Authors notes- This is the preface to my first Twilight fanfic. It's a Jacob/Nessie fic but there's going to be an awful lot of Seth in there too. If you are offended by swearing then please don't read this fic. There's lots of swearing from the off and its not going to get any better.

Big thanks to my beta and partner in crime Pixie-Tinks83 she pushes me to be myself and generally kicks! 3 her hard!

DISCLAIMER- I am not Stephenie Meyer… she owns all the characters in Twilight…I just love them like they were my own…

Nessie-

Seth thinks I'm being 'stubborn and stupid'.

I think he's a jackass.

What the hell would he fucking know, anyway? He doesn't think any further than 2 foot in front of him at any one time! I love that guy, I seriously do, but sometimes…well sometimes I wish I could just boot him up the arse.

I don't want to go back to Forks.

Well I do, but I don't.

'Geeze it's so fricking complicated I can't explain it to myself coherently let alone someone else. Dad just looks at me in a tortured/knowing/sympathetic/annoying way and it pisses me off. He means well, I know he does, but it's just that look he has…it drives me crazy! A girl's worst nightmare…a father who can read your mind better than you can read your own!

You see, in Forks, is Charlie.

Charlie, is my granddad… I haven't seen him in years, though I've changed a lot since then… he'll not recognise me. I want to see him again. No, I need to. He's a member of my family…a human member at that. For so long I've been surrounded by vampires…vampires and Seth.

I don't want to go back because of something completely different. I don't want to talk about it though. Mum keeps trying to 'discuss' it with me and Seth…well he broaches the subject and I tell him to shut up and eat his eggs…or pancakes…or whatever it is he's scoffing because he's always scoffing something. I swear that guy should be the size of a fucking house with how much he manages to put away; sometimes it's quite disgusting to watch.

Carlisle has made a family decision. We're going back.

Sometimes I wonder why the hell my life has got to be so fricking complicated. Then I remember…I'm half vampire, half human…and my best friend is a bottomless pit of a werewolf…

For fucks sake…

*

Seth-

Fuck.

Jacob is gonna fucking murder me when I get back to La Push. I can see it now. My gravestone will read…

'SETH CLEARWATER, WONDERFUL SON AND BROTHER,

AMAZING LOVER AND ALL ROUND GOOD GUY.

STRUNG UP BY HIS GONADS BY HIS ALPHA

FOR NOT DOING HIS JOB PROPERLY…

REST IN PIECES'.

I mean, I have done one part of my job right! She's alive isn't she? She's healthy, and as happy as a teenage hybrid vampire can be under the circumstances. I can't tell her what to think. Fuck, no one can tell that little missy what to think! If Nessie knows one thing, it's that she's right. And even if she's not right then she's right. Spoilt beyond compare.

Love her like I love my sister though, you just can't help it.

Ah Jake's gonna be pissed. I was supposed to be setting things up for him. Bigging him up, making him look like fucking superman. Instead Nessie won't let you get two words past his name without stopping you. It's like she hates him already and she's not seen the bloke in six years!

I can just see it now. We'll be picking up pieces of Jacob Black for fricking decades! This won't be like when Bella was messing him around, this will be thousands of times worse. I don't even understand how she can be so shut off about it all for fucks sake!

She knows I report back to him every night. Shit, she's caught me with my pants down far too often for me to hide it! Ha ha, she never did believe the whole, 'I prefer to shit in the woods' thing; too smart for her own good that girl. What can I do though? He's my alpha; I'm part of his pack. Orders are orders. Every night for six fucking years I've had to 'report' my day, and hers. I swear Jake needs to get a life. I try not to think about the whole 'don't mention that fucking name again Seth or so help me I'll rip u a new one' debacle we go through on an almost daily basis. When I said she was stubborn I meant it.

And now we're headed back to Forks…for her to meet her destiny or some bull shit like that. She doesn't want to go, she told me so herself. Thank god Charlie's there, that's all I can say, otherwise we'd never get her back there.

Jacob's imprinted on her. It's tough shit, she'll have to lump it. It'll do her good to have to change her mind about something for once.

And me? Well; I'm stuck between a rock named Nessie and a hard place roughly the size of Jacob Black. This is not going to be pretty.

*

Jacob-

I think Billy's just about ready to do me in.

Poor guy's probably justified. I bet he's hatched a thousand different plans to off me, and has come to the same conclusion with them all. He can't kill me 'coz I'm a werewolf…that thought might just be enough for him to off himself; my dad puts up with an awful lot of shit.

And Leah…

Holy crap she definitely wants my head.

Hasn't kept quiet about it either. She hardly phases now 'coz she can't bare to hear my thoughts. She only does it to say hi to Seth for her mom.

I've been, quite possibly, the most whiney-assed alpha wolf the world has ever seen.

But finally…after six long excruciating years…she's coming home. And I am so excited I just about can't get a grip. Billy keeps wishing aloud for old, mopey, whiney assed Jacob to come back. Ha! Fat chance old man!

Seth's been trying to slyly warn me that she's made her mind up not to make this easy, which, well it's a little inconvenient but hey, its her prerogative, right?! I've just gotta' persuade her to think a little differently, is all. She'd not be Bella's kid if she weren't just a little bit stubborn! Besides, she's not seen me in six years and she liked me loads back then! One hour…I'll give it one hour and we'll be back to how we were, she'll not want to leave my side!

Bella even called me and told me not to get my hopes up. Seriously, people just don't get it: Nessie and me, we are meant for each other. You can't resist that sort of bond forever; something's gotta give.

*

Leah-

Well woop-di-fucking-doo.

The vampires are coming.

I almost hit Jacob when he suggested a welcome home party. I mean seriously; he's supposed to be a Quileute 'protector' not a fucking leech loving hippy! He's acting like this is the best thing that's ever happened…I seriously need to find a new pack.

All this because of her. That spoilt little hybrid human is nothing special, as she might like to think; her and the rest of the fucking world that is. Even Seth worships the ground she walks on. Poor kid. He was never the smartest joker in the pack. At least mum thinks the way I do, though she'd never say it in front of Charlie. I don't mind saying what I think though, even if it does get me into trouble.

The couple of times I went up there, to Alaska, to see my darling baby brother, I've got to say I wasn't impressed with her to say the least. Last time she would've been about, say, 15-16ish, give or take, and everyone was still pussy footing about her, making out she was some kind of fucking princess.

It's only going to get worse when Jacob gets near her again too. I'm seriously surprised he's lasted so long without seeing her to be fair. Imprinting is supposed to be the strongest bind ever. Six years without seeing your 'soul mate'…no wonder he's been a whinging little bitch. I just hope he keeps his eyes open when he does see her, then maybe he'll see her for the spoilt brat she is.

I think I may just be surrounded by idiots. And it's about to get a whole lot more crowded down here in Forks…

And there we go! Thank you for reading and please, I'd be grateful if you could review :D,