Title: Emotions Outweigh Logic
Fandom: Star Trek: XI
Warnings: Angst, Strange Vulcan Genitals
Disclaimer: I do not own, and I wish this weren't so because I'd love to make Kirk/Spock canon!
A/N: Written for a prompt on the st_xi_kink meme on livejournal. Also, DUDE. I wrote 6,000 words in one night! Go me!
Few people make Spock experience emotions. Even fewer people can elicit the depths of emotion Spock is feeling right now. The orange skinned alien with his wide smirk and beady eyes deserves every bit of the hate Spock is directing at him. No one threatens the Captain and gets away with it.
Ambassador Gellic smiles on the viewscreen, his beady eyes narrowing even more. "You must understand my logic, Commander. Trelof needs iron ore for the fertilizer we use to grow the plants that feed twelve planets in this sector of space. We need Starfleet to sign this agreement on our terms."
Spock nods tightly. "I do understand the logic of the situation; however, holding our crewmembers for ransom is not logical."
"Consider it… incentive."
Spock will not scowl, no matter how much he wants to. He will not give Gellic the satisfaction of making him show emotion. "We will consider your terms and inform you of our decision. End communication." Uhura cuts off the transmission. "Thank you, Lieutenant."
Uhura glances at the viewscreen, which now shows a large purple-tinted planet. "Are you going to give into their demands, Spock?"
They are no longer dating. She should not address him so informally. Spock resists the urge to reprimand her though. He knows she considers him a friend, as he considers her, and that Humans consider friendships more important than the chain of command when in stressful situations. He is simply still upset by Gellic. His emotions take far too long to settle down once they've been riled up. "Of course not. Starfleet cannot afford the price they wish to pay for the ore. We will still sign the agreement, as it would not be ethical to deprive them of the ore and allow twelve planets to starve, but we will retain the original terms. I believe the Captain would agree with me."
If it comes down to it though, Spock will give in to the demands. A little iron ore is worth less than three lives, and he can probably find a loophole in the contract or insert one, if need be.
Dr. McCoy frowns from the medical console's screen. "They said they've muted transmissions and transportation in the building where Jim and the ensigns are. If we were able to get them out of the building, we could save them."
"And how do you propose we do that, Doctor?"
"I've got a vaccine that turns a patient about the same color orange as those guys' skin." McCoy grins. The man does like giving vaccines. "And their civilian clothes are similar to ours. We could send a few people in undercover to get them out."
"That is… a remarkably sound idea. There is the problem of their telepathy though. As soon as the undercover crewmembers enter the room, the Trelofs will realize it."
McCoy glares through the screen. "Well, that's all I got. Take it or leave it." He sighs. "And it would have been so easy to get Jim to leave too. He always falls for the 'hot alien girl wants to have sex' trick."
Indeed, Jim does have an affinity for female non-Humans. Spock has twice been involved in rescue missions to save the Captain when he followed a woman he didn't know. Irrational jealousy pervades him at McCoy's statement. He ignores it. Jim's safety is far more important than Spock's longings for Jim.
Chekov sighs over at his console. "It is too bad we do not have any telepaths on board. They would be able to hide themselves mentally. I tried to learn how to do it, but it is hard."
"I am a telepath." Spock wonders why this had not occurred to him before. His emotions are distracting him. He must focus on logic. "I believe I have the skills to mask myself from the Trelofs." The idea seems more rational with every passing minute. "I will disguise myself and beam down to the planet."
Sulu shakes his head. "That won't work, Commander. As soon as they see your ears, all the crewmembers will realize it's you."
And if they know it is him, the Trelofs will be able to read the crewmembers minds and discover him as well.
McCoy grunts. "Well, we've got to do something. Gellic said the crew's going to be taken into custody as soon as the party's over, so we've only got three hours to save them."
Uhura bites her lip. "You could probably cover your ears with a wig?"
She sounds hesitant. "Do you have a wig, Lieutenant?" Spock asks.
She looks away from him. "I do."
"Will you allow me to borrow it?"
She glances back at him and shakes her head. "You probably don't want to."
She is wasting time. "Why not?"
"It's a girl's wig."
As soon as the idea arises, Spock makes the decision to dress as a woman. The situation is precarious; Jim cannot be alerted to the presence of a crew member without his telepathic hosts realizing they are attempting a rescue mission and none of the female crew members have the telepathic abilities to mask their presence. Jim is well known for following women anywhere. Spock will assume a female persona and seduce Jim away from the main gathering so he can be teleported away. The two ensigns are also male; a seduction will work on them as well. "I will need to borrow some garments to match it."
He ignores the stares of the rest of the bridge crew. The Trelofs' ultimatum was clear: their demands would be met before sunrise or Jim and the ensigns would die. Spock will not risk Jim if there is a chance to save him.
Uhura hands off her console to an ensign and moves to the turbolift. "I'll help you get ready in my room."
Spock follows her into the lift. "Lieutenant Sulu, you have the comm."
"Aye, sir!" Sulu calls before the doors close.
The trip to Uhura's room seems longer than ever. Spock follows her in and is surprised to find it hasn't changed in the year since they ceased dating. Uhura heads straight for her closet and pulls out a hairpiece on a mannequin's head. Straight hair hangs down to the head's chin and bangs are cut straight across the forehead. Spock remembers the hairstyle from Uhura's academy days. "I always assumed that style was genuine."
Uhura grins. "Good. A girl always likes to hear that her hair looks real." She sets it aside. "You'll have to get dressed first, or you'll mess up the wig." The next thing she pulls out of the closet is a dress.
Spock is not sure a dress is the most suitable form of attire. "Do you have any outfits with pants?"
"Sorry, but this is the only thing I've got in my closet that's going to come close to fitting you and that's only because it's Gaila's and she lent it to me a while ago." She holds it out to him. "Plus, it's got a built in bra we can stuff to make you look more realistic."
Spock takes the frilly blue dress. He knows there are other women on the ship who would likely have an outfit with pants, but time is of the essence. He can't waste time tracking them down.
Uhura points to the bathroom. "There is a depilatory laser is the shower. You'll need to deal with that chest hair."
Spock moves to the bathroom and strips off his clothing. The laser is easy to locate and he uses it quickly. It only takes a few minutes to strip the hair from his face, chest, legs, arms, and armpits. He pulls the dress on, only to discover he cannot zip it.
Uhura has seen him naked, so rather than fight with the dress, he steps out of the bathroom. "Can you assist me?"
Uhura zips it up efficiently then steps back to look at him. "That's not going to work."
Spock glances down at the dress. It appears to fit. "What will not work?"
"You've got awful panty lines. You can't go in looking like that."
"I will go without underwear then." The Trelofs do not wear underwear, according to the Federation's briefing materials. Spock will blend in completely.
Uhura picks up the wig. Striding over, she carefully sets it on Spock's head. It takes a few adjustments to get it into place and then she steps back to look at him. "You always did look kind of girlish," she jokes.
Spock turns away from her to look in the mirror. The wig hides his ears. It also suits him, making his face look less angular, softer. His eyebrows seem more Human, as if they had been plucked into high arches instead of growing that way. He dislikes how easy it is for him to appear female. The fact that Uhura chose to joke about this, when they broke up for this very reason, irritates him.
Uhura hands him a pair of plain black flats. "I ran down the hall while you were in the bathroom and borrowed these from Ensign Kellis. They should fit better than my shoes would." Spock slips them on. They are tight, but they will do.
Spock slips his communicator into the bra of the dress and puts socks in on top of it. Uhura pokes at his false breasts for a minute then steps back. "Am I sufficiently prepared?" he asks.
"Let's see." Uhura looks him over. "The Trelof women don't wear makeup, so as soon as you get your hypospray, I think you'll be ready."
Spock turned to the door. "I appreciate your help."
Uhura smiles. "Of course. And don't forget to take off your underwear."
Spock stops by his room on the way to sickbay to strip off the briefs. McCoy is ready when Spock arrives and he jams the hypospray into Spock's neck. "You've got five minutes till you'll be orange enough to blend in, and the color should last for two hours, so you've got just enough time to get them out."
After thanking McCoy, Spock heads straight for the transporter room. There's no time to waste now. With only two hours until the diplomatic party is supposed to end, Spock needs to move quickly.
The junior lieutenant in the transporter room does a double take when Spock enters. "You're looking very orange, Commander." Her eyebrows rise as she looks at him.
"Beam me down near the building where the Captain is. It would be helpful if I were to end up in a secluded location." Spock steps onto the transporter pad. This is it. From now on, three lives are in his hands. He masks his mind, imagining himself to be a young woman from the capital city on Trelof with an interest in alien cultures. His arrival at the party will make sense. "I am prepared."
"Beaming," she replies, and then the world blurs out.
When it blurs back in, Spock is in a dark alley. There is no one in sight. He makes his way to the end of the alley and finds he is across the street from the conference center.
Entering the building is easy. His dress is formal enough to make it obvious he belongs and no one gives him a second glance. He blends into the crowd, keeping his eyes open for Jim.
He sees Ensign Murdoch first. He sidles up to the ensign and waits for the couple Murdoch is conversing with to leave. When they do, Spock murmurs, "May I speak with you outside?"
Murdoch jumps and spins around. "My god! Way to scare a man, lassie. Have I done something wrong?"
That is not how a man being seduced should act. Spock considers his actions and realizes he must show emotion if he is to convince the ensign to accompany him without alerting him. He rebels at the idea, but at least he will not be showing his true emotions. Manufactured emotions are much simpler to convey.
Spock puts a hand on his hip, a mannerism he has seen Uhura do many times, and gives Murdoch what he imagines is a seductive smile. He is unused to the expression, but his imitation of it appears passable for Murdoch smiles back. "You have done nothing wrong. I simply thought we might take part in a more…" Spock pauses to add innuendo to his next words. "…private conversation."
Murdoch grins and looks Spock up and down. "I'd be more than happy to take our conversation outside." He leers at Spock.
Spock turns without bothering to reply. Murdoch follows happily, his gaze firmly affixed to Spock's nether regions. Spock stops as soon as he enters the alleyway again and pulls out his communicator. Murdoch's eyes widen when Spock says, "Spock to Enterprise. Murdoch to beam up." Murdoch looks completely disgusted as the transporter beams him away.
When Spock returns to the party, he sees Ensign Ferric before he can even scan the room for Jim. Ferric is well-known aboard the Enterprise for his appreciation of alien intoxicants. Unwilling to seduce Ferric, Spock palms a napkin from the buffet table and approaches the ensign. Ferric is already intoxicated by the wine being served and Spock doesn't even have to show emotion to convince him that the balled up napkin contains a drug. Spock leads him into the alleyway and has him beamed up quickly, letting them know that the ensign might require a visit to the sickbay. Transporters and inebriation do not mix.
Time is running out when Spock enters the building the third time. He has an hour and a half to track Jim down and convince him to leave the building. He searches the main ballroom. Jim is not there. He moves on to the smaller rooms filled with people smoking and playing card games. Jim is not in any of them. Spock begins to roam the halls, looking in every room he passes for Jim.
After searching for half an hour, Spock sticks his head in the women's bathroom on the third floor of the building and finds Jim inside with, of course, a female Trelof. The woman's skirt is flipped up and Jim's head is between her thighs. As Spock watches, the woman moans. "Oh! I'm almost there!"
Spock grits his teeth. He'll have to get rid of the woman before he'll be able to get to Jim. Stepping into the bathroom, Spock coughs lightly.
Jim doesn't even notice, but the woman jumps. She lets her skirt fall down, and it covers Jim's head. Jim comes out from underneath it a moment later, licking his lips. Spock grinds his teeth to remain silent.
The woman frowns at Spock. "Just had to go and distract him, didn't you."
"Hey!" Jim stood. "Don't talk about me as if I'm not here."
Spock shrugs. "I did nothing but cough. If you choose to have your assignations in public places, you should expect distractions." He attempts to modulate his voice to a tone slightly higher than his normal register. Jim does not pay him any undue attention, so it appears the effort worked.
She crosses her arms. "Never mind, I'm out of here. Come on. We'll go find another room." She stomps to the door.
Jim moves to follow her, and Spock grabs his arm. He realizes that he has no idea what to say when Jim turns to look at him.
Jim just smirks and says, "Lemme guess, you want in on the action too."
For once, Jim's ego is useful. "Indeed. I would prefer a more private venue though. I request that you follow me." Spock turns and finds the woman blocking the door.
"You can't just take him!"
"I believe he is the one who should make that decision."
Jim looks back and forth between them. Spock can practically see the wheels turning in his head. Spock has the advantage of not having ordered Jim to do anything. Jim hates that. The woman has the benefit of already having engaged him once. As Jim appears to have imbibed in enough wine to leave him slightly intoxicated, it is certain that he will think with his libido.
Spock doesn't want to do this. It isn't like with Ensign Murdoch, when the emotions were fake. Spock knows how he feels about Jim, and the emotions he will need to show are too close to the ones he actually feels. However, Jim's life is worth any amount of discomfort.
Spock curls a hand around Jim's neck, touching bare skin so that he can feel Jim's emotions. He leans in and whispers in Jim's ear, "Pick me and I will make it worth your while."
Jim shudders and leans into him. Spock can feel the lust flowing through Jim's body. It's intoxicating. "Let's find someplace private," Jim whispers back.
Spock lets his hand slide down Jim's arm, clasping hands with him so he can maintain the telepathic connection. He doesn't speak as he leads Jim past the outraged woman. He isn't sure he can speak. He's wanted Jim for months. Ever since the mission where Jim risked his life to save Spock, he's been all Spock can think of. Jim riles Spock, creating emotions in him without even trying. Anger, fear, joy, sorrow, lust, even love—Jim causes them all.
Right now, all Spock can feel is lust and pain. Jim's lust washes over him, arousing him, but every wave of lust is followed by the realization that Jim thinks he is a Trelof woman. If Spock was himself, the emotions Jim is feeling would be very different.
He fights his emotions for the long walk downstairs, through the main ballroom, and out of the building. When Jim doesn't protest leaving the party, Spock feels an irrational anger. This is how Jim gets himself into trouble.
At last they step into the alley. Spock has to release Jim's hand to get his communicator. The sudden loss of Jim's emotions makes him want to take Jim's hand again. He forces himself not to.
Before he can get the communicator out, Jim presses him up against the wall and kisses him. Spock closes his eyes, the onslaught of Jim's emotions so much stronger through the kiss. Spock can't stop himself from reaching out and taking Jim's hand again. He runs his fingers along Jim's, a Vulcan kiss. Jim bites at Spock's lower lip. The shock of it makes Spock gasp. Uhura was never so forceful in her kisses.
Jim presses his tongue inside Spock's mouth and Spock welcomes it. He has a little piece of Jim inside him now, and even when Jim realizes that he is kissing Spock and not a woman, Spock will always have the memory of this moment. He knows Jim will be angry, possibly even hate him, but it is logical to take what he can while he can, for Jim would never kiss him like this of his own accord.
Jim pulls away from the kiss for a minute. "You seem really familiar. Did we meet earlier this evening?"
Spock shakes his head. He doesn't trust his voice to remain steady. He reaches for the communicator, but is distracted when Jim kisses him again.
This time he licks at Spock's tongue until Spock thrusts it into Jim's mouth. Jim moans and Spock can feel the vibrations in his own throat. He explores the inside of Jim's mouth.
Spock's dress is short and it is easy for Jim to slide a hand under it and rub it across the head of Spock's penis. Spock gasps and pulls away from the kiss then because even if Jim will forgive him for kissing him, he will not forgive him if it goes any farther.
Jim's hand does not come out from under his dress though. Instead, Jim leans in and bites Spock's neck, rubbing him harder. Spock smothers a whimper. If he does not let himself get an erection, Jim may not hate him. He tugs at Jim's arm. "No."
Jim pulls back and grins at him. "You say that, but you're already wet."
Spock tugs at his arm harder then. Jim can't find out about Spock's genitals. It's bad enough that he repulses Uhura; he doesn't want Jim to be disgusted as well.
Instead of moving away, Jim drops to his knees and flips up Spock's skirt. "No!" Spock cries, but Jim is already pressing his tongue against the head of Spock's penis, where it's nestled inside the prepuce. The small flaps of skin and the cavity into which his penis withdraws look like female Human genitals, with the head of his penis resembling a large clitoris. His testicles are inside of his body, for better protection, and his penis is self-lubricating, to aid in intercourse during Pon Farr when the female is not always prepared. He has a perfect set of male Vulcan genitals, but at this moment, more than any other in his life, Spock wishes he were more Human.
Jim's tongue is laving at him now. Spock is in control of his body. He will not allow himself to get an erection. He pulls at Jim's hair until he finally pulls back.
Jim looks up at him, confused. "Do you really not want this?" He stands and leans in to kiss Spock. "Because I really, really want to be inside of you."
Spock wants it too, but he remembers how Uhura reacted the first time she saw him naked and flaccid. She had been disgusted by his body. She had no sexual interest in women, and thus, no sexual interest in Spock.
This will be the only time Spock can ever have Jim though. What he's doing is illogical and unethical. Jim consented to sex with a woman, not with Spock. He doesn't want to stop though. What he has already done is enough to get him court martial-ed. The potential punishment will be no worse than what he already faces. He let Jim go too far. He'll never be able to stay by his side now.
It is only logical that Spock experience this once before he is removed from the Enterprise and never sees Jim again. So he kisses back.
"I want you inside of me too."
Jim grins into the kiss and lifts up Spock's skirt. Spock helps, holding it up while Jim positions himself at Spock's prepuce. The cavity is deep enough to accommodate Jim, so Spock allows him to press inside. He has to maintain control. The cavity will shrink if Spock gains an erection.
Jim moans as he enters Spock. Spock is touching so much of Jim's skin now that he is catching bits of Jim's thoughts. So hot… wet… tight… god, so good… more… tight.
Spock holds Jim close and ignores his own lust in favor of feeling Jim. He lets Jim's emotions roll through him. They start to feel like they are his own. Lust, passion, fever. The few things he did with Uhura never felt as good as the simple closeness he has with Jim.
Then Jim grabs Spock's buttocks with both hands so he can thrust harder and Spock loses control of his emotions. The lust is building in him now, and he needs to come. He pulls away from Jim and turns around. "Please, I need you inside." He can't lose his connection with Jim, but he won't be able to climax until he achieves an erection.
Jim laughs against Spock's neck. "Didn't know you were that kind of girl." He dips two fingers inside of Spock again, gathering up the lubrication his body is producing, and then presses a finger inside of Spock.
Spock uses what little ability to think he has left to relax himself completely. Jim spends only seconds messing around with one finger, then two. Spock is grateful then for his Vulcan mind, for no Human has the same control over their bodies as a Vulcan does. He relaxes himself a little more as Jim breaches him, then allows himself to clamp down.
Jim moans behind him. Spock is erect now and unsheathed. He presses his own hand beneath his skirt, fumbling to grasp himself. He shifts a little, leaning back onto his heels and Jim hits something inside of him that makes him shudder. Apparently he has a prostate. It is ironic that his body chose to pay homage to his Human side with something so unnecessary for his Vulcan side.
Jim's hands are on his hips now, pulling him back harder and faster with every thrust. Spock can't hold back his gasps and moans. He has never felt so much as he feels now. He's never been so free to feel what he wants to feel.
Spock is nearly ready to climax when Jim shudders and ejaculates inside of him. Spock moves his hand faster, anxious to climax before Jim realizes he has a penis.
"I never thought I'd say this—" Jim laughs and presses a kiss to the nape of Spock's neck "—but I think I love you."
Spock ejaculates into the front of his dress. He can read Jim's thoughts; he knows that it's an inside joke with Gaila, that Jim only said it because this is the first time anyone has asked him for anal sex, but he doesn't care. He has an eidetic memory and for the rest of his life, he will always remember the sound of Jim saying he loved Spock.
Jim withdraws and collapses into the wall. Spock cleans himself up the best as he can, and Jim tucks himself away. Then Jim gives him a quick smirk. "I think I'd better get inside. There's only half an hour left of the party."
This is the end. Spock tucks away all of his emotions and pulls his face into a neutral expression. "You cannot return to the party, Captain. I will explain when we return to the ship."
Jim's mouth falls open. Before he can say anything, Spock pulls the communicator out of his dress.
"Spock to Enterprise. Two to beam up."
Jim's eyes widen and Spock loses his tenuous grasp on his emotions. His control is back in place by the time they materialize on the ship, but for that brief moment in which they are nothing but particles, every molecule of Spock is awash with pain and sadness.
As soon as they beam aboard, Spock heads for the door. Jim is motionless behind him, obviously disgusted by what has occurred. Spock goes to his room. He will change his clothes and report to the brig. They are too far out in space for Spock to be returned to the Federation. It will be months before he will stand for trial. It will give him time to prepare his arguments. If he is lucky, they will simply remove him from active duty. It is more likely he will be dishonorably discharged.
Spock strips off his clothing and puts it into the wash receptacle. He leaves the shoes in plain sight on his desk, along with the wig. He showers quickly. His skin has returned to normal now. He considers leaving a little bit of Jim inside of him, but it is illogical and unhygienic, so he cleanses himself thoroughly. Then he pulls on a pair of regulation pants and a black undershirt. Spock is no longer in command and thus, is not allowed to wear an over-shirt.
After setting aside anything that someone might need to retrieve and writing up his report on the evening's events, Spock exits the room. The walk to the security office is a short one. He finds a security lieutenant inside.
"I am to be taken to the brig and locked in," he says to the shocked guard. "I will go without trouble, but if you wish to cuff me, you may proceed."
She shakes her head. "That's okay, Commander. I believe you. I do need to know why I am locking you up though, so I can file a report."
Spock had forgotten that regulation. "I sexually assaulted the Captain."
The guard boggles at him, but she files her report and escorts him to the brig. Spock takes a seat on the metal bed. With nothing else to do, he settles in to meditate. His emotions are still in turmoil and he needs to suppress them.
It is a surprise when the cell door bangs open minutes later to reveal Jim. Spock remains seated, waiting for Jim's command.
"What the hell are you doing in the brig?" Jim demands. "Here I was thinking you just wanted to go shower or something, so I let Uhura and Bones brief me. The next thing I know, Lieutenant Descartes is telling me you had yourself imprisoned."
Spock wants to hold his gaze, but he looks away. "I sexually assaulted you. If one crew member sexually assaults another crew member, they are to be locked in the brig immediately." Spock flounders. "I… I took the time to bathe and change first. I apologize."
Jim throws his hands up in the air. "That wasn't sexual assault. You wouldn't know sexually assault if it bit you on the butt, Spock." Jim's hands fall down and come to rest on his hips. "God, if you sexually assaulted me, then I sexually assaulted you!"
Spock doesn't understand. "Captain?"
"You told me to stop, and I pressured you to keep going. I don't know about you, but I'd call that an assault."
Spock shakes his head. "I was in full control of my facilities when I agreed to continue. You were not, as I had not informed you as to my true identity. You would not have continued if I had."
Jim crosses the small room and sits down next to Spock. "And how do you know I would have stopped?"
The question is far too close to Spock's interests for comfort. He does not let himself hope for what cannot be. "You are heterosexual."
Jim nods. "And aren't you a girl?"
Oh. Jim is confused. "I am fully male, Captain."
"But… but…" Jim splutters. "You have a vagina! And a clit! I mean, it's kind of a big one, but I guess that must be a Vulcan thing. And I just figured, you know, you've always looked like a guy to me, but then again, I can't tell when a Vulcan is female or male half the time anyway, so maybe I've had you pegged completely wrong." Jim shrugs. "I mean, a vagina can't lie, right?"
Spock closes his eyes. "I am Vulcan, Captain. Vulcan males have retractable penises. What you thought was my clitoris was the head of my penis. The apparent vagina was the cavity in which my penis rests if I do not have an erection."
"All right. You're a guy. That's cool. At least I wasn't wrong for two years." Jim frowns. "But... weren't you excited by the sex at all? I mean... I thought it was pretty good, but you didn't even get an erection."
"I achieved an erection shortly after we changed position and I ejaculated soon after you did." He did not want to admit that, but Spock had to disabuse Jim of the notion that Spock had not enjoyed their intercourse.
"Oh. Well. That's hot." Jim blinks rapidly. "Oh! And it's not assault if I wanted it."
"You wanted to have intercourse with a Trelof woman. You did not want to have intercourse with me. Thus, you did not want it."
Jim sighs. "Stop fighting with me, Spock. I liked the sex. When I found out it was you, I liked it even more. I'm not going to let you stand trial for something I liked. I refuse to take the chance of losing my first officer."
Jim liked the sex. He liked Spock, even with his non-Human genitals. "Lieutenant Descartes has already filled her report."
"Then I'll un-file it. If Starfleet has questions, I'll tell them it was a joke." Jim reaches out and grabs Spock's hand. "I know you can read my mind. Tell me, did I want it?"
Spock lets himself tentatively reach out for Jim's emotions. The top emotion is frustration. Then there is worry and lust. A dash of anger is threaded through the other emotions, but it isn't directed at Spock. And underneath all of it is a little bit of… love?
"Call me, Jim. Please, Spock, I'm not the captain right now. I'm your friend." Jim smiles. "And hopefully more."
Jim pulls his hand from Spock's and then extends it again with his pointer and middle fingers held out. Spock presses his fingers to Jim's. "How do you know what a Vulcan kiss looks like?"
"I saw someone doing it last time we were on New Vulcan and I asked Uhura what it was. Then I asked her if you had taught her and she said you two broke up." Jim tilts his hand until his palm is aligned with Spock's. It's not a kiss anymore, it's just two hands touching, but Spock can still feel Jim's emotions and that makes it perfect.
"We were sexually incompatible. She was disgusted by the appearance of my genitals." As Spock is sure Jim will be once he realizes how very odd they really are.
Jim smirks at him. "Good. That means I'll have them all to myself."
"…Jim. I don't understand."
Jim returns his fingers to the kiss position. "Your touch telepathy goes both ways, you know."
Spock yanks his fingers away. Jim's been able to feel everything Spock has felt. The lust, the passion, the total devotion and love. "I apologize if I made you uncomfortable."
"I've never been more comfortable in my life." Jim grabs his hand again, and when Spock tries to tug it free, he won't let go. "Even when I thought you were a random Trelof woman, I could feel everything you felt. I was about ready to marry a woman I'd only known for five minutes just because she loved me that much."
Spock ducks his head. If he could have stayed that girl, he would have. He would do almost anything if it meant he could stay with Jim. He's lost that chance now though.
"I've never been with someone who loved me. I never want to lose that feeling. I never want to lose you."
Spock glances up at Jim. Can he really mean what Spock thinks he means?
"And, by the way, I don't know whether to be amazed or insulted that you held up a telepathic cover in the midst of all that hot sex. I actually thought you were a girl from the capital city who was getting it on with me just because she thought aliens were hot."
Spock cannot believe what he is hearing. Well, he can believe that Jim would worry about whether Spock thought the sex was good more than whether Spock had assaulted him. What he can't believe is that Jim actually likes him. "You are attracted to me?"
"And you wish to have sex with me?"
"But you are heterosexual."
Jim stands and swings one leg over Spock's. He sits down in Spock's lap, facing him. "Just because I've never been with a man doesn't mean I've never thought about it."
"I am not like Human males."
Jim rocks forward and a flood of lust rushes through their linked hands. "I know. And god it's hot."
Spock cannot believe this is real. "Were you interested in me prior to our engagement this evening?"
"Let's just say I've seen flushed-green skin in my dreams for ages."
Spock lets himself lean forward a little. "May I kiss you?"
"God, yes." Jim rocks again, his erection brushing against Spock's leg through their pants.
Spock kisses Jim harshly. Even if he never has this again, he will savor this moment. He lets himself believe fully. Jim in interested in him. Jim wants to take him to bed. Jim knows that Spock loves him, and it doesn't disgust him.
"I do not want this to be a one-night stand," Spock says.
Jim kisses him on the forehead. "It won't be."
"We will have to file with Starfleet for permission."
Jim kisses his right cheek. "We will."
"And the crew will have to be informed."
Jim kisses his left cheek. "We'll do it tomorrow."
"And we'll have to discuss things." Spock still isn't sure that Jim understands Spock's feelings and they'll have to decide on sleeping arrangements. Then there is Pon Farr to consider and Spock has promised the high council that he will raise multiple children, with the help of a surrogate on Vulcan. He doesn't know how Jim feels about children.
"Shut up," Jim mutters. "I can hear you thinking. I dunno what Pon Farr is, but we'll deal with it. You'll have to sleep in my room because it's got the bigger bed. I know you love me and I think I'll love you back someday soon because I'm half in love with your insanity already. Oh, and I want at least four kids." He kisses Spock's nose. "Did I answer them all?"
"Good. Now use your telepathy and pick up on my lust already. I want to have hot brig sex."
Spock laughs before he can stop himself. There are very few people in the galaxy who can make Spock feel. There are even fewer who can make him show emotion. Only two people have ever made him laugh: his mother and Jim.
He lost his mother, but he's not going to let go of Jim for a long, long time.
Jim groans suddenly, "Stop thinking and start kissing, Spock."
So Spock does.