Points to Note: A bit choppy as the authoress was experimenting with scene changes. And odd. So, so odd. Probably the oddest thing she's written so far.
Disclaimer: The only thing that the authoress owns is her writer's block. Not genius's block, (one must a genius to have that) or Artemis Fowl (sadly one must Eoin Colfer to own him).
Genius's Block and Aliens
It started out rather innocently, but then again, didn't everything?
Don't answer that.
The point was that the entire fiasco began when Juliet overheard Artemis the Senior comment to Artemis the Junior at breakfast that Da Vinci surely never suffered from artist's block in his lifetime. And that was all it had taken to get those wheels in Juliet's head turning. She really had little idea what their conversation was about, or how Fowl Junior replied and really couldn't care less. Her mind had latched onto one word, and that was that.
Artist's block. She had never heard the term before, not really surprising as Juliet did not possess the patience or interest to enjoy such a pastime. But despite her lack of artistic soul, the term 'artist's block' continued to haunt her. What did it mean? Was it some kind of reward, or recognition? Or was it a group? What was it?!
These questions tortured her thoughts until she finally grabbed the nearest dictionary and searched for it. And searched. And then searched some more. Throwing the useless piece of text back onto the library shelf, she seated herself at the library's sole computer and connected to the world wide web. The twins had settled down for their midmorning nap just a while ago, so she had plenty of time.
Which turned out to be a good thing as the object of her search seemed to be just as elusive on the net as it was on paper. It wasn't that she got zero results, no she got hundreds. But a great majority of them were composed almost entirely of declarations of "I've got artist's block!" and "I hate artist's block! Help me!" There were also a few grievances about 'writer's block', and the people who seemed to have it were much more dramatic with their declarations of "Die, writer's block, die" and "Sometimes I wish I could just take writer's block by its skinny little neck and just strangle the vowels out of it."
But no one had a definition for these two terms. In fact, everyone on the sites she quickly scanned seemed to know what it was and just expected everyone else to as well. Well, excuse her for being so out of the loop. She was just a little busy trying to keep two hyperactive brats alive.
Scowling as she reworded her search, she debated over just how much more time she should waste before going to Artemis. She really did not want to go to the genius with this however. She had no doubt that he knew what those terms meant, but she was also well aware that she would subtly insult her several times before telling her. Especially since she had been conveniently looking the other way when the twins spilled their milk all over his lap at breakfast.
The results of her new search popped up, pulling her away from the lovely memory of Artemis and his pants which were stained in a way that made it seem as though he had had an unfortunate accident. Her eyes fell on the first result, and a triumphant grin appeared on her face. Bingo. Now she could stay away from the genius for a little while longer.
Clicking on the provided link, she avidly read the page that opened up. Huh. So writer's block was when writer's lost inspiration for writing and artist's block was when artist's lost inspiration for arting---er, creating art. Well, that was rather…simple. And dumb. Whoever had thought of the terms had clearly been suffering from inventor's block. Seriously, what kind of name was artist's block and writer's block? One would think that people who viewed as such imaginative individuals of society would be creative enough to think of a better name.
Though, if Juliet was truthful to herself, she was more upset with the fact that she had been unable to work out what the term meant then the actual name it was given. Ugh, she had wasted fifteen minutes of her life trying to figure out something that should have been obvious. Dom would despair over her, should he ever hear of the incident. But he was never going to.
Speaking of which, was there such a thing as bodyguard's block? Somehow she doubted it, but if such an aliment did exists, she was willing to bet that Dom would never suffer from it. She probably would though. Hey, maybe she already was. How did one know?
Pushing aside the rather worrying thought, Juliet explored the web page a bit more. Most of it detailed how to get rid of writer's and artist's block, which she really didn't care about. It said very little about what to do for any other sorts of block, something she did care about. Pointless.
Exiting the site, she scooted her chair away from the table and starched, wincing as her bones popped into place. Darn, she was getting out of shape, babysitting little kids. She should really start spending more of her free time in the gym if she ever wanted to return to wrestling. Juliet froze abruptly as a thought occurred to her. What is she was suffering from wrestler's block? No way, she couldn't be.
She had just been a bit distracted taking care of the twins to really wrestle for a while. It didn't mean she had wrestler's block. Maybe there wasn't even such a thing as wrestler's block in the first place. It was really quite hard to imagine a match where one of the participants was abruptly struck down by the problem. Actually, she could imagine it, and she really imagined it would hurt. But that didn't mean she, or any of her idols, had it.
Right? Right. Nothing to worry about.
Determined to stop uncovering blocks that she didn't even know that she had, Juliet focused her attention on finding blocks for other people. And of course, the first person that came to mind was Artemis. Why? Because if she managed to find a block for him, then it would prove that he was indeed human, something Juliet often times found herself doubting.
But what kind of block could the young genius possibly have? A smile worked its way to her lips as her mind reached a conclusion.
Duh. Genius's block.
The easy part, Juliet realized rather quickly, was creating a hypothesis. The difficult part was proving it true. And the fact that Artemis Fowl was involved with this particular theory made it all that much harder to prove. The genius just had to do everything so bloody perfectly and intelligently. Not one mistake. Not one bit of hesitation. Nothing to show that he was remotely flawed.
So, she called back up.
Unfortunately, her back up choices were rather limited. Minerva had a class, but even if she didn't, she was banned from participating because she was considered a genius as well. Foaly was out of the question for the same reason. She didn't really want to bring Mr. and Mrs. Fowl into the investigation; they were a bit too old. The twins were too young, asleep, and borderline genii as well. Butler was perfect though, and it had only taken her five minutes longer than she had expected to talk him into it. Holly, of course, had immediately agreed to become part, and had soon arrived at the Manor.
Though the final group was a bit too small for her tastes, she was quite pleased with who made it up. The two people closest to Artemis, ones he would almost consider best friends if he ever admitted that he believed in such things. Who better to help her prove that Artemis was human?
"Alright," Juliet said as Holly and Butler took their seats at one of the tables in the library. "We all know why we're here today."
She glanced at the figure at the other side of the room, typing away at his laptop. Butler, the old worrywart, had refused to leave Artemis alone while he attended this meeting. It was to their luck that Artemis had decided to work in the library that day. The room was huge, and even without the earphones that currently filled the genius's ears with the relaxing harmonies of Mozart, it would be hard for him to overhear what they were talking about.
"To prove Artemis is human," Holly remarked lightly, taking in the library. The place was surprisingly smaller than she had expected; she had been expecting one that would match the size of the boy's ego. Then again, that was rather impossible.
"Exactly, fairy girl," Juliet said happily, not noticing the wince Holly gave the nickname. "So, any ideas? Do you think Artemis's ever had genius's block?"
Butler kept one eye on Artemis and turned the other on Juliet. "Genius's block?"
"You know," his sister replied, waving a hand carelessly. "Genius's block. Any time when she hasn't behaved like a genius."
"I didn't think that possible for him." Holly muttered under her breath. "With an ego that size, he's probably even a genius in his sleep."
"Don't be so pessimistic," Juliet said, having heard. "That's the whole point of this group anyway, to prove that there have been times when he behaved like a normal person."
"He behaved like anyone would when I punched him." Holly smirked at the memory.
Butler's lip twitched as Juliet frowned. "Man, I wish I could have seen that. Why didn't you guys at least take a picture for me?"
"We were in the middle of the Arctic," Butler reminded her.
"That's no excuse," Juliet grumbled. "You still could have taken one."
"I could punch him again, right now." Holly offered, only half kidding.
"She'll pass." Butler put in before Juliet could say a word. "Anyway, about the genius thing, Artemis was a prodigy even as a child."
Juliet frowned, distracted by that new piece of information. "Even as a baby?"
"He taught himself to speak and read before he was a year old."
"It's a good thing I don't care," Juliet said, crossing her arms. "Else, I'd be jealous."
Butler smiled and added, "He wasn't his…usual self when he first met his little brothers."
"That's true," Juliet admitted. "But I'm talking about times when he didn't act as smart as he usually does."
"There was the lollipop comment," Holly said, musingly. "Though it was after I'd punched him."
"It doesn't count then," Juliet said, crossing it off the list that she was compiling. "Any other ideas?"
"The time he lost the Cube to Spiro?" Butler frowned thoughtfully. "Even he had to admit he was outsmarted then."
"Doesn't count," Juliet crossed it off the list. "He got it back in the end. "Anything else?"
The silence stretched on for a few minutes as they all attempted to recall instances where their friend had behaved almost averagely. It was surprisingly…difficult.
"This is no use," Juliet finally said, drawing a big, old X on the list. "Artemis is too darn perfect."
"No one is perfect," Holly countered.
"Then why can't we prove he's human, fairy girl?" Juliet replied.
Holly winced again at the name.
"Perhaps we simply are going about the wrong way?" Butler said, calmly. "Instead of listing why he is human, we should focus of what indicates otherwise."
"How is that going to help?" Juliet questioned. That really made no sense.
Her brother regarded her evenly.
Juliet reconsidered. "Okay, I'll give it a try." She tapped her pen on the table as she tried to think of something. "Artemis…is much smarter than the rest of us and he knows it too?"
Butler couldn't help but smile at that. "True. That could be considered a flaw actually, meaning he is human."
"It'd be a flaw if it wasn't true." His sister countered.
"I've got a scenario that you haven't considered yet," Holly said suddenly. Her fellow conspirators turned towards her and she grinned. "Artemis is an alien and is trying to figure out how to get back to his home planet."
The two Bulters didn't say anything for a moment. They simply observed their possibly insane friend.
"Holly," Juliet started slowly. "Artemis isn't an alien."
The fairy widened her eyes innocently and returned the stare. "Are you sure?"
Holly shrugged and leaned back. "Of course, what was I thinking There's nothing…unusual about him after all."
The three of them simultaneously turned their heads to the other side of the library, where Artemis was seated, typing away at his laptop. The same thought crossed each of their minds. Alien.
It was ridiculous. It was highly improbable. It was so not true.
But, now that the seed had been planted, they couldn't help but wonder.
"This is ridiculous," Juliet finally said, breaking the silence. "Artemis is not an alien."
She was usually the one to suggest bizarre and random ideas. It was rather off putting when Holly took over that forte.
The fairy simply raised an eyebrow, intentionally or unintentionally mimicking the young genius they were discussing. "Really?"
"Yes really, fairy girl" Juliet replied, picking up her notes. "And even if he was, we're here to discuss his genius, not his alien-ness."
"'Alien-ness'?" Butler questioned, amused.
"Oh, you know what I mean."
"Unfortunately, yes," Her elder brother's lip twitched slightly as he turned to Holly. "But, in this case, I think I'll plead neutral."
Holly shrugged. She had expected no less from the bodyguard. Actually, his declaration that he would make no comment was actually aiding her. Juliet gave her brother a suspicious look.
"Why?" she asked, hesitantly.
Holly answered before Butler could. "Because he doesn't want to confirm what we all suspect."
"Artemis is not an alien," Juliet repeated, starting to grow exasperated.
"And your evidence for that would be?" Holly questioned, leaning back comfortably in her chair.
"Where's your evidence that he is?" Juliet shot back, a bit childishly. Okay, so it was a really immature comeback. But in her defense, Holly was being childish as well. And, no, she was not whining.
"I've got plenty." Holly replied, with a smile. "Foaly actually did a rather through study on it a while back. He's the one who convinced me."
Juliet's eyes narrowed as she carefully studied the fairy. She couldn't figure out if she was lying or not. "Like what?"
Holly straightened up in her seat, suddenly serious. Butler carefully kept silent.
"Like, for instance," she started, tapping a finger on the table in front of her. "The fact that his brain is far more advanced than anyone on this earth. He's also able to learn tongues no other human being can. He can't get along with anyone or any age or species. He's tried to take over the world before. And, all that time he spends on his laptop—"
Here she paused and leaned closer, lowering her voice. They other unconsciously copied her movements. "—he's communicating with his mother ship."
Juliet really couldn't figure out what to say to that. So she took the easiest way out. "He's not an alien, he's just a genius. Who's suffering from genius's block. Possibly."
"What about Minerva?" Holly argued. "She's a genius, and almost all of the facts that indicate Artemis is an alien could apply to her as well. Perhaps all genii are aliens."
"Holly," The young woman interrupted, frowning. "This isn't funny anymore. Artemis isn't a genius!"
"Then why don't you go ask him?"
"Fine," Juliet snapped, standing up. "I will."
And she stomped over to where Artemis was typing away, blissfully unaware and uncaring of their entire conversation.
Butler waited until Juliet was out of earshot before addressing the fairy.
"Holly. Do you really believe Artemis is an alien?"
The fairy grinned impishly. "No."
She shrugged. "For the 'fairy girl' comments."
"I'm older than her. I should be the one calling her girl, not the other way around."
"I beg your pardon?" Artemis asked, his hands poised over the keyboard, frozen in their act hitting various keys. Though Juliet had clearly caught him off guard, the genius looked anything but lost. Somehow, he managed to make it look as though she was the one who should be confused. Darn genius.
Any other person would have been caught off guard if someone had come over to them, pulled away their earphones without warning, and bluntly asked a question. Any other person would have been. Just as long as that person was not been Artemis Fowl.
Crossing her arms, Juliet repeated her question. "Do you have genius's block?"
No way was she about to ask if he was an alien or not. Especially when she didn't believe he was one in the first place.
Artemis smiled and Juliet was abruptly reminded of that vampire movie that she had watched last night. Dracula had had the exact same expression on his face just before he starting sucking the blood that that one girl.
"Why, didn't you know," Artemis drawled, elegantly lifting one eyebrow. "Genii do not suffer from such a malady. We would not be genii if we did."
It was official. Genii were not human. She'd better take another look at Holly's alien theory and find a way to return him to his own kind. Fast.
The authoress had writer's block, so she started pondering about other sorts of block and somehow ended up with this. On the bright side, her block went away :D
Please tell the authoress what you think, if you don't like, please be polite when saying so.