Author: sangre antigua

Rating; Title; Pairing: PG-13; Need; Godric/Eric.

Summary: AU Godric tells Eric that he wants to die. Eric can't take it. GODRIC/ERIC.

Warning/Disclaimer: So, uh. This is shit. Haha. I loved the idea when I first started it, but I just...couldn't do anything with it! If you like it, woo. If you don't, I'm sorry.

I don't own anything True Blood, so, yeah.

- - -

"You said you would not over react!"

"How am I over reacting?"

Godric ducked as one of his six dining room chairs crashed against the wall. The elder vampire effortlessly dodged the furniture, watching sadly as the chairs splintered into millions of little pieces. Maybe telling Eric so early wasn't a good idea. Why did he trust Eric's word when it came to such a touchy subject? He should have known that Eric would be furious, scared, heartbroken, but he hadn't guessed that it would come to this.

"As your maker, I command you to stop throwing things!" Godric shouted, and like that the blond stopped, a vase falling from his fingers and shattering on the floor. The elder vampire watched as Eric sat down on the table and cradled his head in his hands, his chest tight and painful as Eric sobbed. "Eric--I told you because I care. You needed to know."

Their eyes met, Godric's sad and worried, Eric's incredulous and rimmed by blood. "I needed to know that you want to kill yourself? Why did you have to tell me that?" A sob racked through Eric's body. The way Eric sat, his large frame hunched over, it shook through him like an earthquake. "I come to see you, and you tell me...you tell me you're tired of living. You're tired of everything! How is this supposed to make me feel?" He stood up, his hands angrily animating his speak. "How is learning that my maker, the most important person in my life, wants to end it all supposed to make me feel? Am I suppose to nod my head and go on with my night? Pretend I didn't hear it? Tell me, Godric!"

"Lower your voice, please, Eric." He took a step closer and Eric took a step back. With a sigh, Godric closed the gap between them. He placed his hand on Eric's shoulder and squeezed, holding on even as Eric tried to shake him off. "I thought you would want to know...so it wasn't...blindsiding."

"What is this?" Eric threw his hands up in the air. "This is blindsiding. You tell me to come to Texas for a while to catch up, and I rush here like a...like a fool! And the first thing you tell me is that you want to die? What...how am I supposed to feel?" Thick tears of blood streamed down his face. Godric leaned forward and wiped them up, licking them off the side of his hand. "I need you."

"You do not need anyone, Eric. You are strong on your own." With a sad smile, Godric nudged Eric and squeezed his shoulder again. "I have been...planning on this for a while. I do not know when I will do it, though." He raised Eric's face by his chin and bore into his eyes. "We have time. I just wanted you to know."

Long arms wrapped around the older vampire. Eric held him so tightly that it hurt, but Godric refrained from complaining. He rubbed circles onto Eric's back as he shuddered. "You can't go," he whispered, gripping tightly onto Godric's shirt. "I'm not joking, Godric. I need you." Eric kissed Godric softly several times, mumbling, "I need this" after each peck. There was blood on Eric's lips from the tears he had furiously shed. Like before, Godric wiped them away, but this time with his tongue. Eventually Eric stopped breathing their kisses and lost all of his abandon. Maybe he could keep Godric there, in his embrace, their lips together and their bodies pressed together like two halves of a mold.

Still connected by their lips, Eric moved their bodies towards the couch. This was better than fighting, than moving out of the way of projectile furniture, so Godric did nothing but return the kisses and touches he was given. He allowed Eric to pin him to the sofa and spread his legs when Eric went to part them. He welcomed Eric between them and wrapped them around the male's body, embracing him and whatever Eric would throw his way. Maybe he shouldn't have told Eric about this until the night before he planned on doing it, but the past was unchangeable.

There was no time for thinking about this, though. Eric was angrily removing their clothes. His hands shook and his cheeks were still stained with tears, and he was telling himself, "I need you, I need you. I'll show you I need you."

Godric stopped him with a hand to Eric's chest. "Eric, look at me," he whispered. When the blond looked up, he kissed him softly and said, "You do not need me."

"I want you, though," he sobbed, hiccuping quietly.

With a soft laugh, Godric pushed a few strands of Eric's hair behind his ear. "You sound like such a mortal."

"I don't care, I don't care." Eric stopped for a moment and laughed at himself. He did sound like a mortal. Rubbing his hand over his face, he sighed.

"It is...nice to know you care so much, though," Godric whispered. He nodded and stroked Eric's cheek. "Again, I do not know when I will do it. I just wanted you to know."

Eric climbed off of Godric and continued to rub his face. It was only one o'clock AM, but he felt exhausted. Crying did that to Eric. "When you actually do...do do it, give me a warning again, okay? I want to be there."

"I don't want you there," was retorted quickly. "I don't want you to see it."

"Am I supposed to just...sit in the living room and just count the second like a...like a pathetic mortal while my maker, my friend...my lover's on the roof...dying?" He hiccuped and groaned loudly, throwing his head back. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to kill yourself?"

Godric cleaned dirt out from under his nails. This subject was touchy, but he had been certain that Eric would want the question answered. He shrugged. "I am tired of living in a world that's just...so heartless at times. I have changed, but the world hasn't. Not entirely." After a moment of silence, he reached over and grabbed Eric's hand, rubbing circles on the top of his thumb. Then he leaned over and kissed Eric's cheek. "I love you, Eric. I needed you to know. And I need you to...let me do this, whenever I decide to do it. Will you grant me this?"

"Can't you just make me?" Eric asked bitterly.

"No. I want you to agree to it, yourself."

"No."

"Please, Eric? Please?"

"I can't accept this, I can't..."

"Please?" Godric dropped Eric's hand and turned to face him. "I need you to grant me this." He grabbed Eric's knee and squeezed before rubbing up and down his thigh.

With sad eyes, Eric looked at Godric for a few heavy moments. Everything seemed so quiet, still. Finally he muttered, "No." He smiled sadly at Godric and stared at his knee, watching Godric's hand moving and rubbing. "Nothing can make me agree to accept this."

Godric sighed loudly and stood up. "What if I do it tonight? And make you stay inside while I do it? Hm? What do you say, Eric?"

The anguish on Eric's face was tangible. He stood up, flustered, and tried several times to reply to Godric's statement. Nothing would form. His brain was blank, as if he had just been hit in the face by a bull. "W...Why would you even say that?"

Not wasting any more time, Godric placed both hands on Eric's cheeks and kissed him hard. "I need you to agree to let me do this. I do not know when I will do it, it could be weeks, months...years! But I just want you to be okay with it. Please? I need this of you."

Eric laughed dryly. "You don't need me. You are your own person, Godric."

This time, Godric laughed dryly. "Clever." Defeated, he sat down on the couch and cradled his face. Quietly, Eric followed suit. "I just...you mean a lot to me, and having you know...it means a lot. Having you know and accept that I want this, eventually. I need that. Like you need me."

Eric snuggled up to Godric and sighed bitterly. "I won't say this again. But...I won't stop you. If that's what you want." Godric leaned over and kissed him lovingly. "Until that day, though...you have to make it up to me."

Godric grinned. "I can grant you that."