Disclaimer: I do not own the show or the songs that were my inspiration.
AN: So I needed to write another breakup fic. This' what I came up with. Please enjoy.
Derek let himself into Spencer's apartment with the key the genius had given him. Steam was rising out of Spencer's bathroom, which was beside the kitchen. Its door was open a crack, allowing the steam to flow out liberally. Spencer's bedroom door was closed part way so Derek decided to wait on the blue plaid recliner. Putting back the recliner, he had the perfect view between the slightly open door and its frame. However instead of attempting to peer inside like he usually would, he looked around the barely decorated apartment.
Finally, the door to Spencer's bedroom opened, revealing a genius clad in a light blue button-up dress shirt and khaki colored pants. Derek turned his head to look, barely drinking in the vision before him like he used to. It just did not excite him anymore. Spencer did not excite him. Derek just drummed his fingers on the arm of the recliner, waiting for Spencer to sit down. When the young genius complied, Derek leaned forward in the chair.
"Reid?" Spencer asked aloud.
The young man swallowed. Derek never called him 'Reid' unless they were at work. And right now they were not at work. So why did Derek call him 'Reid'?
Derek shook his head, looking down at his hands, his elbows now placed on his knees and his legs apart. "I need to say something."
Spencer waited for Derek to collect his words. After a few seconds he realized he had been holding his breath. The young man watched Derek anxiously. If only he knew what to say. Whatever words were about to come out of Derek's mouth were obviously bad, Spencer decided. And then the two inevitable words came to Spencer's head without warning, bashing his brain with their little mallets: breaking up. Spencer swallowed. That was in no way what was happening, Spencer attempted to tell himself. However, he thought it anyway.
"Reid, this just ain't working out," Derek said, turning his head to face Spencer.
Spencer just leaned back in his seat, stunned. His mouth hung open slightly out of shock.
His brain decided to turn off for the time being. While trying to repair itself, Spencer asked, "What do you mean?"
There was a short silence, and then Derek explained, "I like the thought of us… I just- I don't want this anymore. It's not working out."
Spencer thought of all his passed rejections from girls he hoped to be with and other guys that he had dreamt about, and he furrowed his brow, swallowing again even though he had a dry mouth. "Oh…" He looked down. "I suppose I've been here before."
Derek looked back at his hands. This was going worse than he had planned. There was too much stillness- too much silence. He had hoped there would be a little yelling. Nonetheless, Spencer was too timid for that.
Derek was trying so hard to say something, and so he used a classic line, "It's not you, it's me."
And when he took a second to think about it, he realized it was true. There was no reason not to date Spencer. It just was not fun anymore. He just knew it was not working out. Reid had furrowed his brow in a mass of confusion and hurt. The young man swallowed again. He knew that it was just a classic line that Derek had probably used in plenty of other relationships before.
"Did I seriously say that?" Derek asked himself aloud, feeling terrible about it.
Spencer said the only thing that he could think to say, "It's all right."
"I just don't want this anymore," Derek repeated.
Spencer bit his lip. "I understand."
And so a week passed by. Spencer began coming late to work. It looked as though he had just woken up each time he came to work. Nobody saw him eat anything- not even coffee. Hotch told him to take a few weeks off for personal health. Spencer refused because work was the only thing that made sense to him. When Hotch made Spencer take a week off, Spencer found himself lying on his couch staring at the wall- and that was all he could do, beside think about Derek. Three years had been a long time, and it was only real relationship Spencer had ever been in. Three years was a long time… The thought just kept repeating itself in his head. So he picked up the phone and called Derek after the fifth day of his days off.
To Spencer's dismay, Derek picked up.
"Hello? Reid?" Derek said with a bit of a snap to the words.
"I'm sorry, it's stupid to call you. I'll just hang up," Spencer replied quietly, trying to find his voice.
He heard Derek say, "No, no, stay on. Tell me."
"I'm lonely," Spencer started. He swallowed and blinked a few times. Tears threatened his eyes. He could not remember the last time he cried. "I-I just wanted to call you. Maybe… maybe if I kiss the way you do-"
"I'm sorry Reid, I really am. I'm at work. I can't do this now," Derek said firmly.
Spencer heard Prentiss in the background, but he did not care. All he wanted to hear was Derek call him 'Spencer' again instead of 'Reid'. He just wanted Derek to comb his fingers through his hair. He just wanted- well, he just wanted Derek. There was a point where he was hopeless, but now he was passed that point. Three years was a long time.
Spencer choked out, "I'll change for you. I will. I'll play the part."
All Derek could do was repeat, a bit more quietly, "Look, I'm sorry."
"Maybe if I kiss the way you do."
"I'm sorry, baby boy, it doesn't work like that."
There was a silence at the other end.
And then Derek said, "I don't know. Honestly, I just don't know."
Derek hung up, leaving Spencer to his tears.
AN 2: If I get enough reviews I'll write a happy ending. I know, it's a cruel way to run things, but I just want to make sure people will enjoy it.