One-shot. Jake died in the newborn battle because of the injuries he received saving Leah. It's from Bella, Leah and Billy's point of view. I know it is crap but it's my first one-shot so please be nice and review so I can get better!! LOL
I killed him. Everyone says that I wasn't my fault but I know they're all lying. There's only one person who told me the truth and that was Billy. Edward said it was only his grief talking but he was right. If Jake hadn't loved me and I hadn't led him on then he would still be alive. I had to live with this knowledge forever. His funeral had been the worst day of my life. Seeing the hostile glares of the pack from across his grave and hearing Billy's tirade against me at the wake which I had to accept with good grace as I knew in my heart it was all true. It was even harder not having Edward to hold my hand and support me. He had wanted to come but I knew it was a bad idea- like rubbing Billy's nose in it. Hey look, you're sons just died because of us but I'm getting married to his enemy! So I was left on my own with only Charlie for protection and he did try but at the same time as protecting me he was worried about how he was coping without Jake. As he had said on the way home in my truck- "he doesn't mean it he's just grief stricken and blaming everyone around him." I wish that was the truth but he had meant it and what he and said was true. I had led Jake on despite trying not too; he had fought and died in that war for me.
And maybe the worst bit of all was that I had never told him the truth- that I had really loved him.
They all hate me and for once I deserve I can't blame them. If I hadn't tried to take on that bloody newborn all by myself then Jake would still be here today. Now being in the boys head was even worse then before in fact it had become unbearable. Before they had just despised me but now it was pure hate. They all wished that I had been the one who had died and not Jake. The only ally I have is Seth but even he refuses to talk to me. I go back to the battle in my head several times a day and wish I hadn't been so cocky and had just got help in the first place. If I had then Jake wouldn't have sacrificed himself for me. I still wondered why he had done that in the first place even Sam-who had been my lover at one time and the only one who kind of put up with me in the pack -hadn't tried to save me. I had been unsure whether I'd be welcome at the funeral but I knew it would look even worse if I didn't show my face and anyway I wanted to say a proper goodbye to Jake. My Mom who was the only person who still loved me and had stayed by my side and fought off anyone who had tried to say anything about me. Well with one exception- even my strong mother refused to have a go at Billy for getting angry with me. After all he was grieving for his son and it felt wrong to tell him to 'fuck off and leave my daughter alone' as she had pointed out. I hope the boys will one day forgive me but I doubt it and if I'm honest I don't care, they formed their opinions on me a long time ago. The one person whose opinion I do care about is my brother and I hope he can find it in his heart to one day forgive me.
One thing keeps coming into my head all the time though- it should have been me.
He's gone, my beautiful boy, my only son was gone. I come into his room every night as it's where I feel closest to him. Usually I just sit by his bed and remember all the times when he made me read him another bed time story even though he'd just had three and it was way past his bedtime but I still read it too him. Or when he woke up crying in the middle of the night because he'd had a bad dream and wanted me to check under the bed and in the closet for monsters.
The day when Sam had walked into the door, head bowed after the battle and told me Jake was dead was engraved in his memory as the worst day of my life. When he gone that morning I had been so scared but Emily and Sue had reassured me that they would all be fine. I keep forgetting his dead and one more plate for dinner or say things like -"Will someone get Jake from the garage." And then I remember he's not there anymore. He must have been in so much pain before the end, from the stories and the quick healing gift the werewolves had it must have taken some serious damage to kill him. When I saw his body he had been covered in bruises and all his bones had been broken. You could even see some protruding through his skin. Despite those injuries his face looked so peaceful like it did when he was in a deep sleep. Seeing him like that had been worse then any horror movie and I had hated the Cullen's, Bella and Leah for doing that to my son. Even though I hated them with every bone in my body and I knew that would never change I still felt guilty for what I had said to Bella and Leah at his funeral. But I had got so angry that they were there mourning his passing when if it wasn't for them we would have been celebrating his seventeenth birthday on that very same day. The girls keep saying that I have to move my life forward and find something to do in the day. But how can I when Jake was the reason I lived, the girls had their own lives but Jake and I relied on each other so much that being without him was almost impossible. All the pictures that I have up in the house of my smiling little boy growing up almost kill to look at as I know there won't be anymore. It breaks my heart all over again.
All any of us can hope for is that Jake is with his mom and has finally found some peace.