Sam ran into the house and didn't even check to see if anyone else was home before he tossed his backpack on the couch, then ran upstairs and into his bedroom. Dad was gonna kill him. Dean was gonna either kill him or laugh himself silly, and Sam didn't know which was worse. He kicked his sneakers off and grabbed the brand spanking new set of clothes Dean had given him just yesterday for his eighteenth birthday to rush into the bathroom with.
Dad was gonna kill him. Dean was gonna kill him. He had to make like nothing happened before they realized anything had happened at all.
In bathroom, he tore off the clothes that seemed to smell entirely of 'luscious Susie Bonny' and took a fast, thorough shower. Maybe Susie wouldn't be at school tomorrow. Maybe Sam wouldn't see her. Right. In any of the three classes they had together. Maybe Dad or Dean killing him wasn't such a bad idea after all.
When the shower was done and he was dressed from head to toe and inside and out in his brand new clothes, Sam rushed to put the clothes he had been wearing into the washing machine in the downstairs back hall. He shoved some of Dean & Dad's dirty clothes in there too and started it up. Then he ran back upstairs, slammed himself into his room, pulled all the curtains shut, and hid himself in his bed.
Thank God they were in a house this time so Sam didn't have to try and hide from his family in the middle of a motel room. He could tell them he was sick, he had a headache, he had to study. They'd dose him with whatever and leave him alone and he wouldn't have to ever let them know that he had - that he hadn't - that - that as a male of the species he was an entire waste of space. He had - he hadn't - well he had but it was - well, it wasn't -
Everything would be okay if he could only avoid Susie Bonny from now until this hunt was over and they were gone out of this town.
Yeah, right. The news was probably all over school already. Susie probably went back to school after their skipped lunch period and told everybody. Sam was probably already the laughingstock of the school. Freak, loser, nerd, jerk. He couldn't stand it. He felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so sick to his stomach.
He just wouldn't go to school tomorrow. That's all. Tomorrow was Friday. He'd plead a headache or the flu or whatever it took to not go to school tomorrow. Maybe Dad could have this hunt wrapped up by Sunday night and Monday morning they'd be on their way someplace new.
Someplace where no one knew.
And if nobody knew then it would be like it never even happened.
Since it pretty much didn't happen anyway.
All Sam's plans for keeping it a secret were scattered to the wind when Dean came home a little while later. Instead of the usual, Dean wandering into the kitchen to grab something out of the fridge before turning on HBO, this time he came right up the stairs, stopped for a second at the tiny bathroom that separated the two tiny bedrooms tucked under the pitched roof, and then burst into Sam's room.
His voice was so low and do serious, he sounded just like Dad.
"Nothing happened." Sam said from his bed, not even looking over his shoulder at Dean.
"Bull. School's still in session, you're home early, you're doing laundry and you took a shower. What happened?"
"Nothing. Really. Honest. I'm just - I don't feel good. I came home early 'cause I don't feel good."
"What - too much birthday cake yesterday? I'm not buying it. What happened?"
"Nothing. Go away and leave me alone."
Well if there was one thing that was gonna make Dean not go away it was being told to go away and Sam knew it. He'd sunk himself now. He heard Dean move closer to the bed, felt the bed dip when he sat on the edge.
"Please leave me alone?"
"You're doing laundry and you took a shower in the middle of the day. Are you all right?"
Sam heaved a sigh and thought he couldn't feel any worse than he already did, could he? So why not spill his guts. He kept his back to Dean.
"I skipped outta school at lunchtime with Susie Bonny."
"The Susie Bonny?" Dean interrupted. "The girl you won't talk about but whose name is written all over the inside of your chemistry notebook? That Susie Bonny?"
"Yes Dean. That Susie Bonny." Sam sighed again. Maybe telling wasn't such a good thing after all.
"So - what happened?" Dean was all seriousness again. Sam could say 'nothing' because that was pretty much true, but he knew that would not be enough for Dean.
"We went to her house. She just lives around the next block. She said she had something she wanted to give me for my birthday…"
He waited for the punch line 'the gift that keeps on giving…' but Dean didn't say anything except,
"And when we got inside the door, she started kissing me. I mean - seriously - I thought she got me a book or something. I didn't know - I didn't think - I've never - never not once -"
"I know you haven't, Sammy." Dean said. He even made it sound like it wasn't the most ridiculous thing in the world to have not done it by the time he was eighteen. "Then what?"
"I didn't think we were gonna - then it seemed like we were gonna - then all of a sudden -." And Sam didn't know how to say it without actually saying it. Then he didn't have to say it at all when Dean leaned a little closer.
"And then the werewolf howled before the moon was full?" He asked. Sam would've laughed at the analogy if it had been in reference to anyone but himself.
"She still had her coat on." He admitted. "I still had my backpack on. She started giggling and I just ran all the way outta there and home again. It was just the most humiliating experience I've ever had."
He waited for a punch line again, 'Don't worry, there's plenty more times you'll be humiliated with women…' Instead he felt Dean shift on the bed so that his back was against the headboard and his legs were stretched out alongside Sam.
"There isn't a guy alive that hasn't happened to."
Sam's answer was to spit out a noise of disgust.
"Yeah, right. Like it ever happened to you."
There was the briefest, noticeable pause.
"It happens to everybody, Sammy. The first time behind the wheel, you're bound to push a little too heavy on the gas pedal. That's all. It's like anything else, you just need to practice."
"Practice? I'm never doing it again."
"You hear that?" Dean asked after Sam's declaration. "That's the sound of the thousand hearts you just broke all over the world."
"Shut up, Dean."
Dean laughed a little bit but patted Sam's shoulder.
"Seriously Sammy, I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's not. And really, it's better if the first time is miserable because then you have nowhere to go but - well - up. You know - no pun intended."
"Everybody's gonna be laughing at me at school tomorrow." Sam said. And when Dean didn't have a quick comeback, he knew Dean thought so too.
"I'll tell Dad we need you on the hunt tomorrow. Sooner we get that taken care of, the sooner we can put this place in our rearview."
"Yeah, you bet. C'mon, now. Come downstairs. I don't want you up here all by yourself wallowing in this."
"I'm not wallowing."
"Oh, you're wallowing all right. I know wallowing when I see it." Dean slid off the bed but didn't move. "C'mon. I'll even let you pick dinner."
It wasn't much of a bribe, but it was the thought that counted, Sam supposed. He sat up and slid over to get out of bed.
"It gets better, doesn't it Dean?"
"Sammy - sometimes it is downright perfect. You'll find the right girl, the right moment, the right reason, and it's gonna feel like the exact one thing in this world that you were created for. Because when it's good - it is good."
Sam accepted that and stood up to follow Dean downstairs.
"Is it better than ice cream?" He asked.
"Better than ice cream."
"Better than bacon cheeseburgers?"
"Even with extra-onions."
"Is it better than driving the Impala full speed down an empty road with the windows open and Zepplin playing full blast out of the radio?" Sam asked. Dean stopped to think about that for a second.
"Well, it's still better than ice cream…"