Warning: If you are a die-hard fan of Maximum Ride who hates people poking fun at it and only likes stories that stick with the canon, go read one of my other stories. Unless you're in a flaming-type mood, of course.

---A/N starts here---

SqueeFans, Antis, and Sanes. Ahh, what tangled threads we weave...

This story has been inspired by the ongoing wars between the 'SqueeFans', the 'Antis', and the 'Sanes' on Max-Dan-Wiz. I posted it on my blog on that site, and decided to post it here as well, just for the fun of it.

I believe the Antis and Sanes will get this much better, as its alternative name is 'A SqueeFan's Worst Nightmare'.

Fang: Some of this is my worst nightmare...

Me: Like what?

Fang: Figgy? My death?

Me: -laughs- Beautiful, isn't it?

Fang: Not quite...

Disclaimer a la Doom: I don't own Maximum Ride. If I did, well, let's not go there.

Note: Just because I wrote it does not mean that exactly how I want the book to go or anything, it was just inspired by what other people have said on max-dan-wiz, especially on the 'What Will Happen If Fang Dies?' discussion. It's basically a parody poking fun at the books. As a 'Sane' fan, I'm still a fan of the books, but can both enjoy poking fun at them and can pick out the issues with them. It's fun.


1) A certain banned person named nathan_p. I dedicate the Jeb/Roland part to you as well as the 'bipolar' thing.

2) Ranting Sidekick: Your icon made me want to drink tea, which gave me the energy to stay up and write this.

Gazzy's POV

You know, when it was first suggested that we go to Africa, I was all for it. I mean, lions, giraffes, Egypt, the Nile, how cool is that? We could be like Indiana Jones or something.

Unfortunately, when we got there, it wasn't exactly as cool as I thought it would be.

First of all, when we got there, we met up with Jeb, which was bad enough, but then that Roland ter Borcht guy was there. At first, we thought, 'Oh, great, what are they gonna do to us now'? But then it turned out ter Borcht wasn't there to see us at all. He was there to see Jeb. They explained to us they were, like seeing each other. Like dating. Weird.

And things just got weirder from there. Just when we all thought Max and Fang were going to be together forever, Iggy of all people announces he has, like, a crush on Fang. I mean, what the heck? At first, Fang seemed pretty weirded-out by it, but he seemed to get over it, after a while. He even seemed to like it. Heck, I thought I caught them, like, making out in the dark once, but I decided I didn't really want to know enough to check to be sure.

Of course, this whole thing sent Max through a loop. As if she wasn't through enough of a loop. She'd been acting weird lately. Weirder than normal. Jeb got worried and ran some tests on her, saying that she might be bipolar. I guess it was some kind of genetic thing in his family.

And then, as if things could get any farther from normal, we found out Nudge was dating someone. Ella. I think Max had a meltdown at this point. She went to see Fang to help her make sense of the whole thing, only to find out Fang had gone off flying with Iggy. She had a fit.

And then, during one of our CSM choreographed flights, we were attacked by M-geeks. Hundreds of them. They torched the entire stadium we were in and many people were lucky to make it out alive. We sure were.

Well, most of us.

Fang never made it out of the fire. It was absolutely heartbreaking. He was like an older brother to me. A father figure at times, even. And heck, if you think I took it bad, you should have seen Max and Iggy. They both fell apart. One night, Max started a fight with Iggy, saying he stole Fang away from her. I listened to them fight most of the night, until Max finally flew off. She didn't come back.

Iggy just wasn't the same after Fang died. He just sort of lost the will to really live. Just coasted around on autopilot. It was depressing.

Then, one night, I was woken up out of a sound sleep by Angel. When I asked what was wrong, she told me she was leaving what was left of the Flock to help out Jeb and ter Borcht with some research in Russia.

"Why?" I asked her.

She looked at me sadly. "The Flock isn't The Flock anymore. Max can still save the world, if she ever pulls herself together, but, in the meantime, we need to work on Plan B, which is what Jeb and Roland are doing."

"Are you sure you can trust them?"

She nodded. "I'm a mind reader, remember? I know who can and can't be trusted. They're not really bad people, you know, they just have a weird way of going about things sometimes."

"Well, be careful, little sis..." I said sadly, giving her a hug.

"Yeah, you, too." She said, turning to go.

Suddenly, I thought of something. "Hey, Angel, wait!"

She turned. "Yeah?"

"What happened to Total?"

She shrugged. "I think he fell in the plothole."

Yep, Total finally fell in that darned plothole...

Fang: That was....No, there are no words.

Me: Nope....You know what? I'm not even gonna try to say anything. Think I'll get flamed?

Fang: Almost quite sure of it.

Me: Well, I never get flamed. This should be an adventure.