Dedicated: sweep14

AU, Non-massacre.

Rated: M for subject matter

Word: No word or phrase just a general story outline.

Pairing: Several are mentioned.

Other Side of the Fence

The loud voices floated over the fence that divided the males from the females in the public hot springs. It was by some odd coincidence that wasn't the whim of the author that most of the well known shinobi in the village decided to go to the hot springs. It wasn't a group endeavor they just showed up. They really didn't communicate--they really didn't have to but that was probably because they were the subject of conversation of the ladies on the other side. Several were embarrassed, others were indifferent but it was quite simply an uncomfortable situation to be put in.

Did they not know that they could be heard from the other side? Did they not care? Or did they just not know they were there?

:::

:::

"Ladies, thank you so much for suggesting a ladies day out. I swear if I keep spending so much time with my team someone is going to die."

Temari raised a brow at the younger girl. "What did Uzumaki do this time?"

"You know, for once, it wasn't Naruto. It was Sai."

Tenten frowned. "I thought when Sasuke came home from his training Sai was reassigned."

"Yeah, well, you would think so huh? Don't get me wrong. I love Sai. X's and O's and all that jazz but if he calls me ugly one more time I'm going to make a eunuch out of him."

:::

:::

On the other side of the fence Sai's hands dipped under water covering his private parts protectively.

:::

:::

"You can't be angry at the guy for being honest, Forehead."

"You can die today, Pig."

"Try me if you dare." Ino replied.

Tenten interrupted. "Okay, this is supposed to be a relaxing day ladies. Let's not fight."

"Speaking of fighting." Ino said remembering how she and Sakura used to fight over a certain guy. "Sasuke's been back from his training for a while now Sakura. Everyone's wondering when the two of you are going to get together." The blond looked at Sakura expectantly who in turn just shrugged.

"Yeah, well, that's news to me. Sasuke-kun has never shown any interest in me--not that I'm complaining."

"Whatever. Everyone knows how crazy you were for him."

"Were being the key word. I'm so over him and I wasn't the only one that went gaga over him." Sakura looked pointedly at Ino.

Tenten snickered then splashed water Sakura's way. "Then you won't mind if I hook up with him."

"Psh! You can't see the Uchiha for seeing the Hyuuga. You're the last person who'd end up with Sasuke-kun." Sakura exclaimed splashing back at the weapon's mistress. Tenten folded her arms across her chest and harrumphed causing all her friends to laugh at her expense.

"Well if you don't want Sasuke who do you want?" Ino asked curiosity laced in her tone. Sakura narrowed her eyes at her friend knowing that she'd become a gossip whore if she stated any specifics.

"There's not any one person in particular that I want. It's a type."

"The dark brooding type?" Temari said with a brow raised.

"That is so Sasuke and I told you guys I'm over that."

"Two words. Uchiha Itachi." Temari stated. She looked smug when she saw the blush that covered the younger kunoichi's cheeks.

"Okay." Sakura said holding her hands in a placating gesture. "There is an exception to the rule. But everyone knows how hot Uchiha Itachi is."

"The best shinobi in the village." Hinata said shyly.

"The sexiest shinobi in the village." Ino stated.

"Every girl's wet dream." Temari said with a laugh.

Tenten sighed. "I trained with him once." All eyes were suddenly on the brunette. "The man could handle his weapons." They all groaned at the hearts in Tenten's eyes. They had expected to hear something a bit more juicy but they should have known better with Tenten.

:::

:::

On the other side of the fence Uchiha Itachi was smirking at his younger brother who's eye was twitching in irritation.

:::

:::

"I wonder what's he's like in bed." Ino muttered aloud.

"Oh, he'd definitely be thorough." Sakura exclaimed. "After he was done with you wouldn't be able to walk straight for days."

"Speaking from experience?" Temari asked.

"Temari!" Sakura shrieked.

"Inquiring minds want to know Haruno."

"I hardly know the man!"

"Come off it Sakura. He's your teammates brother. You had to have spent some time with him. Besides you hardly need to know a man to sleep with him." Temari said rolling her eyes. "Speaking of that. Any of you ever had a one night stand with a shinobi?"

"I did." Ino readily admitted.

"Who?" Tenten asked immediately. "And before you spout some garbage about not kissing and telling I'd like to remind you that you're the biggest gossip in Konoha."

Ino tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Point taken. It was Hagane Kotetsu."

"Who the hell is that?" Temari asked puzzled.

"You're kidding me." Sakura said.

"Did you see under that bandage?" Tenten asked excitedly.

"Nope. I told him not to take it off. Made things more…interesting."

:::

:::

It was at this point that Nara Shikamaru made a move to leave the hot springs but an arm grabbed him forcing him to stay.

:::

:::

"Speaking of interesting." Ino continued on. "Sakura have you seen under your sensei's mask yet?"

"Hells yes!" Sakura said pumping her fist in the air.

"How did you manage that Sakura?" Hinata questioned.

"Do you guys remember that mission? The one from a year ago where me and Kakashi were really late coming back from?"

"Yeah." Ino spoke up. "At first we assumed your sensei was being his normal late self but when time kept lingering they sent me out with the search party to find you guys."

"And when you found us…?"

"We bumped into you guys on the way home."

"I have wanted to tell you guys about that mission for a long time. This bastard put this jutsu on us that turned us into sex crazed animals but that brings us back to Temari's question."

All the women looked at Sakura puzzled. It was Temari who put two and two together first.

"Oh my." She said looking at Sakura impressed. "You bagged that?"

"Hells yes. But I really wouldn't call it a one night stand since it lasted for days. That man invented the word sex. If you truly want to know how to do it right see Hatake Kakashi."

"How big?" Temari asked anxiously.

But Sakura's answer couldn't be heard over the up-roaring laughter.

:::

:::

On the other side of the fence Hatake Kakashi suddenly disappeared avoiding the murderous auras coming off of his teammates.

:::

:::

"Your turn Ten. Me and Ino have already spoken up. Ever had a one night stand?"

"No." All the women stared at her in disbelief. "Don't look at me like that. I'm saving myself for Neji. There's no shame in it."

"Tenten you do realize that you're a kunoichi?" Temari said bluntly.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It means that we get sent on seduction missions. It's best to have your first time with someone of your choosing."

"I am going to have my first time with someone of my choosing."

"Tenten…" Hinata started. "Neji-kun is--"

"Oblivious." Ino piped up. "Or and idiot. Take your pick."

"Don't insult Neji. I'm sure he's just…" Tenten's voice trailed off as tears sprung to her eyes.

"Oh Ten we didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm not crying!"

:::

:::

Neji turned his head to the side hiding a blush and thus avoiding the hard look Lee sent his way.

:::

:::

The women glanced at each other not sure how to proceed. The decision was taken out of their hands when Hinata spoke up. "I had a one night stand."

Tenten's 'nonexistent' tears dried up immediately. Ino's mouth dropped open and Sakura's eyes popped out of her head. Temari smiled evilly awaiting the name that would soon pop out of the timid kunoichi's mouth.

"Who was it?!"

Hinata squeezed her eyes shut. "You have to promise not to tell Naruto-kun!"

Another look was exchanged. Since they were being so blunt about everything else they decided that it was time for Hinata to face the facts. Sakura decided to say what needed to be said since she was closest to Naruto. "Hinata, sweetheart, I love Naruto to pieces but you have to understand…he's an idiot."

"He's just…misunderstood."

"Noooo. He misunderstands everything."

Hinata raised her hands to point her fingers together nervously but stopped herself. She had broken herself out of that bad habit long ago. There was no use picking it up again.

"But--"

"Hinata even if you declare your love with your dying breath he's not going to hear it. It's going to go in one ear and out the other."

Sakura almost smacked herself as another one of her friends began to cry.

:::

:::

Naruto leaned over to Sasuke who pushed him away from him. "Hinata loves me? Like a friend, right?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Idiot." Sasuke replied.

:::

:::

"But it's not hopeless Hinata. He's stupid but he eventually catches on."

Hinata sniffled. "You think?"

"I know." Sakura assured. "Now, who was this one night stand with?"

"Do tell." Temari asked.

Hinata muttered something that none of them heard.

"What was that Hinata?" Ino asked. They all moved in closer until they heard her answer.

Temari yelled, "You too? Well he certainly gets around. I never would have thought that of him."

*"It's always the quiet ones." Sakura said solemnly.

"How was he?" Ino asked.

Hinata shrugged. "He was the only one. I really have nothing to…--"

"Did you cum?" Ino asked bluntly. Hinata face flushed and she sunk down into the water unconscious.

"Shoot Ino. Did you have to try and kill her?" Sakura said pulling Hinata out of the water.

"Well at least we got the answer to our question. Shino may be quiet but he knows how to treat a woman." Ino said sheepishly.

"Here, here." Temari seconded.

:::

:::

When the occupants of the male hot springs turned to look at Shino…there was nothing where he once was. The man whore.

:::

:::

"Seriously, though, Sakura if you're not all wrapped up in Sasuke anymore--what do you want in a man?" Tenten demanded.

"You really want to know what I want in a guy?" At their nods Sakura continued. "I don't want the every day guy. I want a guy who screams excitement."

"Isn't that what a shinobi is?" Hinata asked confused.

"No." Sakura clarified. "Shinobi are dangerous but they're not necessarily exciting. Take Sasuke for instance. That man can make an army of enemy shinobi head for the hills with just one look."

:::

:::

Sasuke smirked.

:::

:::

"But he's as dull as a doormat. All he does is train. He has no hobbies. No likes. No dislikes. Even Kakashi--"

:::

:::

Sasuke's smirk was wiped off his face and he studiously ignored the muffled laughter in his midst.

:::

:::

"Super smexy Kakashi." Ino corrected.

"Even super smexy Kakashi has a hobby."

"Porn is a hobby?" Temari asked skeptically.

"To each his own." Tenten replied.

"As I was saying," Sakura said her brows furrowed at being interrupted. **"I want a man that looks good in leather."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Kiba looks good in leather and he has a big--"

"Hinata!" Tenten yelled scandalized.

"Mmm Kiba." Sakura, Ino, and Temari said simultaneously.

"I was gonna say he has a big dog!"

"You say po-tay-to." Temari started.

"I say po-tat-to." Ino finished and the two blonds laughed hysterically.

"Speaking of Kiba do you know I caught that bastard peeping at me?"

"Are you serious? That pervert! What happened?" Ino exclaimed.

"Well, I technically didn't catch him. I heard about it. I had just come back home from a solo mission and to put it simply I was rancid. So I stopped at that bathing house near the entrance of Konoha. You know the one I'm talking about?"

"Everyone knows the one your talking about." Tenten said frowning at Sakura in disappointment. "That's Jiraiya's haunt. Every woman knows that bathing there is at your own risk."

"I know but you have to understand. I could smell myself. It was disgusting. Besides, Jiraiya wasn't in the village."

"How did you know that?" Temari said curious.

"I really can't tell you that. Just know that I know."

"Enough said." Ino said complacent.

"Anyway, I'm sitting there relaxing by myself when I hear voices."

"Did they belong to dead people?" Tenten asked drolly.

"Shut up Ten. Anyway, I heard the voices of my Team and yours Hinata."

"What did they say?" The lavender eyed Hyuuga heiress asked.

:::

:::

Flashback:

"Stay away from Sakura." The cold voice of Uchiha Sasuke cut through the air.

"Is she your property or something Uchiha cause I don't see your name on her." Kiba said flippantly.

"She has Team Seven tattooed on her ass." Naruto hissed.

"I've seen that sexy ass and Team seven is no where on it. Try again, Naruto."

The two members of Team Seven froze as Inuzuka Kiba's words registered in their brain.

"How the hell did you see Sakura-chan naked?" Sasuke put a restraining hand on Naruto. Naruto calmed down a bit until Sasuke lunged for Kiba himself.

:::

:::

"They started fighting? Are you serious?!" Temari said.

"My team is full of a bunch of hotheads. Of course, they'd attack him. They saved me the trouble because, in essence, since I certainly haven't had any relations with Kiba and that meant he had been peeping. So he needed to be taught a lesson." Sakura said nodding her head after coming to her conclusion.

"What happened next?" Tenten asked, eyes alight with a glow.

"You know Ten, if you'd either give up on the Hyuuga or jump him you could have a life too." Ino said.

"I hate you, Ino."

"But we luff you Tenten!" They all chorused.

Sakura smiled at her friends. "Incidentally, after that I've been considering getting a seven tattooed on my ass." Sakura's friends looked at her with alternating looks of shock and disgust written on their faces. "What?"

"You're going to brand yourself with your team number? That's just asking for trouble considering how over protective your teammates are." Ino said voicing all their thoughts.

"It's not like they're going to see it." Sakura said with a sniff.

"Kiba saw that ass." Temari said pointing out the obvious.

"Touche'."

:::

:::

Flashback continued:

"Get out of my way, Aburame." Sasuke growled.

"This is not your fight. Haruno-san can handle him herself if she decides to go down that path."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed but his face froze in surprise when he heard a familiar voice.

"Kick his ass for me, boys. I'm a little busy at the moment."

A feral grin split across Sasuke's face.

:::

:::

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Tenten rolled her eyes at Sakura. "That was rather anticlimactic. I expected you to at least--"

"Make some sort of dramatic entrance or something--" Temari continued.

"And kick somebody's ass." Ino finished.

"Um, I think we're all missing an important moral to this story." Hinata said with her face a thousand shades of a red, her body trembling, and tears filling her eyes.

"What?" They all said simultaneously.

"That sound carries in the hot springs to the other side of the fence."

All five women turned and looked at the fence. Faces grew pale. Tenten looked like she was about to vomit. Sakura looked uneasy. Temari prayed that Gaara wasn't on the other side and Ino…

"There's a simple solution to this somewhat sticky situation that we have maneuvered ourselves into." Ino stated calmly.

Ino motioned to the ladies and climbed out of the hot springs. She grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around herself not bothering to look back to see if her friends were following.

"What are we doing?" Sakura whispered.

"Jiraiya's not the only pervert in Konoha." Ino whispered back as they finally reached the fence. Sakura's eyes widened when she saw a small discreet hole that had been drilled into the fence that Ino immediately stuck her face to. "You've got to be kidding me." Ino said immediately after looking at the other side. "You've got to see this."

Sakura immediately leaned down and looked through the whole. Shinobi were disappearing left and right. Some were running, some were just vanishing. In essence everyone was heading for the hills. One by one the kunoichi looked through the hole until Hinata was the only one left.

The shy kunoichi stood and looked through the hole longer than any one the rest. She stayed there so long until one by one they began to wonder what it was that she was looking at.

"Hinata? What's going on?" Sakura asked.

"Well, you remember when I said--"

:::

:::

On the other side of the fence a lone figure stood in the buff that went by the name of Inuzuka Kiba. He wondered vaguely why every one was rushing out of the water. Kiba approached the water and sniffed it lightly to make sure that someone didn't release any excess fluids before he stepped in. Assuring himself that there was no problem he stretched a bit before stepping into the water. Casting, one final glance around Kiba stepped into the water.

:::

:::

"--when I said that Kiba looked good in leather?" At seeing several nods Hinata continued. "Well, he looks good out of it too…."

Quickly, each kunoichi took another glance through the hole in the fence. They didn't look their fill but they got a rather nice view. Sakura mentally made a note to search Kiba out later.

And the five women with a lustful look in their eye voiced the same thoughts.

"Mmm. Kiba."


A/N: Okay, I have no idea where the randomness of this story came from. It made absolutely no sense to me but I still adore it. Maybe because I've had conversations like this before. Emotions tend to run high, tears are shed, and the like.

BTW, I have much love for Sasuke. (Even though he's annoying the heck out of me in the manga) I just had a good opportunity to pick on him a wee bit in this story and I took the chance.

*I've always hated this saying because I'm quiet.

**Cody Chesnutt sang this song called "I look good in leather." Axe cologne put it in a commercial but I heard the song WAY before that. It was my excuse for everything I did that someone didn't like:

"J, why did you do that?"

Traditional J answer: "Because I…look good in leather."

Listen to the song…you'll understand.