AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ever since I started posting fanfics and having conversations with people about the stories I write (and, more specifically, the relationship between Ron and Hermione), people have brought up Pride and Prejudice, encouraging me to read the book and, sometimes, encouraging me to watch the movie. Well, a few months ago I picked up a copy of...well...more of that later. I recently watched "Pride and Prejudice", the movie...the one with Keira Knightley...and I enjoyed it (though I could have SWORN someone told me Darcy and Elizabeth DIDN'T get together in the end!); my enjoyment of the movie made me want to read the book. Lucky for me, then, that I bought a certain book earlier this year.
This is a little something I wrote that was inspired by reading that book.
DISCLAIMER: HP characters belong to JK Rowling. P&P characters are Jane Austen's. Uhm...other stuff is another person's. I'll explain at the end.
Pride and Prejudice and…What?!
"What'chu readin', luv?" Ronald Weasley asked his brand-new wife as he entered the lounge of their equally brand-new cottage in Plymouth. As per usual, he found her sitting on the window-seat, reading in the mid-morning sun.
"Pride and Prejudice," Hermione Weasley replied, leaning up to kiss her husband as he leaned down to meet her, "It's a Muggle novel…a literary classic, really…one of my all-time favorites. I must have read it a dozen times since I was a little girl."
"What's it about?" he asked, slipping into the window-seat behind her and wrapping himself around her.
She snuggled back into his chest, enjoying the feeling of being enveloped by her man; it made her feel safe, secure, happy, and above all else, loved. Hermione felt really and truly content with her life.
"It's about two people who, by all outward appearances, hate each other, but end up falling madly in love."
"Like that would ever happen," Ron joked, leaning in and kissing the nape of her neck. She trembled with desire as he kissed her.
"Oh no, Ronald," Hermione replied teasingly, stifling a moan, "That sort of thing would never happen. You know, Ronald, it's a wonderful book, you really should read it."
"Actually, I've got a better idea," he said in a low, husky voice.
Ron's hands began to wander and his kisses increased in both number and intensity. Hermione turned around in his arms and captured his lips, dropping her book and forgetting about Pride and Prejudice in favor of love and desire.
"What's this?" Ron asked, plopping down on the couch next to his very pregnant wife. After planting a kiss on her lips and then her ripe, round stomach, he put his arm around her and she immediately snuggled up to him. Wanting to be as close to him as possible, Hermione draped the maroon afghan – a housewarming gift from Molly Weasley – that covered her lap across Ron's legs as well, sharing the warmth.
"It's 'Pride and Prejudice'," Hermione explained, keeping her eyes on the television in front of them and the movie that was playing on it, "Mum and I were out shopping in Muggle London and I decided to buy it. You should watch it with me, since you won't read the book."
"Where's the popcorn?" Ron asked, ignoring the slight dig that he knew was most likely generated by her elevated hormones. He noticed that the coffee table in front of them held a cup of tea and a box of tissues, but no bowl of what he considered absolutely essential for movie watching.
"It's not a 'popcorn movie', Ron," Hermione sighed in slight exasperation, "Now hush."
"Yes, luv," Ron replied, rolling his eyes. In his opinion, all movies were popcorn movies.
The couple watched the DVD in silence for more than half-an-hour before Ron spoke up again.
"That bird looks familiar," Ron said in a whisper, as if to not disrupt the movie.
"Keira Knightley," Hermione whispered back.
"She looks like the bird from that pirate movie your folks gave us with the DVD player," Ron said, idly playing with his wife's chestnut brown curls.
"She is," Hermione informed him, looking over and smiling at him. She loved it when he played with her hair, "She was Elizabeth Swann in that movie, and she's Elizabeth Bennet in this one."
"So, is she the pride, or the prejudice?" he asked giving her a look that made her unable to tell if he was joking or not.
She giggled at the silliness of the question, whether he was serious or not, "Actually, she and Mr. Darcy both suffer from pride and prejudice."
"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed, as if he was failing to get a handle on the movie.
She snuggled up and rested her head on his shoulder. They grew quiet again as they cuddled and watched the move and Ron rubbed his hand in hypnotic circles over her bulging tummy. Hermione had almost fallen asleep when Ron sat up and laughed loudly.
"Cor! That old duffer's got a huge head!!"
"That's Donald Sutherland," Hermione said, once she realized who he meant, "And, yes, I suppose his head does look rather large, doesn't it?"
After the shock of the aged actor's massive cranium wore off, Ron seemed to lose interest in the movie and began nibbling and sucking on his wife's neck.
"This movie's not as good as the pirate one, luv, why don't you shut it off and we can head upstairs…" his hands roamed her body, doing his best to distract her from the movie.
"Ron…" she moaned, about to give in to her husband's desires when she felt a sharp pain, "Ron!!"
"What, 'Mione?" he said, sucking on her neck until he was sure he'd left a mark.
"My water just broke!"
Hermione came downstairs from putting baby Hugo down for a nap and found Rose happily playing with her building blocks while Ron lounged on the couch reading a book. Hermione had to do a double-take because Ron, in all truth, was not much of a reader – he was more of a doer – and the books she did usually see him with were Quidditch related, Quidditch Through the Ages, Flying with the Cannons, and books of that nature. The book he was reading now was neither of those.
"What are you reading, Ron?" Hermione asked, leaning over the back of the couch and looking down at her husband. He smiled up at her, and she felt her heart skip a beat as it always did when he flashed her that smile.
"Would you believe Pride and Prejudice?" Ron asked, grinning lopsidedly. The shocked look on his wife's face told him that, no, she wouldn't believe it.
"Ron, I've been trying to get you to read that book for the last eight years!" she exclaimed incredulously, "I seem to recall your last word on the subject was 'I didn't much like the movie, so why should I bother reading the book?'."
"I know, luv," he said, nodding, "But when I was out at the Muggle bookshop in town buying some new books for Rosie, I saw this and it just struck my fancy. I figured I'd give it a go."
"Unbelievable," Hermione said, shaking her head, "Eight years of me nagging you to read it, and all it took was a buying a copy of Good Night Moon for a three-year-old to get you to read it."
"What can I say, 'Mione," Ron shrugged, "The 'other woman' has me wrapped around her finger."
Hermione stuck out her tongue at him and he returned the gesture, making them both laugh. He then grabbed his wife's hand and kissed her palm. "Love you, wife."
"Love you, husband," she replied, leaning over as far as she could and planting a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Mummy! Mummy play!!" Rose called from the other side of the couch where she was waving wooden blocks in Hermione's direction, "Play Mummy!!"
"Alright, luv, give Mummy a moment," Hermione sighed, moving around and settling on the floor with her back against the couch. This allowed Ron to play with her hair while he read his book, something she could never get enough of.
Hermione settled into playing blocks with Rose and Ron continued to read his book, and the sound of Rosie's squeals, Hermione's gentle laughter, and the sound of wooden block knocking against wooden block filled the room.
"Luv…what's a ninja?" Ron asked half-an-hour later.
Hermione was engrossed in building a large tower of blocks, much to Rose's glee, and was barely paying attention to what Ron had asked.
"Uhm…it's a sort of Japanese assassin," Hermione said absentmindedly, "They dress all in black, use swords and such."
"Oh. Right. Thanks."
The tower of blocks toppled over and Rose's squeals of laughter and clapping hands indicated that she liked watching the blocks fall over even more than she liked watching them getting stacked up.
"A musket, Hermione, that's one of those Muggle guns, right?" Ron asked several minutes later.
"Yes," Hermione nodded as she once again began stacking the blocks; this time Rosie helped, "Though it's an old-fashioned one…from hundreds of years ago."
"And a zombie is like an Inferi, yeah?" he asked.
"Yes, Ron…where are all these questions coming from?" she asked suddenly, looking up at him with a quizzical expression, "I thought you were reading Pride and Prejudice."
"I am," he nodded, "Though I really don't think the movie did it justice."
"Well…typically," Hermione said, adopting her usual know-it-all voice that she used when explaining things, "Movies made from books tend to leave things out and change things around. I always prefer reading the book to watching the movie."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Ron nodded, "The movie totally left out the part where Charlotte became a zombie, and the part where Elizabeth and Lady Catherine fought with katana swords in the Bennet family's dojo."
"I mean, I can understand them leaving out the part where Elizabeth killed Lady Catherine's ninjas and ripped the one bloke's heart out and took a bite while it was still beating…that was a bit disgusting."
"Ron…what the bloody Hell are you talking about?!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Buddy Hell!" Rose squealed, clapping her hands. "Buddy Hell! Buddy Hell!"
"Hermione…!" Ron gasped in shock. Hermione had spent years castigating him for his foul language, especially once Rose was born. For her to be the one to slip and curse in front of their child was completely shocking…and a bit funny, though Ron knew better that to laugh about it.
For her part, Hermione looked completely appalled at what she'd said, especially as Rose seemed to want to say nothing else now as she sat on the floor, banging two wooden blocks together calling out "Buddy Hell" over and over in a sing-song voice.
"See what you did?" Hermione snapped, looking at her husband.
"What I did?" Ron replied quizzically, "You're the one who said it!"
"And I never would have said it if you didn't spend every day of the last eighteen years saying it every chance you got!" she said accusingly, "You've turned me into the sort of mother who teaches her children to swear!"
"You know," he sighed, "If we don't make a big deal of it, she'll get tired of saying it and forget all about it and move on to the next thing that catches her fancy."
"How can I not make a big deal of it, Ron? What if she says it in front of our parents?" she asked frantically.
"Well, I'm sure my dad'll just clean his glasses, hide a smirk and go off to his shed. Your dad, on the other hand, will just think it's hilarious!"
"What? Your dad's got a great sense of humor is all I'm saying…shame you didn't inherit it."
"As for our mothers, well, you're already blaming me, so just tell them it's my fault."
"It is your fault, Ronald!" she assured him, "You and that stupid book! I thought you said you were reading Pride and Prejudice!"
"I am…see?" he said, showing her the book and for the first time letting her see the title…the full title.
"Pride and Prejudice and…what?!" she exclaimed as she read the title.
"And Zombies," he said with a smile, "It really isn't bad once you get used to the way they talk in that old-fashioned sort of way."
"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies…" Hermione repeated again, unable to believe her eyes, "How…why…what…?"
"It's brilliant, really," Ron said, grinning broadly, "I just got to the part where Darcy and Elizabeth are walking along and they find a bunch of zombies in the garden eating cauliflower they mistake for brains…zombies are so stupid…and they finally get to fight together for the first time."
"…" Hermione was, for one of the few times in her life, completely speechless.
"Y'know, luv, if they added zombies to all those stuffy old Muggle books you love so much, I don't think I'd mind reading them so much. Zombies can really spice up boring old literature."
AUTHOR'S END NOTES: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is an actual book that was published in April 2009, and is written by Seth Grahame-Smith (he's the other guy who I alluded to in the above DISCLAIMER). It was "co-authored" by Jane Austen, inasmuch as it's HER BOOK with zombies thrown in for some added flair! (WOO! Sorry...whenever I see the word "flair" I think "Ric Flair" and, well, anyone who knows what I'm talking about will understand the whole "WOO!" thing.) It's a good book; I enjoyed the Hell out of it! I wish other "literary classics" were re-done in this fashion. I'd buy the lot!
Oh...and if you don't believe me about the size of Donald Sutherland's head, check out the scene in Mr. Bennet's library when he agrees to let Darcy marry Elizabeth. There's a scene where Sutherland and Knightley are in profile and she leans in and kisses his head and DAMN that's a big melon!!!! Go ahead...see for yourself!!! It's HUGE!!!
Hope you enjoyed this silly little tidbit. Feel free to let me know, one way or another.