I took another long puff of my cigarette, deeply inhaling the thick delicious smoke. I coughed a few times, but kept on puffing. It was starting to rain harder outside. I got up from my bed and stuck my head out the window. The last thing I wanted my parents to find out was that I was smoking again. Well…I never actually quit in the first place. I just told my parents and family that I was getting help, and that I stopped. Hell, at least they understood why I was chewing gum all the time. I finished the cigarette, and ground it out between my fingers. I hissed a bit in pleasure at the pain it caused. After the tip was fully out, I flicked the now spent butt onto the ground beneath my window. That bush down there was just covered with cigarettes. Good thing my parents never did any yard work anymore. Granted, it seems like they didn't do any work at all around the house anymore. It was always up to me, or my brother Emmett. I sighed in relief as I felt the nicotine course through my lungs, and rushed up to my brain. I flopped down on my bed, and popped in a CD, turning the volume of my stereo on high.
Laying down on my back, I lit another cigarette, and took another beer from my secret mini-fridge. That was probably the seventh beer that I had had, and it was starting to go to my head. I quickly downed it and started in on another one. Jesus Christ why was my life always so fucked up? Edward was off at the library studying, cause he was the good little student. I had always been the fuck up of the family. I knew I disappointed my parents. Hell, I probably disappointed them the moment I came out of my mom's fucking womb. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I thought of my mother. Stop it right now. Jasper Cullen doesn't cry. I quickly wiped the silly drops of salt water out of my eyes and took another swig of my eighth beer. I finished my sixth cigarette of the day, and I started to hack up a lung. I looked at my pack of cigarettes, and threw the remaining ones in the trash. I had sincerely tried to quit, but I was so strongly addicted to the nicotine that it wasn't easy.
I crumpled the now empty beer can in my hand and threw it on the floor with all of the other ones. I got up from my bed, and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I was getting real dizzy real fast. I splashed some cold water on my face, and popped in a few pieces of spearmint gum. I made my way back to my bed, and sunk down into the soft mattress. I was wasted, and I knew it. The only thing left for me to do was to get stoned. I reached under my mattress and pulled out a needle that was already filled with heroin. I idly fingered the point of the needle. I was already wasted. Did I really want to add heroin to the mix? I had been clean for three years now. Did I really want to go back? Back to the vomiting, to the cold spells, and all of the other withdrawal symptoms? But life was so shitty for me right now that maybe this time I could slowly kill myself and no one would interfere like last time. I sighed, and decided that for now, all I needed was alcohol, cigarettes, and pot. For now. I sighed again, and let the blackness over come me yet again. The sweet blessed blackness.
The alarm clock next to me blared, and I sprang out of bed. I shut off the alarm, and practically skipped down the hall and to the bathroom. Today was the day my presentation was due. I loved presentation day. I could get up in front of the class and speak my mind about a subject that I was passionate about, and not look stupid. Well, there were a few times that I managed to make a complete ass out of myself, but that wasn't going to happen today. I was going to get an A on this project, just like I had gotten an A on all of my other projects. I finished my shower, and spent the next ten minutes trying to decide what to wear. Black skirt with blouse, or khakis with a nice sweater? So many options, so little time to choose. I eventually picked the black skirt with the blouse combo, and made my way down the stairs to eat a good breakfast. I didn't want to be distracted during my presentation. I scarfed down a bowl of oatmeal, snatched my backpack from the table, and carefully made my way across the puddles to my car. I started the engine, and Mozart came on. I smiled, and started to hum along. Nothing could possibly go wrong today.
I walked into my classroom about five minutes before the bell rang. I was the first one up, so I wanted to be prepared and waiting for the class while they came filing in. I was practically beaming and dancing around the room I was so excited. My teacher noticed my enthusiasm, and couldn't help but smile back at me. All too soon the bell rang, and my peers started to come in. I got a few dirty looks, but that was to be expected by the slackers of the class. I grinned, and motioned for everyone to hurry up and get seated.
"All right, as you know we are doing our history presentation on the Renaissance. I chose to do my presentation on Botticelli, and his many masterpieces of art, one of which is the renowned The Birth of Venus. This painting is a mark of humanism, of which Botticelli was a strong believer of. You see, during this particular period in the Renaissance, most people believed that you had to suffer in this life on Earth, in order to live in peace in Heaven. Well, Botticelli, as well as many other famous artists and literay masters, did not see it this way at all. They believed that…"I was interrupted rather rudely by the slam of the door. I turned, glaring at the person who dared to interrupt my presentation. I frowned as I saw who it was. My teacher stood, and rushed over to the intruder's side.
"Jasper, please, take a seat. How many times have I warned you not to come late to class? We've already started presentations," the teacher scolded. Jasper pulled a face at the teacher's retreating back, which got a few giggles from the class. I crossed my arms and stomped my foot impatiently. Jasper grinned, glad that he was the center of attention of the moment, but doubled over in an extreme fit of coughing. It sounded like his lungs were about to come up. Alarmed, I took a tentative step forward to see if he was going to die right then and there, or if he was going to be okay to make it through the class. Just as quickly as it started, it ended.
Jasper raised his hand in apology to me, and sat back down, wincing and rubbing his temples as he did so. I glared at him again. What was with this insufferable child? He was everything that I detested in a man. Lazy, self-centered, a jock, and most of all, an under achiever. He was so arrogant and pig headed that I wish he would drive himself off a cliff one of these days. The world would be better off without him anyway. And, it appeared that he was hung over again.
It was no secret on campus that Jasper was a big time drinker, smoker, and pot head. I even heard rumors that as a freshman, he had gotten severely addicted to heroin, and that he had almost died in rehab because of the severity of his withdrawal symptoms. I looked around the classroom and noticed that they were all staring at me expectantly. I tore my eyes away from Jasper in disgust, and continued on with my presentation of Botticelli.
Get me out of here now. I can't stand another minute of Bella's insanely annoying high pitched voice. It was like murder on my ears. In fact, I had to keep checking my ears to make sure that they weren't actually bleeding. I rubbed my eyes, trying not to fall asleep. But it was really hard. Bella kept on prattling on and on about some dead artist dude that no one in the class cared about. History was my least favorite subject. I slouched down in my chair, trying to keep my pounding headache to a minimum. Boy did I have a doozy of a hangover. And not to mention that coughing fit I had in the beginning of class. Note to self-really try to stop smoking. I leaned my head back, and closed my eyes. As much as I tried to force myself awake, there were just some things in this world that would put me to sleep no matter what was going on. And one of those things included Bella.
God I couldn't stand that chick. She was always looking down on people, as if she was better than them because she was the police Chief's daughter and that she was probably going to go to Yale or Harvard after high school. Yeah, so what? Not all of us can be that smart. She was such a nerd. She never went to any football games, never went to any school functions. She probably won't even go to prom this year, not that any sane guy would ask her. She was such a kill joy. Bella finally wrapped up her presentation, and I was jerked awake by the sudden clapping noise of the classroom. I glanced at the clock and groaned. She had only managed to take up about fifteen minutes of the period. A few more people went by, and each presentation was more boring than the last. Sadly, we still had ten minutes left when it was my turn.
"Jasper. Could you please tell the class who you chose to cover?" I growled and rose to my feet. I slowly walked to the front of the classroom. I paused and looked at my classmates. A couple of the guys had goofy grins, because they all knew that I hadn't a clue as to what we were even covering in the class. I looked at my teacher and shrugged.
"Pass," I said, and sauntered back to my seat. The teacher frowned, but motioned up the next person all the same. The bell rang about halfway through their presentation. I got up and was the first person out of the classroom.
"Jasper!" my teacher called out. I groaned, and walked back inside. Bella was still in there, standing next to the teacher's desk, her face grim. She glanced at me with pure disgust and disdain. What? I didn't reek that bad did I? I sniffed my shirt experimentally. It wasn't too bad smelling. I paused in front of my teacher.
"What?" I snapped testily. I was a depressed, pissed off dude with a nasty hangover. I did not want to deal with people at the moment. My teacher sighed and folded his hands over his desk.
"Jasper, if you don't get your act together, you're going to fail your junior year. You don't want to be held back a grade, do you?" I shrugged nonchalantly.
"Since when did you show in interest in what happens to me? You've already written me off as a hopeless fuck up, so why the sudden interest now?" I snapped. Bella's face tightened at my use of language, but I ignored the bitchy glares she was giving me. What the fuck was she still doing here anyway? Didn't she have some advanced class to go to?
"I was hoping that maybe if you had a tutor, you still might be able to pass history this semester, and not have to repeat it," my teacher explained slowly. I frowned.
"A tutor? Who would be willing to tutor me…" my voice trailed off as realization set in. I glanced at Bella, and she forced a smile. I shook my head furiously.
"Oh no. No way in fucking hell will I be tutored by Isabella Swan, queen priss of our grade. Maybe when pigs fly," I yelled. She grimaced.
"You fly?" she asked sweetly. I glared at her, and my teacher stood up, putting a hand on ym shoulder.
"Jasper, you have to do this. Don't and you fail and have to stay here another year while all of your friends graduate. I'm sure you don't want to be here any longer than necessary, am I right?" he whispered in my ear furiously. I bit my lower lip in concentration. Sadly, he was right.
"Isn't there anyone else? Anyone at all?" I pleaded. My teacher shook his head.
"It's either Bella or no one Mr. Cullen. You choose." I swallowed the distasteful lump in my throat as I glanced over at her. She was looking down at her shoes. I sighed in defeat.
"Fine. She can tutor me. But don't expect me to be getting any A's. The most I'll probably get is a D. It's all I'm capable of," I muttered. My teacher frowned, and pulled me away a bit further so that Bella couldn't hear.
"How's therapy going Jasper? Are you starting to make any headway?"
"How did you know about that?" I hissed. He shrugged.
"It's on your file." I swore under my breath. If he knew about the therapy, what else did he fucking know about my life? All of a sudden I noticed how extremely close he was to me. I blanched, and quickly scurried out of his reach. I backed towards the door.
"Thanks. But I should really be going now." I turned and ran out of the room before I had another panic attack. I ran down the hall and into the boys bathroom. I sped into one of the stalls, and locked it. He touched me. His hand was on my shoulder. Any closer and he could have…I choked at the last thought. I bit down on my lower lip hard. My hands were shaking, my entire body was shaking. Unbidden memories came flooding to the surface.
"Jasper…Jasper," a soft voice crooned. Jasper cowered behind his closed door, afraid to open it. He knew what was going to happen.
"Please, just leave me alone," he cried out. The soft voice on the other side chuckled malevolently.
"Jasper, you were a bad boy today. And for that you have to be punished. Now open the damn door Jasper. NOW!" the voice screamed, and suddenly a body slammed into the door. Jasper was thrown back, and the flimsy lock on the door broke. The speaker walked into the room and glared at the bedraggled teenager cowering before him. The speaker spat on him, and Jasper couldn't help the whimper that found it's way out of his throat.
"Please," he whispered, his voice deep and husky. He gulped. He didn't want to talk any more than he had too. It was his damn voice that got him in this mess in the first place.
"Please, don't hurt me." The speaker frowned, and knelt down on his knees before Jasper.
"Why would I hurt you? You're going to get what you deserve Jasper. Come here. Let me show you what you did wrong tonight." Pain ripped through his body, and he couldn't help the screams that were wrenched out of his throat.
My head shot up and my eyes flew open as I tried to shake the memory. Tears were streaming down my face, and I was vaguely aware that I was sobbing quietly into my fist. I gulped, sucking in some much needed air. I wiped my arms on my sleeves, and fumbled around in my pocket for my cigarettes. I found them, managed to shake one out, and lit it. I puffed hungrily, eager for the nicotine to take effect and soothe me. I felt the familiar buzz, and I sighed in relief. It was over. Just don't think about it again. I pressed my forehead against the stall.
"Breathe. Just breathe. Everything's fine. Everything's fine," I whispered to myself as my body continued to rock back and forth.
A/N- So what do you guys think? I would be very happy if you would leave me some reviews giving your opinion. :)