This fic is for Maja who demanded a fic from the words 'Naked' and 'Alarm'. Here you go dear.
Also, there's a shout out to Dad. You'll know which line. :D
Thankies to Jenn who is my awesome big brother and beta.
I own nobody.
"This is all your damn fault!"
"What!" Sam ducked behind another car. "How the hell is it my fault?"
"You should have known!" Dean threw one finger accusingly at Sam before quickly swinging it back down to cover himself.
Sam dropped to a squat behind the vehicle. "I was supposed to just know that a Grimalt's venom was acidic to cotton?"
"You are the research guru." Dean shifted his newspaper from one hand to the other as he crouched beside his brother.
"Dean, can we please have this conversation inside? It's like sixty degrees out." Sam nodded back to the motel.
"And how do you propose we get inside? My key was in my coat when it disintegrated." Dean quirked an eyebrow at him and attempted to wipe more of the slime off his shoulders.
They looked across the parking lot towards the safety of their room. They were almost there. Behind door number three was the promise of a nice shower and, most importantly, clothes.
"We'll just tell the manager we locked ourselves out?" Sam brushed his slime filled hair away from his face with a shrug.
"When we were what? Streaking?" Dean adjusted the meager covering they'd found again.
"Okay, fine then-" Sam froze mid sentence as the night silence was broken by the sudden squealing fire alarm of the motel.
"Ah, hell." Dean leaned back against the car behind them. "We gotta get out of here." He watched as people started groggily filing out of their rooms. "Like now Sam. Move your ass."
Staying low, they both retraced their steps away from the quickly filling parking lot. There was only one place they would find any form of shelter, the nearby wheat fields.
"Damn it! Ow!" Dean paused just long enough to look back at Sam, who was hopping up and down on one foot. One of his hands was still clutching desperately at his newspaper while the other tried to pick a large splinter from the base of his foot.
"Sammy, hurry the hell up!" Dean straightened just enough to see the family of four that had been in the room beside them heading straight to their minivan. The very minivan that Sam's naked ass was now sitting on.
"I almost got it."
"You don't have time for that! Six year old at two o'clock!" Dean grabbed his wrist and pulled Sam away from the car, the two of them barely making it into the brush in time to avoid the family.
They both fell into the dirt breathing hard from the narrow escape. "We're never going to get back inside." Dean dragged a hand across his brow, coming across some leftover slime at his hairline. He quickly wiped it off on Sam's shoulder, which was far less effective when his brother wasn't wearing a jacket.
"Count your lucky stars that slime stuff wasn't damaging to skin, Sam." He collapsed onto his back, glad they had found a brook to rinse the slime off.
"We'll just wait out the alarm and it'll be fine." Sam pushed some of the plants aside to get a view of the mayhem as the flashing lights alerted them to the arrival of the fire truck and ambulance.
"Yeah, until the place burns down with all our clothes inside." Dean sat up again. "Let me see your foot."
Sam shifted around so Dean could pull the splinter from his bloodied foot. "What the hell did you step on?" Sam just shrugged as Dean worked the splinter free.
They both froze in synchronization, their eyes locking as each hunter's ears strained to figure out what the noise was. Dean nodded back to the parking lot, the silent question understood when Sam shook his head in response.
Sam jerked his head the other direction and Dean narrowed his eyes in concentration. It hadn't sounded like it was coming from that way. Dean shook his head, their silent argument continued as each strained to hear the source of the noise.
Whatever it was decided not to repeat itself. Dean and Sam both broke eye contact at the same time, their free hands going for the dirt in an effort to find some sort of rock to use as a defense.
Sam came up with a sharp stick, whereas Dean's rock turned out to be a not so solid dirt clod. Sam quirked an eyebrow at him and Dean narrowed his eyes in a clear 'shut up.'
The only discernable noise was the nearby sirens, but they continued to listen for the phantom creature anyway. Dean's ears strained, and he barely caught the noise before he was crying out from the pain of tiny little claws making their way up his back.
He squirmed, his arms swinging about his body as he attempted to contort himself in a way that would get the creature off him. He grunted when Sam's attempt to knock the monster off his back with the stick resulted in a blow to his shoulder.
"-the hell Sam!"
"Hold still!" Sam swung again, but Dean couldn't stop squirming when the vicious creature decided to bite him, and he caught the next strike with his head.
The blow was harder than he'd been anticipating and the impact knocked Dean over on his side. He landed right on top of the furry critter that had been scratching him up. The creature managed to free itself from underneath Dean's body with several more bites and scratches.
"Dean…" Dean didn't see the creature standing in front of him as he rolled onto his stomach. Instead all he saw was his brother's naked backside as Sam ran away from him.
"Sam!" It wasn't until he looked up to the creature that had been clawing him up did he understand why Sam was running. He turned back just in time to look at the upturned tail of what he finally realized was a skunk. "Shit!"
The worst part was that Dean's eyes and mouth were open when the creature started spraying him. He gagged on the spray as he forced his face down into the dirt.
Already his eyes were watering as he felt the top of his head and body coated with a wonderful perfume that was sure to never come off.
He didn't know how long he lay there after the skunk was done, but somehow Dean knew that keeping his nose in the dirt was far preferable to the smell hanging in the air and permeating his body.
"Dean?" He heard Sam's giant feet crushing the weeds behind him and Dean groaned. "Ah hell, Dean."
"Ihaychu," Dean muttered into the dirt, his arm still wrapped firmly around his head. His eyes were watering like a little girl crying over a broken lollipop and Dean was half tempted to swallow the dirt mere inches from his lips to get the taste out of his mouth.
He felt a familiar hand on his shoulder, the gentle pressure suggesting he roll over. Dean shook his head fiercely, he was too miserable to move. In the last hour and a half he'd been attacked, had his clothes disintegrated, traversed three quarters of a mile in the nude at two am, and been scratched up, bitten and sprayed by a skunk.
No thank you. Dean was done. He was going to quit and stay right were he was. Forever.
"Dean, you have to let the paramedics look at you." He scrunched up his face in the dirt. The last thing he wanted was for complete strangers to see him like this. But Dean could hear the paramedic's footsteps getting closer. Sam was inviting them over. Traitor.
Dean pushed up on his elbows, all his rolling about had seemingly picked up enough dirt, leaves and random nature bits to cover him head to toe like a well glittered doll. The smell in the air above him made him gag, and Dean wasn't sure he could keep down his lunch if he kept being forced to endure the scent.
A blurry Sam was squatting in front of him. His brother's body annoyingly clad compared to his.
Dean spit; he could feel and taste the skunk in his mouth. "Water?" Sam pinched his nose and Dean could hear him gagging as he came closer to offer water. Everything was quickly fading out of focus and he blinked hard in an effort to bring It back.
A large hand dropped to his shoulder and he jumped, ready to punch the owner when he recognized it as Sam's hand. A bottle was brought up to his lips and Dean gargled and spit several times, frustrated when the taste wouldn't leave. Sam finally pulled the bottle away and seemed to call someone else over. A blanket was suddenly draped over his shoulders as two other people approached.
He struggled, relaxing only when Sam's hand returned to his shoulder. "Dean, it's okay, they're paramedics. They're here to help." Without his vision he had no choice but to allow Sam to talk him through the paramedic's actions.
It wasn't so much what Sam was saying, but rather just the constant flow of Sam's narration. He suspected Sam knew that, they'd both often used the technique to calm each other's nerves over the years.
His body was rotated to rest on a stretcher, the blanket adjusted to cover him better. Dean shivered as he was lifted up and marched towards the parking lot. It figured he would have to be paraded naked in front of the entire Motel's clientele.
Sam's presence never left his side as they crossed to the ambulance. "No Hospitals." Dean muttered, knowing that Sam would relay the information and fight for it.
"I told you they were gay." They passed the conversation too quickly for Dean to even know which direction to throw a death glare.
He latched back on to Sam's voice, seeking it out as his vision continued to fade into oblivion. "Look, he's refusing to go to the hospital. I'll allow you to give him a rabies shot, but if you take him he's just going to sign himself out."
"He really should get those scratches – "
"I'll take care of it. Just give him the rabies shot."
"Fine." There was a pause in the air, and Dean could picture Sam crossing his arms triumphantly. "We wouldn't want him stinking up our hospital anyways."
"Exactly." Sam's fingers on his forearm tightened, a silent show that they'd won. Dean wanted to roll his eyes; he was going blind not deaf.
"Roll him over." He could hear the disdain in the paramedic's voice and counted it luck that he got the one guy who was likely already overworked today and just wanted to go home without having to fill out a ton of paperwork on a couple of nude guys attacked in a field by a rabid skunk.
Dean rolled over and the guy swabbed his shoulder near one of the bites. He felt the familiar pinch of a needle entering his skin. "He's going to need another four more shots over the next month if you hope to keep him from getting infected. These scratches should –"
"Yeah, I know, I'm a med student." The needle was pulled from his skin and Dean could hear the paramedic doing an awesome impersonation of a grumpy eight year old version of Sam.
"Well then you know how important it is that this is taken care of, preferably in a hospital." He had to assume that Sam nodded as he coaxed Dean off the gurney. The paramedic stormed irritably away. "Someone call animal control, we got a rabid skunk on the loose."
"Let's get inside."
Dean grabbed a fistful of blanket and held onto it as he stumbled alongside Sam's guiding bulk. A few voices murmured as they passed, but Dean didn't care to make it out.
The noise of the murmuring crowd cut off when Sam closed their motel room door behind them. He could feel his ears turning red in embarrassment. This was not exactly the kind of attention he liked to have.
He tripped over something on the floor, Sam's guiding hands on his shoulder barely keeping him upright. With a balancing hand on the back of a chair, he pushed Sam off . "I can make it by myself."
It only took two steps before Dean cursed and stubbed his toe on another unknown object. "Dude, if you didn't leave your crap all over the floor, we wouldn't have this problem." He flipped Sam's voice off before dropping his free hand to rub his injured toe.
"You're almost there." Sam prodded his shoulder gently, the suggestion clear that he wanted Dean in the shower as quickly as possible. "I trust you remember where everything is, anatomy-wise?"
"Bite me." Dean pushed away from Sam, his arm outstretched as he groped his way to the bathroom.
"Oh, I think the skunk already did enough of that for one evening." He heard Sam's laughter even through the bathroom door, which he took great care to slam as loud as humanly possible. He didn't care if it seemed childish, this day sucked out loud.
"I'm going to go to the store and buy up every sort of air freshener they sell." He heard Sam knock gently as he made his way to the tub. "You gonna be okay?"
Dean couldn't force himself to say anything beyond a grunt as he fumbled for the tub facet. He dropped the and stepped into the tub. The water was scalding hot, but he just slid down to the bottom and sat.
He didn't have the energy to scrub himself off. He knew from rumors he'd overheard that skunk spray wouldn't wash off anyways. It didn't matter what concoction of chemicals Sam brought back with him, Dean was never getting laid again on account of the fact that he reeked.
The water was freezing cold when Sam got back and Dean still hadn't moved. He heard his brother making an excessive racket in the main room. He would have lectured him on the noise level if it hadn't been for the fact that he knew Sam was doing it because Dean couldn't see.
"Dean?" The bathroom door creaked open, and Sam entered slowly. There was hesitancy in his steps that suggested he suspected some sort of backlash.
Dean grumbled a response. He wasn't about to move.
"Dean, come on man." Sam dropped a grocery bag against the side of the tub, causing Dean to jerk from the sound. "I need you to try this stuff." He tilted his head, instinctively knowing something was off with Sam's voice.
"Are you, wearing a mask?"
He sensed more than anything that Sam's movements had stopped. "What?"
"A mask, over the nose and mouth mask." He turned his head to angle his face at Sam. He could picture his brother rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly while trying to pretend that the giant mask was not on his freakishly large head.
Dean snorted. "Seems to me you were a great help with that." He turned his head away from Sam's voice. "I hope a mutant grasshopper lays eggs in your bed."
He smirked when Sam fell silent, and pictured a puzzled look adorning his brother's face. He sat in silence, his chin resting on his knees as the frigid water continued to run over him.
Sam rustled around in the bag of supplies he'd brought, and Dean could hear him opening several packages.
He tried not to jump when Sam placed a hand on his forehead; he knew Sam was just trying to help him. "Dude, give me some warning."
"I'm sorry." Sam seemed to be pushing his head back, but Dean wouldn't go with it. "Dean, please. We need to rinse out your eyes."
"Will my vision come back?"
"It will help."
Dean allowed his head to be tilted back and secured in the corner of the tub. Sam held his left eyelid open. He couldn't anticipate the drops and tried to jerk away from Sam when they started falling. Being in corner of the tub there was nowhere for Dean to escape as Sam continued assaulting his eye with drops.
"Damn, cut it out!" Sam released his eyelid, and Dean started blinking furiously. "I still can't see anything." He growled.
"We have to apply ten drops every half hour. Your vision should return in three to five days. If not, we'll go to a optometrist."
Sam sounded like he was reading off a box. It was just like him to follow the instructions to the letter. Dean stuck his tongue out in Sam's direction grumpily.
"Lemme do your other eye." Dean settled himself again in the corner, this time prepared for the onslaught of drops. Sam finished and could be heard shuffling through his bag of tricks for the next item of torture. "Here, I bought you some shampoo."
"I have shampoo."
"Do you have anti-skunk shampoo?" Dean sighed, he would do just about anything to get rid of the ungodly odor that threatened to kill him in an agonizingly slow and painful way. Sam popped the top of the bottle open and began squirting it in his hair without warning. "I trust you can rub it in yourself?"
"I was washing your hair before you could walk. I'm pretty sure I know how shampoo works." He heard Sam snap the bottle shut and sigh.
"When you're done with that, the loofa and body wash are on the toilet seat-"
"A loofa, Samantha?"
"I'm going to go in the other room and burn some incense to hopefully cover your scent, Pepé Le Pew."
Dean was glad he didn't need his sight in order to aim effectively. "Get out." The door didn't close, but Sam could be heard in the other room continuing to make an obscene amount of noise for a hunter.
Dean groped aimlessly around for the body wash and squirted an excessive quantity of it on what was likely the most girlish loofa ever invented and began scrubbing. He hoped that the more skin cells he took off the closer he would come to smelling like a normal human being.
"So I read that hair traps skunk scent really well, I'm thinking we should shave your head." Sam's voice called out from the next room.
"Don't you dare touch my hair!"
"Fine, then I'm getting a separate room for the next three weeks." Dean winced when he dragged the loofa over a particularly nasty scratch the skunk had left behind. He rinsed himself off and snapped off the water. It took him several minutes to find a towel, and he had no idea if it was clean or dirty but somehow, given his scent, it didn't matter.
"Where the hell are my clothes?"
"You run around for the better part of the evening in the buff and now that we're in the motel you want clothes?" He felt his way along the wall towards the main room where Sam could be heard unzipping a duffle.
"Shut up and give me my pants."
"Fine, but I have to look at your back." Sam hurled boxers at his chest, which Dean barely managed to catch. He pulled em on and let Sam guide him to the edge of the bed. "Sit, I need to make sure these don't get infected."
Grumpily he sat, allowing Sam to mend his sore and scratched up back. He instinctively jerked away from Sam's first touch on his injured back. This was going to call for some rolling around in his brother's laundry later to get back at Sam for abandoning him to the skunk. But for now he needed his brother's sight in order to take care of himself. That didn't mean he had to be happy about it. "I still hate you."
Sam gripped his shoulder gently, bracing him for the first aid work to come. Dean could detect the smile in his brother's voice when he replied, "Yeah, I know."