Disclaimer: I don't own 'Dirty Little Secret', it belongs to the awesome band that is All-American Rejects.
A/N: Kudos to Jamie for the Quidditch kiss scene; you're my rock when it comes to Writer's Block (Ooh! That rhymes!). Thanks for being the star that you are (and again...sorry for the gratuitous poetry!).
I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
My dirty little secret,
Who has to know?
Dirty Little Secret - All-American Rejects
Classroom Trysts Or Twists?
Boys have never really been my strong point. I'm good at being just mates with them, if I'm being totally honest. And that's exactly what I am-just mates, not honest…well, I'm honest too but…well, you get the picture! I've not had many boyfriends. I'm always being asked out but it always seems to be that I attract what my mother would call the wrong sort of guy. Players, commitment-phobes, incommunicados, you name it; I've been asked out by it.
Take Lucius Malfoy, for example. If I were a Gryffindor like Ree, he wouldn't dream of even looking at me with anything less than a death glare, but since I'm a Hufflepuff, apparently that makes me fair game for every conniving, horny Slytherin going!
So I'm picky, and as a result, I've only ever had three boyfriends during my time at Hogwarts; George Clearwater (because not all Ravenclaws are stuck-up pricks…no pun intended!), Frank Longbottom (the thinking woman's heartthrob), and last but not least, James Potter (Quidditch Chaser extraordinaire). He was my first love.
I can remember everything about my relationship with James. He asked me out at the beginning of fourth year. We were sat on the train and he just asked me…in front of everyone! Of course, Sirius spent the rest of the week either giving me weird looks, or throwing suggestive winks in my general direction, but since this particular part of my pointless back-story has nothing to do with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned-This-Side-Of-The-Grave, or his mood swings, we'll forget about him and go back to talking about the all-star Quidditch demi-god…
We went to Hogsmead for our first official date (although we had several 'practice' dates before that!). It was snowing and we were both wrapped up in our cloaks, but instead of following the usual Hogwarts dating etiquette and taking me to The Three Broomsticks or Madam Puddifoot's, James had to go above and beyond the call of duty, as usual, and we ended up at the Shrieking Shack.
It's always so peaceful up there. Everyone's terrified of it so it's perpetually deserted. Of course, James and I knew better-nothing to worry about when it's your brother doing all the creepy howling and you know that you've still got two weeks until full moon (thank Merlin for Astronomy-Sinestra would be proud!)-so for us, there was nothing more perfect than sitting on a blanket in the snow next to the building that the Daily Prophet has dubbed 'the most haunted building in Britain', and enjoying some warm Butterbeer.
Out first kiss was intense, to say the least. The first Quidditch match of the season was, as per tradition, Gryffindor versus Slytherin. We were an hour into play and the teams were neck and neck until James finally managed to sneak past Flint and threw the Quaffle through the centre hoop, scoring an extra ten points and putting Gryffindor into the lead. Unfortunately, Malfoy (whoever chose him to be the Slytherin Seeker must have had way too much Firewhiskey!) took James' goal as an opportunity to look for the Snitch and spotted it hovering next to Zabini's ear…well, when I say 'hovering', what I really mean is that it was attacking his ear and Zabini was swatting at it frantically and making himself look like even more of a moron than usual!
Malfoy sped his broom towards Zabini but Spinnet (the Gryffindor Seeker) was quicker and snatched the Snitch right out from underneath Malfoy's slimy little nose. Needless to say, the whole stadium erupted in cheers (well, the Slytherins didn't but we're ignoring them now) and the Gryffindors touched down just in time to be jumped on by every non-Slytherin student and several teachers. Somehow (and I have no idea how this happened!) I managed to find James in the midst of the commotion; he was in the centre of it all with the rest of the team, still sat on his broom. He spotted me and shouted my name. I always remember how perfect it sounded coming from his mouth; it kinda sounded like my name was being smothered in chocolate (make what you will of that, any dirty minded wizards among you!). I pushed my way through the throng of students until I reached him. His hand grabbed my arm and pulled my onto his broom then, kicking off from the ground, we rose in the air above everyone, so that we had a perfect view of the school. His hair looked as perfectly windswept as it always did and he rumpled it a bit more for what I'd like to think of as dramatic effect. I moved his hand away and replaced it with my own (I swear to Merlin, if James Potter's hair is ever neat, it will be a sign of the coming Apocalypse) and, without any warning whatsoever, he pulled me towards me and crushed his lips against mine. It was…incredible; there's no other word to describe it. The wolf whistles went on for days!
However, as I was about to find out, not all Gryffindor guys are quite as romantic as Hogwarts' resident Casanova…
I pushed Sirius away from me as gently as I could. I didn't understand what was going on with us but I knew that I needed to get my thoughts in order before any of the…kissing…happened again. I was right to be worried because no sooner than I'd pulled away, Sirius' hands were groping my waist; pulling me towards him again, his eyes staring intensely into mine. I shook my head; it couldn't happen again.
"Sirius…" I whispered, momentarily forgetting that I've never called him by his first name before.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that, Lupin." His voice was quiet, not the blazing anger that had been there before. I'd never heard him using that tone before.
"We can't, Black." I was trying (and failing) to be a bit more forceful.
"Why not?" He whined. I hate how much he looks like his animangus form when he's trying to make me feel bad…he has an unfair advantage in the puppy-dog eyes stakes.
"Because we hate each other, remember?" I shouldn't have to remind him of this, really.
"I've never said that I hated you, Lupin…" Slimy git.
"Oh come on, Black. You have way too much fun making my life a misery to not hate me. You didn't need to clarify anything."
"Ever heard the phrase, 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen', Lupin?"
"Nice try, Black, but I'm not Macmillan." Rachael Macmillan is the biggest slut in the entire school and Sirius is a frequent visitor to the nether-regions of her skirts.
"Ouch! As if I would ever think that!" he said with mock indignation. Player. When he saw my unimpressed expression, he said, "Look, Lupin, I want to spend some time with you, get to know you a bit better…"
"You spend time with me every day, Black. The only way you could possibly 'get to know me better' is in the biblical sense and I don't need to take Divination to tell you that that particular eventuality is never gonna be on the cards."
"Way to shoot me down, Lupin. I never said I wanted that from you…I'd like to try and be more than that…" Was he…no way, not possible.
"I think we both know that's gonna be impossible for both of us. Whatever you try, it's just gonna be…this all over again." I have to be realistic about this.
"Ok. If that's the way you want it, Lupin…" and his lips and connected to mine again and as my coherent thoughts dissolved, I found myself wondering when I agreed to anything. This was becoming a habit…
Potions was a nightmare. Slughorn had it in for me for putting his Quidditch captain in the Hospital Wing and disrupting Slytherin's Cup hopes (not that they ever really had a chance in the first place) and, of course, Sirius saw it as a perfect opportunity to flaunt his ability to make me lose my train of thought.
Of course, we weren't a couple in the normal sense of the word and so we didn't act like it. We decided that we shouldn't tell anyone…well, when I say we, I meant Sirius-for some reason; he didn't want anyone to know about us…not that I was complaining, of course. The less said about this situation, the better. Except that this meant we had to meet in secret. It all felt very much like a badly planned affair.
After Potions, he grabbed my arm and whispered; "Flitwick's classroom. Ten minutes."
I went upstairs and hung around with the rest of the gang in the Great Hall for a few minutes before making my excuses and heading over to the Charms corridor. No sooner than I opened the door and Sirius' arms were around me, pulling me towards him insistently. As his lips attacked mine and his hands worked their magic, I mused that patience probably isn't a virtue he's heard of.
We completely lost track of time but it didn't really matter; no one was due in their lessons for another hour. Of course, what we didn't plan for was my brother deciding that he wasn't content to only do the ten rolls of parchment on the properties of the silencing charmthat Flitwick had set us for homework, and wanted to see him about some extra work. As a result, he didn't see Flitwick…what he did see was his best friend undoing the buttons on my shirt…not exactly what I wanted him to walk in on.
"Moony…" Sirius started to say, but Remus cut him of.
"That's my sister, Sirius!" he growled.
"I know. I know. It's not what it looks like, honestly." What the hell sort of a defence did he think that was when anyone could plainly see that my lip gloss was smeared all over our faces and my shirt was open! I hastily buttoned myself up again and tried to fix my hair.
"So you just fell onto each other's faces, then?"
"Ree…" I knew I had to step in because Sirius was looking at me pleadingly.
"I don't want to hear it, Ebony." I fell silent. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway.
"I told you before, Sirius. Keep your hands off her. We had an agreement!" An 'agreement'? What's that supposed to mean?
"I'm sorry, Remus, I really am. It just…happened."
"Was this the first time it 'happened', then? You both looked very practiced at it…" Both Sirius and I looked sheepishly at each other.
"Didn't think so."
"Hey, I'm sixteen! I'm allowed to choose what I do and who I do it with! I don't need to ask for your permission, Remus!"
"Um…I kinda need his permission…" muttered Sirius, watching Remus nervously.
"Fine. Do what you want, Black." I stormed off, slamming the door behind me.
I don't need Sirius Black to make me happy.
I was on prefect duty that night and, as I was patrolling the corridors leading to the North Tower, I heard someone crying. Obviously, I had to see what the problem so I pulled out the Marauders' Map that I'd pinched from Ree's bag earlier and tapped it with my wand.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I whispered and at once, Hogwarts' passages and it's inhabitants appeared in sepia coloured ink, indicating that most of the students and teachers were in bed, apart from the other prefects and…'James Potter'. I was standing about two classrooms away from where he was so I walked over and opened the door carefully. He was curled up in a ball, leaning against one of the desks and clutching an empty bottle of Firewhiskey.
"James?" He lifted his head and looked at me, but it felt more like he was looking through me. His eyes were ringed with red blotches; it looked like I'd found the source of the crying noises.
"James? What's wrong?" I asked.
"Lily," he hiccupped.
"What about her?"
"She broke up with me." He dissolved into fresh tears and I crouched down next to him, winding my arms around him.