AN: Warning, this story is rated M and contains sexual material. If you're underage don't read (I might as well be talking to the wall, I know the youngsters won't listen). Sorry for the delay, I simply found some great stories and got sidetracked. If you notice obvious errors feel free to point them out because I really don't feel like reading through this entire chapter for the hundredth time. Enjoy!
"Through years of personal exploration, I have grown to believe that soulmates are about more than the heart. I believe that a soulmate is any person who enters our lives with greater meaning and purpose. Our souls evolve through loving others. Our lives evolve though the paths we choose."
After ending my conversation with Edward the reality of our situation began to hit me like a ton of bricks. We were really going to do this. I had spent the entire week thinking about how this evening would transpire. Because, although Edward thought it best that we learn as we go, I knew it wouldn't be that simple. Therefore, unbeknownst to him, I actually took it upon myself to do a little research on our arrangement. And when I say research, I do mean good old-fashioned Google.
My findings did little to extinguish my fears. The first thing I researched was the definition of the term 'Friends with Benefits.' It was pretty self explanatory albeit a tad cold in my opinion.
Friends with Benefits: An agreement between two people who are both friends and physically attracted to one another to have a sexual relationship. Neither party is considered committed to the other, and both can start dating someone else at any time with prior warning. A friends with benefits arrangement is not considered dating, a relationship or even casual dating by most people who use the term.
I found the first line quite comical and snorted at the idea of Edward being physically attracted to me. I wouldn't say I had low self-esteem but compared to the women he dated in his lifetime, I was a drastic change. I didn't consider myself gorgeous or sexy in fact; I thought I was average at best. All my life I've been called cute. I hated that word. Cute was what you called puppies and babies. I was never considered sexy, beautiful or even pretty. Alice would tell me so many times how beautiful I really was but I knew she was just fulfilling her best friend duties. "Bella, you really don't see yourself clearly," she'd reiterate. Anyway, I digress. The fact of the matter was that Edward didn't find me repulsive and had to be somewhat attracted to me since he was the one to propose this idea in the first place. Also, I couldn't forget the great deal I was getting. Many women would give anything to sleep with my best friend. Believe me I've witnessed the lengths they would go through to get inside his pants and in his pockets. And here I was given the opportunity to have sex with a man who resembled a Greek God—not to mention as many times as I pleased.
The rest of the definition I had no problem with. Edward already stated that we would end our arrangement as soon as one of us met someone we could see ourselves being with forever. If he was ready to have relations with another woman all he had to do was tell me and this would end. This was further reinforced by the last line: A friends with benefits arrangement is not considered dating, a relationship or even casual dating by most people who use the term. Edward and I were best friends. We wouldn't be dating. That would cancel out the entire arrangement. This was strictly sex.
I took a steamy, hot shower to relax my tense muscles and clear my head. Honestly, I couldn't wait to get this night over and done with just to put an end to the anxiety. Once we finally had sex I figured it would be easy from here on out.
I wrapped myself in a thick white cotton towel and was immediately hit with a gust of cold air when I walked into my bedroom. I hastily dried off and searched quickly for some undergarments. While I usually just threw something on it suddenly occurred to me that another pair of eyes would be seeing them. For some odd reason, I wanted to make a good impression on my best friend. I immediately remembered the midnight blue set I picked out on my shopping trip with Alice. It wasn't fancy, silky lingerie. That just wasn't who I was. It was a simple cotton tank top with matching boy shorts. However the blue was striking against my skin tone. I slipped it on and examined myself in the mirror. I liked it. It was simple but sexy. I paused briefly and considered wearing a bra. I had small breasts and often opted out of wearing them. In the end I decided not to; I figured it would make it easier access for Edward anyway. My heart skipped just from that thought alone.
I decided on pair of blue jeans and a fitted gray sweater that I also picked up from the shopping trip. The weather was getting more brisk by the day as we prepared for an early winter. I threw on some comfortable converses and chuckled to myself. Alice would kill me if she saw me putting these on. She hated my converses with a passion.
Glancing at the clock, I realized I still had some time. I wondered what Edward was doing right now. If this situation was doing a number on me, I couldn't imagine what he was thinking. Naturally, I'd given him most of the control of this situation because I trusted him. It made me feel better knowing this was all his idea. He gave the appearance that he was fine with this but that phone call earlier proved otherwise; he was just as nervous as I was.
We planned to meet at his house, which I didn't have a problem with. This wasn't a date. A usual couple would probably go out to dinner, but I was just hanging out with my friend like we usually did-it just so happened a few benefits would be included. I also packed an overnight bag. I couldn't help but smile when he reminded me to bring it during the phone call. Edward assumed I would be staying over and that surprised me, then again, I couldn't imagine him letting me go home afterward. That would be so impersonal and it just wasn't in his nature to do that. I had no problem leaving right after with the men I had relations with prior to us, but that was okay for what it was. I had no attachment to them.
I took one more glance in the mirror noticing my hair had air dried into waves. I grabbed my duffle bag and headed out. Here goes nothing.
I stood in front of Edward's door trying to convince myself to ring the bell. It was now approaching ten minutes. Stop being a coward, I thought to myself. He's probably thinking I chickened out. I finally took a deep breathe and pressed the bell. My heart decided to speed up at the sound of his footsteps. I briefly contemplated ducking behind one of his bushes. Stop it. Get a hold of yourself. This is Edward.
Before I had another thought the door opened and I was greeted with Mr. October himself. I was met immediately with his chest as his height surpassed me. There he was adorned in a casual blue button up shirt, sleeves folded at his elbows. I noticed three loose buttons at the collar allowing me a peek at his smooth pale skin. My eyes continued downward to his dark wash jeans and usually bare feet. My best friend was a little OCD when it came to shoes and carpet. My eyes finally met his dark green and they mirrored everything I was thinking-fear, excitement & fear. He smiled his contagious grin and wrapped his arms around me.
"I was beginning to think you chickened out," he chuckled in my ear.
"Sorry, I had a little car trouble," I said quickly. I was sure he wouldn't doubt that. He closed the door as I made my way to his living room.
I noticed he had already ordered takeout from our favorite Chinese restaurant and had everything set out.
As I kicked off my shoes and settled on his couch I couldn't help but the notice the tension in the air. Awkward silence. We never had this problem before. Edward sat beside me and began to play with the remote.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted to watch a movie tonight or…" He trailed nervously.
Now this was a side of Edward I've never seen. He was always so confident and sure of himself.
"We could do that," I replied. If we wanted this night to go smoothly, I felt it best we didn't stray away from our usual routine.
We managed forced conversation about nothing in particular while eating our takeout. The tension in the air was palpable. Suddenly Edward put his container down with a sigh.
"This doesn't feel right," he said as he roughly ran his fingers through his hair.
"I agree," I said, glad to stop the charade.
"Bella, I want us to be comfortable. Just like all the other nights we have together. Nothing has really changed."
"I know, Edward," I said putting down my container. "But I can't help but feel weird about this entire situation. What we're about to do will change everything."
"It doesn't have to change," he said scooting closer to me. He lifted my chin so that I could meet his eyes. "Bella, this is me. I'm asking for you to trust me."
"I do," I said softly. And I did. There was no one else in the world that I trusted as much as I trusted Edward. I remember years ago when Esme called us soulmates. As young children we scowled at her for making this assumption but then she clarified that best friends could indeed be soulmates. As I got older I finally understood what she meant. Edward was my other half. Without him in my life, I would never feel whole.
After finishing up our meal we both relaxed on the couch and watched a favorite movie of mine, Romeo and Juliet. Edward couldn't understand why I loved it so much but he sat through it with me many times. We cuddled on the couch like we often did, but this time it was different. This time I wouldn't be going home after. I wasn't sure how Edward would proceed, but I was leaving it all up him. He told me to trust him.
The room was dim as most of the lights were turned off and nothing but the TV illuminated us. We lay on the couch, my back to Edward while he rested one arm on my waist and the other behind his head. I wasn't focused on the movie but pretended I was. How could I be when I knew what would follow? Instead my ears were tuned into his breathing as I felt the rise and fall of his chest behind me.
Halfway through the film, the hand on my waist began to trail light circles and dance reminding me of the movements he used when he played the piano. I tried to control my breathing and relax. Edward made no other sound or movement giving the impression he was still into the movie. Soon his finger began to draw imaginary artwork in the same spot, leaving a tingling feeling in it's every wake. My heart rate increased with every motion he made. I couldn't believe my body was reacting to him this way and he was barely touching me.
Suddenly he removed his hand and I couldn't help but miss the feel of him. Before I could process another thought, I felt his cold fingers graze the skin of my waist. I jumped and shivered at the sensation.
"Do you trust me?" he whispered, his warm breathe tickling my neck.
All I could do was nod, not trusting myself to speak.
I felt him move behind and watched him grab the remote to turn off the movie. He wordlessly grabbed my hand and pulled me gently to the direction of the stairs. I followed closely behind him, the sound of our footsteps drowned out by my beating heart.
I've frequented Edward's bedroom many times. I considered it our own personal sanctuary. Stacks of CDs and miscellaneous albums lined his walls, most of them classical. He'd compose a few of his own pieces and would often call me up here to listen to them on his large stereo system. Sometimes I'd come up here to lie on his large bed while I read one of my novels. At the same time, he would sit at his desk with his reading glasses on, buried in some office work. Even when he was busy he still wanted my company.
However, today was different. As we walked into the room he let go of my hand and went to turn on his stereo. The soft melody of piano keys floated through the air. I immediately recognized the tune as one of the songs he'd written for me two birthdays ago. It reminded me of a lullaby and I'd often play it to soothe me on stressful days.
He turned to sit on his bed and watched me as I stood awkwardly in the middle of his room. He released an exasperated sigh.
"Bella, this would probably work better if we were closer," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair for the hundredth time that evening. It looked more disheveled than usual as a result of his nervous energy.
No kidding, I thought. Now if only I could get my feet to move.
"Bella would you please come over here, I won't bite—unless you like that," he chuckled.
Is he really joking at a time like this?
I willed my feet to move and slowly made my way toward him. He grabbed my sweaty hands and stared up at me.
"Bella, if at any moment this becomes too uncomfortable for you, promise me you will tell me to stop. Got it?" His expression was very serious.
I felt myself nod.
Realizing that I probably wouldn't be moving much on my own volition tonight because of my own cowardice, he pulled me down on his lap.
"Look at me, Bella."
I timidly brought my eyes to his and felt myself calm. This was Edward. His beautiful pools of green stared straight into my lack luster brown. In his eyes, I could see everything; the vulnerable little boy I grew up with, who opened his heart to me at the tender age of six and the man he was today. I also noted the fear, hope and honesty in them. And lastly, I saw trust.
This was Edward.
Feeling me relax he trailed his thumb on my bottom lip.
"Are we okay?" he asked.
"Yes," I said confidently.
Accepting my reassurance, he drew his face closer to me. Without hesitation, he pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was soft and sweet bringing with it memories of the night we first kissed. Feeling that familiar tingle burning at my lips, I kissed him again growing more confident every second.
This was Edward, I trust him.
My lips moved against his soft satin with more enthusiasm enjoying the feel of him and the sensations he produced within me.
I was always bold in the bedroom and if Edward wanted me to be myself, I would try. This was my territory--where I reigned supreme.
With this new epiphany I broke the kiss. Edward gave me a questioning look, his lips now pouty and red.
I stood and gave me him a challenging look as I began to lift my top. Edward stared at me incredulously, surprised at my initiative.
I slid my top off slowly, preparing him. As I shrugged it to the floor I felt his eyes trained on my every move. I then slid off my socks and jeans until I was left wearing nothing but my tank and boy shorts. Edward sat stunned and frozen.
I began to feel nervous at the long silence that followed. Insecure thoughts began to take root because of my current vulnerability. Was he disappointed? Did he not like my body? The confidence that coursed through me only minutes before quickly depleted. I felt my face burning and just knew I probably looked like an awkward tomato standing there. He was regretting this. I wasn't good enough. With my new embarrassment, I began to reach for my clothing in an effort to cover myself, but he broke the silence.
"Don't." His smooth voice quavered.
"Edward, you don't have to do this," I said quickly, giving him an easy out. "If you changed your mind, that's fine." I stared at the ground wishing it would just swallow me whole and save me from this humiliation.
Shaking his head, he got up quickly and walked toward me.
He grabbed hold of both my arms. I kept my gaze to the ground.
"Bella, please look at me." I forced my self to meet his eyes. I could never deny him anything.
He stared intently into my eyes. "You are perfect."
The truth in his words caused me to shiver.
I felt his long fingers touch my waist. He dragged them slowly and torturously up my sides and I shivered as he reached the outer edges of my breasts. His eyes transfixed on my body.
He then stepped back. Unsure of his next move, I watched him in anticipation.
He began to unbutton his shirt in quick movements no longer leaving me alone in my exposure.
Within seconds we both stood before one another, dressed in nothing but our undergarments. Edward faced me in nothing but black boxers. My eyes drank in his frame thirstily. I noticed his pale broad chest looked perfectly sculpted and my eyes lingered longer than necessary on his tight stomach. We patiently took each other in as if we were committing every part of the other to memory.
"You're beautiful," Edward said breaking the silence.
"So are you," I said returning his sentiments. And I meant every word.
He stepped closer and stared down at me. I grazed my finger across his jaw tracing his face. This man continued to amaze. His eyes closed at my touch.
Edward lifted his hand to cup my face and brushed his lips lazily against mine. My breath caught at the action. He flicked his tongue out asking for entrance and I took him in already addicted to the reactions he caused within me.
The kiss began to heat up and pretty soon my back was on his bed while Edward hovered above me. His weight rested on his elbows while he peppered my face with light kisses trailing his way down to my neck and collarbones.
Our breathing was heavy and excitement and fear coursed through my veins.
"You ok?" he asked breathlessly. I nodded. "Do you want me to stop?"
I shook my head no.
This revelation frightened me. Maybe I expected for this not work out and for us to laugh about it later. But we had crossed the line far enough already and I already craved the feelings my best friend caused within me like an addict.
He pressed his lips onto mine more hungrily. My mind was a haze trying to make sense of what was happening and who it was with. But when he began to rub my breasts lightly, all self-doubt was shot to hell. I let out an embarrassing whimper at his touch.
He trailed his hand down my stomach until he reached the end of my top and then broke the kiss.
"Bella, once we pass this point, there's no turning back," he said tentatively.
With that, he lifted my tank top slowly, the cool air hitting my chest.
His eyes stared down at me unabashedly, turning a darker shade of green. I felt myself blush, my face burning and knew my chest probably matched. Well there you go; my best friend has officially seen my chest.
"Beautiful," he muttered to himself. Before I knew it his head dipped and he began to place teasing kisses on my breasts trailing his tongue lazily around one nipple while his fingers played with the other.
I could feel the moisture pool between my legs. I moaned pressing my fingers into his hair and bucked my hips up toward his seeking friction. Noticing he still hovered above me, I pressed my hands into his waist urging him against me. He finally relented and that's when I felt him.
His length was hard and solid as it pressed against my inner thigh. I pushed my hips against his and felt him groan against my breast. He began to kiss down my stomach circling my belly button with his tongue.
As he stopped at my shorts he looked up at me in question. I reassured him with my eyes. He then ghosted his hand between my legs and my breath hitched at the sensation. His fingers slowly trailed my waistband and I closed my eyes already knowing what he was about to do; trepidation and fear spreading through me as we continued to break boundaries. This was it. He was going to see me. I felt him tug the soft material down and I lifted my hips to help.
"Bella, open your eyes," he whispered
I timidly fulfilled his request and looked back at him, relaxing once again I was able to gather that by requesting eye contact, he was asking me to stay with him, not to get lost in my fears. He continued to be my anchor, always saving me from myself.
Still holding me with his eyes his hands began to trail my bundle of nerves and my hips jerked up at the sensation which was heightened by the intensity of his eyes on me.
I let out a whimper and squirmed beneath him, enjoying the feel of his teasing touches. Still holding my gaze he plunged his fingers inside of me.
I let out a loud moan throwing my head back against the pillow, the pleasure almost overwhelming. I began to move my hips against his fingers urging him on no longer embarrassed by my reactions, throwing all caution to the wind.
He thrust his fingers into me at an agonizingly slow pace, bringing me closer and closer to edge. Sensing my climax was near, he quickened his pace pressing his thumb against my clit. I screamed out his name as my body shook and wave after wave of pleasure engulfed me.
I felt him withdraw his fingers and I immediately missed the feel of him. My eyes were closed in sweet bliss as I tried to come down from my high. I opened them in surprise to see him hovering above me, looking at me intently.
I had no idea what he was thinking at that moment as I lay there breathing heavily.
"You have no idea what you're doing to me right now," he groaned in a whisper.
Sensing his urgency and wanting him to feel the same pleasure he gave me I reached down and grabbed his erection. He twitched in my hands.
"Bella," he groaned at my touch. My hands tightened around him and the soft material as I began to stroke him.
His warm sweet breath quickened above me.
"Bella…I need you." At those words, I would have given him anything.
I tugged at his waistband and he quickly disposed of them.
And that's when I finally saw him. He was perfect, which I never doubted. I traced against his long and thick length lightly feeling the soft skin, his hips jerked at the action.
He inhaled a shaky breath. "Bella, I need to be sure…once we start I don't think I will be able to stop," he said with hesitance and longing.
His green eyes blazed into mine intensely.
"Edward, I want this." The need in his voice and my desire for him made we want this even more.
With my confirmation, he positioned himself at my entrance and slowly eased himself inside of my heat. We both groaned at the contact. He started to thrust at a slow pace, getting our bodies used to the feel of one another.
My hands involuntarily trailed through his hair as I enjoyed the pleasuring of him inside of me. All insecurity and doubt were forgotten in that moment. I wasn't just having sex with my best friend but a man who could give me the type of pleasure I never dreamed of. His grunts filled the air as I moaned below him. I grasped his hips wanting him deeper. He quickly got the message and thrust harder, connecting his lips to mine, groaning in my mouth. I began to buck beneath him meeting every thrust he gave me, our pace escalating.
Our bodies were slick with sweat, gliding against each other, my nails pressed into his back. I grasped his hips again wanting him closer. It was as if I couldn't get enough of him. He was never close enough. Our rhythm picked up drastically, the creaking of the bed joining our echoes of pleasure.
His hands were everywhere strumming my body as if it were an instrument. His lips followed closely behind every touch. My nails scraped his skin not caring if he felt the pain, needing to feel him.
"Bella…please" he groaned and looked at me desperately. He was close, the sound of his need spurring my orgasm on. He hiked my legs on his shoulder and began to push into me harder and faster. No longer able to hold out, I felt my body convulse around him. He followed quickly after, jerking violently, filling me with everything he had.
Heavy breathing filled the air as Edward tiredly collapsed on my chest, his quick breaths tickling my breast. Moments passed and I was beginning to wonder if he fell asleep until finally he pulled out and lay beside me. He drew me close to his chest, covering us both with his sheets.
"You ok?" he asked tiredly.
I nodded wearily against his chin.
The stress of the day coupled with our eventful evening had exhausted me. I let myself enjoy the feeling of now and succumbed to sleep, deciding to worry about the aftermath later.
Review or I will make Edward pee the bed. :-p