean had joked with him in the car saying "Dude, you like full on had a girl inside you like for a whole week. That's pretty naughty." He remembered feeling grateful at that moment that Dean was trying to make him feel better about what happened when Dean should have just dropped his sorry ass off somewhere so he wouldn't have to put up with all the shit he had caused him throughout his life.
Feeling immense guilt and needing to know just what he had done, Sam slipped quietly out of his bed and walked the few steps over to Dean's before kneeling down and reaching out to place his palm on Dean's forehead to check for fever. He was relieved to find him only slightly warm, which could have been due to the fact the air conditioning in the room wasn't working right. His brother shifted slightly on the bed and Sam held his breath praying he hadn't woken him. He breathed a sigh of relief as Dean soon settled into deep slumber once again
Grasping the edge of Dean's t-shirt near the neck area, he gently tugged it down to reveal the white bandaging that covered his upper shoulder and was now tinged pink in the middle with Dean's blood. Immediately memories began to assail his mind of being in a bar and terrorizing Jo. He could remember Dean showing up and trying to keep him calm, but he had tried to push Dean into taking his life, but Dean had refused to hurt him. He remembered playing what basically amounted to be a game of hide and seek with his older brother and taunting him in what looked to be some type of warehouse. The last thing to hit his memory was of him shooting Dean and his brother falling into the water with a splash."Oh God, please no…." He gasped shakily as he fell to his bottom on the floor and backed away, his breath beginning to quicken as he started hyperventilating.
As Dean lay sleeping, his dreams being invaded by images of Sam missing and possibly dead, he was thankfully pulled from them as he heard the sound of his baby brother in distress. His mind latched on to the sound of Sammy gasping for air and he followed that sound to wakefulness. Shooting up in his bed, he cast his eyes over to Sammy's bed to see it empty, the blankets rumpled in a heap on the bed. Surveying the room quickly, he saw Sammy sitting on the floor, back against the wall, his body visibly trembling.
Bounding out of the bed in a split second, he quickly made his was to Sam and kneeled in front of him. "Sam, Sammy, you've got to calm down." He said as he placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze only to feel his baby brother flinch away from him as his breathing worsened. Scanning his brother from head to toe, he wondered what could have gotten him into such a bad state so quickly when he was supposed to be sleeping.
Knowing that he needed to get Sam calmed down before he entered a full blown panic attack, Dean scooted in behind his brother and pulled Sammy to his chest as he wrapped his arms around him. "Come on kiddo, breathe with me." He said as he pulled in slow, deep breaths before letting them out again. "Shh, just take it easy, I've got you." He said as he felt the trembles coursing through Sam's body.
As Sam struggled to pull in air through lungs that refused to expand, he could feel the tightness crushing his chest as black spots began to encroach on his vision. "Oh God, I shot my brother again!" His mind kept repeating as his breathing grew worse. It wasn't bad enough that he had shot Dean with rock salt that time in the asylum. No, this time he had to do it with the real thing. Just when he thought he might die from the inability to pull in a breath, he felt someone move in behind him and wrap their arms around him, pulling him to their chest. He knew instantly that it was his brother Dean, but why would Dean want to help him after what he did? Tears began flowing down his cheeks as he felt the guilt consume him once again causing his trembling to increase.
He was soon surprised however as he heard his brother's voice, it was soothing instead of angry. "Come on kiddo, breathe with me. "Shh, just take it easy, I've got you." He wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him and that he was hearing what he wanted to hear, no needed to hear. Finally taking in a stuttering breath, he was able to whisper out "But, I sh-shot you. You could have di-died bec-cause of m-me."
"Crap, I was hoping he wouldn't remember that." Dean thought as he unconsciously started rocking back and forth to comfort his baby brother. "You're wrong dude, it wasn't it you. It was that bitch Meg who shot me. Let it go Sammy, the guilt isn't your's to carry this time." Dean iterated softly hoping to get through to his baby brother.
"But I should have been st-stronger, sh-should have fought her mo-more." Sam replied as his breath began to hitch once more.
"Sam if you want to blame somebody, blame me. I should have been there to keep you from being possessed so it's my fault." Dean stated knowing what Sam's reaction to the words would be.
Dean, don't say th-that, you had no way of knowing that Meg would come after me and make me do the things she di-did." Sam retorted as he reached a hand up to swipe his tears away.
"Neither did you tiger, so you've got to stop blaming yourself for what happened. I know you would have never consciously hurt me dude."
"But, why did you pu-punch me then, if you didn't blame me?" Sam queried as he pushed himself up and out of Dean's arms to turn and look at him questioningly.
"What are you talking about Sammy, when did I…Oh, that." Dean stated as the memory of what he had done at Bobby's place came back to him. "Sammy, that was just my frustration finally boiling over. So much had happened over the past week and the angst of not knowing where you were or what happened to you finally got to me. I hit you without thinking kiddo and for that I'm truly sorry. But I swear to you that I don't blame you for what happened. Please believe me Sammy. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault" Dean said with conviction as he looked his brother in the eyes.
"I'll try." Sam answered honestly as his breathing returned to a more normal pace. He knew it would be a long time before he could actually forgive himself for what happened if ever. But for Dean, he would at least try.
Reaching out to grasp Sam's arms, Dean helped him to his feet as he led him back over to his bed. "What do you say we get a beer out of the fridge and see what's playing on the late, late show?" Dean questioned knowing that neither of them would be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.
"Sounds good." Sam answered as he grabbed the remote and flicked on the television while Dean went to get the beers. He wasn't a bit surprised when his brother returned and nudged him over so they could sit side by side to watch the zombie flick that was playing on the late night horror show. Things weren't perfect by no means, but at least he still had his brothers trust.
The END: I hope everyone liked this little oneshot. I would also like to take the time to recommend a teen Chester story I read by TwilightVampire92 called Power Struggle. Check it out, it is wonderful!