The Water Horse

Paul's Live Interview

Director: Cue music in five…four…three…two…one…go!

Dir: Keep the camera on Gav…

Gavin MacPlonker: Good Morning, Scotland! Gavin MacPlonker here welcoming you, our loyal viewers, to the beautiful Highlands! Ahhh, my friends, there is nothing quite like the clean, fresh air of the highlands to clear the cobwebs out, eh? This week's exclusive Tartan Tattle is coming to you live from Glenbogle Estate.

Dir: Pan the house and back to Gav

G M: Ah! What scintillating stories will we uncover in our quest to find the truth! Is it fact or fiction, my friends? True story or hoax, you, will be the judge.

Dir: Let's have a shot of the loch…stay with it for a minute…

G M: Rumor has it, my dear friends, that a rumbling has recently been heard coming from the murky depths of the loch…her long, graceful neck breaking the surface of the water…has there been a real water horse sighting, right here on this very loch? Take a listen, dear viewers, and you, decide for yourself…

Dir: After Gav's intro, focus the camera on Paul

G M: Here with me, waiting to tell you his amazing water horse sighting story, is none other than, skeptic-turned-believer, Mr. Paul Bowman-MacDonald, newly-appointed Laird of Glenbogle, heir to all the surrounding lands which I dare say, also includes the loch…Hello, Mr. Bowman-MacDonald…

Hiya Gav, thanks and welcome. Welcome to all the viewers, too.

G M: So, tell me Mr. Bowman-MacDonald, do you find the Lairdship suits you?

Paul Bowman-MacDonald: Um…well…ha…

Dir: Great. An unexpected question. Keep the camera on Paul…

G M: What I mean to say is, are you a real dictator?

PBM: Am I a dictator? Um…no, I wouldn't say that, although my family may beg to differ…ha…ha…

G M: Your family, you say, Mr. Bowman-MacDonald? Now, that would consist of whom, may I ask?

PBM: Um…first of all, Paul is fine…

Dir: Keep using the hyphenated last name

G M: Yes, Mr. Paul Bowman-MacDonald…about your family?

PBM: Well, there's my brother Archie, who was the Laird before me…and his wife…but they are living in New Zealand now…then there's my uncle…

G M: Ah! That would be the rogue, Donald MacDonald, would it not?

Dir: Don't move the camera off Paul

PBM: Well…um…I…um…let's see, getting back on track here, Gav, I'm definitely learning the ropes of being the Laird while on the job. There is more that encompasses the position than simply being a pretty figure head…

G M: Oh aye, an interesting choice of words there, Mr. Bowman-MacDonald…with your good looks, I dare say you could be a movie star…

PBM: Ha…well, I don't know about that…you see the duty of the Laird has changed somewhat throughout the years…

G M: You're what, 6 foot 4, 6 foot 5?

PBM: I'm six two, actually…

Dir: We're getting to him

G M: Well, with your dark hair and blue eyes, you cut a very handsome figure…I bet you command quite a bit of attention, don't you?

PBM: I'm sorry?

G M: With the Lassies, I mean…

Dir: Quick…pan over to Gav

G M: You've been linked to Amanda McLeish, heiress to the Lagganmore Distillery fortune…now what would Mr. McLeish--if he were still alive--have had to say about his only daughter dabbling her toes in the Glenbogle loch…the clans being rivals and all that…shhh... Hmm…hmm…hmmmm, my friends…how many strategic plans have been a-hatched between the sheets, eh?

Dir: Pan to Paul…catch his reaction…great stuff…now back to Gav…

G M: Right, like any true Laird, Mr. Bowman-MacDonald there's always a little time to canoodle with the workers, no doubt? There was big-city-girl turned farmer Isobel…something-or-other? Then, there's also the raven-haired, grey-eyed Iona McLain…a shepherdess, no less…yes folks, they do exist up here in the highlands, shepherdesses…but she's been surveying more than the lands and her sheep, hasn't she…

PBM: Can we…um…can we cut here! I don't see what this has to do with…

Dir: Stay on Paul, zoom in for a tight shot

G M: Och! I'm sorry Mr. Bowman-MacDonald…this is live tv…so, did you learn about all those lairdly perks from your father then? And what's with the hyphenated name? Are you truly a MacDonald, Mr. Bowman?

PBM: I'm here to tell you about my experience with the water horse, so let's get to it!

G M: Right, right you are Mr. Bowman-MacDonald, right you are…so tell us all about your experience then…

PBM: Well, I was walking near the house. I sensed something. I came right down here to the jetty, I did. And then, and then I saw it emerge from the water.

Dir: Let's have a shot of the jetty…then pull back and get a shot of Paul, the loch and the jetty…

G M: And no one else can verify this, am I right?

PBM: What?!

G M: Well...

Dir: Quick! Pan to Gav…

G M: My dear viewers, the brilliant Tartan Tattle team has uncovered some shocking, and as yet, unreleased information concerning events here on the loch. Isn't it true that you had a one, Dr. Simon Cotter from the Clyde University Marine Research Department searching these very waters for the beast?

PBM: Yes…

G M: I'm sorry, Mr. Bowman? With these highland winds, it's hard to hear things sometimes…

PBM: YES!!

Dir: Keep the camera on both of them…

G M: And isn't it true that Dr. Cotter himself pulled a hoax on you? Isn't it true that a discovery, that you thought you found while on board with Dr. Cotter, if indeed he is a doctor at all, was all just a fabricated lie? A bogus beast with oil drums for lungs!! Tell me Mr. Bowman; were you in on this prank? Were you hoping to scam one over on the poor MacDonald family? You, being the illegitimate son of Hector MacDonald…how do we know that you're not scamming the good folks of the village right now. Are you really a skeptic-turned-believer?

PBM: Listen, I am Hector Naismith MacDonald's son! I am his oldest child and heir. He too, believed in the existence of the water horse and that alone is enough to cast doubt from my mind. What I witnessed…what I experienced that day transcended belief. At a time when I was desperate, and hoping for guidance, I believe my father reached out to me. I can't describe the feeling I had; it was as if the atmosphere was charged with energy, some undulating, invisible power which emanated from the loch. Something had drawn me to the jetty. I saw a whole flock of birds—known to be sensitive to the secret ways of Mother Nature, flutter and caw. I dipped my hand into the loch…and then there was this sound…the sound of the beast herself, a sound like no other, eerie, yet beautiful, sorrowful, yet peaceful. And when she emerged from the water, I felt breathless and weightless…and no sooner had I blinked, than she was gone.

Dir: Well I'll be…let's have a close up on Paul's face…focus on the tears in his eyes…and then let's call it a wrap.

PBM: And that is the true story…