Author's note: Just to let everybody know… this story is based at the same time of chapter 47 in the manga, when Kain is having the whole chapter to himself D so they aren't in school at Cross Academy anymore.
ALSO, this is my first fanfic... be nice =) I hope to continue it for a few chapters at least…
Enjoy! (please review)
Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to the wonderful Matsuri Hino. A big THANKYOU for creating one of my favourite anime/manga couples XD!!
She knew it was time. Time to let go, time to let go of her false hopes.
He'd beautifully rejected her feelings…
Finally told her sincerely the reasons for his constant refusals towards her…
Yuki would forever be his lover.
Ruka stared out of the country train's window wistfully, mesmerized by the passing landscape. Her gaze traced out the horizon as the sunset began to cast a beautiful dusty red across the plains. As it gradually grew darker, she could see a familiar face staring blankly back at her.
She could also see and feel Kain's occasional glances towards her while Hanabusa sat alone on the opposite chair, fuming over the argument they'd had earlier.
They'd all been on the train for a good 5 hours now, and she could tell how tired and agitated Hanabusa was. He kept writhing around in his chair, huffing irritably and sticking his face as close to the window as humanly possible. Well, inhumanly in their case.
Ruka broke her gaze from the window and studied their train compartment. Above Hanabusa's chair were both his and Kain's suitcases. Her own was apparently two big to allow another to rest beside it, so it had the whole compartment above her and Kain's chair.
She didn't need an excuse for all her luggage; girl's had a lot of possessions. It was just natural and to be expected if they weren't really living anywhere at the moment.
No, they weren't really living anywhere… they were searching for Kaname-sama…
No! She banged her head back hard against the wall behind, knocking all thoughts out of her brain.
It hurt a lot more than expected.
"Ouch!" Ruka muttered, rubbing the back of her head tenderly.
The loud sound had knocked both Hanabusa and Kain out of their sombre silence, staring at her bewilderedly.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Hanabusa asked irritably. "Such a klutz…"
"Are you alright?" Kain asked her from the side.
She kicked Hanabusa painfully in the shin, causing him to yelp loudly.
"Ouch! Hey, what the hell!!"
Ignoring him, she turned to Kain. "Yeah I'm okay…"
He looked into her eyes questioningly but just nodded slightly, closed his eyes and rest his head back on the wall behind.
Hanabusa pouted his lips and crossed his arms, realising he was being ignored.
"So… Kaname-sama finally rejected you huh? It's about time you got over your little obsession anyway…" He began to mock her.
Trying to ignore him, Ruka once again focused her gaze on the dark landscape outside.
"I mean it's been like that ever since we were kids… How could you stand to pine after someone for that long?! It'd drive me insane…"
"Hanabusa, give it a rest." Kain's voice broke out of the silence like music to her ears.
She smiled appreciatively.
Hanabusa scowled and sighed heavily, once more continuing to look out the window.
A couple of hours passed and nobody had said anything.
Ruka could feel Kain's steady breathing beside her as he... napped perhaps? She didn't actually know if he was asleep.
Since when was she so close that she could feel his breathing?
Ruka slowly looked to her left at the sleeping Kain and realized they were almost touching.
Did she move closer without realizing it? To get more comfortable?
No… SHE was against the window… how could she move?
Feeling a little uncomfortable at their close proximity, Ruka shifted a bit in her seat.
She had never really been casual with men because… She felt herself gulp painfully.
Because Ruka had always been saving herself for Kaname-sama.
The only person who had ever come so close… was while he once drank her blood back when she stupidly and openly had offered it to him.
If only she knew that her longing would intensify… That every time after he rejected her… it would burn up another piece of her heart inside…
She had to stop. Had to stop thinking about him.
Cursing herself shamefully, Ruka stood up quietly and made towards the compartment door.
"Where are YOU going?" A voice called out mockingly, making Ruka freeze in her tracks.
But it only took a bit to decipher the voice as Hanabusa's; Kain would never be that rude.
She didn't want him to know that she was still suffering so much inside… she got the feeling that he hated seeing her that way… Maybe he thought she was pathetic? To pine after someone for that long… and irrationally break down all those countless times…?
She turned around scornfully. "The bathroom you I-D-I-O-T. Where the hell else can I go in this tiny train?"
Hanabusa opened his mouth to retort but she quickly turned on her heel and gently slid the compartment door open, then began marching down the corridor heatedly.
How she could ever stand her annoying blonde-haired childhood friend for this long, truly amazed her…
Kain opened his eyes after he knew that she'd definitely left the compartment. Hanabusa smirked at him patronizingly.
"Even I thought that move was a bit too much…" He chuckled, contently amused.
Kain frowned frustratingly, "I wasn't trying to do anything like that, and I just thought she might've been a bit cold. She was curled up like a cannonball over there in the corner."
Hanabusa smirked again, "Maybe because she sensed she was being 'preyed' on."
He chuckled again to himself at his little joke, causing Kain to sigh resignedly.
"But you heard what she said earlier, Kaname-sama has formally rejected her…" Hanabusa started, raising his feet upon Ruka's absent spot.
"Yeah…" Kain replied, looking out the window uninterestedly.
Hanabusa scowled and slapped the spot between his feet forcefully, as if trying to knock some sense into his fiery haired cousin.
"So?! What are you gonna do about it?" He asked insolently.
Kain blinked twice without answering.
Hanabusa sighed disapprovingly.
"I'm… not really going to do anything. I mean things haven't really changed; of course she still yearns for Kaname-sama… I just want her to be happy." Kain replied casually.
"Well being rejected by somebody she's loved for all this time… I can't really picture how happy she is right now, you know…" Hanabusa said poignantly.
Kain looked out the train window uncomfortably. Of course she wasn't happy. He'd watched her break down after Kaname-sama (as she described it) 'beautifully' rejected her feelings.
Her tears drove knives through his heart, like acid across his skin.
How he longed to hold her and tell her it was okay. To stroke her beautiful long chestnut hair and feel the warmth of her body cling to his. For her to tell him she wanted nothing more than to be held eternally in his arms. But he wasn't stupid. They were always dreams, not reality. He knew that the object of his affection, his longing; his burning desire for so long would never reciprocate his feelings. Even though he'd loved her for so long… way longer than her undying obsession for Kaname-sama… he could never ever tell her how he felt.
He never wanted to loose the friendship between them, because once he told her… things would never be the same.
And so goes the man with the unrequited love.
Kain thought back to when he first met Ruka, when he first and foremost… completely fell in love with her….
It was the beginning of summer and both Kain and Hanabusa's family had travelled together, reaching their traditional holiday manor. It was a custom to come together at the beginning of every season to the family home in order to reacquaint themselves with relatives and also 'come out' in society, as their parents described it.
"But you promised Akatsuki! You promised to help me get it!" Whined Hanabusa, chucking a book across the floor in a temper.
Kain sighed wearily. Even though they were both so young, he still stood a foot taller than his blonde immature brat of a cousin. Hanabusa looked up at him with teary light blue eyes, his lips slightly trembling.
"But… we'll probably get caug-" Kain started to reply.
"No we won't!" Insisted Hanabusa, cutting in over Kain.
Kain sighed again and rubbed his forehead. His cousin was giving him a headache…
"See if we go in the study when my Dad's greeting the guests…"
"But if your dad confiscated it from you Hanabusa… then it's probably because it's dangerous for you to play with."
Kain was already in a bad mood. His mother had fitted him in the most uncomfortable tuxedo he had ever worn. He didn't even see why little kids had to even wear tuxedos… The whole evening will be as dull as ever… stupid grownups and their dinner parties… there wouldn't even be any kids… and his stupid cousin DID NOT count…
"I just want it back, okay? It was part of my collection!" Bawled Hanabusa loudly.
Kain rolled his eyes, "Your collections are weird anyway… they take up more than half your room space… I'd hate to share a room with you."
"Stop being so mean, Akatsuki! You promised to help me!"
"That was before I found out it was some random object from your creepy collections!"
Hanabusa broke down on the floor, beginning another one of his infamous tantrums. They'd surely be found if he started that… And Kain REALLY didn't want to be dragged into the
ballroom by his mother…
"Okay fine! Just stop acting like a cry-baby all the time!"
Hanabusa stopped crying and stood up quickly, "I'm not a cry-baby!"
"You're a baby that cries."
"Well you know that all babies cry!"
"So you're admitting you're a cry-baby?"
Kain sighed again. God… How he wished to make more friends…
He grabbed Hanabusa's sleeve and dragged him towards the study, prepared to retrieve whatever stupid object had been previously confiscated from his cousin.
But they had no such luck.
Upon reaching the corridor, one of the housemaids had spotted them and began driving them towards the ballroom doors.
Soon enough they were locked inside. Well basically… they still weren't tall enough to reach the door handle yet…
"Hanabusa! Akatsuki!" Came a high-pitched call from across the room.
Both the boys turned slowly, afraid of what was to come.
Directly confirming their suspicions, Hanabusa's mother filed over and dragged them back over to her acquaintances.
"Boys! I have a big surprise for you!!" She began.
They both groaned resignedly.
"We have somebody that we'd love for you to meet!!"
From behind one of the lady's legs inched out a young girl who looked close to their own age. She held a fist over her mouth innocently and with the other was shyly grabbing onto her mother's lower dress. Her eyes shone a dark dusky rose colour and her short chestnut coloured hair was dressed up with a bow.
And somehow… out of everybody he had ever met in his whole entire life… she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen…
Kain felt a slight scarlet appear upon his cheeks as the girl stared directly into his own dark chocolate eyes.
"Boys, this is Ruka Souen. The only daughter of the Souen family. Isn't that nice?" Hanabusa's mother crooned implicitly.
Both the boys nodded silently, staring at the little girl.
The mother of the daughter started to speak. "Ruka, Why don't you go play with these nice boys? I'm sure you'll find something fun to do." Her voice was soft and velvety.
The girl named Ruka nodded slightly and let go of her mother's dress, proceeding towards the boys.
The trio all walked silently til they found an uncrowded corner of the ballroom and sat down in a circle, facing each other.
Hanabusa decided to speak first, "By the way my name is Hanabusa and this is my cousin Akatsuki."
Ruka nodded again and decided to stretch her legs out across the floor.
"So… What do you want to play?" Hanabusa asked again, starting to get irritated at the girl's silence.
Ruka shrugged uninterestedly.
Akatsuki almost burst out laughing when he saw his cousin's face greatly trying to keep calm.
"Fine, if you don't want to pick... Then I'll choose something." Hanabusa answered crossly.
Ruka stopped watching the ballroom dances and shifted a glare towards Hanabusa.
"Games are for children." She said simply.
But it didn't matter how simply she said it, Kain couldn't help but feel a slight leap in his heart. It was the first time he'd heard her speak. She was so well poised and elegant for such a young child. Her voice matched that of her mother's soft beautiful and velvety vocals.
Hanabusa frowned frustratedly.
"You are a child!" He fumed.
Ruka shot him a cold glare. Why was she forced to play with these immature children? Couldn't she at least stay with her mother and acquaint herself with the adults?
This stupid blonde haired boy who wanted to play games…
And she didn't know what the fiery orangey haired boy was like yet…
She sighed irately.
This seemed to annoy Hanabusa more and more.
Kain could see that he would soon explode with his usual tantrum if he didn't intervene quickly…
"Hanabusa, if she doesn't want to play anything then just let it be." He said firmly, yet casual at the same time.
Hanabusa glared at Kain once, but complied by crossing his arms and huffing to the side.
Ruka turned to glance at Kain curiously and he once again found that familiar sensation lurch within his stomach accompanied by the faint crimson that spread across his cheeks…
Kain was knocked out of his thoughts by Hanabusa's overly loud remarks.
"Look Akatsuki… How about I help you out???" He asked eagerly.
Kain shot a rare nasty glare towards Hanabusa, which silenced him completely.
"I don't want any help in anything. Just leave it be." Kain replied solemnly.
Hanabusa frowned indifferently. "But don't you think it's a good idea to help her finally get over Kaname-sama?"
Ruka finally reached the country train's bathroom, locking the door behind her. Why did they have to pick a carriage that was so far away from everything?
With an annoyed sigh she turned on the tap and threw some water on her face before glancing at her reflection in the mirror.
Was there anything so wrong with how she looked? Her long chestnut hair fell perfectly on each side of her face… despite her tired and lonely dusty crimson eyes.
Why didn't he want her? What did that girl have that she didn't? Pureblood…
Argh! Ruka smacked her forehead with her palm. She'd made a promise to get over all of this. It would be better for everyone if she stopped this stupid obsession… But how exactly was she supposed to disregard her sincere feelings from so long ago?
But she'd find a way... She had to.
Ruka didn't want to suffer anymore… She wanted somebody to love her back, someone she could always count on...
She sighed at herself in the mirror.
Time to get her act together…
Ruka unlocked the door and made her way back to their carriage.
"NO Hanabusa." Kain muttered irritably.
He didn't need to be force fed ideas on how to bring out his 'inner' playboy.
"I'm just saying… maybe if you were a bit more persuasive and confident in your attitude towards her…"
"Ruka isn't one of your obsessive and immature day class fans."
Hanabusa sighed, "Your just shot gunning down all my ideas…"
"Because I never wanted any of your ideas in the first place."
Ruka slowly reached the carriage door, but froze immediately when her name was mentioned from inside. She quietly leaned in as far as possible to try make out what they were talking about.
Hanabusa sounded irritated.
"They are just ideas! It's not as if you have to immediately start anything now!"
"Hanabusa… This is really none of your business."
"OF COURSE IT IS! You are both my oldest childhood friends. We've been parading around together since before I can even remember! So if Ruka has finally decided to give up on Kaname-sama then you should definitely…"
Ruka could feel her blood boiling. How dare that insolent blonde haired idiot speak about her private life! She was just about ready to burst through the compartment door and whack him hard across the face until Kain suddenly spoke.
"I don't really care about myself. I only want her to be happy."
Ruka froze immediately once again.
"But you've loved her for so long… It seems like you should at least get something out of it…" Hanabusa replied, this time softer and more caring.
"Love isn't about getting what you want, it's about giving." Kain replied, equally as soft.
Ruka couldn't believe what she was hearing… Kain… loved her? What? Since… When?
It wasn't long until she noticed her hand was slightly trembling on the compartment door handle.
But she didn't get time to think on it.
A sudden screeching of wheels scraping against the metal tracks below them sounded, causing the train to lunge forwards.
Ruka was thrown abrasively down the corridor from the sudden impact.
But it didn't stop there.
She could feel the train tumbling and turning, violent shakes erupting from all around her.
Plummeting until finally… it hit rock bottom with a deafening smash.