If we had been able to understand each other, what would we have spoken about?
The time spent on Shura was not a complete waste, Fai supposed. Though, as soon as they had arrived on that world, they had quickly learned that they once again could not understand one another. Fai knew it was pointless to speak to him, he couldn't understand a word he said, yet he found himself unable to stop talking to him. It felt unnatural not talking with him, whether or not he understood anything that Fai said.
When they were alone is when he spoke mostly, since although Kurogane wouldn't understand him either, no one else could hear him speak either. He liked to tell him things that he would most likely never get the chance to say again. It felt sort of nice to be able to do that.
If we had been able to understand each other, would we have spoken at all?
The alcohol they had in Shura was similar to what they had on Shara, and so Fai enjoyed drinking it even without knowing what it really was. It was rather strong, more so than Fai had first anticipated, but more than anything it made him mellow out. The alcohol made his head swim, making his thoughts wander from subject to subject. More than once he woke up in Kurogane's lap, wondering how he had managed to fall asleep there.
The first time it had happened he had woken up and looked up to see that Kurogane was already awake. He apologized, of course, but realized that it was pointless. The other man didn't reply, only stared at Fai with the piercing gaze he always gave the blond.
"I wish you wouldn't look at me like that." He had said at that moment, knowing that Kurogane wouldn't understand a word he said. "It's like you're trying to look into my soul."
The other man didn't reply yet again he just continued to stare into Fai's eyes, and after a while Fai gave in and had to look away. He couldn't stand it when people looked at him like Kurogane did. Just as suddenly as Fai had woken up, Kurogane stood up and left the room, leaving Fai all alone. He wondered what the other man was thinking, but his expressions never gave enough away for Fai to understand him.
If we had been able to understand each other, would that have made things worse?
The worst part of not being able to communicate with words was whenever one of them wanted something. In the winter it was cold, and though Fai was used to the cold, he found himself unable to wear the right clothing and was always cold. He couldn't tell winter clothing and summer clothing apart, meaning that he constantly found himself wearing the wrong robes. Beside just that, it was increasingly difficult for him to wear the clothes the right way and more than once he had to get Kurogane to correctly put on the confusing clothing. It didn't bother him in the least bit having to ask for help, though he doubted Kurogane felt the same. Fai didn't mind the touch of someone else clothing him at all, it wasn't something he feared or was embarrassed about at all.
Though he couldn't ever tell what Kurogane was truly thinking, he figured that it had to be something along the lines of how bothersome it was to have to dress a man who should be capable of dressing himself.
He always thanked Kurogane with a smile, though he hadn't realized that Kurogane hadn't known what he meant by it until one of the many times he had been forced to seek out the other man for help. He had been able to dress himself for the most part, but tying the sash around his waist was a hassle still. He had asked Kurogane for help yet again, and the man had tied the sash a bit harshly. Fai wished there was another way to thank the man without speaking, but only one thing came to mind. When Kurogane finished tying the sash he turned around and smiled at him, as he always did. The other man didn't seem phased by it, confirming Fai's thoughts.
Instead of smiling again he grabbed the back of Kurogane's head and pulling him down, so he could plant a thank-you kiss on his forehead. He smiled up at Kurogane again, though the man was blushing now, slightly confused. Laughing lightly he motioned to the sash and at once the man understood what he meant. Kurogane bent over and brushed the hair away from Fai's forehead, kissing him back. You're welcome. Fai swore he had heard the man say that, but he knew it was impossible.
If we had been able to understand things, would that have made things better?
It wouldn't happen for a while, but one day they would wake up and realize that their eyes were no longer their original color. It had been Kurogane who had noticed it first, when he had passed a mirror in the hallway and caught a glimpse of his reflection. His eyes, those that had been burning crimson, were now jet black.
Fai stuck his head out of his room only a few moments later and Kurogane motioned to his eyes. Fai nodded as he noticed the change, walking over to the mirror and looking at his own eyes. They too had completely turned black from their original sapphire blue. As he was looking at the change, Kurogane dutifully tied his sash that he still hadn't learned how to tie properly. When he finished, Fai thanked him in what had become their usual way of exchanging kisses on the forehead.
Instead of kissing Fai on the forehead, he gently kissed Fai on the eyelid, as if to tell him that he missed seeing the color of his eyes already. Fai smiled, caressing Kurogane's cheek, tracing his finger to his once beautiful eyes.
Kurogane caught his hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing Fai's hands to his lips, gently kissing his fingertips. Fai had laughed at that, probably the only sound that each of them still understood. Kurogane looked at him, a question he couldn't ask burning in his eyes. Fai just shook his head lightly, then leaned up and gently kissed him in the lips. He smiled as soon as he had pulled away, watching Kurogane's somewhat confused expression.
That confusion only lasted a second as Kurogane gently pulled Fai into another kiss, whispering, "愛しています。"
Fai just laughed as he whispered back, "Je t'aime aussi."
If we had been able to understand each other, things wouldn't have turned out how they had.
I'm glad that we weren't able to speak.
There are other manners of communicating, after all.
Well, after reading the Shura/Shara chapters of Tsubasa (yeah, I know I'm WAY behind.) I couldn't focus on the story because this idea continued to poke at me until I finally typed it out.
I wanted to add in a part where Fai was complaining of being cold and the struggle for Kurogane to understand that, but I ended up forgetting all about it. Maybe I'll just write another fic since I really love the idea of how they had to live together for about six months (half a year) without being able to understand each other.
I think this fic says just about everything about what I like about Kurogane X Fai, other than how canon it is, of course.
Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle (C) CLAMP