Written by Moon's Embrace. BPOV

We had been friends for years now. He had always been perfect, to me at least. He was perfect. In every way. And then, one day, when we were 17, he disappeared. The light of my life, my best friend, disappeared. His whole family did. He had started acting sick one day, like he was coming down with the flu or something. The next week, he was out with a fever, getting weaker and weaker. I had been forbidden to see him, even as his health began to fail.

Then, one day, I went to his apartment where he lived with his mother and father, to give him some flowers I had found in the forest. I knocked, but there wasn't an answer. I walked away, a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. He was gone, and I knew it. I knew something bad had happened, I just didn't know what.

The next few days, I was just going through the motions, not really living. I felt like there was a hole inside me. Edward and I had been best friends since we were little, and without him, I was nothing. I woke up, went to school, got home and did homework, and went to bed. It was the only pattern of my day, of my life.

It took a long time, but eventually, slowly, I got better. I learned to live with the hole, the emptiness. And my life seemed to return to normal. Though every once and a while, something I saw or did would trigger a memory of him. Of Edward. It was happening less and less, but every time it did, I pushed the few other friends I had farther and farther away from me, when I needed them most.

And with that my life began to unravel. I pushed my friends slowly at first, but then faster and faster until I sat alone at lunch, and walked from class to class by myself. The life I had lived before Edward's sickness was falling apart, piece by piece. I could have expected no less, the largest part of my life was gone, and the other pieces couldn't hold together long.

I sat by my window. 379 days had elapsed since he had left. Anyone who took the time to count the marks I made around the window frame of my room would see that. Every morning I woke up and took a knife out of the top drawer of my dresser, and drew it across the wood of the frame, leaving a mark. Each mark was a mere centimeter away from the others, and still they stretched up the side and across the top of the bay window, before beginning down the next side. I ran my hand across the marks, silently counting in my head. I had stopped watching TV at day 143, everything I watched was a re-run of something I had seen when Edward had been with me. At day 256, I had given up on the radio after the music decreased and the news of death and destruction increased. I was ready to give up on newspapers, too. Every word I read or said or heard painfully reminded me of the man I so missed. My parents were beginning to worry, and I knew I was tearing them apart further than they already were. My Dad had moved to Forks, Washington when I was very young, and became the police chief easily. My mom and I stayed in Phoenix, Arizona. I grew up there, and that was where Edward had lived before he disappeared.

I couldn't get him out of my head, and my Mom could see it. The day she couldn't take it anymore was the day I was set free. I can still remember it.

There was a knock at my door, and I turned as my mother entered slowly.

"Hey, Mom." I said, not realizing I still had the knife used for marking the window in my hand. I tried to smile at her, but I couldn't. She stood staring at me for a few moments, watching me idly running my fingers over the knife.

"Hun, I think you need to get away from here," she said, glancing at the window where at least 200 marks were already cut in. "At least for a little while. You can't sit in your room forever."

"Are you kidding?!?" I asked, thoroughly confused. "I don't want to leave. I still have friends, even if I don't really talk to them. And what about school? I don't want to go to a whole new school."

"Honey, I just want you to go to Forks with your Dad for a few weeks in the summer, and sometimes on the other breaks," she moved further into my room and sat down on my bed. "Maybe it will grow on you."

"Forks, Washington is the cloudiest place in the United States. I don't think so."

"You are going this summer, and that's that." She stood and walked to the door. She glanced back for a moment and gave her daughter a weary smile before walking out of the room.

I sat for a moment looking at the closed door before I rose and re-hid the knife. I moved to my closet to pack. There were only a few more days of school, and I had to pack if I was going to my father's house.

I had gone semi-willingly to my dad's house around day 210. Forks was as boring, if not more boring than I had imagined it. The rain poured down about 15 days of the three weeks I was there. I was seriously missing the sun by the time I headed back to Arizona. I stayed there with my mother until now, around day 380. For some reason, my trip reminded me of Edward almost more than my home in Arizona. It seemed like he had been there, in the shadows, the entire time. I easily shrugged off the feeling and continued to stare out my window, seeing nothing but the raindrops.