This is just something random I came up with after watching Sasuke fight Itachi when he came back to Konoha. I couldn't help but wonder how the hotel managers dealt with the damage the Uchiha brothers caused. Just so you know, this takes place after Tsunade becomes Hokage and heals Sasuke. The written stuff is ITALICIZED and the normal stuff is… well… NORMAL. There will be manga spoilers at the end so BEWARE. Anyway, enjoy!
Dear Mr. Uchiha:
We are writing regarding the damage you have caused our hotel. We have calculated that it will take over two billion yen to pay for the damage. We are aware that two members of Akatsuki were also involved, but, seeing as we have no means of contacting them, we believe that it is only fair that you fully pay for the damage. We thank you for your consideration and understanding.
The Hotel Staff
Sasuke read and reread the letter several times, cursing his brother with more colorful language with each read. "Consideration and understanding my ass," he muttered darkly. "Where the hell am I going to get two billion yen?!" Sasuke sighed as Sakura entered his room in the hospital.
"Morning, Sasuke-kun!" she greeted cheerfully. "I brought apples again today, and—" She continued to chatter, but not a word entered Sasuke's head. Then…
"Sakura, do you have two billion yen?"
"And then Ino's like, no way, and… WHAT?!"
"I need to pay this stupid hotel two billion yen. Damn you Itachi…"
"Well don't you have two billion yen? I thought your family was filthy rich or something." Sasuke's eyes narrowed into slits and he grit his teeth together.
"Well, since my family has been dead for over five years now, I've had to use the money for basic essentials for life." He glared at no one in particular. Sakura couldn't help but be a little creeped out. "However, I've had no source of income until fairly recently, not to mention, Itachi stole about half of it when he left, and the Uchiha bank is running low on money because NARUTO KEEPS BORROWING IT FOR HIS STUPID RAMEN!!!" Sakura blinked a few times while trying to digest this information.
"So you don't have two billion yen."
"WERE YOU LISTENING TO A WORD I JUST SAID?! OR ARE YOU JUST DEAF?!"
"Sasuke-kun, if you're hallucinating again, I can send Tsunade-sama in, and—"
"I am not hallucinating, Sakura. Now do you or do you not have two billion yen?" A long awkward silence, then—
"No?! But Sakura—"
"I'm sorry Sasuke-kun, but I just don't have two billion yen." Sasuke glared again at no one in particular.
"Fine… Sakura, get me some paper and something to write with." Sakura tilted her head to the side.
"Why?" Sasuke smirked, and Sakura thought he was hallucinating again.
"It's been over five years. I haven't written to my dear older brother in so long."
"Sasori, get the mail," Pein ordered. The Akatsuki were gathered around one table, while Konan silently laid plates of food down in front of everyone. Sasori sighed.
"Deidara, get the mail," Sasori passed the responsibility to his teammate.
"Why do I have to do it?" he asked. "Why can't Itachi do it-un?" Itachi ignored this as Deidara stared helplessly at his teammates. "Kisame? Zetsu? Anyone-un?"
"FINE!" Konan suddenly uncharacteristically yelled. "I'll get the mail!"
"Thank you, Konan," Pein said monotonously. "You see, men, unlike all of you, Konan is willing to put her job of cooking on hold to get the mail."
"That's because she's a woman-un," Deidara whispered to Sasori, who sniggered. This earned both of them a death glare from Pein. Within a few minutes Konan was back.
"Two letters," she mumbled. "Surprise, surprise. Sasori, Itachi." She laid a letter down for each of them.
"Obaa-chan's birthday card came late again this year," Sasori muttered, frowning at his letter.
"Sasori, Sasori, Sasori," Kakuzu teased.
"Still gets birthday cards from his grandmother," Kisame added.
"Oh, you can't be serious," Itachi whispered.
"I know, right?" Deidara agreed. "Still gets letters from home-un!" Sasori punched Deidara in the arm, earning a glare from him in the process.
"Not that…" Itachi mumbled.
"What's up Itachi?" Kisame asked. Itachi wordlessly handed him the letter. Kisame couldn't help laughing as he read the letter.
As I am sitting in this hospital, bored out of my mind, recuperating from your genjutsu while fostering my hatred for you at the same time, Naruto delivered me a very interesting letter, which I have attached to this one. Apparently that hotel we trashed is demanding two billion yen for property damage. I don't have two billion yen. I can't believe I'm asking you for your help, but since you were the reason for the damage, it's only fair that you help me pay for this. I only have two thousand yen. Naruto keeps borrowing our, my money for ramen.
Always loathing you,
"He has teammates," Itachi whispered. "Why can't he ask them?"
P.S. Naruto is still asking to borrow money, so there's no point in asking him. I asked my other teammate and my Jounin sensei (whom you also hospitalized, thank you very much), and they were unwilling to help me (Sakura says it's my fault for not taking the fight outside, and Kakashi claims he's saving up for a new book).
"So…" Sasori said, breaking up the awkward silence. "Who wrote to you?"
"My foolish little brother," Itachi replied smoothly.
"I didn't know you had a brother-un," Deidara mumbled.
"He does," Kisame replied. "He's a mini-Itachi… except his hair looks like a chicken's ass. Sarutobi or something…"
"Sasuke," Itachi corrected. "Sarutobi is… was the Hokage." Kisame frowned and muttered something incoherent. "Well I know for a fact I don't have two billion yen."
"Konan," Pein called from the kitchen. "Yahiko's death day was yesterday. We forgot again."
"The day Itachi gets two billion yen will be the day Leader-sama tells us who this famous Yahiko is," Hidan said smoothly. Konan's hand balled into a fist.
"Damn it Danzo," she whispered. Suddenly, Itachi's face lit up.
"Danzo!" he exclaimed. "That's it!" And with that, he ran off.
"That's enough training for today," Kakashi told his exhausted team. "You may all go home. Oh, before you do, Sasuke…" he pulled out a white envelope. "The mailman said someone from Amegakure sent it. I didn't know you know people in Amegakure." Seeing the name on the envelope, Sasuke tore it open.
"It's from Itachi, isn't it?" Sakura guessed.
"Itachi?!" Naruto practically screamed. "Since when do you write to your brother, teme?!" Sasuke didn't answer; he was too preoccupied with his letter.
I was both puzzled and slightly annoyed when I found out you had written to me. I thought you were supposed to be fostering your hatred, but apparently, you are not doing a very good job of it. Anyway, let me cut to the chase. I don't have two billion yen. However, I know someone who might have enough, so I'll borrow from him. Besides, he owes me.
P.S. I have to agree with this Sakura, whoever she is. It is mostly your fault for what happened. She's right; you should have waited until we got outside. And, I can somewhat empathize with you. Kisame keeps borrowing my money to buy new swords. He bought six already, and he claims five of them "don't cut through rice paper".
Little did Sasuke know, Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi were reading the letter as well. Kakashi chuckled. "Well, well, well," he said. "The Uchiha brothers are broke. This is depressing!"
"He agrees with me?" Sakura asked. "Sasuke-kun, maybe you're just exaggerating. Your brother doesn't seem half bad!" Sasuke death-glared at her.
Danzo yawned. Life was so boring. Nothing ever happened with him until Shippuden anyway. Somewhere, deep in his heart, he wished he were Hokage. Then… "DANZO-SAMA! YOU HAVE MAIL!" Danzo yawned again and ripped the white envelope open.
I am writing regarding the deal we made about five years ago. I would carry out your not so little task and, in exchange, you would help me if I had any financial troubles. Well now I have financial troubles, so it's time you kept your part of the deal. I need five billion yen. Thank you for your understanding.
P.S. I know you're filthy rich, so there's no point in lying.
"Damn," Danzo mumbled. "Itachi knows me like the back of his hand! Well, I did make a deal with him…"
One week later, Sasuke was training alone, only to be interrupted by Kakashi. "Sasuke, I have another letter for you from Amegakure. This one's pretty thick though." Sasuke ripped open the envelope, and three billion yen dropped out. But Sasuke was only interested in the letter…
I managed to get two billion yen for you. As for the extra one billion, that's for you to keep. It seems that the Kyuubi kid is proving to be as difficult as Kisame. Anyway, don't hesitate to come to your nii-san if you have any financial troubles.
"What the heck?" Sasuke wondered out loud.
P.S. Konan made me write that last part.
Sasuke smiled (not smirked, smiled) as he picked up the money he dropped. "Sasuke-kun!" Sakura suddenly ran up to him. "I told Naruto you took his jacket home yesterday, so he went into your house and WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET THREE BILLION YEN?!" By the uncharacteristic smile on his pale face, the answer was obvious. "Itachi gave that to you, didn't he?" Sasuke nodded wordlessly. "You should thank him, you know."
"That's not such a bad idea, Sakura," Kakashi agreed. "Sasuke, you should write back." Sasuke's face reverted back to his usual indifferent expression.
"See?" Konan asked Itachi. "I told you helping your brother would make you feel better. It just goes to show that you should listen to me more."
"Hn," was all Itachi said.
"Oh, and I have another letter for you." She pulled out a white envelope, and a small smile spread across Itachi's lips.
Women are troublesome… wow, I sound like Shikamaru. Anyway, Sakura suggested (she forced me, actually) that I thank you for your help. So… thank you. I'm considering putting the fostering of hatred on hold for now, thanks to this little incident.
Still hating you, but not nearly as much as before,
So? You like? In case you didn't get the part about the swords not being able to cut through rice paper, I got that from Naruto Abridged (all rights go to MasakoX and Vegeta3986). Soooooo PLEASE REVIEW!!