for thelightningstrike.

Characters: Sirius Black & Lily Evans
Prompt: 'I loved you first.'
Extra Info: I'd really like this to be a bittersweet piece that could be canon compliant, if possible?


You remember meeting her, in the Muggle park you so loved as a child. It had been a chance of fate; your mother's strict guidelines on blood purity controlled your life, even as an innocent seven-year-old wishing for a friend.

(You know you have never been innocent.)

You had been fast friends. She admired your bravery and humor; you loved her beauty and her intelligence. It had been even more luck, now that you look back on it, that you had both ended up being magical.

(Of course, you had always known you would be a wizard.)

You pretend you don't know one another for awhile, when you get to Hogwarts. It's easier that way. There aren't awkward questions, and you fight your way through tense introductions, pretending that you don't see her beautiful. You're only eleven, so you pretend.

(You know you're only lying to yourself.)

You exchange shy kisses when you're fourteen, and no one knows about them. Not Remus; not James; and especially not shy little Peter. You're a better liar than they think.

(You're not pretending when you tell her you love her.)

It's obvious that it won't work between you, no matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise. You're a pureblood; she's a muggle-born. It's a combination that just isn't compatible, no matter which way you look at it. Your mother would never accept her; and as much as you don't care, you know it would hurt Lily.

(You never, ever want to hurt Lily.)

You keep the charade up until seventh year. You pretend to be a ladies' man, and you kiss other girls; she dates, and you restrain yourself from killing her 'boyfriends.' You know of James' crush on her. You go along with it, and tell him maybe it'll happen someday, if he would just be himself around her-

(You know they'll be together, in the end, as much as you hate it.)

It's awkward when the kissing and the hugging and the talking for hours ends. You don't know what to do with yourself, and you actually wonder how you had kept the secret for so many years. You wish more than anything it could be different.

(You wish more than anything that she could be yours.)

She comes and tells you that she's getting married, to your best friend no less. Her green eyes are shining with both sorrow and happiness; it's a bittersweet combination that you immediately dislike. You're silent, and you hide your black eyes from her.

(You're ashamed of your tears.)

It takes all the strength you have to simply say, "I loved you first."

It takes even more to walk away.


Please review!